Nanke Yifu Chapter 19
byFinding Chi Fu (19)
The “comfort” Chi Fu requested, using the excuse of being “startled,” was for Yan Laixi to help him care for a potted plant.
There is a type of person in the world who, when it comes to living things—be they animals or plants—will inevitably cause them to die, excluding other humans. These people can generally be divided into two categories: the first includes those who are forgetful or careless, meaning there are external factors involved; the second includes those who, despite diligently following every step of the advice given by professionals, still cannot keep anything alive. Chi Fu belonged to the latter.
He actually wanted to give Yan Laixi a flower, but he didn’t want to give him an artificial or dried one. However, bouquets wilt, and he himself was completely incapable of keeping a potted plant alive. He didn’t know how Yan Laixi would fare. Chi Fu felt that if the plant died, Yan Laixi would be more disappointed if it was a “gift from Chi Fu” than if it was a plant he was “helping Chi Fu care for.”
And indeed, this potted plant withered less than a year later, but that is a story for another time.
Chi Fu picked a few pretty seashells, tucked them into his pocket to keep, and dumped the rest back into the sea. After washing off the sand, changing clothes, and gathering their belongings, the two began wandering aimlessly through Chaoyi District.
That’s right, aimlessly wandering. They didn’t use navigation or ask for directions, just strolled around one area, took the Maglev Transit to the next spot, and strolled around there for a while. Fortunately, flower shops are common enough that they could find one just by wandering. As it was nearing dinner time, they ate first, planning to buy the flower and then head straight home.
The shop was located near a school, and since it was lunchtime, the area was a bit livelier than during class hours. The interior decor leaned toward a very pale cyan-green color scheme. Two young women were crouching in front of a small pile of petals; although there was no wind indoors, the petals seemed to flutter in their hands.
“Hello,” the girl with short cyan-green hair stood up and asked, “Can I help you?”
“Do you have any recommendations for small, easy-to-care-for potted plants?” Chi Fu asked.
“These few types here are relatively easy to care for. You just need to pay a little attention to the frequency of watering and the light exposure,” she said, pointing to several small potted plants on the other side. The other girl, who had cyan-blue hair, walked over and specifically pointed out a few pots, briefly introducing them.
“Do you have any other preferences? Do you want something that flowers, something that only grows leaves, or a succulent?”
“Which kind do you like?” Chi Fu asked Yan Laixi.
“Isn’t this for you to keep?” Yan Laixi replied. “Why are you letting me choose?”
Chi Fu said, “But you’re the one who’s going to care for it. Whoever cares for it gets to choose.”
“Then a succulent it is,” Yan Laixi bent down by the shelf displaying the succulents. After looking for a while, he pointed to a Blue Echeveria and another pink one, asking Chi Fu, “Which one looks better?”
Chi Fu leaned closer, examined them carefully, compared them, and hesitated for a moment before saying, “The blue one?”
Yan Laixi said, “Then the blue one.”
“Okay, wait for me a moment, I want to buy something else. We can check out together later,” Chi Fu stood up and asked, “Do you have single stems of fresh flowers?”
“Yes, over here,” the cyan-green-haired girl led him toward the buckets in the back, which held various cut flowers. “What would you like?”
Chi Fu asked, “If I’m giving it to someone I like, what would be suitable?”
The girl paused, glanced at Yan Laixi, and then, seeing Chi Fu’s expression, smiled knowingly.
Chi Fu also happily snuck a look at Yan Laixi, only to have a bucket of cold water thrown on him.
Yan Laixi was standing there, holding the small potted plant, showing no reaction whatsoever.
Chi Fu hadn’t deliberately lowered his voice when he spoke, so Yan Laixi must have heard him. Whether he agreed, was happy, or was resistant, he should have shown some kind of reaction, right?
But then Chi Fu remembered when they first met privately…
Oh no, is he unwilling but too embarrassed to say it?
Is he so unwilling that he has to put on an act for him?
Could Yan Laixi not be able to accept dating a man?!
