Chew Slowly Chapter 62
byChapter 62 Chapter 62
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“I feel very much like one of my relatives…like my younger brother.” On the night of our first meeting, on the bank of the river, he asked Chen Zongqian why he made a special trip and even patiently traveled all night for him. Chen Zongqian gave this answer.
There are about 30,000 nights in a person’s life. If you want to pick the most unforgettable one among them, Xu Qiaochuan will definitely choose that day.
There was nothing special about that day. His roommate beat him to vent his anger after losing the game. After a little resistance, he was tied to a water pipe and teased.He was used to cold water, and he was used to instant noodles. If it hadn’t been for Chen Zongqian that day, it would have been so ordinary that he wouldn’t even bother to feel disgusted.
Of course, when he thinks about that day now, it’s not all filled with hatred, but the surprise that makes his heart ache at this moment.He knew what pain was and was instinctively accustomed to avoiding it.He has always missed the glassy night, condensed into a cufflink, he held it and wanted to steal it.
The evening breeze was so gentle that it made people sad, and Chen Zongqian missed someone through it.
Xu Qiaochuan was startled by a thought and suddenly stood up from the bed, causing the ancient bed board to squeak.He fumbled to turn on the light switch. The voltage in the old house was insufficient, and the lights were dimmer than a dream.Xu Qiaochuan found a dusty mirror and wiped it with his hands before he could see himself clearly.
He looked into the mirror and traced his facial features over and over again, thinking about Chen Zongqian.His eyebrows and eyes were so sad, Chen Zongqian looked at him like this many times.Then came the lips. Chen Zongqian used to resist being close to him here, but later he complied with all his requests and no longer refused to kiss and have sex with him.
How can it be done to this extent?I am willing to devote myself to him without any reservation.Xu Qiaochuan looked at himself in the mirror who was so crazy that he was almost crazy. The stubbornness in his eyes turned into tears.
In order to see those eyes clearly, Xu Qiaochuan moved closer and closer to the mirror that Chen Zongqian had seen.The breath spreads, and a layer of white mist covers it, making everything blurry, like an out-of-focus lens, an overexposed photo, or a frame-dropped picture.He saw Chen Zongqian in the falseness. He kissed him, kissed the cold mirror, and tasted his own tears.
Only then did I finally know where those likes and love came from.
Lu Xiaoyun said that there is no Xie Mingxiao or brother in this world. He thinks that these are all because he is sick, possessed by evil and going crazy.The woman told him over and over again that these were all false, and he couldn’t refute it. After all, the world he was in had been distorted and changed, and nothing could prove the past.
“A child will become obedient after being beaten for a long time.” A grandmother from the same village who raised three children told Lu Xiaoyun.
So the child who always wanted to run out to find his brother, the child who spit out the milk and refused to drink it, the child who kept crying, had his rebellious branches pruned and grew into the obedient Xu Qiaochuan.
He obviously didn’t forget those things, but because it was too painful and too scary, he kept everything in his heart and only dared to miss them secretly.Missing her has no meaning, but it proves that what Lu Xiaoyun said is true, and they are all based on his imagination.
Xie Mingxiao has an older brother, but Xu Qiaochuan does not.He would always think that it would be nice to have his brother here, so he wouldn’t have to be slapped by Lu Xiaoyun or asked to kneel as punishment.There was no need for Xu Jian to pull him out from under the bed and beat him, and use his arm to put out the cigarette butt. Xu Jian cursed so unpleasantly.
Even in school, there is no need to be afraid. He won’t even dare to eat breakfast and leave the little money to give to the older brothers and sisters who block him in the alley.The red school uniform was stained with red ink and washed out like blood. Lu Xiaoyun would scold him for making it so dirty.
She would not comfort him, but would insist on being obedient and sensible, and not to offend or disturb others. He was as obedient as she was when she was numb in the factory workshop.
Her philosophy of life turned Xu Qiaochuan into a dull and dull child who did not dare to say anything, dare not provoke, and did not dare to resist.
Xu Qiaochuan’s grades were not bad back then. Lu Xiaoyun saved enough money to pay him the school selection fee so that he could go to a good high school in the city.Lu Xiaoyun once had a lot of expectations for him, and was willing to stay in the cloak factory for more than ten years to earn money for him to study in college.
He is as obedient and well-behaved as she taught him. He is not angry when he is forced to withdraw from the competition, nor is he angry when his subsidy quota is taken away.
He didn’t even get angry when his clothes were ripped off, when he was pushed to the ground to show the scars on his back, when someone stepped on his private parts and called him “a weakling”… Being angry would lead to more kicks and humiliations.He also had no way to complain. Lu Xiaoyun had to take a two-minute bus ride to the city to get to school. That gentle and dull woman could not cope with the smooth teachers and shrewd students.
He could only swallow the sharp thorn stuck in his throat and pretend that he didn’t care about the pain and grievance.
One day there was a new person in the bed next to him. Xu Qiaochuan could not remember his face or name. He only remembered that many people called him “Young Master”.
On Saturday, except for Xu Qiaochuan, few people stayed at school, but the young master came back that day.The young master said nothing and lay down on the bed next to him as usual.Xu Qiaochuan woke up in the middle of the night and found a hand caressing his face affectionately from his face to his neck. Just as he was about to struggle, someone strangled him until he suffocated.
The young master came close to him and said, “I like you so much, Xu Qiaochuan… You are so mean, Xu Qiaochuan… It’s a pity that men can’t date men, otherwise I would kiss you and really want to bite off your tongue.”
