Little Meteor Chapter 27
byChapter 27 Do You Know Who I Am?
Not only did Shen Mu not want to talk, but he also moved out the very next day, and he didn’t attend the wrap party for the film crew. Jiang Chengxuan went to his place once to look for him, but no one was home.
“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been listless these past few days.”
Jiang Chengxuan snapped out of his thoughts and smiled, “Have I?”
“Of course you have,” the Head Nurse placed the medical record book on his desk. “You never zone out when you’re working. That’s not like you, Doctor Jiang. Didn’t you recover from your illness? Why are you still so down in the dumps?”
Jiang Chengxuan continued writing the progress notes, “Maybe I just recovered and haven’t fully bounced back yet. I don’t have much energy.”
The Head Nurse watched him for a moment, then said, “Is it too lonely being by yourself? No one to take care of you when you’re sick—it’s no wonder you’re not in a good mood. How about I set you up with someone? My niece, just graduated with a master’s degree, good personality, pretty, works at a bank, very stable…”
The Head Nurse still hadn’t given up on setting him up. Jiang Chengxuan put down his pen and sighed, “Head Nurse, that wasn’t just a rumor. I really do like men.”
The smile on the Head Nurse’s face froze for a few seconds. “Ah, alright. I heard the gossip before and was half-skeptical, but I just couldn’t give up. I always felt it would be a shame for someone with such good qualities not to settle down. Okay, I understand now. While I personally might have a little trouble accepting it, I respect you. Definitely respect you.”
Jiang Chengxuan looked up at her and suddenly asked, “Why is it hard to accept?”
The Head Nurse sat down. “In big cities, it might be more open, and people are used to it and more tolerant. But in small places, people’s spit can drown you, and their gossip can break your back.”
She shook her head and continued, “Yes, the times are different now. Young people are much more accepting, and online, everyone clamors for equality and freedom. But in reality? The older generation, and all those onlookers around—how many of them still think this is a sickness, a psychological abnormality? There are so many nasty things said. If you were alone, it wouldn’t matter; you live your own life, and what others say is their business. But it involves family issues. What about your parents? How will relatives and friends view it? Aren’t these all problems?”
Jiang Chengxuan’s pen tip paused on the progress notes, leaving an ink dot. He said softly, “Is that so?”
“It is,” the Head Nurse saw his expression wasn’t great and patted his shoulder. “Alright, once you’ve made your choice, don’t overthink it. Just live your own life well.”
Jiang Chengxuan smiled, “Thank you.”
Jiang Chengxuan had previously thought that Shen Mu pushing him away was due to his stubborn personality, his habit of shouldering things alone, and perhaps a slight uncertainty about their relationship. But now, hearing the Head Nurse, he understood a little better.
Shen Mu once said he had to hold on, that he had to live out his brother’s share of life. Although he hadn’t mentioned what his childhood was like, Jiang Chengxuan could roughly imagine it.
Shen Mu might feel indifferent about himself, but he couldn’t feel indifferent on behalf of his parents.
They already had one ‘madman’ in the family; they couldn’t have another ‘pervert.’ His parents would have their backs broken by gossip and couldn’t withstand a second blow.
If his parents didn’t love Shen Mu, it would be easier to handle, at least he wouldn’t carry a huge burden of guilt. But the fact was, his parents loved him deeply, and even if that love was often suffocating, Shen Mu couldn’t bring himself to be ruthless and only look out for himself.
Jiang Chengxuan recalled what Shen Mu had once said.
Living for oneself is easy to say; a simple sentence can lift the burden off one’s shoulders. But those responsibilities and attachments are real; they can’t be erased by just saying ‘live for yourself.’
What Jiang Chengxuan was worried about now wasn’t the relationship between him and Shen Mu, but Shen Mu’s psychological state. After all, anyone who moves far away from home for work faces a dilemma: choose stability or choose to venture out. Moreover, Shen Mu’s family situation was special. A few days ago, his father suddenly fainted. Shen Mu might have connected that to certain things, and to ensure everything was handled properly, he might have even quit his job.
He really wanted to tell Shen Mu, ‘Your life is your own. You are yourself first, not Xiao Hao’s brother.’ But he also felt that saying this would be a form of condescending arrogance.
He hadn’t experienced everything Shen Mu had, so he had no right to offer such advice. If he had gone through the same things, he might not have even maintained his sanity until now, and certainly wouldn’t have done better than Shen Mu.
Whether Shen Mu chose himself or chose his parents, he wasn’t wrong. Jiang Chengxuan had no right to interfere.
“Sigh…”
Jiang Chengxuan sighed and closed his eyes again.
“If you’re not sleeping, mop the floor. Stop lying on the sofa sighing; it’s annoying.”
Jiang Chengxuan didn’t move. “I finally have a day off, and you want me to mop the floor?”
“Drama queen,” his mother grabbed the mop and tossed the wooden handle onto him. “Mop quickly.”
Jiang Chengxuan stretched, sat up, and mopped the entire house. When he went to wash his hands after finishing, he received a call from Song Zhe, notifying him about a class reunion.
Gathering everyone for his birthday wasn’t the main point; the main point was that he was getting engaged.
Jiang Chengxuan laughed, “Congratulations!”
Song Zhe laughed on the phone too. “Thanks. Could you help me contact the old classmates? It’s rare for us to get together.”
Jiang Chengxuan agreed, pulled out his phone, and scrolled through his contacts, notifying everyone one by one. He paused when he reached Shen Mu’s name. This would be a reason to find him, but he decided against it. Shen Mu probably wouldn’t like such an occasion, and he didn’t even know Song Zhe.
