TSIBAMS Chapter 115
by VolareThe second or third month of spring, water and grass share the same color.
If it were in Chen Town, I would definitely have a profound feeling that spring had arrived, but now Ye Xing feels that there’s only a difference between wearing more or fewer clothes.
Days passed by, waxing and waning, like being thrown into a photocopier, running wildly every day – home, school, coffee shop, home, school…
Immersing himself in it, the cycle repeats, boring yet fulfilling.
That being said, this life is indeed more meaningful than anything he had experienced in the city before, yet he couldn’t explain why.
Otherwise, why is it that everything is on track, but he can’t feel any happiness, and doesn’t even have any memorable moments?
In a blink of an eye, three months had already passed.
Ye Xing looked at the countdown numbers to the college entrance exam on the blackboard, feeling incredibly unreal—he would actually one day be fighting to the death in a sea of questions, earnestly preparing for the college entrance exam.
He even got a decent score on the second diagnostic test, which made all the subject teachers praise him, and made his deskmate more confident and bolder in copying his homework.
Indeed, since returning from Chen Town, his grades have been steadily improving, scoring about fifty points higher on each exam than the last. Of course, this was not only due to his brain seemingly having been enlightened, but also because his original score was so low.
After the evening self-study session, Ye Xing rode his bike home alone. During this period, Fang Rong’s sleep seemed to be getting better and better. She used to wait for him to come home, but now she basically couldn’t stay up that late.
Today was no exception; when he pushed the door open, it was pitch black.
He didn’t bother to turn on the lights. As usual, he went straight to the refrigerator to get a drink. When he opened the refrigerator, he was surprised to see a cake, with a sticky note beside it.
-Son, the cake is ready. Remember to take it to school tomorrow. Happy birthday in advance!
Ye Xing was stunned.
He immediately took out his phone to check the date.
Time flies…
He didn’t even realize when it turned to April, and that it was almost his birthday. He was so poisoned by the college entrance exam countdown on the blackboard that the dimension of time seemed to have disappeared completely from his life.
It was 11:40 PM.
In twenty minutes, he would enter another age stage. This feeling was truly wonderful, especially since he was alone in the dark, he felt as if he could play the philosopher and blurt out a line like, “Many important moments in life are often felt alone. The sense of ritual is just an empty shell.”
But he didn’t have the energy for that.
He was too tired.
Although he had been holding his breath for too long, it wasn’t yet time to release it.
He was afraid that if he relaxed now, all his previous efforts would be in vain.
He would continue to be tired, cover the softest part of his heart, collect all the unnecessary sighs, then wash himself clean and go to bed to sleep until dawn, trying to seize every minute.
He closed the refrigerator door, stretched his neck, and walked towards the bathroom.
After taking a shower, it was just twelve o’clock.
At the same time, the phone, which hadn’t been switched from silent mode, lit up – You have received a WeChat message.
Who would send him a message so late?
Ye Xing swiped it open without any precaution, and the chat page with a strong visual impact appeared calmly in front of his eyes.
It was Qi Guang.
-Happy birthday.
Four polite and distant words, a proper period at the end.
With the warmth of the hot water, the blood throughout his body had been distributed evenly and orderly to all parts. In that moment, all the blood rushed to his head.
He almost dropped his phone.
What was this?
A reasonable greeting?
Then why go to the trouble of sending the message precisely at midnight?
A tacit probe?
Then why did the punctuation have to be so meticulous, for fear of revealing a trace of affection?
His vision actually started to blur. He couldn’t tell if it was out of emotion or something else. The previous message was two months ago, the time in between went unnoticed, and now these four abrupt words appeared so suddenly.
They were somewhat glaring.
I miss you too.
Ye Xing thought, rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, and then poked at the keyboard.
-Where’s the gift?
If it were his old temper, he would definitely have replied with an even more distant “Thank you” out of spite, and then they would have smoothly ended the conversation, seemingly he would have won. But now he wouldn’t allow himself to do that.
He wanted to act spoiled, and catch you off guard.
Do you think you’re cool? Thinking you can come and go freely without leaving a trace? I won’t let you succeed.
Sure enough, Qi Guang was led by him and continued the conversation.
-What do you want?
If he was just half-jokingly acting spoiled just now, now Ye Xing had really decided to ask for something.
He stared at the phone screen, his mind filled with “Let’s get back together,” but his thumb seemed to be out of his brain’s control and wouldn’t obey, not even having the courage to press the keys.
He was such a coward.
Ye Xing took a deep breath.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t willing to lower his stance, but that he really wasn’t sure if Qi Guang would give him a satisfactory answer, and he didn’t have the courage to hear the other party’s rejection again.
Even though he knew that Qi Guang was never someone who cared about rituals, he had never even celebrated his own birthday, yet he had been waiting for this day, waiting for this moment, typing “Happy birthday” in advance and pressing send on the first second of this day—the underlying emotion was self-evident.
Should he take a gamble?
He burrowed into the quilt, his head resting on the bed, gazing at the ceiling and pondering.
Just by typing the five words “Let’s get back together,” his life might change.
Just by typing these five words, the past two months would be as if they never happened, and they would continue to be together.