If that were the case, was Yan Laixi unable to accept it physiologically or psychologically? Was it the biological gender, the psychological gender, or both? If it was the biological gender, could Chi Fu change his gender?
While Chi Fu’s mind was boiling over, Yan Laixi wasn’t doing much better.
Giving it to someone he likes.
Chi Fu has someone he likes?
Since when? Who is this person?
If Chi Fu has someone he likes, then shouldn’t he… appropriately distance himself from Chi Fu?
At the very least, he couldn’t keep sticking to him every few days. Some of his other habits… he didn’t know if that person would mind, but if they did, he would have to change them.
No, even if they didn’t mind, he should change them. It just felt wrong otherwise.
And his own feelings, he needed to hide those too.
If Chi Fu only wanted to be friends with him, Yan Laixi was willing to let that feeling be called friendship. But that didn’t mean he could continue to deceive himself and maintain this “friendship” after learning Chi Fu had someone he liked.
“May I ask something presumptuous?” the cyan-green-haired girl asked Chi Fu. “Is this your first relationship? And currently, are you…”
She glanced back and forth between the two of them, then looked at Chi Fu with a mix of curiosity and subtle expectation.
“Yes. And currently…” Chi Fu said, “I guess you could say I’m pursuing him.”
Whether Yan Laixi was willing was up to him, but saying he was pursuing him was certainly fine.
First love, currently pursuing.
More than the fact that the person he liked had someone they liked, the fact that Chi Fu hadn’t mentioned this person or this matter to him at all, and hadn’t revealed this relationship to him, hurt Yan Laixi even more.
“How about pink roses then?”
“What do you think?” Chi Fu asked Yan Laixi.
“They’re fine,” Yan Laixi said, his tone flat.
He didn’t know that person, so why was Chi Fu asking him?
Or… had Chi Fu figured out his intentions, and this was a subtle way of telling him he wasn’t interested? But couldn’t he have just found a random time to say he had someone he liked? Was he afraid Yan Laixi would ask questions? Maybe there was no such person, and it was just a white lie invented to gently reject him. But even so, he might still ask who it was, when it started, and a series of other questions.
“Would you like me to wrap them for you?” the girl asked.
“Yes, please,” Chi Fu said. “Thank you.”
“Alright,” she smiled at Chi Fu and called out to the other girl, “Xiao He.”
“Hmm,” the girl called Xiao He responded. She lifted her hand, and a pink rose flew toward her. As the flower approached, Yan Laixi saw her sleeve move, as if a slight breeze had passed.
She took the flower and went to the back of the shop to get wrapping paper, but then she stopped when she saw something.
From where Yan Laixi and Chi Fu were standing, they couldn’t see what she was looking at. They only saw the seemingly cool and aloof girl pull out her phone, put it to her mouth, and shout, “Xie Shiqing, get your butt over here!”
“What did he do now?” the other girl leaned over. Judging by her reaction, this scene must happen often.
Chi Fu and Yan Laixi also followed, craning their necks to see what terrible thing this Xie Shiqing had done to make her curse him out.
Yan Laixi thought that if Chi Fu had done the same thing, he wouldn’t just tell him to get his butt over here; he’d tell him to come back and take a beating.
The ribbons used for wrapping were all tied at one end to the railing of a small shelf, randomly crisscrossed, and then tied at the other end to a different railing, with a few strands left neatly aside.
“I knew he didn’t have good intentions when he suddenly wanted to come over last night!”
This divine person arrived remarkably fast. By the time Xiao He was done wrapping the flower while grumbling, he appeared at the door. It was clear he was constantly prepared for them to find out, staring at his phone and waiting to be scolded.
Although what he did was truly awful, even Chi Fu had to admit that this person had a face that could rival Yan Laixi’s. He was the type who, if he met someone with a slightly better temper, could be forgiven based on his face alone.
He had long, light brown hair, loosely tied at the back of his head, with the last loop only half-pulled through, giving him a casual, slightly messy look that, combined with his face, created a sense of unrestrained, chaotic beauty. His yellow-green eyes, visible through his glasses, lost none of their charm; they were bright, lively, and sparkling.
