Difficult To Raise Chapter 18

Chapter 18 Separation “So you were going to abandon me from the start…”

“So you were going to abandon me from the start, right?” Jiang Jin seemed provoked, and he couldn’t help but sneer, “You’ve hated me since I was little. You kept me around only because I could comfort you. Only I cared for you, protected you, and only I loved you. But now, what you lack isn’t love, it’s money. You can abandon me without hesitation for money. I’m not wrong, am I?”

“Yes!” Jiang Ran gritted his teeth, glaring at him with bloodshot eyes. “I hate you! I despise you! If it weren’t for you, would I be living this kind of life now? If it weren’t for you, our family would still be intact, and I would have had a complete childhood, instead of being like this now…”

“You finally admit the truth?” An indescribable hatred erupted in Jiang Jin’s eyes. He murmured, “Even if I tried everything to please you, even if I was willing to give you everything I have, it was useless, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, useless!” Jiang Ran raised a hand to wipe his eyes, speaking in a tone of extreme indifference. “Even if it wasn’t your father, even if it was any other stranger, as long as they gave me money right now, I would send you away.”

The heavy rain isolated their breaths, their body heat, and the many years they had relied on each other. They could no longer guess each other’s thoughts or see into each other’s hearts.

Jiang Jin gave a cold laugh, then suddenly reached out and grabbed his chin. The force was so great that Jiang Ran felt a sharp pain where he was pinched, giving him the illusion that his bones were shattering.

He was about to struggle, but suddenly noticed that the hand gripping his chin was trembling.

“Then why are you crying?” Jiang Jin scrutinized his face. Raindrops splattered against his skin, making it impossible to tell if he was shedding tears. “Tell me, why are you crying?”

Jiang Ran closed his eyes and said, “You’re mistaken. I’m not crying. The rain is just too heavy.”

“Is that so?” Jiang Jin gave a miserable smile. As he laughed, he stopped, pleading, “Ge, I beg you, please.”

He reached out and hugged Jiang Ran tightly, so hard that the veins on his arms bulged. Jiang Ran struggled, but was horrified to find he couldn’t move an inch.

“I beg you, no matter what you think in your heart, just let me stay by your side. If you want money, I’ll find a way to earn it. I’ll give all the money I earn to you, okay? Don’t abandon me, Ge… Ge…” Jiang Jin said, almost despairingly, “You care about so many things, but I only care about you.”

Since he could remember, his world had only contained Jiang Ran. The first words he spoke were, “Ge, don’t cry.” When he was upset, Jiang Ran would hold him and comfort him. He still remembered Jiang Ran smiling at him—it was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen in the world.

“I don’t care if we have money, and I don’t care if life is hard. Every day I spend by your side makes me happy. Gege, how can you abandon me? How can you bear to? If I’m not here, what will you do if you starve yourself until your stomach hurts again? What if your foot bothers you? What if someone bullies you?”

“Gege, we only have a home when we are together.”

“It’s your eighteenth birthday today. I haven’t wished you a happy birthday yet.” Jiang Jin gently kissed his forehead, forcing a smile that was pale and weak. “Happy birthday, Gege. I prepared a birthday gift for you. Can we go home and open it together?”

Jiang Ran’s heart pounded violently. He felt like he was being torn in half. He was not only cold but also in pain, a pain that made his whole body tremble uncontrollably.

His home had been gone a long time ago. It was Little Jin who had given him a home and allowed him to experience what it felt like to be alive again.

From then on, he would be happy because of Jiang Jin’s happiness and suffer because of his pain.

Abandoning Jiang Jin felt like personally tearing away half of his soul.

“I don’t believe you have no feelings for me at all. If you have feelings for me, even just a little bit, don’t let go of my hand.” Jiang Jin held him tightly, as if trying to embed him into his own body so they would never be separated. He choked out, “As long as you don’t let go of me, I will definitely hold onto you.”

Jiang Ran bit his lip, feeling the warmth radiating from Jiang Jin, but still hardened his heart and pushed him away with force.

“Little Jin,” Jiang Ran suppressed the dull ache in his heart and said softly, “After today, you will return to your real home.”

Jiang Jin clenched his fists tightly, looking at him as if seeing him for the first time. When he was little, he didn’t feel pain when he rushed forward to protect Jiang Ran and was slapped hard enough to get a concussion. He didn’t feel pain when he was ganged up on and bullied at school. He didn’t feel pain when teachers criticized him for being a lost cause. But now, he felt a pain so intense he could barely breathe.

“You should have just thrown me away back then!” Jiang Jin roared. “I’m not your real brother anyway! Why keep me until I couldn’t live without you, only to reject me? Jiang Ran, there is no one more cruel than you in this world!”

The rain continued to fall. The umbrella in Jiang Ran’s hand had long since dropped to the ground, battered and broken by the downpour. He looked at Jiang Jin through the curtain of rain. The boy’s face was slightly distorted by pain.

It shouldn’t be like this. Jiang Ran clutched his chest, feeling the near-tearing pain there. Many images flashed through his mind, frame by frame. He remembered the first time he held Jiang Jin when he was small, a tiny bundle curled up in his arms, innocent and adorable. He remembered Jiang Jin softly calling “Gege” when he went to school, clinging to his leg and refusing to let him leave. He remembered that birthday when Jiang Jin whispered in his ear that he was scared and refused to sleep alone ever since.

