Difficult To Raise Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Affection

That day’s gathering lasted very late. After Jiang Ran returned, Jiang Jin pestered him with questions for quite a while. By the time he actually lay down in bed, he was utterly exhausted. Allowing Jiang Jin to hug him, he fell into a deep sleep almost instantly, completely forgetting about adding Shen Xin on WeChat.

Two days later, when he received a message from a stranger, it took him a long time to remember who the person was.

Shen Xin said on WeChat that she had looked up some information. The song Jiang Ran sent her had not been published online; it should be an original composition.

Jiang Ran stared blankly at the message, his mind buzzing as if he couldn’t read. It took him a long time to figure out what to reply.

Perhaps because she hadn’t received a reply, Shen Xin sent a second message: [Did your brother study music since he was little? He’s quite talented.]

Talent? Jiang Ran furrowed his brow, a storm raging in his heart. After a moment, he carefully typed out a reply.

R: [Maybe… he just takes the music class at school. He usually enjoys listening to songs.]

Shen Xin might have been watching her phone, as she replied quickly. However, she didn’t seem satisfied with the answer. Even through the screen, Jiang Ran could sense her speechlessness.

[Music class at school?]

Shen Xin sent a shocked Minion emoji.

[What can he learn from that?]

These words made Jiang Ran feel uncomfortable. He felt ashamed and helpless, hesitating over how to respond. Shen Xin probably realized her tone was harsh, so she quickly retracted the message and edited a new one.

[If possible, help him enroll in a music class.]

[Don’t waste the child’s talent.] She emphasized, attaching a cute kitten emoji.

Don’t waste the child’s talent.

These few words struck Jiang Ran’s heart like a heavy hammer. For the first time, he realized that raising a child wasn’t just about ensuring they were fed, clothed, and educated; it also required caring about their life, respecting their hobbies, and supporting their dreams.

A child is like a seedling; without fertilizer and watering, they might grow up, but they are destined not to thrive.

Moreover, Jiang Jin was rare in that he possessed talent.

All along, Jiang Jin had been well-behaved and sensible, consistently ranking in the top three of his grade. Every test paper and assignment he brought home was filled with praise from the teachers.

And this had caused Jiang Ran to overlook that, besides academics, Jiang Jin also had things he was more interested in, such as… music.

Jiang Ran didn’t reply to Shen Xin’s message again.

But the matter settled heavily in his heart like a lead weight, popping up constantly, day and night. Jiang Ran was even losing his appetite over it.

Afterward, he started searching online for information on the subject. Most advice suggested enrolling children in extracurricular classes, followed by a long list of benefits. Jiang Ran was initially tempted, but when he looked up the courses, the prices alone were enough to make him give up hope. A single lesson usually cost over a hundred yuan.

This was simply too expensive for their family.

Over the years, he had lived off the small amount of money his father left behind and the compensation from the family responsible for the injury. While it was enough to support the two brothers, things were tight.

This money was only going out, never coming in. Jiang Ran had considered taking on part-time jobs, but since he wasn’t an adult, no one dared to hire him. After starting High School, his coursework became heavy, and the only free time he had was spent on Jiang Jin. He was willing but unable, so he had to abandon the idea.

In short, he couldn’t afford for Jiang Jin to study music.

Jiang Ran had never felt so powerless.

Finally, he took the time to buy a guitar, spending nearly two thousand yuan. It was a very ordinary entry-level guitar, but it was already more expensive than the phone he used.

When Jiang Ran nervously handed the guitar to Jiang Jin, Jiang Jin froze on the spot. After a long moment, he suddenly hugged Jiang Ran, his face flushed with excitement.

“Ge, thank you,” Jiang Jin smiled, his eyes shining with a brilliant light, like they held a galaxy. He repeatedly touched the guitar, his face showing obvious excitement. “I love it so much, so much. Gege, how can you be so good?”

Jiang Ran felt a pang of guilt and couldn’t quite look at him. But Jiang Jin didn’t notice. He gently placed his hand on the guitar strings and plucked them carefully. A clear guitar sound echoed in the room, sounding somewhat ethereal.

Jiang Ran had done a lot of research before buying this guitar. He chose a well-known brand, made of spruce wood for a bright tone, and it was natural wood color, feeling very textured to the touch.

