When The Snow Falls In Autumn Chapter 65

Chapter 65

The sound of rain fell through the glass, muffled, like a distant tide.The fluorescent tubes emit a continuous low-frequency hum, making the silence of Classroom 107 seem particularly empty and concrete.There are still fine dust floating in the air, slowly rotating in the area illuminated by the light. They are particles of the old days that were disturbed when cleaning up just now.

Ling Xueqing’s words “Today…thank you” hung in the dim light at the entrance of the stairs. After her words fell, she turned and walked down, her back being swallowed up by the gray wall at the corner.The footsteps faded away clearly and regularly, without any hesitation or pause.

Ye Qiulan stood there holding the cardboard box, with the edge of the cardboard box touching his chest, feeling a heavy and solid touch.That thank you was gentle, but more… specific than any other time before.It is no longer just the politeness of alienation, nor the dependence when one is weak. It falls in the humid air with a sense of clumsiness and trying to grasp something.She looked down at her arms hugging the carton. She exerted slight pressure on her fingertips, and the carton shell made a slight “crunch” sound.

She should have followed.The things haven’t been fully returned yet, and they still have to go to the reference room and restoration department.But the steps seemed to have taken root, and the energy that had been gathered during the repairs suddenly dissipated as Ling Xueqing left.The area in my heart that had been ironed by a brief warm current now cooled down, and I was more clearly aware of the intricate and huge sourness underneath.Not because of being pushed away, but because… after getting closer, I could see more clearly the thickness of the wall and the weight that the person behind the wall was carrying alone.

There were no more footsteps from the bottom of the stairs.Ling Xueqing seemed to have stopped somewhere.

Ye Qiulan took a deep breath. There was still the smell of velvet and old paper in the air, mixed with a very light, almost dissipated cold fragrance of cedar – perhaps it was left from where Ling Xuequing had just stood.She moved, and the cardboard box swayed with the movement, and the fragmentary tools inside made a soft knocking sound.She walked slowly down the stairs.

After turning the corner, Ling Xueqing didn’t go far.She stood in front of the narrow window leading to the half-floor platform of the first-floor hall, with her back to the stairs and the special cylinder in her hand standing at her feet.There were thick traces of rain on the window glass, distorting the dead trees with all their leaves outside the window and the gray sky into blurry and swaying water shadows.She just stood there, motionless, looking out the window. Her silhouette looked thin and tight in the dim light, like a bowstring that was fully drawn but didn’t know where to aim it.

Ye Qiulan’s footsteps stopped at the last few steps.She didn’t know whether she should speak out or walk over.Ling Xueqing’s whole body was enveloped by a layer of aura that was visible to the naked eye and refused to be disturbed.It’s not just the usual coldness, it’s more like a fragile barrier that’s cracked from the inside and is struggling to bond itself.

Just when Ye Qiulan hesitated, Ling Xueqing suddenly moved.She raised her hand, not to clean the window, but to touch the cold glass surface very lightly with her fingertips.The rain traces meandering down a certain path, slowly sliding from the top to the bottom.The movements were so slow that they were almost stagnant.Then, her fingers stopped there, slightly curled, and pressed against the glass, her knuckles turning slightly white from the exertion.

“That land deed,” Ling Xueqing said, her voice low and without looking back. She seemed to be talking to herself or to the rain outside the window. “The original is from the 22nd year of Guangxu’s reign. The preservation condition is very poor, and the edges are as crisp as… dried leaves.”

Ye Qiulan held his breath and gently placed the carton on the steps without making any sound.

“During the scan, the teacher from the restoration department used the weakest suction power and put multiple layers of backing paper. There were still pieces the size of rice grains peeled off at two edges.” Ling Xuequing continued, speaking very slowly, and each word seemed to float from the bottom of the calm water. “We later used a microscope to piece it back together bit by bit. The adhesive was specially made, and the proportions could not be wrong by a hair, and the temperature and humidity were all required… It took a whole afternoon.”

Her fingertips tapped lightly on the glass, and there was a soft “click”.

“The location of the crack just now was right next to one of the repair points.” Ling Xueqing’s voice was low, almost drowned in the sound of rain, “I didn’t notice that the direction of the paper fibers had changed…the force was uneven. It was a very elementary mistake.”

This is not an explanation, but more like a self-judgment.Ye Qiulan understood.Ling Xueqing wasn’t feeling sorry for the photocopy, she was blaming herself for making “shouldn’t have” oversights in the most basic and most cautious areas.This oversight, perhaps in her mind, was tantamount to a crack in a certain order that she had been guarding so tightly.

“But,” Ye Qiulan couldn’t help but speak, his voice seemed a bit dry in the silent stairwell, “I fixed it. It’s not really damaged.”