If you ignored the small iron in his hand.
The tied ribbons had creases, and that iron must have been used to smooth them out.
Xiao He, who argued with this face every day, wouldn’t forgive him just because he was handsome. The liveliness in Xie Shiqing’s eyes was entirely the joy of finally being caught after secretly causing trouble.
“Xie Shiqing, aren’t you childish!” Xiao He raised her hand, and the pile of leaves at the doorway collectively flew toward Xie Shiqing’s face. “You’re almost thirty and still causing trouble all the time! I’m telling your sister!”
Xie Shiqing raised his hand to shield his face, brushed away the leaves, picked off the ones stuck in his hair, and smoothed his messy bangs. He said, “Aren’t you childish? You’re in your twenties and still acting like a kid, throwing leaves and tattling.”
“Alright, you two settle down. You fight every time you see each other,” the cyan-green-haired girl put the wrapped bouquet into a long, rectangular transparent plastic box and tied a ribbon around the box. While tying it, she asked Xie Shiqing, “Did you eat? Do you have class this afternoon?”
“Xiao Lanniao, learn from your sister. Don’t always criticize or scold me when I come here,” the person who was already sitting on the floor untying the ribbons first “protested” before answering, “Not yet. I don’t have the first class. I’m waiting for my sister to come find me so we can eat together.”
Xiao He retorted, “You should learn from your sister. Don’t always come here looking for a scolding.”
Despite the bickering, Xiao He still went over and sat on the floor to help untie the ribbons. Her hands were busy, but her mouth wasn’t idle. The back-and-forth arguing between the two was amusing until the older sister finished wrapping the bouquet, folded the box meant for the succulent, and told Xie Shiqing, “Maybe I should tell Mingyu to come earlier and manage you?”
Then, seeing Xiao He’s smug expression—as if saying, “I have my sister backing me up”—she quickly added, “Xiao He, you should also say less. At least wait until the customers leave before you two start arguing.”
A sister’s command is absolute for a sister-complex person, and the sister’s name works just as well. The noisy shop immediately fell silent. The girl took the Blue Echeveria from Yan Laixi’s hand, subtly observing the expression on his face, and asked, “Are you sure you want this one? I would recommend the pink one instead.”
She added, “That variety is called ‘First Love.’”
Chi Fu felt like bowing down to her right then and there.
Unlike a direct confession from him, having a stranger point it out like this meant that if Yan Laixi was willing, it would be a smooth progression. If he wasn’t, it was just a harmless misunderstanding. Chi Fu could continue their current relationship and keep trying gradually.
Yan Laixi’s reaction once again surprised Chi Fu.
He thought the girl had misunderstood and quickly waved his hand. Chi Fu had just said the succulent was for Yan Laixi to care for, and the girl knew that. So, Yan Laixi pointed to the pink rose and said, “That one isn’t for me.”
So, Yan Laixi’s reaction just now was because he thought Chi Fu had someone else he liked and was buying flowers for that non-existent person?
Wouldn’t his reaction then prove that they were mutually in love?
“Who said it wasn’t for you?”
“Didn’t you say…”
Didn’t you say it was for someone you like.
Who said it wasn’t for you.
So the person Chi Fu liked was actually… him, Yan Laixi?
“I printed the photos. Keep them safe yourself.”
After a long silence, Chi Fu had expected Yan Laixi to lose his temper, or maybe sting him with a few more words like before, or at least sulk and give him the cold shoulder. But Yan Laixi simply stood up calmly, pointed to the bag tossed on the sofa, told him what was inside, and then walked toward the refrigerator.
“Laixi, I…”
Chi Fu rushed after him, wanting to say or do something to salvage the situation, but Yan Laixi interrupted him after taking just one step.
“If you don’t want them, throw them away yourself. If you do, keep them safe.”
It took Chi Fu a second to realize Yan Laixi was talking about the photos. He quickly ran to the sofa, picked up the bag, and returned to the bedroom.
