SWG Chapter 36
by VolareThe IV fluids were changed once midway, and by the time they were finished, it was almost one in the morning.
Xiao Wenyu woke up when the needle was being removed, her eyes still glistening, which softened Ruan Shengyi’s heart for a moment as she stood by with her arms crossed.
Was it a particularly unpleasant nightmare, or had the fear in her heart penetrated to this extent?
The nurse removed the needle, gave a brief explanation, and left, leaving only the two of them in the empty ward.
Ruan Shengyi leaned against the window, slightly bending her waist, blocking most of the moonlight.
She had just made her employees deliver a change of clothes, one set for her and one for Xiao Wenyu.
Ruan Shengyi had already changed into a clean set of clothes, a large white sweater covering her long legs clad in casual pants. Her long hair was draped behind her, making her look ethereal and aloof, like a celestial being untouched by worldly concerns.
Their eyes met in the air.
Xiao Wenyu’s voice was still hoarse, and she didn’t dare to look at Ruan Shengyi, staring at the corner of the room in the distance, and said in a raspy voice, “Boss Ruan…”
Ruan Shengyi sighed resignedly, released her arms, walked over, and gently grasped her cold hands, “I made you angry once, and you made me angry once. Fair enough.”
Xiao Wenyu gave a weak smile.
Ruan Shengyi couldn’t bring herself to say anything harsh. She slowly exhaled and said, “Sleep, I’m here. Sleep peacefully.”
“Get a good night’s sleep first, rest well, and then we’ll talk about our things.”
“I’m thirsty,” the woman said softly, with a hint of weakness.
“…”
Ruan Shengyi kept a straight face as she went out to get her some warm water, warming the cup against her sensitive neck, making sure the temperature was right before returning to the room. She sat by the bed, coldly raised the head of the bed a little, and handed her the cup.
She wouldn’t see a good look from her today.
At least, not now.
Xiao Wenyu held the cup with both hands, sipping slowly.
Her chestnut-brown hair fell slowly with her movements, obscuring her expression completely.
As if compelled by a ghost, Ruan Shengyi raised her hand and brushed away the stray hairs.
Just in time to meet a pair of eyes that were secretly peeking at her.
The person who was secretly peeking quickly averted her gaze, clearing her throat twice, “Cough, thank you.” The hoarseness in her voice was finally less pronounced.
Ruan Shengyi twitched her lips and said coolly, “You’re welcome.”
She wanted to ask if there was any difference between this thank you and the previous ones.
What this thank you meant.
What the previous thank yous, those untimely thank yous, meant.
But she couldn’t bring herself to ask, and in the end, she could only tug at the corners of her mouth and say in a deep voice, “Sleep.”
“…Do you have a hair tie there? My hair is a little annoying.”
Ruan Shengyi handed her one.
Xiao Wenyu gathered her hair, gently tied it at the end, and sighed, “I even thought about cutting it, it’s too inconvenient…”
Ruan Shengyi supported her arm, twitched the corners of her mouth, and said softly, “Don’t cut it.”
Xiao Wenyu was slightly taken aback, “What?”
“…Don’t cut it, I… in short, don’t cut it yet.”
Ruan Shengyi took the stray hair, used her fingers as a comb, gently smoothed it, and said softly, “Don’t cut it, don’t sacrifice so much for the child.”
“It’s not worth it.”
Xiao Wenyu slightly curved her lips, put her hands together in front of her, and said softly, “How can these things be described in terms of worth?”
“Then what can they be described in terms of?” Ruan Shengyi buried her head and tied up her hair, “What else deserves to be used to describe them?”
The air fell into an eerie silence. Ruan Shengyi lowered the bed with a straight face, and after watching Xiao Wenyu lie down, she went to turn off the small lamp on the headboard.
The woman spoke again in a weak voice, as she turned to draw the curtains.
The bright moonlight had already crossed the window lattices, leaving only a little bit of its tail, glowing coldly, making the already quiet ward even more peaceful.
Xiao Wenyu’s voice, which had always been based on gentleness, was now tinged with a bit of moonlight’s coolness, as she said softly, “I love her, and she should be able to feel it, and that’s enough.”
Ruan Shengyi suddenly clenched the curtains, her shoulders trembling slightly, her eyes falling on the reflection on the window glass.
Only a little bit.
Very blurry.
Completely… unclear.
But it was also because of this ambiguity that, after Ruan Shengyi took off her glasses, it became even more obscure, and she couldn’t tell whether the person speaking these words was her good neighbor, or the crazy woman who had made her “hate” her to the extreme.
She held onto the windowsill, her back to the bed, and said through gritted teeth, “Feel it, huh? Of course, she can feel it.”
“From the moment she has memories, she will be able to feel your love. She will see all that you have done for her and keep it in her heart, forever.”
“You don’t need to worry about her misunderstanding your behavior, because she never will. She will definitely be sensible, so sensible that she will naturally be drawn to you, be able to understand all your behavior, and rely on you. Even if she doesn’t understand, she will naturally think you are right, that you are correct, because you will always love her. She loves you, just like you love her, you will always love her, so she will always love you…”
Her voice became more and more shaky, the congestion and tears between her words became more and more intense, and she was lying on the windowsill, and from behind, one could see how much effort she had put into standing.
Xiao Wenyu tilted her head to look at her, seeing how the cold moonlight made her back – even with only these few steps of distance, look extremely lonely, extremely desolate, and also, extremely pitiful.