Ling Xueqing fell silent.After a few seconds, she shook her head very softly, almost imperceptibly.

“It can’t be repaired every time.” She said, there was no luck in her tone, only deeper exhaustion, “Not every time, there is someone by your side.”

These words were like a cold needle, piercing into Ye Qiulan’s heart unexpectedly.She suddenly understood Ling Xueqing’s deeper emotion at this moment – it was not just self-blame for the mistake, but also a kind of fear of “losing control” itself, and the possible irreversible consequences of losing control.She is used to controlling everything and keeping all variables within a predictable and manageable range.And that small crack symbolizes the possibility of losing control, symbolizing that she is not omnipotent, and symbolizing that the “absolute control” she relies on is fragile.

Ye Qiulan wanted to retort, to say “I will be there”, but when the words came to his lips, he found that he was not qualified to say so.There were too many unspoken things between them, and her “presence” and “absence” were never something she could easily promise.The sour feeling spread from her heart to her throat, making her unable to make a sound.She could only slowly walk down the last few steps and stand on the edge of the platform, not far or close to Ling Xueqing.

The rain outside the window seemed to be thicker, hitting the glass and making a thin popping sound.

Ling Xueqing finally turned around.Her face was still pale, but her eyes had condensed again, and she had regained her calmness like a deep pool.Just look carefully, there is a very light layer of gray under the eyelids, revealing an unconcealable tiredness.Her eyes fell on the cardboard box Ye Qiulan placed on the steps, and then moved back to Ye Qiulan’s face.

“Those tools,” she pointed to the carton, “need to be returned to the west warehouse of the Restoration Department. The key is here with me.” She took out an old key tied with a red plastic string from her pocket.”Teacher Zhang should be on duty in the warehouse today, but he may have left. If the door is locked, put the things in my dormitory first and return them tomorrow.”

She explained clearly and her tone was as steady as usual, as if the brief gaffe just now had never happened.But Ye Qiulan noticed that the knuckles of her fingers holding the key were still a little white and they were not completely relaxed.

“Okay.” Ye Qiulan nodded and walked over to take the key.

But when she stretched out her hand, Ling Xueqing took the key back half a minute and paused.”Over there in the warehouse… two lights are broken, so it’s a bit dark. I’ll go with you.”

This is not a question, but a statement.Ye Qiulan was stunned for a moment, then nodded: “Yes.”

Ling Xueqing bent down to lift the cylinder, walked down the last few steps, and came to the lobby on the first floor.The hall was empty, the door to the duty room was closed, and only a few energy-saving lamps overhead provided bleak light.Dusk on a rainy day came early, and it was already dusk outside. Through the tall glass door, you could only see the wet ground reflecting the dim light of the street lamp.

The warehouse of the Restoration Department is on the ground floor of the annex building of the School of History and needs to pass through an open-air corridor.Although the rain has lightened up, the wind still carries a damp chill.Ling Xueqing took out a black folding umbrella from the pocket next to the cylinder, opened it, and naturally tilted the umbrella towards Ye Qiulan.

The umbrella is not big, so two people walking side by side inevitably get very close.Ye Qiulan could smell the clearer smell of cedarwood on Ling Xueqing’s body, slightly stimulated by the rain and moisture, mixed with the clean soapy smell of her sweater.There was also a very faint warm breath that came from the side of her neck and belonged to her own skin.Ye Qiulan’s body was a little stiff, and he carefully kept a little distance, but his arms still touched the sleeves of Ling Xueqing’s sweater from time to time.The fabric was soft and carried her body heat.

The corridor is not long, and the floor is paved with old dark red floor tiles. Some places are worn and uneven, with shallow puddles.The two walked in silence, the sound of their footsteps intertwined with the sound of raindrops hitting the umbrella.Ling Xueqing didn’t walk fast, and her umbrella was always tilted to Ye Qiulan’s side. Her other shoulder was quickly wet by the rain that drifted in, and a dark stain spread on her dark jacket.

She seemed oblivious.

When I walked to the door of the annex building, I put away my umbrella, and the sensor light under the eaves turned on, casting a cold white light.Ling Xueqing shook the water droplets on the umbrella surface, her movements were somewhat mechanical.She took out the key and opened the heavy wooden door.

A mixture of old dust, old wood and damp paper odor hit you.The warehouse was indeed very dark, with only one light on at the door and one in the depth, and a large area in the middle was shrouded in gloomy shadow.The shelves are densely packed with various papers, dossier boxes, discarded framing materials and some damaged documents waiting to be disposed of.There is no air circulation and there is a feeling of suffocation.