Yan Laixi’s tone just now was cold, but Chi Fu felt this was good. Being able to get angry and express emotions was much better than that indifferent, uncaring attitude.
Chi Fu took the photo frame out of the bag. There were also a few loose photos underneath. Every single one was a picture of him and Yan Laixi together. Each one was a memory for him, yet he didn’t remember any of them.
He placed the photo frame on the computer desk and the bedside table, and taped the photos to the wall and the door. Chi Fu looked at the door lock and decided he needed to discuss something with Yan Laixi.
“Laixi, how about…” He walked out of the bedroom and saw Yan Laixi holding a glass of milk, with a can of fresh milk he had just taken from the fridge sitting nearby. Chi Fu asked, “That’s cold, isn’t it? Heat it up before drinking.”
“No need…”
Yan Laixi tried to refuse, but Chi Fu chose to ignore him, taking the glass and putting it in the microwave. Yan Laixi’s physical condition looked poor, so it was better to be careful.
“What were you trying to say just now?” Yan Laixi asked.
“Oh, right,” Chi Fu remembered he had something important to discuss. “From now on, after I fall asleep, please lock the door from the outside. That way I can’t get out, and what happened today won’t happen again.”
“No.”
He was rejected without hesitation.
“Why not?” Chi Fu asked.
“What if there’s an emergency? What if there’s danger?”
“But you’re here…” Before he could finish, Yan Laixi interrupted again.
“What if I go out? Like today. Besides, I don’t know when something might suddenly happen inside. It takes time for me to react if you call me, and it takes time to unlock the door from the outside with a key. It can’t possibly be faster than you just turning the lock yourself.”
He was right, but Chi Fu still felt such an accident wouldn’t happen. Even if it did, he trusted Yan Laixi to let him out in time.
However, seeing Yan Laixi’s expression, Chi Fu said nothing more.
If he voiced his thoughts, it would undoubtedly become a burden for Yan Laixi. Even though Chi Fu didn’t intend it that way, and Yan Laixi didn’t necessarily see it that way, it was better not to add any more pressure on him.
“Ding—”
The light in the microwave went out. Chi Fu opened it. The milk inside was steaming, and the glass was hot. He took it out using his sleeve and placed it on the counter nearby. He waited until the handle cooled down, tested it himself to make sure it wasn’t too hot, and then handed it to Yan Laixi.
Watching the other man slowly sip the warm milk, Chi Fu suddenly remembered to ask, “Did you eat?”
“I did,” Yan Laixi said, glancing at the time. “Don’t worry about me. Go do whatever you need to do.”
“I don’t want to do anything today. I just want to stick with you,” Chi Fu said. He opened the fridge, looking for ingredients.
Yan Laixi asked, “Not going to work?”
“It’s fine to take a day off occasionally.” Although Chi Fu’s missing memory told him he had already “occasionally” taken several days off this month.
Yan Laixi’s words confirmed that his memory was only missing, not tampered with, in this regard: “You’ve taken more than just an occasional day off this month.”
So Chi Fu said, “It’s fine to occasionally relax for a whole month.”
Then, before Yan Laixi could reply, he shoved a spatula into his hand and said, “Can you make me breakfast? Please?”
“Didn’t you buy steamed pear cake? Is that not enough?” Yan Laixi asked. Even as he spoke, he bypassed Chi Fu and went to the fridge to take out a frozen savory pastry.
Steamed pear cake. Right, milk-flavored steamed pear cake. Yan Laixi must like it.
“I’m going out for a bit,” Chi Fu said.
“Where are you going?” Yan Laixi had already picked up the oil dispenser, intending to pour oil into the pan, but put it back down when he heard Chi Fu.
Chi Fu said, “To buy steamed pear cake.”
Yan Laixi asked, “Didn’t you just buy some?”
“My portion was made normally,” Chi Fu changed his shoes and grabbed his jacket. He was already out the door when Yan Laixi pulled him back.
