Mixed Chapter 16
byAn Embrace
Song Shixue also realized her lapse and lowered the hand that had been propping up her chin.
Chi Nuan allowed her brain a moment to buffer, then swallowed the mouthful of rice and avoided looking at Song Shixue again.
Pretending nothing had happened, she continued to focus on eating.
Song Shixue ate very little; she felt full after consuming barely a third of her bowl of rice.
She stood up and headed to the kitchen to rinse her dishes.
“Are you full, Teacher Song?”
“Yes, I can’t eat much.”
With Song Shixue gone from the dining table, the food didn’t seem quite as delicious.
Chi Nuan sighed silently.
Song Shixue was currently standing on the balcony, looking out at the brightly lit city.
Chi Nuan, wiping the table, couldn’t help but let her gaze fall upon Song Shixue’s back.
She couldn’t see the expression on her face, but just looking at her silhouette, she felt that the night and Song Shixue were a perfect match.
Perhaps it was because the two shared many commonalities: both were so quiet and solitary.
Whenever Chi Nuan associated Song Shixue with the word ‘solitude,’ her movements became more efficient.
She just wanted to finish tidying up quickly and go keep Song Shixue company.
Chi Nuan put the rag back in the kitchen. She hurried over to the junction between the balcony and the living room and pushed open the glass door.
The moment she stepped out, the air, thick with the scent of blueberry and mint, enveloped her tightly.
As soon as Song Shixue heard movement behind her, she instinctively wanted to put out the cigarette in her hand.
But it was clearly too late.
“I’ll go put it out.” Song Shixue lifted her foot, ready to walk toward the living room.
“It’s fine, Teacher Song, I’m used to the smell.”
Her voice seemed to draw Song Shixue closer to Chi Nuan.
Chi Nuan looked straight ahead, her right thumb rubbing the bodhi prayer beads on her left wrist.
Song Shixue’s gaze fell upon the gray-flecked bodhi beads being slid back and forth in Chi Nuan’s hand, her face full of preoccupation.
“Teacher Song, why do you smoke?” Chi Nuan suddenly asked, interrupting Song Shixue’s thoughts.
“It’s a habit, I suppose.”
A habit of the momentary pleasure of smoke passing through the lungs, a habit of the temporary relief from annoyance as the brain is dominated by nicotine.
“Then, Teacher Song, can you tell me when you started?” Chi Nuan slowly turned her head to look at Song Shixue. Her eyes were as gentle as water.
Song Shixue felt herself and her entire being dissolve into those two pools of water.
“I can’t quite remember, maybe when I was 23.” The final answer was thus vague.
Chi Nuan was puzzled.
“23? Did something happen?” She hesitated for a few seconds before posing the question to Song Shixue.
Her tone held apprehension, yet her heart was filled with the expectation of learning more about Song Shixue.
Song Shixue unconsciously rubbed the edge of the railing with her fingertips, her eyes like glazed glass covered in a layer of mist, revealing a fleeting moment of fragmented darkness.
Seeing Song Shixue like this made Chi Nuan feel a sharp pang beneath her left rib.
Chi Nuan was tactful and didn’t press the issue further.
She used the opportunity to change the subject, though it was a self-serving one.
“Teacher Song, have you ever been in a relationship?” She finally found the courage, granted by the moonlight, to ask. Even if her tone carried a hint of nervousness.
The question reached Song Shixue’s ears, leaving her momentarily flustered. This was not a pleasant memory; in fact, it was one of her inner demons.
During her freshman year, Song Shixue had fallen for a girl in the fashion design major.
At the time, she hadn’t realized her sexual orientation. Initially, Song Shixue thought this feeling was just the affection one has for a good friend, but later, she found her heart beat faster than usual when she was with that girl.
Song Shixue started searching online for this phenomenon and learned that two girls could also be together.
During that period, the two of them were constantly testing the waters. In the end, it was the other girl who broke the ice.
However, the relationship only lasted half a month.
“Song Shixue, can you stop being so difficult? It’s really annoying! If you weren’t so good-looking, I wouldn’t have lasted half a month!”
Her tone was utterly impatient: “Dating you is so exhausting. Anyone who falls for you in the future must have the worst luck imaginable!”
Every word was like a sharp, hard thorn, brutally piercing Song Shixue’s heart.
Reopening this memory made it difficult for Song Shixue to even breathe.
She managed to force out two words from her throat: “I have.”
Even though the experience truly disgusted Song Shixue, she didn’t want to lie to Chi Nuan.
Chi Nuan’s eyebrows knitted together for only half a second upon hearing the answer.
Song Shixue caught this shift in Chi Nuan’s emotion.
But I have to admit, Chi Nuan. You are the one who made this empty shell feel the beating of a heart and the flow of blood again. You made me feel like a complete individual once more.
Song Shixue told Chi Nuan this in her heart. It was what Song Shixue genuinely wanted to say to her.
However, for her, it still required countless rejections to confirm Chi Nuan’s love; countless moments of inner struggle to gain the courage to love Chi Nuan.
“Teacher Song, could you take me back to school?”
This was the first time Chi Nuan had actively asked Song Shixue to drive her back. Normally, she would try every means possible to stay with Song Shixue longer.
Song Shixue knew the reason for Chi Nuan’s unhappiness.
It was jealousy. Jealousy of the person she had dated. It was insecurity. Insecurity about whether she still harbored feelings for her ex.
Song Shixue knew the reason and wanted Chi Nuan to stay longer. But she said nothing, only offering a simple, ordinary “Okay.”
Chi Nuan forced a smile onto her face. If she stayed even one minute longer, Song Shixue would see the sadness Chi Nuan was struggling to control, so she stepped into the living room first.
Song Shixue pursed her lips, tightly clenching her palms. Her tone was awkward: “Chi Nuan, come here for a moment, please?”
When Chi Nuan turned back, the smile on her face, though already fading, was deliberately lifted again. She dragged her feet toward Song Shixue. “What is it, Teacher Song?”
Song Shixue placed one hand on Chi Nuan’s shoulder and the other around her waist, pulling her into an embrace.
Chi Nuan’s eyes instantly widened, her mouth slightly agape. Her entire face registered disbelief.
“Teacher Song?” After a few seconds of stunned silence, joy washed over Chi Nuan. A profound joy, so intense that her cheeks quickly flushed crimson.
She was thankful that Song Shixue wasn’t looking up right now. Otherwise, her face would surely turn twice as red!
Song Shixue maintained her initial posture, appearing utterly stiff. She slowly released the hand around Chi Nuan’s waist.
“It’s a bit warm.”
Song Shixue averted her face, and her slightly pink ear tips immediately caught Chi Nuan’s eye. Chi Nuan smiled, the curve of her lips so slight that Song Shixue didn’t notice.
Chi Nuan’s voice was cheerful: “Let’s go, Teacher Song, back to school!”
Song Shixue, you only need to take the initiative once toward me, and I will take the initiative thousands and thousands of times toward you.