Ling Xue walked in familiarly and turned on another switch on the wall, but only one light flickered a few times and failed to light up.”This way.” She whispered, walking towards the lighted area inside.

Ye Qiulan followed her holding the cardboard box.The cement floor under her feet was a little slippery, so she walked carefully.The shadows of the shelves elongated and deformed under the shaking figures, like silent giants.Except for the administrators and people from the restoration department, few people come to this place.

Walking into the relatively bright inner room, Ling Xueqing pointed to a metal cabinet against the wall, “Put the tools here, and the register is on top of the cabinet.” She then pointed to a dusty wooden table next to her, “The carton can be temporarily placed on the table.”

Ye Qiulan put down the cardboard box as instructed and opened the metal cabinet.Various repair tools are placed in the cabinet in an orderly manner.She began to take out the brown brushes, tweezers, watering bottles and other items from the carton one by one, and put them back in their place according to the labels in the cabinet.Ling Xueqing walked to the other side, checked the hygrometer readings of several moisture-proof cabinets that stored special papers, and wrote a few words in the record book hanging next to it.

The two of them were doing their own things, and in the warehouse there was only the sound of items colliding gently and the pen tip scratching across the paper.The light was dim, casting their shadows on the walls and shelves, swaying slightly with the movement.

Ye Qiulan put away the last paper knife and closed the door of the tin cabinet.When he turned around, he saw Ling Xueqing still standing in front of the moisture-proof cabinet, with his back to her, head lowered, looking at the record book in his hand, and didn’t move for a long time.

“Senior Sister Ling?” Ye Qiulan called softly.

Ling Xueqing’s shoulders trembled almost imperceptibly, as if she was awakened from some trance.She closed the notebook and hung it back up, but did not turn around immediately.

“Ye Qiulan.” She suddenly called her full name, her voice carrying a slight echo in the empty warehouse.

“Huh?”

“Your father…” Ling Xueqing paused, as if he was considering his words, “Is the sleeping pill he used called ‘□□’?”

Ye Qiulan was caught off guard and his heart suddenly shrank.How does she know?She never went into detail about her father’s specific medications.

“…Yes.” Ye Qiulan heard that his voice was a little dry, “Why did you…”

“Last time we were in the hospital, the name of the medicine was printed on the payment slip.” Ling Xueqing turned around, and the dim light hit her face from the side, half bright and half hidden in the shadows, making it difficult to see the specific expression. “That medicine, long-term use, is highly dependent. And… it puts a greater burden on the liver.”

Her tone was calm, stating the facts, and no additional emotions could be heard.

Ye Qiulan’s fingers unconsciously clenched the corners of his clothes.Of course she knows.Every time he prescribes medicine, the doctor will repeat the precautions, and the mother’s increasingly haggard face is also full of worry.But my father couldn’t live without it. Without it, the long nights were filled with pain and unbearable wakefulness.This is a quagmire that the whole family knows very well but cannot break out of.

“Yeah.” Ye Qiulan responded in a low voice. He didn’t know why Ling Xueqing suddenly mentioned this.

Ling Xueqing took a few steps towards her and stopped about one meter away from her.Her eyes fell on Ye Qiulan’s slightly lowered face, with a rare, almost straightforward look in his eyes.

“Did you sleep well tonight,” she asked, her voice lowering her voice?

This question is even more abrupt.Ye Qiulan raised his head and met Ling Xueqing’s gaze.The gaze was deep, as if he wanted to see through her eyes the nights behind her that were suffocating under the burden of family.

“It’s… not bad.” Ye Qiulan replied subconsciously, a little hastily.

Ling Xueqing didn’t speak immediately, but just looked at her, as if judging the authenticity of this “not bad”.The warehouse was so quiet that you could hear the sound of dust falling slowly.

“My mother,” Ling Xueqing suddenly looked away and looked at the dusty file box on the shelf next to her, her voice becoming a little erratic. “When her hallucinations were severe, she would stay up all night and talk to the air. Or she would wake up suddenly and say she saw someone on the balcony. I tried many methods… In the end, I found that only if I sat beside her bed and held her hand, she could be quiet for a while and sleep intermittently for a few hours.”

She paused and spoke very slowly, as if she was recalling some unpleasant details.

“I couldn’t sleep at that time. I just looked at the sky outside the window, which slowly turned from pitch black, to deep blue, and then to fish belly white. I listened to her intermittent breathing and occasional vague talk in her sleep. Time passed… very slowly.”

Ye Qiulan listened blankly.This was the first time that Ling Xueqing talked about her mother’s condition in such detail and talked about those nights with her.Her voice was calm, not complaining, not sad, just stating.But it is this kind of calmness that makes the fatigue and loneliness in this passage become so heavy that it almost takes on physical form, pressing in the air of this dim warehouse.