Yan Laixi asked, “You’re going to buy it for me?”
Chi Fu nodded.
“Don’t go,” Yan Laixi took the jacket from his hand and hung it back up. “I don’t want to eat it right now, and I can’t eat it. I’m not hungry.”
“But the lady told me today that she’s moving, and the shop will be closing soon,” Chi Fu tried to argue again. “If we don’t eat it now, we won’t be able to later. Steamed pear cake is fine even when cold. We can buy it and keep it until you want to eat it.”
“No need. I really can’t eat anything. Just share one of yours with me,” Yan Laixi said. “If you’re not working, stay home obediently. I’ll make you breakfast.”
“Oh.”
Yan Laixi said he would share one, so Chi Fu forked a piece of steamed pear cake and held it up to Yan Laixi’s mouth. Yan Laixi didn’t even look, just opened his mouth and ate it in one bite.
It was as if the food entering his mouth made him realize he was eating. He probably spent a second or two discerning what was in his mouth before starting to chew, then took a few sips of milk.
“Is it good?” Chi Fu asked.
Yan Laixi nodded.
“Should I go buy another portion then?”
Yan Laixi sighed and said, “If you can’t stand staying home, go to work.”
This time, Chi Fu didn’t directly say he was taking the day off. Instead, he asked, “If I go to work, will you come with me?”
“Whatever you want,” Yan Laixi said. “It’s up to you.”
“Hmm…” Chi Fu was conflicted. He wanted Yan Laixi to accompany him to work, but he also wanted to go out and have fun with Yan Laixi, and he also wanted to just stay home and cuddle with Yan Laixi.
“Eat first.”
While Chi Fu was agonizing, Yan Laixi had already finished making his breakfast and placed it on the dining table. Yan Laixi himself was half-lying, half-leaning on the sofa, resting his head on his hand and looking down at Chi Fu.
“Then will you come to work with me tomorrow?” Chi Fu asked.
“We’ll see tomorrow.”
Yan Laixi neither agreed nor refused, but Chi Fu thought it was better not to go out. He felt Yan Laixi seemed very tired and lacked energy, probably not keen on leaving the house.
Chi Fu didn’t know how they used to interact, but he felt it must have been similar to today: eating, chatting, cuddling together, being idle and unremarkable. And Yan Laixi and the diary both told him that when he woke up, he wouldn’t remember even this small, unremarkable routine.
In the early morning, Chi Fu lay in bed, silently repeating Yan Laixi’s name and recalling everything he had learned about Yan Laixi today.
He had no memories of Yan Laixi, and naturally, no memories of his previous bouts of amnesia. Chi Fu didn’t truly grasp the reality of “forgetting Yan Laixi upon waking.”
After double-checking the small measures he had taken behind Yan Laixi’s back, and thinking that maybe he would remember this time, Chi Fu drifted off to sleep, hoping that tomorrow wouldn’t be another “first meeting.”
Yan Laixi didn’t wait long. He was afraid that if he waited any longer, he would regret his decision even if he still didn’t have an answer.
“I printed the photos. Keep them safe yourself.”
His mouth felt bitter. Yan Laixi opened the fridge, looking for something flavorful to drink to suppress the taste. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Chi Fu trying to follow him, and coldly cut him off: “If you don’t want them, throw them away yourself. If you do, keep them safe.”
He didn’t know if Chi Fu wanted to say something else to him, or if he wanted to give him an answer regarding the previous question. Yan Laixi didn’t really want to hear either. He was afraid that if he listened, he would start agonizing, hesitating, and wavering again. Of course, honestly, part of the reason was simply that he wanted to vent his frustration. But when Chi Fu actually shut up and went to put the photos away as instructed, Yan Laixi immediately regretted it.
He shouldn’t have thrown a tantrum at Chi Fu, nor should he have interrupted him. Setting aside the worry that Chi Fu’s words might influence his decision, Yan Laixi actually wanted to hear what he had to say.
An answer to the question, an explanation, or even just some comfort—anything would have been fine.
