Nanke Yifu Chapter 54
byLiving in the Wind and Staying in the Rain (Twenty-six)
Yan Laixi was stunned for a second, looked around, then looked at Feng Su, and walked to a secluded place.Chen Mo abandoned his beloved children and dragged Huai Qiuying into the crowd. He liked gossip, and he also liked to join the gossip process and promote it, but he was not interested in breaking up fights or helping people deal with emotional problems.As for Huai Qiuying, he didn’t seem to be interested in anything. He casually raised his eyelids and followed Chen Mo.
Half of it was to find an outlet for the lingering annoyance, and half of it was gambling on Yan Laixi’s response. Feng Su didn’t really want to quarrel with Yan Laixi, so naturally he wouldn’t insist on embarrassing himself in the middle of the road with him. Of course, even if he really wanted to quarrel and was really mad, he couldn’t do such a stupid thing.
The pedestrian street during the festival was full of lights and crowds. The two walked out for a while before finding a relatively quiet place.It’s just a relatively clean building wall, the lights are not dim, and there aren’t that few people passing by.It’s just that the Feng Su that Yan Laixi knew was not the kind of person who would make a lot of noise, and the fact that he could walk quietly with him all the way confirmed that his impression was correct to a certain extent.
The traction ropes of Chen Zhongsi and Chen Xiaosi were still in Yan Laixi’s hands. The two furry children seemed to be able to sense that something was wrong in the atmosphere. After the two-legged beast stopped moving, he moved to sit between the two of them. Chen Dasi in Feng Su’s hand was originally standing behind him. When he saw the other two sitting in the middle, he also followed.
Yan Laixi didn’t speak, and had no expression on his face. He lowered his head slightly, and his hand hung above Xiao Si’s nose, who stretched her neck to smell his fingers.
At this time, it would be childish and boring to mention something like “I agreed not to reject you for three or four days before”. Feng Su didn’t even bother to go around in circles and went straight to the topic: “Why don’t you accept me?”
“Like, rely on, live together, kiss.” Feng Su flipped up his bangs. He was completely different when he was cold and smiling. The gentleness was completely suppressed, and the rest was full of violence and sharpness. “What do lovers need that we don’t have? What should not be there that still exists? Or do you want to create a new kind of relationship like Chen Mo and Huai Qiuying?”
“I didn’t.” Yan Laixi said, his voice was calm, but lighter and hoarse than usual, “Chen Mo and the others also…”
Although he was not familiar with Chen Mo and Huai Qiuying, Yan Laixi felt that he could understand the relationship between them, but after all, he came to the conclusion through just a few words. It might not be good to discuss it on his own, and now is not the time to discuss the relationship between others.
He stopped talking and returned to the questions between them: “I can’t answer you. I don’t know what is going on between us or what there is, but don’t you think… I’m not using this as an excuse, but don’t you think it’s too fast? Have you really thought about many things clearly?”
“So.” Feng Su asked, “You don’t accept me because you don’t know clearly, or because you think I haven’t thought clearly?”
“Both and none.” Yan Laixi said, “I have always thought about waiting a little longer, and then follow my own order, step by step, to solve the unresolved problems first, tell you clearly what you may not know, and then ask you whether you still like me and whether you can accept me… But in fact, this is the first time I have calmed down completely to think about these issues, so it is all and none.”
Feng Su still had a cold face, but his irritability had mostly dissipated. He made the right bet.
When Yan Laixi is in a normal mood, giving him a cold face or provoking him may actually make him calm down and wake up.
It was indeed wrong to blindly indulge him in escaping. If I had known better, I wouldn’t have wasted so much time.
“Then let’s put aside your original order and reasons and let’s talk about it later.” Feng Su said, “Since you have calmed down and thought about it now, can you answer my question first? Whether you don’t know it yourself or you think I haven’t thought it through clearly, are you worried about yourself or me?”
“I’m worried that you’ll regret it,” Yan Laixi said. “I’m also worried about myself. I’m worried that you’ll think it through before I’m ready. I’m worried that you’ll blame me. I’m worried that you’ll think I’m a liar.”
