When The Snow Falls In Autumn Chapter 6

Chapter 6

When Ye Qiulan stepped onto the cement steps of the West District Dormitory Building, his steps suddenly became heavy.The corner of the constant humidity book box in my arms pressed against my ribs, causing a dull pain.The light gray cardigan on her shoulders, with its wool-blend texture, was like a warm cocoon at the moment, separating her from the cool night air, but it also made her clearly feel the weight and breath that was not her own with every step she took.

The key was inserted into the keyhole and made a dry “click” sound when turned, which was particularly harsh in the empty corridor.Opening the door, the familiar smell of old wood, disinfectant, and a hint of Chinese medicine came to my face.My roommate’s bed is empty, and I should have gone to the lab again tonight.The small four-person room belonged to her alone at the moment, and the boundless silence.

She carefully placed the book box on her desk by the window, and the canvas bag slipped to the floor.I didn’t turn on the big light, I just turned on the old lamp on the corner of the table that had been used for many years.The warm yellow halo instantly opened up a small area of ​​light, illuminating the nursing notes scattered on the table, several thick professional books, and a small iron box containing pear candy.

She didn’t sit down immediately.Standing at the edge of the halo, her fingers unconsciously tightened the collar of her cardigan.The fabric is soft and close to the skin on the side of the neck. The refreshing cold fragrance of cedar on Ling Xueqing’s body seems to be clearer than on the road.It was not a strong and offensive smell, but something like the melted snow water on the tips of pine needles, seeping into the depths of the fibers. At this moment, it evaporated little by little with her body temperature, entwining her breath.

She slowly took off her cardigan, her movements slow.It seems that it is not an ordinary piece of clothing, but something fragile, or… a token that needs to be treated with caution.She laid it flat on her bed, and under the dim light of the desk lamp, her eyes carefully scanned every inch of the texture.The light gray color matches Ling Xueqing very well, clean and a little distant.There was a very slight fray on the cuff, and she knew that it was the place Ling Xueqing habitually rubbed with her thumb when thinking.There seemed to be a bit of the dusty smell of old library book pages on the clothes, mixed with Ling Xueqing’s own unique cold fragrance.

His fingertips brushed against the wear and tear, and he paused.In the afternoon in the library, when Ling Xueqing put this dress on her, did her fingers also brush here?No, it was quick and light then.But just now at the fork in the road, when Ling Xueqing put it on her again… her fingertips stopped.Although it was short, it was indeed a pause, a stay with a clear touch that went beyond the usual.

There is also the hand that picks dead leaves for her in the forest.The feeling of fingertips brushing against hair can be recalled with incomparable clarity at this moment.It’s not an imagination, it’s a real memory, with the background of the cool night air and the scent of the forest, and Ling Xueqing’s eyes that are close at hand and filled with undercurrents.

Ye Qiulan’s heartbeat started to become irregular again.She took her hand back and pressed it on her chest.There, something was slowly and irresistibly awakening.Not panic, not simple dependence, but a deeper awareness with dull pain and burning.

She remembered Ling Xueqing’s slightly stiff tone when she asked, “Don’t you want to go back in a hurry?”Thinking of the touch of fingers that she deliberately avoided but could not completely avoid when she took the book box.Thinking of the last parting, Ling Xueqing’s eyes were almost overflowing with complex and unspeakable emotions, and her hoarse “Go back”.

Those details, like scattered pearls, were connected by the silence of the night, forming a clue that she could no longer ignore.Ling Xueqing…her Xueqing seems to have been saying things in her own way that have never been spoken.Those silences, those restraints, those seemingly casual approaches and protections, are there the same undercurrents hidden in her heart at the moment… no, maybe earlier and more turbulent?

The thought made her feel dizzy and suffocated.The sourness suddenly rose up and blocked my throat.She knew Ling Xueqing too well, her pride, her sense of responsibility, the family shadow she carried, and the heavy imprint of restraint and boundaries that the identity of Alpha had left on her.If…if those things she vaguely sensed were true, then how long had Ling Xueqing endured it in silence alone?What kind of turmoil is it about those things that she has never said?