After all, the time they had left was so limited, decreasing with every passing second. Even if they weren’t talking, he shouldn’t have sent Chi Fu away.
Yan Laixi held the can of fresh milk he had just taken from the fridge. Condensation formed on the can, wetting his fingers resting on it. He thought, Stop making excuses.
Even if Chi Fu said nothing, he was already wavering, simultaneously worried that Chi Fu would say something that would make him more reluctant to leave, and hoping Chi Fu would say something to give him an excuse to stay. He was contradicting himself.
“Laixi, how about…”
The familiar voice came. Yan Laixi froze, nervous yet expectant.
But Chi Fu stopped talking, looked at the cold milk in his hand, and asked, “That’s cold, isn’t it? Heat it up before drinking.”
“No need…”
Yan Laixi wanted to refuse, wanted Chi Fu to finish what he had been about to say, but the other man simply ignored his refusal, took the glass, put it in the microwave, set the time, and pressed start.
After Chi Fu finished this series of actions, Yan Laixi tried to make his tone sound casual, but couldn’t hide his eagerness as he asked, “What were you trying to say just now?”
Give him a delayed answer, apologize for something that wasn’t his fault, or just flirt with him about what happened earlier—anything would do.
“From now on, after I fall asleep, please lock the door from the outside. That way I can’t get out, and what happened today won’t happen again.”
Yan Laixi hadn’t expected that any words could not only prevent him from wavering or regretting his decision but could even hammer a nail into his shaky resolve. Yet, Chi Fu had easily found those words.
“No,” Yan Laixi refused flatly.
“Why not?”
“What if there’s an emergency? What if there’s danger?”
Although it was just a casual suggestion, Yan Laixi understood Chi Fu. Given his personality, if he discussed it today, he would find another way to implement it tomorrow. Even if Yan Laixi stopped him again, he would just write it in his diary and keep trying other methods. Since he said he didn’t want today’s situation to happen again, he wouldn’t just say it and forget it.
If they continued to drag this out, not only would Yan Laixi suffer, but it would also increase the safety risks around Chi Fu. No matter how small that risk was, Yan Laixi wouldn’t allow it.
Yan Laixi thought, This is good. Even if I stayed, whether intentionally or unintentionally, I would definitely end up blaming Chi Fu when I felt I couldn’t bear it anymore, even though the choice was entirely mine from the start.
And now, it felt like fate itself was telling him, “You should leave.”
“But you’re here…”
“What if I go out? Like today. And…”
He interrupted Chi Fu again. This time, it wasn’t a tantrum, and he didn’t regret it.
A person who loses all memory of the other person can still retain this almost completely unconditional trust. The current Yan Laixi still loved Chi Fu, and he believed Chi Fu still loved him. Precisely because of this, he couldn’t delay any longer.
He had to leave to preserve this love before some sudden accident caused irreparable consequences, and before his future self destroyed it with his own hands.
“Ding—”
A cup of warm milk was handed to Yan Laixi. The other man was as thoughtful as ever, testing the temperature himself to ensure it wasn’t too hot.
Yan Laixi slowly sipped the liquid in the cup. He had little appetite now and could barely swallow anything.
Chi Fu asked if he had eaten, then said he didn’t want to go to work and only wanted to follow him, and then asked if he could make him breakfast.
Even though he had just returned from buying food outside.
Still, Yan Laixi went to the fridge and took out food. Although Chi Fu wouldn’t remember anything when he woke up, Yan Laixi was still very willing to fulfill Chi Fu’s requests during this last, limited time.
“I’m going out for a bit.”
The person who had just said he didn’t want to do anything suddenly wanted to go out. Yan Laixi didn’t know how long he would be gone or if he would still eat breakfast. He put down the oil dispenser and asked, “Where are you going?”
“To buy steamed pear cake.”
“Didn’t you just buy some?” Yan Laixi didn’t understand. Wasn’t that bag earlier full of steamed pear cake? Or had he been mistaken?