It was better than the ones Jiang Jin had borrowed before.

Jiang Jin hadn’t expected Jiang Ran to buy this for him. He had thought his brother didn’t like him singing. Being affirmed and supported by Jiang Ran made him happier than receiving a guitar.

In that instant, Jiang Jin felt his heart fill up with something, almost overflowing. He gently set the guitar aside, raised his bright eyes to look at Jiang Ran, and softly asked, “Ge, why are you so good to me?”

It sounded like both an exclamation and a question.

“Because you’re my little brother. Who else would I be good to if not you?” Jiang Ran rubbed his head, then paused for a moment before saying, “Ge can’t afford to let you study with a professional teacher. If you really like it, you can only…”

“It’s already wonderful,” Jiang Jin interrupted him, leaning in to hug his waist and act spoiled. “I love you so much, Gege.”

“You have to be good to me, always this good to me.” Jiang Jin buried his head in Jiang Ran’s chest, his scattered bangs covering his darkening eyes. He repeated softly, “Only be good to me.”

The last sentence was too quiet, and Jiang Ran didn’t catch it, letting out a questioning “Hmm?”

Jiang Jin lifted his head and smiled at him, as if that hint of gloom had never existed.

“Ge, how about I sing you to sleep from now on? I’ll learn lots of songs. What do you like to listen to? I can sing anything for you,” he beamed. “Just like when you used to sing me to sleep when I was little.”

The boy’s eyes were like a fawn’s, large and innocent, filled with trust and happiness, delighted by the gift he had received.

Jiang Ran looked at him, feeling a warm current flow through his heart. He felt both happy and guilty; this conflicting emotion was tormenting him.

After a long while, he pinched Jiang Jin’s cheek and laughed, “Who needs you to sing them to sleep? I’m not like you. You were such a crybaby when you were little. If I didn’t soothe you, you’d cry all night, keeping everyone awake. The neighbors complained constantly; it was so annoying.”

“Ge,” Jiang Jin called out, blushing, and weakly retorted, “I don’t cry much anymore.”

Jiang Ran squeezed his nose and didn’t expose him, only saying, “Is that so?”

Jiang Jin looked slightly embarrassed. Like a little wolf cub, he pounced on Jiang Ran, pretending to bite him.

Jiang Ran quickly reached out to block him, and at the same time grabbed his waist to tickle his sensitive spots. The brothers laughed and wrestled together, and the guilt in Jiang Ran’s heart dissipated somewhat.

After wrestling for a while, Jiang Ran broke out in a light sweat, and his breathing became rapid. He laughed and tried to get up from under Jiang Jin, but just as he moved, Jiang Jin suddenly gripped his waist, flipped over, and pinned him underneath.

Jiang Ran froze, lifting his head to meet Jiang Jin’s eyes.

Jiang Jin looked down at him, his body silhouetted against the light, like a dark shadow. From Jiang Ran’s angle, he could only make out a vague outline, unable to see the expression on his face clearly.

But Jiang Ran’s heart suddenly skipped a beat. In that moment, he inexplicably felt that Jiang Jin’s gaze was sharp and aggressive, like a wolf staring at its prey in the darkness.

“Gege, do you like me?” Jiang Jin asked, maintaining the position. His voice sounded cheerful.

Jiang Ran thought he was just being clingy again and nodded helplessly, “I like you.”

Jiang Jin was silent for a moment, then finally leaned down, placing a kiss on his forehead like he used to when he was little, declaring, “I like you too, Gege. In this world, I only like you.”

After saying this, he stared intently into Jiang Ran’s eyes and commanded possessively, “You have to feel the same way.”

Not liking him the most, but only liking him. Children have an instinct for seeking benefit and avoiding harm. Even when Jiang Jin was very young, he had already used his subconscious to accurately identify the only person who cared about him, and he held on tightly, refusing to let go.

His dependence and attachment to Jiang Ran had gradually transformed into a terrifying possessiveness over the course of their daily lives.

Since childhood, Jiang Ran had always indulged him. Anything delicious or fun, he would always let Jiang Jin choose first. Jiang Jin never had to share with others, so he never learned generosity.

Therefore, in his world, affection meant exclusive possession.

Unfortunately, Jiang Ran was still completely unaware of this.

Author’s Note: