Chapter Index

    Chapter 46 Ending Chapter Ruan Siyu’s hand…

    Ruan Siyu curled her fingers and was speechless for the first time.

    “You left him for the second time, leaving the idiot who loves you the most in this world. Yes, Robert is the stupidest person I have ever seen. I don’t know who else can be so stupid. I always thought that only in love novels, people would fight to the death for love. In reality, no one lives and fights for another person. But strangely, Robert is this kind of person! He died for you once, shed a layer of his skin, and after four years of seeing a psychiatrist, he was completely reborn, and yet you were so cruel to him again.”

    Jessica stood up, her straightened hair swaying around her waist, like a dark, life-threatening satin.

    “He is willing to hand over the core code to others for you, you know? Because of that string of code, because this company was born because of you. You are Adonis who is favored by the God of Love. He is a believer in the temple who begs for the God of Love. This is the fate he created for himself. He sealed himself in the ‘temple’,Waiting for you to wake him up.When you opened the ‘door’, he knew that the core code had been replaced by me, and he was willing to hand over the contract, treasure house and core code to you, even if you handed them over to your enemy.”

    “Can you imagine how he feels, Ruan Siyu? Maybe you have even considered this level. You know that he is willing to do anything for your safety.How can you bear to leave him?Do you know what his expression was like when he knew that you and I had replaced the core code after the Slave Island information was leaked?He cried in front of the board of directors, Ruan Siyu!He was willing to give up his heartbeat and not want you to take the risk. I have never seen him so scared.”

    “At that moment, I didn’t know whether I should regret that I had lied to him, or be grateful that I had saved the company. You are right, he is not a good leader. He just wants to love you. He doesn’t care about his company, the Internet revolution he created, or the heart-pounding miracle.”

    “And Paul and I, we are like clowns, Ruan Siyu. I’m fed up with watching him program in the company day and night, fed up with him going crazy in the boardroom, unable to stop working because of psychological problems, as if he is the one who really cares about the company. I am ready to resign, I am only 23 years old, I have a great future, I can create my own company, my own miracle, instead of living in his self-deception.”

    “No!”

    Ruan Siyu almost blurted out. He looked up at Jessica with some panic, raised his hand and held her hand:

    “You can’t leave him, you know him… He’s just hurt. He doesn’t care about the company, he doesn’t care about you and Paul, you are his only friends, he cares about you, you know. He cares about you, Jessica, he did nothing wrong, you are the person he really can’t lose, the backbone of him and the company…”

    Ruan Siyu said sincerely, Jessica’s eyes were loose for a moment, but soon, she gently shook off Ruan Siyu’s hand:

    “But I don’t want to be anyone’s backbone, Ruan Siyu. The era of women devoting themselves to men’s dreams and being mothers to boys who have grown up has passed. The reason why I was addicted to Heartbeat before was because it was a miracle. Robert is a genius, but I forgot in our success that I am also a genius. I can create my own miracles, instead of wiping Robert’s butt forever, being the plan B of Heartbeat, and doing my best to protect the empire that Robert doesn’t care about.”

    “He cares, Jessica, please think about it again, okay? If you leave, Paul will also go with you. Two of the three founders are gone. How can Schneider cope? And after what I did, Jessica, you can’t leave him now…”

    Ruan Siyu stood up and held Jessica’s forearm with both hands.The girl raised her face to look at him, her eyes full of reluctance, resentment and ridicule:

    “If others try to persuade me, I might still feel sorry, but Ruan Siyu, why do you? Aren’t you the most ruthless to him?”

    Her gaze made Ruan Siyu dare not look back. She paused and then said:

    “I don’t understand you. On the way back to China, I was still thinking about you, and I wanted to persuade you to go back. Even if I despise Robert for being stupid, I don’t want him to end up like me. Because of my heartbeat, I lost Susanna, and I go to the prison in New Jersey every monthLook at her, do you know how it feels?She was sentenced to ten years for commercial espionage, and I was one of the main ones who sent her to prison.Even if we are in trouble, I still hope that you and Robert will not fall to this point.”

    “But after seeing you and thinking about what you did, Ruan Siyu, I feel that I shouldn’t care. People like you have left him twice, and there will be a third and fourth time. Who will care about him next time?”

    Ruan Siyu was almost forced into the corner by her words, staggered back to sit on the sofa, and buried her face in her hands.

    “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

    He murmured sincerely and apologized repeatedly for his disability, for his lack of ability to love, for his stubbornness and revenge, which once again destroyed everything he and Schneider could have had.

    “…Forget it.”

    After a long time, Jessica sat back on the sofa, crossed her legs, and said with a lack of interest:

    “You must have gone through something. Evelyn Ference said that she bought your mother from Slave Island to save her, and couldn’t bear to see the girl suffer. Later, she continued to raise and help your mother, and even supported her marriage to your father. Ordinary people may believe this, but I don’t believe her lies.”

    She reached out and patted Ruan Siyu on the shoulder:

    “I don’t know what happened to you, but it’s not your fault. I won’t interfere in your and Robert’s affairs, so you can take care of yourself. Now that you and your mother are free and back to your homeland, without the burden of debt, you look fine.”

    She shook Ruan Siyu’s shoulder, and Ruan Siyu put his hand on hers. The two sat in silence for a while, and Ruan Siyu slowly spoke:

    “I’m asexual,” he said in a self-loathing, confessional tone:

    “He knew. When we were together, we never had sex. I tried, but I… couldn’t participate, you know? He tolerated me, took care of me, gave me everything, but he also took away my freedom, monitored, monitored, and eavesdropped. He was always watching me. He would trap himself and me in that situation, unable to be satisfied, and I could not satisfy him.”

    “You’re right, I used him more than once. I don’t understand what his feelings for me are. It seems to me to have no logic and no source. I can feel it, but I may never understand or respond. I am mentally disabled. Whether it is born or acquired, I can’t change it.”

    He held Jessica’s hand in his palm as if holding a life-saving straw, but his eyes were looking straight at the ground, his head lowered:

    “Now you know.”

    It was difficult for him to smile, but he had practiced forcing a smile since he was a child:

    “I’m not suitable to be with him. I’m afraid of sex and can’t control myself, and he needs sex. He needs someone who can cooperate and respond to his passion. He needs a partner who has the ability to love, someone who has not deceived, used, or hurt him. And I need freedom. My mother was once imprisoned and humiliated in the name of love and salvation, and I can’t go that far with Schneider. I can’t destroy him, and I’ll destroy myself, and I’m ashamed of my mother.”

    “…Oh.”

    His words made Jessica stunned for a long time before she sighed.She seemed to be thinking, and Ruan Siyu could hear the sound of gears turning in her head from half a meter away:

    “To be honest, I respect your expression, but I am skeptical. You do not reject his contact, even if his touch has obvious implications. As far as I know, most asexuals reject this kind of contact.”

    She murmured to herself, not to persuade Ruan Siyu, but rather like a research project:

    “As for your inability to love, that’s hard to define.”

    Before Ruan Siyu left, Jessica still held her chin up, wondering what she was thinking.

    *

    On the New Year’s Eve, Hollywood holds many cocktail parties.Although it is not as lively as in previous years due to public opinion turmoil, it is also an opportunity for many Nuggets.

    Ruan Siyu has several projects on hand that he has been following up on, and it was Jacqueline who first helped him connect the dots.

    After returning to China, Ruan Siyu was not prepared to touch the money he inherited from Ruan’s father because Schneider paid off the debts for him and his mother. He left the paintings and cryptocurrency in Schneider’s house, even though he knew that Schneider could not use the money.

    The cost of living in China is not high, but Ruan Siyu and his mother have no foundation and have to start from scratch.He and his mother moved to several cities, rented different houses, and finally returned to Shanghai, which they were most familiar with.

    After working remotely for a period of time, he had to go to Hollywood to look for new opportunities.At this time, he especially hated that Hollywood and Silicon Valley were both located in California. Although the industries were not in the same field, the creepiness caused by close proximity still existed.

    He cautiously accepted several invitations, forcing Wu Anqun to work for him and spy on the news.

    This is not surprising. Even though he and Wu Anqun had broken up and fought each other in a physical sense, Wu Anqun was almost sent to prison by Schneider. However, in Vanity Fair, there are no eternal enemies, only eternal interests. What’s more, without Carroll, Wu Anqun is not even qualified to be an enemy. He is a pure clown.

