Difficult To Raise Chapter 40

Chapter 40 Thoughts Late at night, Jiang Jin pushed Su away with a gloomy look on his face…

Late at night, Jiang Jin pushed open the dormitory door with a gloomy look on his face. He thought the people inside had fallen asleep, so he deliberately moved softly. Unexpectedly, when the door opened, the lights were still on. He Siyu, wearing pajamas, was sitting at the desk, playing with his mobile phone.He didn’t even raise his head when he heard the door opening.

“Still not sleeping yet?” Jiang Jin asked in surprise. Normally, the other party would be asleep at this time.

“Yeah.” He Siyu responded, “Something happened.”

“Is it about your family again?” There were only a few things that could make He Siyu take it to heart, and Jiang Jin guessed it without even thinking.

He Siyu didn’t say anything and pressed his sunscreen a little irritably.

Jiang Jin was silent for a moment, unable to say anything comforting, and finally just said: “Go to bed early, don’t think so much.”

He Siyu’s face was not as ugly as before. He glanced at Jiang Jin, raised his eyebrows slightly, and said coldly: “What’s wrong with your mouth?”

Jiang Jin was startled, and suddenly remembered the bloody kiss just now. He raised his hand to touch the wound on his lip. He felt sweet in his heart and couldn’t help but smile slightly, “It’s okay, I just… accidentally bit it.”

“Just do it.” He Siyu put away the phone and ignored the crazy message. He looked up at Jiang Jin and said with some disgust, “Sooner or later, I will kill myself one day.”

“Hey, Fatty, can you say something nice?” Jiang Jin was unhappy and looked at He Siyu with dissatisfaction.

He Siyu sneered, “Then you have to do some personnel work first. How come you don’t know what to do?”

The two of them had been friends for many years, and they already knew exactly what kind of person the other was. He never spared any effort when teasing Jiang Jin and stabbed him directly in the heart. However, only in front of Jiang Jin could He Siyu be like before.

Jiang Jin was too lazy to pay attention to him. He took a pair of pajamas from the closet and went into the bathroom. He suddenly stopped halfway and said hesitantly: “I…ask you something.”

“Huh?” He Siyu raised his eyes and looked at him suspiciously.

Jiang Jin met his gaze, held it in for a long time, and finally said, “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

He Siyu raised his eyebrows, “Did you kiss someone?”

Jiang Jin blushed and stammered, “I’m asking you, don’t change the subject.”

He Siyu lowered his eyes and said without emotion: “Don’t ask such boring questions, it looks stupid.”

Jiang Jin: “…”

The shame he had finally accumulated disappeared in an instant, and he knew it was useless to ask about this elm knot.

Jiang Jin held the clothes bitterly and taunted as he walked: “Little Fatty, don’t be proud, there will always be someone who can cure you.”

Just as he was talking, He Siyu’s cell phone placed beside him suddenly vibrated again.He glanced at it casually and found a friend request.

[Little mute, my sister asked me to apologize to you, please agree!]

This person’s WeChat name is a period, and he uses a Q-version anime avatar. He looks extremely stupid.He Siyu frowned and refused directly.Within a few seconds, the other party sent another friend request.

[If you don’t agree, I can only tell you in person.]

He Siyu’s vision almost went dark. He gritted his teeth and clicked the agree button, passing the verification message.

Damn it, he cursed silently in his mind. Could it be that Jiang Jin really got what he said with his crow’s mouth?

When Jiang Jin came out of the bathroom after taking a shower, He Siyu had already fallen asleep on the bed.He also turned off the light and climbed into his bed.Without the presence of light, the eyes instantly fell into darkness, and silence spread silently.

Jiang Jin didn’t feel sleepy at all. After tossing and turning for a long time, he simply took out his phone and started playing. He opened the forum of Jiang Ran School and saw that there were no more disgusting posts on it, so he nodded with satisfaction.He quit and browsed the video again, and as he was scrolling, he suddenly remembered something.

Hesitantly clicked into the browser and entered a line of words in the search box:

[Is it normal to feel like kissing a man?】

Several web pages quickly popped up below. Jiang Jin casually clicked on the first one and saw the comment with the highest number of likes:

[Of course it is normal. Not only will you have reactions, but you will also have some kind of impulse. This only shows that you are a physically healthy person, but it does not necessarily matter whether you have feelings or not.If you don’t believe it, come see it for yourself!】

Following the link below, Jiang Jin entered suspiciously, only to see an enlarged title – Tell you from a boy’s perspective, what does a man show when he kisses you that means he loves you?I wrote a lot of things eloquently, and I summarized them into five items.

1. Heartbeat speeds up.2. Breathe deeper.3. Pupil dilation.4. Muscle tension.5. Look focused.

Damn, it’s all right!