This is really a new harvest, but this harvest is a trick box. Opening it will only make people unhappy.
“So you started thinking about it from the premise that one day I will break up with you?” Feng Su asked, without giving Yan Laixi time to answer, he continued, “Then why are you worried that I will regret it? If I regret it, why don’t I just turn around and leave?”
Yan Laixi choked, yes, Feng Su was not like him. Breaking up with him would make him half dead. If he regretted it, he could just turn around and leave.
“Then I’m just worried about myself.” Yan Laixi said, “That’s just me. I’m selfish and timid. I always think the worst about things. I can’t change it even if I want to.”
Feng Su: “Does it mean that if I want you to accept me, I have to accept you like this?”
The fingertips were touched by the wet black nose, and Yan Laixi said softly: “That’s not what I meant.”
“Yes, you don’t mean that. What you mean is that you are not as good as I thought and you want me to give up. It’s okay to worry that I will catch you and then abandon you. If there is a risk of ending again, then it’s better not to start at all.” Feng Su said in a deep voice, “Yan Laixi, don’t test me, don’t test me with such words.”
“A normal human being will be selfish. A normal human being will have things to fear. Thinking about the worst is just to prepare yourself. Of course you can’t change it. Putting aside everything else, if your level of so-called selfishness still needs to be changed, then the people who can be unselfish will basically become extinct.”
“Why do you say that? Are you testing whether I will force you to change these ‘problems’, or will I comfort you and say no? Do you want to push me away or keep me? Or is it only that kind of distant distance that can make you feel comfortable now?”
“I didn’t.”
Yan Laixi finally raised his head, his voice seemed a little tired, and his eyes looked at Feng Su, but even those eyes seemed to be light, and he felt like he couldn’t grasp anything, which made the irritability that had just dissipated come back.
“I just want to say, you don’t understand me, you have to think clearly, I…”
“What else do I need to think about?” Feng Su interrupted what he had not finished, and his tone became more urgent unconsciously. He took a half step forward to catch Yan Laixi, but he did not hide, but the three furries in the middle all faced him. Who knew who’s paw pushed on his leg, and gave out a few warning growls.
“It’s okay.” Yan Laixi touched Xiao Si’s head who was closest to him and said soothingly. Xiao Si turned around and licked his fingers.
“The time you have known me is too short.” Yan Laixi said to Feng Su, “It does not mean that we must have been together for a long time, but the time we have known each other is indeed too short. I don’t know what you like about me, a certain behavior, a part of my personality, or just this face, but there is a difference between a temporary liking and a long-term relationship.”
“You can temporarily accept some of my imperfections because of a little liking, but as time goes by, this kind of liking may be diluted, and the unacceptable parts will become more and more obvious.”
“Even if you could maintain that balance, that’s not going to work.”
Yan Laixi said: “It’s not you I like. You can’t accept it, right?”
Feng Su bit the inside of his lower lip. Yan Laixi was right. He could not accept it if he thought of a solution in the future. He could temporarily take advantage of the person in the dream, but he did not allow Yan Laixi to always regard him as the person in the dream.
“I don’t want to be abandoned by you, I don’t want to be disgusted by you, so I…can’t just agree to you.” Yan Laixi said.
Feng Su: “Don’t you like me?”
“Yeah.” Yan Laixi didn’t turn around, just thinking that he was reconfirming, “I just thought of you as Feng Su in my dream.”
“You said you don’t like me, so why do you care if I dislike you or not?” Feng Su asked, “You don’t like me, so just use me as a tool. Anyway, I won’t resist for a while. When I don’t want to continue playing with you, why don’t you just go and find the person you really like in your dreams? Anyway, if you don’t like me, it doesn’t matter what happens to me, right?”
Yan Laixi paused and said, “You are also Fengsu after all.”
“Am I also Fengsu after all, or am I Fengsu after all?” Fengsu asked, “Do you regard me as a part of him, or do you regard me as him?”
Yan Laixi opened his mouth, but after all, he did not choose any of the options given by Feng Su: “You are Feng Su, you are you. I just transferred my feelings for a non-existent person like you to you. I’m sorry.”