Ye Qiulan walked to the window.The window was opened a crack, and the night breeze rushed in, blowing away the dull medicinal smell in the room and blowing the broken hair on her forehead.She looked out the window.The view from the West District dormitory building is not very good. Opposite is another old building with a few scattered lights on.Further away, there is the blurred outline of the campus, and further away, the dark red sky caused by the light pollution of the city at night.In which direction is the East District Graduate Apartment located?She couldn’t tell clearly.But at this moment, Ling Xuequing should have returned to the neat and almost deserted single dormitory that she described, right?Would she also be standing by the window?Will you… also think of this dusk?

My fingers touched something hard in my pants pocket.It’s the old school badge.She took it out and held it in her palm.The coldness of the copper has already been warmed by body temperature, and the rough oxide layer on the edges rubs against the skin.She walked back to the table and looked at it carefully under the lamp.Peeling enamel, damaged pins, and the vague words “Study”.An old thing abandoned by time was accidentally picked up by them.

Is it like the things between them that are covered up by daily life and grow quietly?Is it also old?Or… new, just discovered?

She suddenly wanted to do something.Not questioning, not confirming – those are too heavy and too dangerous, at least at this moment.She just wanted to… respond.In the same quiet, same way that only each other can understand.

She sat down, opened the desk drawer, and took out a flat wooden box.What was inside was not valuables, but some of her fragmentary collection: a few special fallen leaf specimens, a small bag of dried osmanthus, a few pebbles with strange colors, and a long-faded paper crane that she and Ling Xueqing folded with candy paper when they were children.They are all insignificant things, but they carry tiny moments.

She put the old school badge inside.The copper piece landed on the bottom of the wooden box and made a slight “click” sound.It found its “home” in this box full of trivial memories.Then, she hesitated and took the light gray cardigan on the bed.She did not put it back in the closet, but carefully folded it and placed it next to her pillow.A position that is too personal and perhaps too obvious in its implications.After doing this, her cheeks felt slightly hot, but the empty throbbing in her heart seemed to be filled a little.

She looked at the constant humidity book box again.The restored ancient books lie quietly inside.She opened the lid and carefully took out the book.The paper is fragile, but it has been repaired to make it a little stiffer.She turned to the pages she had repaired in the afternoon and ran her fingertips over the words “Where the Passenger Boat Returns.”The ink is silent and the traces of repair are almost imperceptible.What she repaired was not just a book, but perhaps a period of time that had been eaten away by moths, a vague image of “returning”.

And where are she and Ling Xueqing’s “homecoming”?

She took out her phone, and the screen lit up dazzlingly in the dim light.His fingertips hovered over Ling Xuequing’s name for a long time, but he didn’t click on it.What to say?Say “I’m back in the dormitory”?Too common.Say “thank you for the clothes”?Too light.Ask “Are you home yet?”It seems to have an overly deliberate concern.

In the end, she posted nothing.Just dim the screen brightness and watch the time tick by.This night is destined to be occupied by prolonged, silent echoes.

—

The corridors of the graduate student apartments in the East District are quieter than those in the West District. The lights are cold white, illuminating the smooth mirror-like floor tiles.Ling Xueqing’s footsteps were particularly clear here, beating the silence again and again.

Her single dormitory is at the far end.Open the door and turn on the overhead light.The room was exactly as she described, so tidy that it was almost deserted.The desk, bookcase, and bed are all in order, and the colors are monotonous white and gray.The only “clutter” was a few thick classics and notebooks filled with dense annotations spread out on the desk, as well as a gym bag with dumbbells in the corner – it was one of the few ways for her to release stress and excess energy.

She closed the door with her backhand, leaned her back against the cold door panel, and let out a long, silent breath of relief.The tight lines of the shoulders and neck relaxed slightly, followed by a deeper fatigue that seeped out from the seams in the bones.

She walked to the desk and did not sit down. She just lowered her eyes and looked at the open notes.None of those rigorous textual research texts could enter my mind at the moment.What swayed in front of her eyes was Ye Qiulan’s upturned face under the dim street light, the clear glimmer of light in her eyes that reflected her own reflection, and her figure that looked particularly slender when she had her cardigan draped over her shoulders.