Jiang Jin turned off the screen with trembling hands, completely unaware of the sentence at the end of the article: [So sisters, if your boyfriend doesn’t love you, please add v*xxx to teach you how to capture a man’s heart.】

It became dark again, but Jiang Jin was more awake than before.His head kept rewinding like an old-fashioned tape recorder, completely presenting the scene that had happened before.

Jiang Ran’s taste, Jiang Ran’s breath, Jiang Ran’s soft and hot lips, his panicked eyes when he kissed her… all of them lingered in his mind.

The last memory was fixed on the skin on the side of his neck. It was white, delicate, smooth and flawless, as if it could be broken by a blow. I wonder if kissing it with a little force would leave traces…

As he thought about it, Jiang Jin suddenly felt his throat tighten, and a wave of heat surged up from his lower abdomen. He couldn’t help but hold on to the quilt and cursed in his heart.

After a few seconds, he gritted his teeth and climbed out of bed and entered the bathroom again.

I’m screwed, what the page says is true.The moment he came out, Jiang Jin suddenly had this idea in his mind.

That night, he kept his eyes open almost until dawn.

*

Jiang Ran never imagined that Jiang Jin’s disgust for him would have reached such a deep level.In order to disgust him, he would even do such a thing.

In the past, all signs showed that Jiang Jin had no interest in men.Then there is only one reason left for him to do this kind of transgression – he hates him, and he hates him so much that he doesn’t hesitate to use this method to retaliate.

He began to reflect on whether it was really a mistake for him to appear in front of Jiang Jin.Just like Jiang Jin said, staying away from him is the most correct decision.

But… do you really want to disappear completely?

The days and nights of the past four years flashed through his mind, and Jiang Ran felt his chest was heavy.During those days, he hardly ever felt truly relaxed for a moment. What was surging in his heart was not only guilt, but also uncontrollable concern and longing.

He couldn’t help but wonder, how is Jiang Jin doing?Will you feel wronged?Or maybe he has forgotten all about his brother?

But he didn’t forget him, but he hated him so much.

The last bit of hope in Jiang Ran’s heart was completely crushed, leaving only dense despair.He really didn’t know how he should face Jiang Jin in the future.

Since I can’t figure it out, I can only escape first.Jiang Ran no longer took the initiative to send any messages to Jiang Jin, trying to draw a clear line with silence.

But Jiang Jin seemed to have suddenly changed into a different person, taking the initiative uncharacteristically.I send messages every day to report everything, what I ate, what I did, everything in detail, and occasionally I even make direct video calls.

The screen turned on and off, and Jiang Ran didn’t answer the call once.He was in a mess now and didn’t know how to face Jiang Jin.

In the past, no matter how outrageous he said, he could treat it as if he was still angry and not take it to heart.

But it didn’t work this time. Jiang Ran touched his lips, and there seemed to be another person’s warmth remaining on them.

The next second, he suddenly retracted his hand as if he had been burned.

*

The news about Jiang Jin lasted for a whole week, and finally stopped on Saturday. Jiang Ran thought that he was tired of it and planned to return to the previous state.

While he was a little disappointed, he felt relieved at the same time.He didn’t plan to see Jiang Jin again until he had sorted out his thoughts. It was better for the two of them to just calm down.

However, Jiang Ran forgot that Jiang Jin was no longer the obedient child he used to be, and he would not do things according to his ideas at all.

Jiang Jin, as he said, had no intention of letting him go.

This afternoon, Jiang Ran had a professional class. After taking a nap, he hurried to the classroom. When he got downstairs, he saw that familiar figure.

Jiang Jin stood calmly downstairs in the dormitory, waiting for him.He wore a hat and sunglasses, the brim of the hat was lowered, half of his face was buried in the shadow, and only a thin chin could be seen.

Despite this, his thin and tall figure still attracted the attention of many people.

Jiang Ran originally wanted to pretend not to see him and just bypass him.But when Jiang Jin glanced over, he changed his mind. He didn’t want to argue with him in public.

Sure enough, Jiang Jin waved to him as soon as he saw him and said hello: “Brother.”

Jiang Ran walked over with a dull face, raised his head slightly to look at him, and looked into his dark eyes. He pursed his lips and looked away: “What are you doing here?”

“You were the one looking for me before, but now I’m looking for you, aren’t you happy?” Jiang Jin came closer, with a faint smile on his face.

“I have classes later.” Jiang Ran said, “If you have anything to say, please tell me immediately. I have to leave after you finish speaking.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Jiang Jin looked indifferent, “I’ll just go with you.”