    He was unable to return to China because of his corrupt official father, so he could only drift abroad all his life.And because he has no talent and longs for fame and fortune, he plagiarizes at all costs and adds insult to injury to Ruan Siyu. But when Ruan Siyu returned to Hollywood and gave him a wink, he joined in again, being more obedient than a dog and running around for Ruan Siyu, just like a eunuch in front of the emperor.

    Very responsive and very easy to use.

    After all, he was a follower who had been in high school for several years. Ruan Siyu got used to it easily, so he sent Wu Anqun out and soon contacted several crew members.On New Year’s Day, he was invited to a private reception by a director who was not well-known. Ruan Siyu thought that he would not meet anyone he knew, so he went too.

    The reception was in the form of a masked ball, and the people who came were more or less wearing half-face masks. Although they couldn’t cover anything at all, the formality was still in place.Ruan Siyu was wearing a white feather mask and chatting with a science fiction screenwriter when she was suddenly enveloped by a shadow.

    He hated tall men who made him wary. Just as he was about to say something sarcastic, the familiar smell of cologne filled his nose.

    He froze, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Wu Anqun looking this way like a mouse. After meeting his gaze, he bowed repeatedly and ran away quickly.

    The lights dimmed, and a new, softer dance music played. Ruan Siyu handed her hand to the man, and the two slid onto the dance floor.

    The mask covered half of his face, and the dim light covered the other half. Ruan Siyu swayed to the rhythm and gently touched the man’s angular jaw with his fingers.

    Schneider lost a lot of weight.

    Ruan Siyu’s hand lingered on Schneider’s chin, and the weird emotions that had been suppressed for a long time spread in her heart, like wildfire starting a prairie fire.He kept stroking Schneider’s exposed chin and neck, his throat was choked, and he couldn’t make any harsh witticisms.

    The dances around him were dancing in and out with the music. Schneider’s hands were wrapped like iron bands and he didn’t care about the music or dance steps at all.Ruan Siyu pinched the man’s ear bone with her fingers, put her palm against the side of the man’s neck, and listened to the man’s words:

    “Jessica asked me not to come to you. She said you were doing fine without me.”

    “…”

    For a moment, Ruan Siyu wanted to refute Schneider’s words.He wasn’t living a good life. Without the threat and freedom, it should have been great, but it wasn’t as good as he imagined.

    Gone with the threat is motivation and purpose.He once tried his best to protect himself and his mother, but now that he has done this, he finds that he still has nothing.

    Freedom, perhaps like food, is the basic pursuit of human existence, but people do not become happy and free of haze after having basic food, drink and freedom.Ruan Siyu was not used to falling asleep on his own. Even after several months, he could not get used to it and began to rely on drugs to help him sleep.

    He didn’t dare to log into the virtual world casually like others. He was afraid of attracting Schneider’s attention, so he repeatedly scrolled through the temple’s videos, pictures, and heart-pounding reports. Sometimes he scrolled until late at night before he could fall asleep. In a daze, he felt a pair of iron hoop-like arms hugging him, and he felt lost when he woke up.

    He didn’t fall in love with Schneider because he was incapable of loving, that was obvious.He was just not used to it, and strange emotions filled his heart, which felt like regret. Thinking about the past, there was nothing worth regretting.He will still use Schneider and his heartbeat again. He still wants revenge, otherwise he will have trouble sleeping and eating. But now, he still has trouble sleeping and eating.

    He thought that if he was like an ordinary person, if he had a normal childhood, if he was not full of calculations and incomplete, he would fall in love with Schneider. That would be an extremely easy thing.

    “I got what I deserved.”

    He said, but he hugged Schneider tightly with both hands. The man seemed to be hurt by his indifference, and he sharply wrote two words:

    “Really?”

    Ruan Siyu relied on instinct to get deeper into Schneider’s arms.Their postures were extremely inappropriate in public. Even through their masks, they attracted many looks, but Schneider didn’t care.

    “I’m here to take you away.”

    The man said:

    “I have prepared several residences for you, California, Boston, and the island. If you leave this drinking party for half an hour, you will disappear from the earth. No one or institution can find you. You will always belong to me. There will be no escape, no Ferens, and no third rejection.”