Just by typing those five words…
He lifted his phone, moved his thumb with force, and slowly and firmly spelled each word.
“Let’s get back together.”
These five words that would decide his fate, he didn’t know if they would ultimately pull him back from the cliff or push him into the abyss…
Ye Xing held his breath and stared fixedly at the screen, not daring to press the send button.
Qi Guang had been looking at the top of the chat page that showed “The other party is typing…” for quite a while.
Both of them were so poor that they were down to their last pairs of pants, what did this guy want?
But the final reply surprised Qi Guang a little.
-Sing me a song, you owe me one, it’s time to repay.
It was not only surprising that he took so long to type a short sentence, but also that Ye Xing wanted him to sing.
And it was a song he had owed all along?
Qi Guang frowned.
Before they confirmed their relationship, there did seem to be such a promise. After all, during the ambiguous period, he had only thought of demanding more to prove that he was treated differently from others, and the peak of his ambiguity with Ye Xing was only a phone call, and soon after they confirmed their relationship.
After confirming their relationship, they took things for granted, so the so-called “a song only for me” that he demanded in that phone call was quickly left behind by the two lovers.
He just didn’t expect that now, when it was dug out, it had become an unfinished regret.
Qi Guang didn’t tease him, and replied quickly.
-Okay, you pick one.
Then, he quickly received a reply.
-I Miss You So Much.
Qi Guang stared at these three words for a while, then he pressed the lock screen button, got out of bed, left the room and walked around the living room, and finally went into the bathroom.
He turned on the faucet to the cold side.
Washed his hands.
Washed his arms.
Lowered his head and splashed water on his face.
Completely awake now.
The cold made him sneeze, then he pulled off a towel to dry himself, and went back to bed to curl up and warm himself.
He reopened his phone and tapped the screen to reply to Ye Xing.
-Is this… a song title?
-Yeah.
Damn it, you, old, bastard.
Qi Guang cursed inwardly, opened the music player, entered “I Miss You So Much”, and clicked play.
“I want to send you a message, I miss you so much, I want to call you right away, I miss you so much, the first thing I do every morning is to miss you so much, whether it’s sunny or raining, I miss you so much…”
…
…
…
He took a deep breath.
He never expected that Ye Xing would ask for a gift, let alone that he would ask him to sing.
He had even prepared himself to accept the challenge of any silly square dance song, but he didn’t expect that this person’s brain circuit had successfully grown into a shameless mode after two months of vigorous growth.
-Can you change the song?
-Sure.
-Aren’t you going to ask why?
-I know you can’t sing it, and I know you will change it.
Although they were just emotionless words, it was probably because their souls, which had once been connected, suddenly reconnected after a long separation – this time Qi Guang seemed to sense that the person on the other side of the phone was a little unhappy.
He also felt somewhat guilty as if by reflex.
-Okay, you pick another song, I won’t change it this time.
-From Beginning to Now.
Qi Guang suddenly calmed down when he saw this song title.
What on earth was that guy thinking?
Qi Guang closed his eyes and cursed himself for being deservedly punished.
He should have known from the moment he couldn’t resist sending him the message that what followed was uncontrollable. He knew very well that in this relationship, even if they weren’t in complete mess, they had suffered great losses, so how could they decently care about the other person as someone else?
Even if he allowed it, it didn’t mean Ye Xing would allow it.
If this is the best ending,
Then why can’t I forget you?
Time has changed us, bidding farewell to innocence.
If we can’t continue even if we reunite,
Then losing is forever.
Punishing me for being so earnest,
It was me who was too naive.
Will I just live my life like this?
Will my kisses be destined to not reach the one I love the most?
…
If he remembered correctly, this was the first time he had heard Qi Guang sing. It was very different from the original singer’s gentle and soft voice. His voice was more magnetic, and his tone was slightly lower.
If the original singer’s interpretation of this song was imbued with abundant emotion and was a heart-wrenching performance, Qi Guang sounded as if he was singing someone else’s story. Even if he occasionally sounded a bit unwilling, he deliberately hid it.
Ye Xing only felt that he was riding a tiger.
He clearly felt his chest rising and falling in large amplitudes, his limbs weak as if he had just run a thousand meters, and his brain was in chaos.
When he threw out this song title, he just wanted to force Qi Guang to give up the option and obediently sing the first song. He didn’t expect this guy to really do what he said, “I won’t change it this time.”
And he had finished singing this pointed song seriously.
Damn it!
Even if he cursed a thousand times in his heart, it couldn’t withstand the rush of emotions surging up in his heart. Ye Xing took a deep breath, slowly exhaled, then took another deep breath… in an attempt to adjust his breathing.
But it failed.
He simply flipped over, lying on his stomach on the bed, and stuffed the pillow in his chest to resist the pressure.
The voice in the headphones continued to sing.
“I can’t, how could I be willing to admit, that you are the person I shouldn’t love.”
Qi Guang’s voice matched with these lyrics instantly broke through all of his defenses. All the emotions that had just surged up suddenly broke through the dam and poured down like a waterfall.
Ye Xing pressed his forehead hard against the bed, and in a short while, the sheet in front of him was soaked.