Little Meteor Chapter 32

Chapter 32: “I like you more.”

Shen Mu woke up very early the next day. He registered at the Psychiatry Department, and it was well into the late morning before the doctor saw him. Shen Mu described his past medical history, and the doctor asked about the frequency of his hand tremors, the sensation when his heart palpitations occurred, if he had any specific fears, and whether his work and life stress were high.

“Based on your description, you are experiencing some somatic symptoms of anxiety, but they are not too severe. The fact that you were able to adjust previously shows that your self-regulation ability is quite good. I suggest you try adjusting yourself first—for example, maintaining a regular routine, exercising appropriately, finding enjoyable activities to distract yourself, and avoiding excessive focus on bodily sensations. Often, once the stressor passes, the symptoms naturally subside.”

Shen Mu nodded. “Yes, I know, but could I still trouble you to prescribe some medication? Just something I can use in an emergency if I feel particularly uncomfortable or a bit out of control. Better safe than sorry; it would make me feel more secure.”

“Certainly. I will prescribe a relatively mild anti-anxiety medication. The side effects are minimal, and it mainly serves a calming purpose. Remember, do not take it unless absolutely necessary. Only consider taking half a pill or a whole one if you feel extremely distressed, have severe heart palpitations, or anticipate insomnia. This is only an aid; the key is still adjusting your mindset yourself.”

The doctor typed the prescription on the computer and offered reassurance. “Anyone who has recovered from severe anxiety has already fought the hardest battle. This minor relapse is like occasionally sneezing after recovering from a cold—it’s nothing serious.”

“Yes,” Shen Mu smiled. “That’s true.”

The multi-car pileup yesterday afternoon had turned the entire department upside down. Jiang Chengxuan’s scheduled night shift stretched into a continuous rotation lasting nearly twenty hours. The Department Director saw that everyone in the office looked pale, like several fish washed ashore by the tide, lying motionless on their desks. He told them, with a look of utter disgust, to go home and sleep for a few hours and then roll back in for the afternoon shift.

After changing his clothes, Jiang Chengxuan sent Shen Mu a message: “The Director released me. Heading home now.”

When he left the hospital, he didn’t expect to see Shen Mu. He initially thought Shen Mu had come specifically to pick him up, but Shen Mu seemed to be picking up medicine. Jiang Chengxuan’s first reaction was that Shen Mu was sick and hadn’t told him. He wanted to rush over and ask, but he took a step and then pulled his leg back.

If he hadn’t told him, it meant he didn’t want Jiang Chengxuan to know.

Jiang Chengxuan stood behind a pillar and watched as Shen Mu received a small white plastic bag from the pharmacy window. Shen Mu took out a box of medicine from the bag and carefully read the small print on the side of the instructions. Jiang Chengxuan saw the pale blue packaging with a striking orange stripe on the side.

It was likely Sertraline, a very common SSRI antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication.

Jiang Chengxuan wasn’t surprised that Shen Mu had suffered from depression or anxiety. Given that kind of family environment, maintaining sanity was already remarkable. He recalled Shen Mu mentioning that after graduating from university, his father wanted him to return and take the civil service exams. Although Shen Mu later went abroad for a few years under the guise of graduate studies, he still had to face the issue upon returning. It would be hard not to break down. Jiang Chengxuan wondered how severe Shen Mu’s depression and anxiety had been then, and how he had managed to endure it all alone.

He couldn’t go home yet. Jiang Chengxuan walked a lap around the small garden downstairs at the hospital, which was provided for patients to stroll. He ran into one of his patients, who only reacted after Jiang Chengxuan called him three times. Jiang Chengxuan took the cigarette out of the old man’s mouth and said helplessly, “Sir, how many times have I told you, no smoking or drinking during treatment? You promised me you would strictly follow the medical advice. Why are you breaking your word?”

The old man chuckled twice. “I just couldn’t help it. I’m a dying man, do you have to take away the only pleasure I have left?”

“Don’t talk nonsense,” Jiang Chengxuan smiled. “With your condition, as long as you cooperate with treatment and control it well, living to eighty is not a problem.”