He received a slap in the face, and the young master twisted his lower lip hard, and his nails scratched the skin. His mouth was soon full of blood. During the struggle, he heard the young master say: “Can’t you just follow me like you usually play with them? You are so good, even when you are beaten and scolded.”
A vagina was stuffed into the hand, and it slowly moved in the palm of the hand.The temperature caused Xu Qiaochuan’s stomach to spasm, causing him to vomit with acid regurgitation. The pain made him tighten his fingers and completely wrap around the ugly thing.I remember the feeling of nausea in every palm print. Xu Qiaochuan was trembling, but he couldn’t shake it off as he was being held down.
The young master tugged on his hair, and he heard the real sigh: “You are so suitable for people to touch your buttocks. I like you so much.”
The so-called liking… He only felt many dirty and ugly desires lingering around him, turning into reality – the lingering fishy smell, the sticky touch that water could not wash away.Later, every time he masturbated, he would think of that night. He hated touching but had to touch it. Xu Qiaochuan could only cause himself more pain.She-jing has never been a relief for him, but repeating the moment when his spirit and body completely died is a strangulation of his own spirit.
The young master wanted to kiss him several times, but felt nauseous when he got close to him, and would push Xu Qiaochuan aside. After a moment, he came to his senses, and pressed his fingers tightly on Xu Qiaochuan’s eyes, asking him to open his eyes and cry.The pain was suffocating, and the eyeball was about to be clawed out. The previous forbearance and obedience no longer worked. Xu Qiaochuan begged the young master to let him go.
“Why are you as boring as them?” The young master raised his hand and slapped him twice, and rubbed his earlobes lovingly, “Don’t be like this, don’t be as annoying as them… Can you call me brother?”
“I don’t have a brother!” Xu Qiaochuan said instinctively. He suddenly couldn’t see the young master’s face clearly.The man with a blank face approached him, got closer to him, and said that he was his brother and wanted to fuck his brother.
Xu Qiaochuan had already forgotten his mood and emotions at that time.Forbearance didn’t work, and begging didn’t work either. He licked the tips of his teeth, strong hatred rising from the bottom of his heart.The moment he closed his eyes, he said in his heart, “Mom, I’m sorry.” Unable to hold back his hatred any longer, he made a move with the young master. Now he only remembers the pleasure of the first punch, which made him feel better than his cum.
He and the young master had a fight in the dormitory. Both of them were so fierce that no one dared to separate them before the teacher on duty came in.Xu Qiaochuan still had some sense left, so he regained his strength.He has a lot of trouble, and the young master is not having a good time either.
When the teacher on duty called someone, the young master waved to him: “Why do you go crazy when you call me brother?”
Xu Qiaochuan shook his head and said he didn’t know. When he heard someone say “brother” one more time, his remaining sense completely disappeared. He suddenly raised his foot and kicked the person down the stairs.
No one knew that the young master suffered from schizophrenia. No one knew that he was a lunatic pretending to be a normal person. Xu Qiaochuan did not pretend. When they stood together, it was clear who was really crazy.
The young master’s father is a municipal leader, not comparable to Xu Qiaochuan’s mother who works in a garment factory.
Only then did Xu Qiaochuan truly understand why Lu Xiaoyun always said that she should endure her grievances and not provoke others, and why she always said that she couldn’t swallow the food and could only swallow it if she held it soft in her mouth.People like them have no backing and cannot afford to act willfully.A bone of the young master is much more valuable than a piece of skin on his back.
He was unable to stay in school, and his family had no connections to arrange for him to transfer to another school.With pressure from above, no school would be willing to accept him, so working in a factory became the only way out.
Lu Xiaoyun once said: “When you grow up and become sensible, you don’t need me to teach you.”
But he still doesn’t understand what kind of hard work those factories that recruit people at random have to do, and they work hard and can’t make much money.A machine is more expensive than a person, and the wages of dozens or hundreds of people are more expensive than a machine. Children like him who know nothing will be replaced and updated at will.Factories that do not do charity are monsters that are not just squeezing profits, but also sucking out the last drop of blood with human flesh and bones in their mouths.
When he was naive and excited about starting a new life in the factory, he received the last beating in his life from Lu Xiaoyun.
After Lu Xiaoyun finished beating him, she hugged him with her withered hands and said, “If you don’t study, learn how to make money, otherwise you will starve to death in two days.”
Because of this sentence, he obediently went to a vocational school to learn technology.
The young master visited him once, from a distance and said nothing, but the news that he was crazy and gay soon spread again.Those tortures were so similar to those in high school that his grievances became very few, and even the longing for his brother disappeared.
That fantasy was just a dream. Good dreams made reality even more bleak, and nightmares were so realistic that they were like embellishments of reality, which was of no use to him.
Xu Qiaochuan began to fabricate that fantasy at will, and poured out his desires on it.He hates touch, but dreams can completely wrap him up. He hates pain, but dreams are always twisted into pleasure.Meng condoned all his ridiculous actions and was as gentle as…an elder brother.
The person he fell in love with at first sight was not Chen Zongqian, but the fantasy that could comfort him, the person he had hated for more than ten years and never appeared.Coincidentally or unfortunately, that sudden tenderness merged with his fantasy into a concrete person, overturning the lies he had accepted for more than ten years.
The mirror was smashed into pieces, and Xu Qiaochuan looked down and saw multiple versions of himself.One of them is a deliberate tyrant. Whenever he doesn’t go his way, he will push himself to self-destruction. He is pitiful and terrible. Did Chen Zongqian say he loved him just to save him?
So until today, he is not innocent at all.