There is also the soft touch that remains on the fingertips and the hair is brushed.When wearing a robe, the bone shape is extremely clear at the moment when the shoulder blade is touched.

Ling Xueqing closed her eyes and pressed her fingers hard on the edge of the cold table.In the palm of my hand, the dead leaf had already turned into powder and stuck to my sweaty skin.She walked to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and flushed her face with cold water.The cold water stimulated the skin, slightly suppressing the burning heat belonging to Alpha that was still restless in the body.The smell of cedar slightly filled the small space. She looked at her wet face in the mirror, with water droplets sliding down her jawline and dripping on the collar of her shirt.Her eyes were covered with red threads. In addition to fatigue, there was also an almost fragile daze that she didn’t want to delve into.

She walked back into her room, took out a small bottle of odor blocker from deep in the drawer, and sprayed it a few times around the glands on the back of her neck.The cool mist carries the scent of artificial vegetation, temporarily covering up the overflow of its own pheromones.This is her daily habit, a kind of almost paranoid control.She couldn’t let any aggressive or suggestive aura belonging to Alpha contaminate Qiu Lan, even if Qiu Lan was a Beta and had slow perception.

But today, she squirted even more than usual.As if to completely lock in the torrent of emotions that almost got out of control several times at dusk.

She took off her coat and draped it casually on the back of the chair.Then she noticed her empty arms.That cardigan…was given to Qiu Lan.This realization made her feel empty, and then there was a slight wave of reluctance mixed with some kind of secret satisfaction.There will be her scent on the clothes, although it is very light.At this moment, the aura is wrapping Qiu Lan.

This thought made her ears feel warm, and they were immediately covered with a deeper sourness.It’s just a piece of clothing, what does it mean?What can be changed?What stood between them was something far heavier and more complicated than a piece of clothing.

She went to the window.The terrain in the east area is slightly higher and the view is wider.You can see the lights of the city in the distance, as well as the street lights dotted around the campus nearby.The old dormitory building in the West District is submerged in a group of lower buildings, making it difficult to see clearly.But she knew the direction.

The night wind blew in, bringing with it the coolness of early autumn.She suddenly remembered that the cardigan was not thick.Will it still feel cold if I wear it in autumn?This idea makes no sense, even a little ridiculous.But she couldn’t help but think about it.Thinking about Qiu Lan’s appearance when she returned to the dormitory, wondering whether she would take off her cardigan right away, or… keep it on for a while?

She forced herself away from the window and sat down at the desk.Trying to get back into those boring examinations.The tip of the pen hangs on the paper, but it cannot fall down for a long time.What was replayed repeatedly in her mind was the last look Qiu Lan gave her when they parted at the fork in the road.There was dependence and ignorance in it, and it seemed… there was also a very faint hint of hesitation that was touched by the movement of her clothes.

Did Qiu Lan feel it?Did you feel her extraordinary emotions that were almost bursting out of the cage?

Ling Xueqing hoped that she would feel it, but was afraid that she would feel it.Hope is because the long, lonely secret love finally longs for a trace of echo, even if it is just a vague perception.Afraid, because once the layer of window paper is pierced, the seemingly stable balance between them, the protective shell of their “childhood sweethearts” that they rely on for survival, may be completely shattered.She wasn’t sure how Qiu Lan would react. She wasn’t sure whether the confusion contained the same thoughts as hers, or whether it was just habitual dependence.It is even less certain that when those heavy realities – family, gender, future – are pressed down, whether their unclarified emotions can withstand it.

The feeling of sadness permeated the air again, weighing heavily on my heart.She put down her pen and rubbed her eyebrows.On the desk, the screen of the mobile phone remains dark.She had no news from Qiulan.This is normal, they rarely send messages specifically at night.But at this moment, the silence made her feel a little uncomfortable.

She clicked on her phone, and the screen light illuminated her expressionless face.The fingertips stayed on the name “Qiu Lan” in the address book for a moment, and finally moved away.She opened the photo album.There are not many photos inside, most of them are documentary materials or scenery.She slowly turned the page forward and reached the very front where she found several old, low-resolution photos.