The old man shook his head, wiping his eyes with a handkerchief. “I can’t live that long, and I don’t want to live that long. It’s too much suffering.”

The old man was quite pitiful. He had sons, daughters, and grandchildren, but they were all busy and couldn’t spare the time. They left him at the hospital with a caregiver and rarely showed up, prioritizing convenience and peace of mind. But sometimes, what the elderly need most is family companionship. The old man started crying as he spoke, saying that people come into this world naked and leave it naked, and there is no one you can truly rely on. Seeing how genuinely sad he was, Jiang Chengxuan returned the cigarette and granted him permission to smoke one.

The old man was overly enthusiastic and offered Jiang Chengxuan a cigarette. Jiang Chengxuan never smoked, but at that moment, he suddenly wanted to try the taste.

He clumsily held the filter tip and took a light puff.

The acrid smoke instantly rushed into his throat, triggering a violent fit of coughing. It was too harsh; he didn’t understand what was so appealing about this stuff. He tentatively took another puff. This time, the smoke circulated in his lungs before he slowly exhaled. It was still very harsh. Jiang Chengxuan twisted the cigarette out and threw it into the trash, bought a pack of gum, and stood outside for a while longer. He only entered the complex when he felt the smell of smoke had mostly dissipated from him.

When he got home, Shen Mu was sitting at the dining table typing on his laptop, presumably writing a script. Hearing the movement, he didn’t look up. “You’re back? I ordered takeout. I had a coupon that was expiring today. It hasn’t arrived yet.”

Jiang Chengxuan changed into his slippers, came up behind him, and hugged him, resting his chin on Shen Mu’s shoulder.

Shen Mu paused his typing, then relaxed and leaned back into his embrace. “What’s wrong? You look exhausted.”

Jiang Chengxuan rubbed his nose against Shen Mu’s neck. “Yeah, I’m dead tired.”

Shen Mu kissed him on the forehead. “Go take a hot shower then. I’ll call you when the takeout arrives.”

Jiang Chengxuan hummed in agreement but still didn’t move, clinging to him. Shen Mu patted his arm. “I can’t write the script like this.”

Jiang Chengxuan held his hand. “Then don’t write it. Your hands are so cold. Rest for a bit first.”

Shen Mu was silent for a moment, then closed the laptop. “Okay, I won’t write.”

The takeout arrived quite quickly. Shen Mu had ordered small portion dishes, which were just right for two people. Shen Mu placed the food on the dining table. “It smells good. Come and eat.”

Jiang Chengxuan smiled. “Wait a minute, I have something to give you.”

Shen Mu tilted his head curiously. “Oh? What is it? Why the mystery?”

Jiang Chengxuan turned and walked into the study. A moment later, he walked out holding a gift box and gently placed it next to Shen Mu’s laptop. “Open it and see.”

Shen Mu lifted the lid. Inside was a camera. If Shen Mu remembered correctly, the price of this camera was at least three months of Jiang Chengxuan’s salary.

“I really don’t know much about these things. The store clerk said this one is great for taking photos and vlogs, and it’s easy to carry.”

Shen Mu stared blankly at the camera, not daring to reach out. “This is too expensive. Won’t you have to eat dirt for the next few months?”

Jiang Chengxuan took the camera out and placed it directly in his palm. “I won’t have to eat dirt that easily. Try it out.”

Shen Mu’s voice was slightly hoarse. “Thank you.”

Shen Mu turned on the power, adjusted the camera settings, aimed the lens at Jiang Chengxuan, and took a picture. Jiang Chengxuan leaned his head over to look. “This guy is really handsome.”

Shen Mu scoffed. “Have some shame.”

Jiang Chengxuan ruffled his hair. “You can play with it after dinner.”

Shen Mu put the camera away and reached out to hug Jiang Chengxuan. “Thank you. I really like it.”

Jiang Chengxuan wrapped his arms around his waist and asked childishly, “Do you like the camera more, or do you like me more?”

Shen Mu laughed, amused by him, his eyes curving into a gentle arc. He cupped Jiang Chengxuan’s face, kissed him, and whispered in his ear, “I like you more.”