But Shen Mu actually showed up on the day of the class reunion.
Having not seen him for over a month, Shen Mu looked thinner than before. He was also surprised to see Jiang Chengxuan. Song Zhe’s fiancée, Xu Nian, waved at him. “Shen Mu, over here!”
Shen Mu walked over and handed her the gift box he was holding. “Congratulations on the engagement.”
Xu Nian took it and smiled. “Thank you. It really means a lot that you came.”
Shen Mu and Xu Nian were in the same major. Most people who studied Chinese Language and Literature chose to take civil service exams or teaching exams after graduation, though some chose to start their own businesses. Although Shen Mu was good-looking, he was always a loner and didn’t make friends with anyone, except for Xu Nian, with whom he could still talk.
“Shen Mu?” Song Zhe glanced at Jiang Chengxuan, drawing out the name. “So you’re Shen Mu. No wonder.”
Shen Mu asked, puzzled, “No wonder what?”
“Nothing, nothing,” Song Zhe motioned for everyone to sit down. “Don’t just stand there, everyone.”
Everyone present was either Xu Nian’s classmate or Song Zhe’s. They all knew each other. Shen Mu was unfamiliar with everyone except Jiang Chengxuan and Xu Nian, so he could only sit next to Jiang Chengxuan.
At first, everyone chatted, focusing on Xu Nian and Song Zhe’s engagement, but later they started talking about other things.
“Shen Mu, what have you been busy with all these years? You haven’t contacted any of us. We were classmates, that’s too heartless.”
Shen Mu couldn’t quite remember the speaker’s name, only that they were in the same class. He smiled, “Just messing around, not doing as well as you guys. I was too embarrassed to contact anyone.”
“What messing around? Aren’t you a big Screenwriter now? If you say you’re not doing well, what are the rest of us supposed to say?”
Shen Mu raised his glass. “My mistake, my mistake. I toast you.”
He never liked these kinds of occasions, but after so many years out in the world, he was quite adept at handling them. A few words were enough to make people happy and forget about the past.
Jiang Chengxuan was also at the center of attention. Jiang Chengxuan had always been popular and was the focus of the crowd wherever he went.
Shen Mu turned his head to look at him, thinking that someone like him truly belonged to a different world than his own. All those previous thoughts were wishful thinking, but having had a dream was enough.
He poured another glass of wine. He was already a little drunk now. This feeling was quite intoxicating; it allowed him a brief escape.
“Shen Mu?”
Shen Mu looked up, squinting to recognize the person. It seemed to be… Xu Hansheng? They were in the same university club. He didn’t have a deep impression of the person, but the name stuck in his mind: “The Hanshan Temple outside Suzhou, the midnight bell reaches the traveler’s boat.”
“It’s me,” Xu Hansheng raised his glass and walked toward him, smiling. “Long time no see. You haven’t changed at all.”
Shen Mu was quite tipsy, and his reaction was half a beat slow. He smiled, “Thank you, you too.”
While chatting with a few classmates, Jiang Chengxuan listened to the conversation between Shen Mu and Xu Hansheng. Xu Hansheng was asking Shen Mu why he deleted his contact information and why he didn’t reply to emails. Shen Mu explained that he hadn’t contacted anyone and it wasn’t personal, and as for emails, he hadn’t used that one in years; his work email was different. Xu Hansheng smiled and said it was okay, and the two added each other on WeChat.
After the gathering ended, Song Zhe suggested moving the party to go singing. Shen Mu said he was too drunk and needed to go back and rest. Jiang Chengxuan also said, “I won’t go either. I have to work tomorrow.”
“Tsk, you won’t drink, and you won’t sing. That’s really rude.”
Song Zhe laughed and patted Jiang Chengxuan’s shoulder. “Don’t give him a hard time. He’s a doctor; he’s on call anytime. If there’s an emergency at the hospital, how can he go into surgery drunk? Be understanding.”
The others relented, teasing, “Fine, fine. Doctor Jiang is a white-clad angel saving lives. We won’t delay him.”
Xu Nian linked arms with Song Zhe and winked at Shen Mu. “Shen Mu, you’re not going either? Perfect, you two can go together.”
Shen Mu rubbed his forehead and didn’t refuse. “Yes, let’s go together.”
Shen Mu had drunk quite a bit and couldn’t walk steadily. Jiang Chengxuan carefully settled Shen Mu into the passenger seat and fastened his seatbelt. The alcohol had completely taken effect by now, and Shen Mu leaned his head against the car window and immediately fell asleep.
Jiang Chengxuan didn’t wake him up and drove him straight back to his own home.
Jiang Chengxuan carried Shen Mu into the bedroom, stood by the bed looking at him for a while, then turned and went to the bathroom to fetch a basin of hot water, soaking and wringing out a towel.
When the warm towel touched his face, Shen Mu seemed to regain some consciousness. He opened his eyes, looked at Jiang Chengxuan, and called out, “Jiang Chengxuan.”
Jiang Chengxuan said softly, “Are you uncomfortable?”
Shen Mu suddenly pulled hard, and Jiang Chengxuan lost his balance unexpectedly, falling completely onto him. Before he could react, Shen Mu tilted his head back and kissed him. Shen Mu’s tongue lightly swept across Jiang Chengxuan’s upper palate. Jiang Chengxuan quickly reacted, managing to pull back slightly, gently pinching Shen Mu’s chin to make him look up. “Shen Mu, do you know who I am?”
“I know,” Shen Mu’s finger tapped his lips, his voice thick and slurred. “Ah Xuan.”