“Then he’s back again?” Feng Su said, “I am who I am, and you have no feelings for me. If you just lend me a temporary use, you don’t have to worry about whether I will leave. You also have feelings for me.”
“After all, I can’t sleep all the time and live in a dream.” Yan Laixi said.
Feng Su: “But before I met you, Feng Su only lived in dreams.”
Yan Laixi’s eyes dodge and he said, “There was Chi Fu at that time.”
“What about the days before you met Chi Fu?” Feng Su asked, “Besides, during the years when you and Chi Fu were in love, did you feel that you were cheating? No, right?”
Yan Laixi said nothing, which was regarded as acquiescence.
“You can tell clearly that you don’t regard dreams as reality, and you don’t really fall in love with the person in the dream. You have feelings for him, but it is different from love in reality, isn’t it? But your feelings for me now can be classified as love, and it is different from your feelings for him. This feeling is only for people who exist in reality, that is, for me. Why don’t you want to admit it?”
Yan Laixi remained silent. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to answer, but that he couldn’t understand it himself.
“Are you afraid?” Feng Su suddenly asked, “Because even the mother who gave birth to you will abandon you, even the family that actively chooses you will hurt you, and even Chi Fu, who has engraved his love for you into his instinct, will forget you because of the sudden abnormality, so you can’t believe that I suddenly appeared as an accident?”
Yan Laixi didn’t nod or shake his head, he just said: “Maybe.”
“I can’t say anything to make you believe me, and I can’t give you anything to make you believe me.” Feng Su said to Yan Laixi, “I had never experienced love before I met you. Maybe I take myself too seriously, but I want to tell you.”
“Love doesn’t have to be such a heavy thing.”
“It can be impure, it can be dull, it can accumulate bit by bit, or it can come and go in a hurry.”
“Just think of it as a try? Try to take a road that has never been traveled before. You don’t love me exactly, and I have no basis for my liking for you. Just think of it as a game. If you don’t want to play it anymore, or if you think it’s going to have a bad ending, you can end it at any time.”
“Why do you like me?” Yan Laixi murmured, “We have only known each other for such a short time.”
Ignore his general response, but the other party is Yan Laixi. At this time, if he does not accept it and is unwilling to try, he will directly refuse or refute it instead of asking other questions.
“I just like it. Why are there so many?” Feng Su tried to lighten the atmosphere and said, “Or are you afraid of being deceived by me?”
“Don’t be afraid, I told you it’s just a game, it’s not that serious.” Yan Laixi raised the corners of his lips slightly and said, “It doesn’t matter even if you really lied to me. Anyway, there are countless you in my dream. If I can put my feelings on you, I can also put my feelings on them.”
Feng Su was startled. Whether he heard it from others or thought it himself, it was ultimately different from hearing it from the other person’s mouth.
Yes, in games, you always have to find ways to get resources.
“However, even though you have disrupted my order, I still want to tell you the original plan.” Yan Laixi said, “I plan to go to Chi Fu first and tell him about his abnormality. Then I will tell you clearly that it is not you that I like. I may run away at any time, hide in my dreams, and will only let go of Chi Fu and will not forget. See if you can accept it, and finally deal with the relationship between us.”
He shrugged and said, “But now you have advanced the second step by more than half.”
“Then why not advance the third step as well? The order is not that important, right?” Feng Su said, “Now, am I your lover? Can I kiss you?”
“You don’t really like me just because of this face, do you?” Yan Laixi joked.
Feng Su raised his eyebrows and continued the joke as he said: “What if I say yes?”
“That’s good. If I want to continue our relationship, I just need to prevent you from seeing anyone prettier than me.” Yan Laixi said, mixed with the answer in a joke, and added in the moment before Feng Su reacted, “But kissing won’t work, there are too many people outside, and I don’t like to be too affectionate in public.”
Feng Su: “Then let’s go home now.”
“Don’t be so hasty.” Yan Laixi took the leash from his hand and walked toward the crowd surrounded by three big furries. “We have to have fun when we are out. We also need to find Chen Mo and the others to send Chen Si and the others back.”