Her upper and lower lips touched lightly, tentatively saying, “Ruan Ruan…”
But this was like the last drop of spark that lit the fuse, making Ruan Shengyi’s eyes blur.
Was it An’an?
Was she hallucinating again?
How could it be such a coincidence, how could she hallucinate the voice from eight years ago today?
“An’an, Mommy doesn’t hurt, will you accompany Mommy out for a walk, okay?”
At that time, the blue and white hospital gown covered the woman’s thin body, and it was even a bit breezy.
Ruan An silently helped the increasingly awake woman leave the bed, placed her in the rented wheelchair, and brought clothes, putting them on the woman one by one, watching the heavy clothes pressing on the already withered person and bending her back even more, her heart was even more astringent.
But Ruan Qing had no complaints. She grabbed Ruan An’s hand, “There’s still the bag I asked you to bring in the bedside table, bring it over too.”
Ruan An asked coolly, “What is that?”
“The transfer materials, Mom has already paid for it, and it can be done this afternoon.”
Ruan Qing gently pulled her hand, led the girl to her, watched her obediently squat down, gently stroked the top of her head, and then touched the short, slightly stiff hair, and said softly, “In the future, Mom will be relying on An’an, not An’an relying on Mom.”
How long would the future be?
How long would she rely on her?
If there really was a future, she should hold on until the house was demolished, until their lives got better.
If she really wanted to rely on her, why couldn’t she wait another year, even just one year, so she could take her away from Shacheng.
Liar, they were all liars.
So the person leaning against the window suddenly turned around, staggering, supporting herself on the side of the bed, a pair of eyes burning with anger.
She suppressed her voice, but still squeezed out a low roar from her throat, “Then do you think she will be grateful to you?”
Xiao Wenyu was silent.
Ruan Shengyi sneered, “She will, she will be grateful to you for a lifetime, and then hate herself for a lifetime.”
People with happy families, do you think love is mutual affection, so you are grateful to each other?
No, in the face of endless giving and hopeless return, love is pain, love is hate, love is despair, love is a burden for a lifetime.
If it weren’t for me, would she be happier?
If it weren’t for me, she should have run away when she was beaten, right?
If it weren’t for me, when she saw those scenes, would she have left on her own, instead of fighting with that person for the sake of her in the closet?
If it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t be alone in the empty room, holding a crying child, using her whole life to wait for a so-called perfect family’s false promise, right?
If…
Love is buried deep in a short life, and hatred follows like a shadow, turning into a sharp knife to question herself in every sleepless night, stabbing her all over with blood, making her unable to breathe.
Ruan Shengyi clenched the quilt beside her and said coldly, “You always pretend to be strong, you always pretend to be strong. Do you think pretending to be strong will make your child think that Mommy is strong? No! It will only make the child feel that they are a mistake, if it weren’t for her, Mommy wouldn’t have to pretend to be strong, wouldn’t have to be ‘strong for her child’, wouldn’t have to bear all that.” Her voice grew louder and more shaky, and in the end, she almost gritted her teeth and said, “Can you, love yourself first?”
Plop.
A tear fell on the pale white quilt.
In the midst of trembling breathing, it was still clearly audible.
At that moment, what she saw was not the pale and powerless person in front of her in the hazy moonlight, but the person in the hospital gown many years ago.
She finally mustered up the courage and stumbled to her knees in front of the woman, holding her hand, and said in a trembling voice, “Can you, love yourself first?”
Suddenly, a pair of cool hands gently caressed her face, and Ruan Shengyi instantly lost her voice, only staring at her blankly.
“I will try to love myself.” The breath, which was slightly lower than normal body temperature, lightly covered her face, “Boss Ruan, would you like to try to love yourself?”
Xiao Wenyu coughed softly twice, so a pair of eyes filled with mist, ethereal, but also made her words more timeless.
Xiao Wenyu’s voice really had a special charm, like an old radio, like an old calendar, carrying a bit of hoarseness because of her illness, more like the traces left by time, passing through time and space, and saying softly, “Love is not a burden, if love becomes a burden, then the other person will also be very painful.”
“She wants you to be happy, so she won’t regret it, even though the process may be a little painful, but for the lover.”
“When she sees the person she loves growing up and living happily, all the pain is no longer pain, but the pre-song of love.”
Ruan Shengyi looked at those eyes, the clear pupils were full of her.
She asked, “But that is also painful, isn’t it.”
Xiao Wenyu no longer avoided this fiery gaze, she said softly, “Yes, love is painful, it is desperate, but it is also happy, it is satisfying.”
“There is no free lunch in the world, and neither is love. Before reaping the ultimate love, you will always encounter the ultimate pain. If you only see that layer of pain, aren’t you failing that sincere, passionate, kind love?”
A trace of confusion appeared in the always clear eyes.
This was within Xiao Wenyu’s expectations. She probably knew what kind of despair and wailing was behind Ruan Shengyi’s earlier casual ease, who had already lost both parents.
She said softly, “There is often a topic online, saying that mothers would be happier without themselves. Wrong, having you, they are also really happy.”
“Meeting you, I am also really happy.”
She gently pulled the frightened and bewildered person over, her cool fingers gently pressed against the corners of her lips, bit by bit, stroking that tear stain, slowly wiping it away.
Bit by bit, she crossed the vastness of time, wiping away the tear stains engraved in the depths of her soul.
“Get a good night’s sleep, okay?”
“Good night.”