Chi Fu said his portion was made normally. Yan Laixi then realized that Chi Fu probably remembered that he always bought a whole portion in the same flavor, guessing that he liked it. He pulled Chi Fu back and asked, “You’re going to buy it for me?”
The answer was affirmative. Yan Laixi told him not to go, that there was no need to make a special trip, and that he genuinely couldn’t eat anything right now. Fearing Chi Fu would worry again, he added that he wasn’t hungry.
Chi Fu told him that the steamed pear cake shop was closing down and they wouldn’t be able to eat it anymore. Yan Laixi still didn’t let him go. Coincidentally, they had chosen this place as their shared new home because of that steamed pear cake shop. Now that their shared story was nearing its end, the shop was also closing.
The spatula flipped the pastry in the pan. Yan Laixi was lost in thought when something was offered to his mouth. He instinctively opened his mouth and ate it.
The moment the food entered his mouth, the urge to spit it out appeared before the taste registered. Yan Laixi curled his tongue. Chi Fu was right there, so he couldn’t spit it out. He forced himself to chew twice and washed it down with milk.
“Is it good?” Chi Fu asked. If this had been Chi Fu a month ago, he would have noticed Yan Laixi was forcing it down the moment Yan Laixi picked up the milk.
Yan Laixi nodded. In reality, he hadn’t tasted much at all. When the food was in his mouth, he only wanted to spit it out. Now that he had forced himself to swallow it, he felt slightly nauseated.
Chi Fu seemed addicted to feeding him and asked persistently, “Should I go buy another portion then?”
Yan Laixi sighed. Forget another portion; if he ate another piece, he would probably throw up.
“If you can’t stand staying home, go to work.”
Chi Fu asked him, “If I go to work, will you come with me?”
“Whatever you want, it’s up to you,” Yan Laixi said. He was quite free now anyway. He had pushed back almost all of his in-person events for the next year or two, and he hadn’t been able to muster the energy to write a new book; he hadn’t even decided on a title yet.
Chi Fu seemed conflicted, neither saying he would go nor that he wouldn’t. Yan Laixi told him to eat first and sat watching him. Then Chi Fu asked about tomorrow, and Yan Laixi brushed him off. He didn’t want to make a promise he couldn’t keep, regardless of whether Chi Fu would remember it.
The sky gave way to the domain of moonlight and starlight, and then sunlight again. As long as Chi Fu was within Yan Laixi’s line of sight, Yan Laixi’s gaze remained fixed on him.
A door, a wall, separated the two people hiding their thoughts. One was rustling around doing something the moment the door closed, and the other quietly pushed open the bedroom door after the entire house had been silent for some time.
The person on the bed was sleeping soundly, though perhaps in an uncomfortable position. One of his hands was dangling over the side of the bed, his wrist locked to the handle of the bedside table drawer. A note was placed nearby.
The photo frame Yan Laixi had brought back today was on the bedside table, and photos were taped to the wall opposite the foot of the bed and on the door. The thing restricting his movement was a combination lock found somewhere, and the code was hidden on a certain page of the diary.
Yan Laixi didn’t look at the diary but directly entered four digits: “1007.”
Chi Fu’s diary contained a record of his birthday.
Yan Laixi tucked Chi Fu’s dangling hand back under the covers, made sure he was lying comfortably, then leaned down, raised his right hand, and gently covered Chi Fu’s lips with his palm.
He held his breath, his lips lightly touching the back of his hand.
The bedroom door closed again. Yan Laixi stood outside the entrance door, checking for any forgotten items and taking one last look at their home.
He had brought very few things, only necessary items that were inconvenient to replace, yet he checked for a long time.
His thin body couldn’t stop the cold wind from entering the warm room. Before too much cold air invaded, there was a click, and the door locked. Yan Laixi turned his head to look at the relatively clear sky outside the corridor, hoping that the traces he left in this home were enough, hoping Chi Fu wouldn’t clean them away, and hoping that on the day he came to fulfill their agreement, Chi Fu would only not remember him, and not reject him because there was nothing left to prove they had a shared past.