And after that time he went to the hospital, every time his father came back, Jiang Jin would lock him in the room and wouldn’t let him out, not even making a sound when he was hungry, because he was afraid of him being beaten again…

So many past events, so many memories… How could he possibly abandon him? He wanted so badly to pat his back like before, to kiss his forehead, to tell him not to be sad, and to take him home.

But in the end, he did nothing, silently accepting Jiang Jin’s accusations.

“Ah, how touching. I’m almost moved.”

Several black cars had stopped beside them at some point. Jiang Ran snapped out of his suffocating pain and saw Jiang Yue step out, surrounded by a group of bodyguards.

He stopped a few steps away from Jiang Ran, a half-smile on his face. “How is it? Haven’t finished communicating with Little Jin? Do you need my help?”

Jiang Ran said fiercely, “It was you!”

Jiang Yue looked at him leisurely and admitted frankly, “I saw you were slow to act, so I had no choice but to let him hear a recording. After all, if you kept dragging your feet, I would have no way to deal with you.”

“Since you took the money, you should keep your word.”

He curved his lips, his handsome face displaying a smile that would make countless members of the opposite sex swoon. But in Jiang Ran’s eyes, it looked like the malicious mockery of a devil.

“And you, you idiot. This person can give you up for a bit of money, yet you’re still so infatuated. You’re nothing like my son.” Jiang Yue turned his head to look at Jiang Jin, his eyes showing a mix of disappointment and anger. “Since you can’t make a decision, I’ll help you. After all, you are my seed.”

Jiang Jin looked back at him, the hatred in his eyes undisguised.

Jiang Yue sneered, turned around, and instructed the bodyguards behind him, “Do it.”

The bodyguards acknowledged him, walked over, grabbed Jiang Jin’s arms, and began to drag him away. Jiang Jin struggled desperately, trying to shake them off, but he was just a teenager. No matter how strong he was, how could he resist these bodyguards? He was quickly dragged away from Jiang Ran.

“Get lost! Get away! Don’t you dare touch me!”

Jiang Jin roared, looking ferocious, like a wild beast defending its territory.

“I’m not going with you!”

“Let go of me! Get out!”

The burst of strength he unleashed in that instant almost made the few burly adults unable to hold him down. Taking advantage of their momentary lapse, he lunged forward and desperately grabbed Jiang Ran’s hand again.

Jiang Ran stumbled forward a few steps, dragged by his immense force. The hand he was holding felt like it was about to be crushed. He looked at Jiang Jin with complicated emotions, unable to believe he was so persistent.

But Jiang Jin’s struggle was destined to be futile. In just a moment, he was pinned to the ground. Muddy rainwater splashed onto his face, further wetting his eyes.

“Little Jin is young and ignorant, but can you still be ignorant?” Jiang Yue leaned in and whispered in Jiang Ran’s ear, “I don’t want to hurt him, but if he insists on not letting go, my bodyguards won’t hold back.”

Jiang Ran froze. He looked at the fierce-looking bodyguards, then at Jiang Yue. He couldn’t guarantee that Jiang Yue wouldn’t actually do something like that.

“Will you do it yourself, or should I let them?” Jiang Yue’s expression was obscured by the rain. “You’ve already made your choice. Wouldn’t it be better to be decisive?”

It hurt so much. Why did it hurt this much? He was sending the brother he had personally raised to someone else. They might never see each other again. But… but Jiang Jin would be able to go to school. He would have a brilliant life. He loved music and could study with a teacher, instead of being with him, where he couldn’t even take a proper class.

In that instant, many thoughts flashed through his mind, and the expression on his face miraculously calmed down.

Jiang Jin’s gaze was fixed on him. He seemed to sense something and said with extreme anxiety, “No! Ge, no!”

Jiang Ran closed his eyes, refusing to look at him, and began to pry his fingers open, one by one, just like when Jiang Jin used to cling to him to stop him from going to school when he was little.

It’s nothing major, he thought. Just be ruthless, like before.

“Ge, don’t… don’t…”

Jiang Jin began to cry pitifully, like a child.

His voice inexplicably overlapped with his voice from childhood.

Two years old, “Gege, hug.”

Three years old, “Gege, don’t go, don’t go…”

Four years old, “I want Ge, I want Ge…”

Five years old, “Gege, I’ll wait for you.”

The hand finally let go. Jiang Jin was carried and shoved into the car, which quickly sped away.

Jiang Ran remained standing in place, tears streaming down his face with the raindrops. He was crying, but no one saw it.

When will the rain stop? He really, truly couldn’t hold on much longer.

Jiang Ran stood in the heavy rain for an unknown amount of time. Suddenly, in a corner of the apartment building, in a spot sheltered from the rain, something seemed to flash. He glanced over and saw a large box placed there at some point.

It was a gift box, wrapped with packaging that clearly showed great care. Jiang Ran suddenly remembered Jiang Jin’s words: Ge, I prepared a birthday gift for you.

He walked over like a lost soul and opened the box. Inside were roses folded from bright red banknotes. It was tacky, but every single bill was earned by Jiang Jin himself. He hadn’t spent a penny, saving it all for Jiang Ran.

In the center of the box was a USB drive. Jiang Ran’s hands trembled as he picked it up, finding a sticky note underneath.

A line was written on the note.

“Burning Embers” — A song for Gege.

Even if the sun falls into the sea.

Even if the rain extinguishes the candlelight to ash.

I will still stand here,

Willing to burn out for you,

This last spark.