“Later, her condition became a little more stable and she moved, but that habit… I can’t get rid of that habit.” Ling Xueqing’s eyes turned back and fell on Ye Qiulan’s face again, with something complicated in her eyes. “Sometimes when I’m very tired, I’m lying on the bed, but I’m so awake that I feel terrible. It’s like I’m still waiting for some sound, waiting for the moment of dawn.”

As she spoke, she twitched the corners of her mouth slightly, as if she wanted to make a self-deprecating expression, but failed.

“So,” her voice was lower, almost a whisper, “it wouldn’t be too weird if you couldn’t sleep well either.”

Ye Qiulan’s throat was completely choked.An overwhelming sense of sourness came over her, not for herself, but because of the long and lonely years behind Ling Xueqing’s words.It turns out that they were each guarding their sick family members, and they tasted the same pain called “powerlessness” in countless similar late nights.Ling Xueqing was neither asking nor comforting. She was telling her with an almost cruel honesty: I understand.I’ve experienced it.You don’t have to carry the shame and exhaustion of “bad sleep” alone.

Tears rushed into his eyes without warning, and his vision blurred for an instant.Ye Qiulan hurriedly lowered his head and blinked hard, trying to force back the heat.Can’t cry.Especially in front of Ling Xueqing’s calm confession.

A bony and slightly cold hand suddenly gently held her wrist.The force is very light, just a weak circle.

Ye Qiulan froze and raised his head suddenly.

Ling Xueqing stood right in front of her, close enough to see the curvature of her eyelashes, and the deep pool under her eyes, which clearly reflected her own red eyes.Her face was still expressionless, but her eyes were no longer distant, but with an… almost clumsy, soothing concentration.

“Those tools,” Ling Xueqing said, her voice still steady, but the fingers holding Ye Qiulan’s wrist tightened almost imperceptibly for a moment, and then quickly released, “you organized them very well. Even more neatly than I did myself.”

She let go, as if the touch was an accident, a brief confirmation.Then, she took a half step back and distanced herself.

“Let’s go,” she said, turning and walking towards the door, “it’s getting late.”

Ye Qiulan stood there, and where his wrist had been touched, there seemed to be a cool, clear touch left under his skin.The feeling spread along the blood and all the way to the heart, causing a dense and panicky throbbing.The sourness is still there, but it’s like being thrown into hot lava, and something more intense and indescribable is surging up.

She looked at Ling Xueqing’s back as she walked to the door, and watched as she raised her hand to turn off the light inside. The entire warehouse instantly sank deeper into darkness, with only the light at the door creating a hazy halo around her.

Ye Qiulan raised his hand and gently touched his wrist that was held just now with his fingertips.Then, she took a deep breath, taking in the stale air in the warehouse and the hot soreness in her chest, and followed him.

Outside, the rain has stopped.The wind passed through the corridor, carrying the fresh smell of soil and vegetation after the rain, and blew away the stuffiness in the warehouse.The sky was a deep dark blue, and the teaching buildings in the distance were lit up with dots of lights.

Ling Xueqing stood under the eaves, looking at the wet ground, but did not hold up an umbrella immediately.Her side face looked particularly quiet at the intersection of dusk and light.

“The rain has stopped.” Ye Qiulan walked to her side and said softly.

“Yeah.” Ling Xueqing responded.She took out the dark blue thermos cup from her pocket, unscrewed the lid, and handed it over.”It’s still a little warm.”

Ye Qiulan took it, and the cup was indeed warm.She took a sip, and the warm ginger tea slid down her throat, with a spicy sweetness.This time, the warmth seemed to have really reached the deepest part of my heart, ironing out those sharp emotions that had just been stirred up.

Ling Xueqing watched her drink, then took the cup and took a sip herself.It was a natural movement, as if sharing the same glass of water was a normal thing.After drinking, she did not close the lid immediately. Instead, she held the cup and unconsciously rubbed the subtle lines on the cup wall with her fingertips.

“The original land deed,” she suddenly spoke again, her eyes falling into the misty night in the distance, “there is a vague private seal on the back, and we have never identified the owner. When you were repairing it just now, I suddenly remembered… the remaining strokes on the seal may be somewhat similar to the emblem of a disappeared family name on my mother’s map.”

She turned her head and looked at Ye Qiulan, her eyes astonishingly bright in the dusk. It was the pure and focused light of a scholar when he discovered clues.

“Maybe we need to check another batch of genealogy of local squires in the late Qing Dynasty. It’s very complicated and boring.” She paused, with a very faint, almost tentative tone in her tone, “Are you… interested?”