Jiang Ran was angered by his natural attitude. He tried his best to suppress his temper and whispered: “Didn’t you tell me to stay away from you before? What are you doing now? Playing games? Do you think this is fun?”

Jiang Jin looked at him quietly, and suddenly asked with some seriousness: “Brother, do you think you have always thought of me like this? Do you think what I did before was just for fun?”

“Isn’t it?” Jiang Ran said stiffly: “You hate me, so you want to take revenge on me, even if it is in a way that you find disgusting.”

When he said this, he couldn’t help but think of the kiss that night. Over the past few days, he wanted to forget it countless times, but he couldn’t.That kiss was obviously bloody, coercive, and devoid of any warmth, but it was deeply etched in his mind…the kiss.

“I do hate you.” Jiang Jin buried her head in his ear and said slowly: “But what I did to you before was not revenge, nor was it fun.” He did not say the next words, but raised his hand to rub his head, and then said: “Brother, I forgive you for what happened four years ago.”

“I forgive you for abandoning me without blinking an eye. You have ignored me for four years, and I also forgive you.” The corner of Jiang Jin’s mouth slightly raised in a very gentle smile, “If I say this, will you be happier?”

Jiang Ran looked at him suspiciously. If it were before, he would have wanted to hear Jiang Jin say these words to him in his dreams.But now that he really heard it, he was not so happy, “Stop making trouble, I really don’t have the patience to keep making trouble with you anymore.”

“I’m serious, brother. We can still be the same as before, okay?”

In the past, Jiang Ran wanted to go back to the past, but now he is unable to do so.He really couldn’t regard the kiss that night as an accident.

“Can we really go back?” He murmured unconsciously.

“Why not?” Jiang Jin said, “Do you still care about what happened that day?”

“I’m sorry…”

He lowered his eyes, and the tiny sunlight shone through, illuminating the corners of his lowered mouth clearly, showing a pitiful expression. “I was so angry at the time. My brother has been neglecting me for so long. Don’t be upset, okay?”

For a person like Jiang Jin, when he hates someone, he can hate him to the core, but once he figures it out, he can quickly put down his airs and act pitiful to win sympathy.Especially when it comes to Jiang Ran, no one knows better than him how soft-hearted his brother is.

Ever since he was a child, he has always been a pretentious person.

Jiang Ran remembered that when Jiang Jin was a child, every time Jiang Jin made a mistake, he would pout and act pitiful in front of him like a doormat.It’s just that at that time, he was not as thick-skinned as he is now. When he walked up to him, his eyes were already red, and it was obvious that he had secretly cried.

Now Jiang Jin will no longer cry over trivial matters. His thin eyelids droop, hiding all his emotions, making it difficult for people to guess.

Jiang Ran didn’t speak. Even though he couldn’t see his eyes clearly, he was still keenly aware of something wrong. Jiang Jin’s attitude was too strange.His hatred for him was so obvious, and every contact after their reunion left him bruised and bruised. How could he just let it go?

Jiang Jin could guess what he was thinking by looking at his expression. He seemed to sigh and asked with some distress, “What’s wrong? Are you still unhappy like this?”

He was the one who did the wrong thing, and he was the one who was wronged.Jiang Ran felt powerless even in losing his temper. He said tiredly: “You do this again, always. When I’m about to give up, give me a little hope and tell me that you are actually just teasing me. You still can’t get over that hurdle.”

“This time is different, brother.” Jiang Jin said, “This time I really figured it out.”

“Why?” Jiang Ran looked at him and decided to get to the bottom of it.

Jiang Jin met his gaze and said without any guilt: “There’s no point in us torturing each other like this. Since you can’t let me go, and I can’t let you go, why not make peace.”

“Is that really all there is to it?”

“Otherwise?” Jiang Jin curled his lips: “What do you mean? I said I don’t care about the past, but you don’t seem to be very satisfied? Are you unwilling to reconcile with me, or…”

“You just want me to treat you like I did before?”

Jiang Ran fell silent. He couldn’t possibly say that he was used to Jiang Jin’s attitude. He didn’t have any masochistic tendencies.

He frowned. Today’s Jiang Jin looked nothing like the man who raised spikes all over his body. It seemed that overnight, all his defenses were put away and his soft belly was exposed again.

All of this started from that kiss that day. Jiang Jin ended up…

Jiang Jin didn’t allow him to think so much, and held his hand almost forcefully: “Didn’t brother say there will be classes in a while? I’ll accompany you to class. If you don’t go, you’ll be late.”

Jiang Ran struggled subconsciously, but failed to break free. He could only let Jiang Jin lead him forward.The big, generous hand held his wrist, and the warmth from the palm spread through his skin, making him feel a little uncomfortable.

———————–

The author has something to say: I can no longer be tough…