    He said in an extremely cold tone:

    “I have given you opportunities, many…many times. You have not stayed or looked back. I don’t want to wait anymore, I can’t wait any longer. You will never look back in your life. You will only lie. You can tell lies to Lin Huaian and to modeling in the virtual world. I have no other way.”

    The man seemed to be even more excited, and he strangled Ruan Siyu with his arms until it hurt. This was an extremely dangerous posture. Ruan Siyu never felt that he should be exposed to the threat of a strong man without resisting, but the fact was that he only hooked Schneider’s neck with his hands, without even the thought of escaping:

    “Are you planning this when you let me go free? You act like you don’t care that I leave you so that your opponents can’t get a handle on you. Even if the labor justice department comes to find me, they can’t contact you? But why did you come alone tonight? Your figure is too eye-catching, and there are so many witnesses, so you were exposed.”

    He felt Schneider’s raised veins:

    “No one will look for you,” Schneider said coldly:

    “No one dares to come to you. At this point, there is nothing I dare not do. I am the capital. In this country, I am the power itself. There is nothing I cannot do and nothing to be afraid of.”

    He almost grabbed Ruan Siyu’s waist, trying to touch Ruan Siyu’s internal organs through the skin to see if they were warm and bleeding with human blood.

    Ruan Siyu sighed. He slowly leaned on Schneider’s shoulder and had no intention of refuting his heroic words:

    “I won’t live like that, Lin Huai’an. I don’t want to live like my mother. Love blinded her eyes, but I am clear-eyed.”

    He said Qingming, but his eyes were not clear.The smell of alcohol and Schneider made his eyes blurry. He was a little sleepy, but he didn’t want to sleep. His strong arms were like rocking a boat, floating him on the sea.

    His determination made Schneider’s teeth itch and rattle with hatred, but the man had no other tricks. Half of his face trembled under the mask, his actions were tough, but he revealed a stern and confused look.

    He can’t keep this person, he loves someone without a heart, what can he do?

    He didn’t know that Ruan Siyu felt the most satisfied in months in his arms at this moment. It was almost perfect, a kind of happiness he had never experienced before, and it was extremely fascinating.

    Freedom is not happiness, but with freedom, he can truly understand what he wants and what choices he wants to make based on freedom.

    Even though the choice was selfish, alcohol lowered his self-control.

    What the cat wants, the cat gets.

    “Take me home, Lin Huai’an. I miss the bed in Boston and the Mexican food made by Maria. I want you to hold me and sleep. I want… I want you, but I can’t give away my freedom.”

    He murmured:

    “I can’t be imprisoned by you, controlled by you, watched by you all the time, or repeat my mother’s life…I may not be able to experience the joy of making love with you, but I can be with you, you can use me, and I will satisfy you…until you don’t love me anymore.”

    “But before that, I want to be held by you, I want to sleep well, and I want to be with you, okay?”

    Is it good?

    Schneider’s brain was buzzing. He paused for a long time, suddenly hugged someone, and strode out the door amidst the exclamations of the guests at the reception, without even giving anyone a chance to ask.

    That night, Ruan Siyu had a good sleep.The next day, they returned to Boston, Maria prepared risotto for them, and Schneider carefully learned all the steps.

    A few days later, the heart-thumping Temple of Love was officially opened, and there were no more worshipers inside the door.

    At night, Ruan Siyu was kissed all over her body, and she lay weakly on the blanket and fell asleep.Schneider carefully put a ring on him, admired it for a long time, and then reluctantly took it off.

    No matter how much he wanted to mark Ruan Siyu, implant countless trackers from inside to outside, and control his life pervasively, he had to endure it.

    He got Ruan Siyu, his moon, his Adonis. He would one day call Ruan Siyu his wife, and Ruan Siyu would also accept his disguised desire for control, but not now.

    The days ahead are long.

    *fin

    ———————–

    The author has something to say: Apologize for the delay!I wasn’t feeling well before, and I changed jobs three times, so I had a lot to do. The ending I wrote was unsatisfactory, so I revised it several times.

    Thanks for reading!!

    Banxia novel, a lot of fun

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