It was when they were children.One picture shows two tanned little girls smiling heartlessly at the camera beside the abandoned railway track, holding nearly melted milk candies in their hands.One picture shows the two families getting together for a New Year’s Eve dinner during a certain Spring Festival. She and Qiu Lan were wearing bloated new cotton-padded jackets and childish hairpins on their heads, sitting side by side on the sofa. Qiu Lan was so sleepy that his head was almost leaning on her shoulder.

The time in the photo is simple, and there is still a little innocent and warm bright color in the gray.But now that they have grown up, that innocence has been eroded by reality, but that warmth seems to have settled and fermented into something more complex and tormenting.

Ling Xueqing looked at it for a long time until the screen automatically dimmed.The room fell into silence again, with only the faint sound of wind outside the window.

After all, she still didn’t send a message to Qiulan.Some things require time to settle and courage to face.This dusk has cast too many stones and caused too many ripples.She needed to wait for the water to calm down a bit before she could see what was really going on underneath.

She got up and prepared to wash up.His eyes passed over the pair of dumbbells in the corner, he hesitated, and then walked over.She needed some pure physical exertion to calm down the restlessness and depression in her heart that could not be dismissed.

—

In the West District dormitory, Ye Qiulan put the ancient books back into the book box and fastened the buckle.She did not wash up immediately, but sat back on the bed, unconsciously rubbing her fingers on the folded cardigan beside the pillow.

The lamp’s light enveloped her gently.Feelings of exhaustion creep up on me, not just physically, but mentally as well.The whole afternoon of focused repair, the thrilling silences and touches at dusk, and the unfamiliar and turbulent thoughts tumbling in her heart at this moment all exhausted her energy.

She lay down on her side, facing the cardigan.The light gray looks much softer under the warm yellow light.She slowly stretched out her hand, pulled the cardigan closer, and gently buried her face in it.

The scent belonging to Ling Xueqing, the clean and refreshing cold fragrance of cedar, mixed with the smell of sunshine and old books in the library, enveloped her tightly.This breath strangely soothed her troubled mind, but it also aroused a deeper desire.She thought of the stronger aura of the same kind lingering around her when Ling Xueqing approached, and of the dark fire under the ice in her eyes.

What if… what if I wasn’t a Beta who was so insensitive to pheromones?Can you feel those silent waves of Ling Xueqing more clearly?Can… give her a clearer response?

The assumption stung her heart.For the first time, she realized so clearly that the difference between the second gender may not only be a physical division, it may also become an invisible barrier in the transmission of emotions.How much of Ling Xueqing’s suppressed Alpha emotions did she feel?And how much can Ling Xueqing… understand the throbbing that is gradually becoming clear in her confusion?

The sourness filled my eyes again.Not for himself, but more like for Ling Xueqing.For Ling Xueqing, who always straightened her back, tightly controlled all her emotions, and shouldered everything on her own.If her guess is true, then how hard it must be for Ling Xueqing.

The phone next to the pillow suddenly vibrated and the screen lit up.

Ye Qiulan’s heart skipped a beat. He almost jumped up from the pillow and grabbed his phone.

Not Ling Xuequing.It’s an insignificant official account push.

The failure of expectations brings a clear sense of loss.She stared at the dazzling light of the screen, and after a few seconds, she twitched her lips in self-mockery.What are you looking forward to?Ling Xueqing has never been someone who would take the initiative to send irrelevant messages at night.The pattern between them has long been fixed.

But…hasn’t this dusk already broken many “fixes”?

She put down her phone, lay back down, and hugged her cardigan tighter.The fabric is soft and close to the skin, like a silent hug.In this silent night with only herself, she allowed herself to briefly indulge in this illusory warmth and this newly emerged knowledge with pain and sweetness.

The wind outside the window seemed to be stronger, causing the old window frame to whimper slightly.The faint laughter of students returning at night could be heard in the distance, and soon dispersed.On campus at night, I gradually fell into a deeper sleep.

And in the two dormitories on the east and west, two people were awake.

Under the cold white light, using repeated, energy-consuming movements, he tried to drive away the gentle face and clear eyes in his mind.