When The Snow Falls In Autumn Chapter 57

Chapter 57

The closing bell of the library sounded longer and harsher than usual, like some kind of belated and futile attempt to save people.The last ray of the setting sun has long since withdrawn from the long oak table, leaving only the cold and pale fluorescent lamp, which evenly sprinkles every inch of the air, illuminating the suspended dust and making people’s faces turn blue.

After that dry “sorry”, time seemed to be poured into thick glue, and the flow was extremely difficult.Ling Xueqing did not touch the fragments again, nor did she look at Ye Qiulan again.She just maintained her upright but stiff sitting posture, her eyes resting on a certain point on the table. Her eyes were empty, as if she had exhausted all her strength, and she seemed to be engaged in a silent and exhausting confrontation with some invisible force within her body.She never let go of her clenched fists, and her knuckles were white with exertion.

Ye Qiulan also failed to continue her flora excerpt.The tip of the pen hung on the paper, and the ink quietly bloomed into a small black dot, which grew bigger and bigger.All her senses seemed to be still stuck on the cold fragrance of cedar needles that appeared briefly and disappeared quickly, and the unusually bright red at the base of Ling Xueqing’s ears that quickly faded into pale.Beta’s dull perception barrier was poked with a tiny hole by that moment of “leakage”, leaving an unprecedented clear mark that was mixed with shock and bewilderment.

When the closing bell rang for the third time, Ling Xueqing finally moved.Very slowly, bit by bit, she loosened her clenched fists, her fingertips trembling slightly, and spread them on her knees.Then she started packing her things.The movement is slow but methodical, tweezers, magnifying glass, tracing paper, file bag… everything is returned to its place and put back into the dark professional tool bag.The sound of the zipper being pulled up was so clear that it sounded harsh in the empty reading area.

She didn’t look at Ye Qiulan or speak.Packing her backpack, she stood up.Her body was still upright, but Ye Qiulan noticed that when she took the first step, her steps were almost unnoticeable. She immediately supported the edge of the table with her hands, and her fingertips turned white with strength. She paused for about two or three seconds before regaining her balance and walking towards the exit.His back was thin and his pace was slower than usual, carrying a strong but still unquestionable sense of alienation.

Ye Qiulan also hurriedly started to pack up his books and notes.My mind was in a state of confusion, my fingers were a bit unruly, and a thin book fell to the ground with a soft “snap” sound.She bent down to pick it up, and when she looked up again, Ling Xueqing’s figure had disappeared at the corner of the stairs leading to the reading area.

She hugged the packed canvas bag and hurried out.The lights in the corridor were darker than those in the reading area. Ling Xueqing had already reached the stairs and was about to go downstairs.

“Senior Sister Ling!” Ye Qiulan blurted out, his voice echoing slightly in the empty corridor.

Ling Xueqing’s footsteps stopped.But she didn’t look back, she just stood in the shadow of the stairs with her back to Ye Qiulan.The light fell diagonally from above her head, outlining her clear but slightly thin shoulder line.

Ye Qiulan ran to a few steps behind her and stopped.The distance was closer than usual, and she could smell the faint cedar tail that remained in the air after being forcibly blocked by the barrier agent. It was cold and repellent.

“You…” Ye Qiulan opened his mouth, his throat tight, “Are you… okay?”

Ling Xueqing was silent.His back remained motionless, as if he didn’t hear her, but also as if he was gathering the energy to answer.After a few seconds, she shook her head very lightly, so small that it was almost invisible.Still haven’t looked back.

“It’s okay.” Her voice came, drier and more astringent than in the reading area just now, as if it had been rubbed from sandpaper, “You should go back first.”

After saying that, she stopped staying and walked downstairs.Footsteps echoed in the stairwell, one after another, steadily, but with a deliberately maintained rhythm, and quickly disappeared below.

Ye Qiulan stood at the top of the stairs, looking at the direction in which she disappeared, holding a heavy canvas bag in his arms, and his heart was heavy with a piece of ice falling.That sentence “It’s okay” sounded more heartbreaking than any complaints or explanations.Ling Xueqing was using her own way to push her away, draw a clear line, and deal with the sudden “accident” that belonged to Alpha alone.

She walked slowly down the stairs.When I walked out of the library door, the cool night wind blew in my face, carrying the moist smell of vegetation.The street lights on campus have been turned on, and students in twos and threes are walking by talking and laughing.Everything is business as usual.Only she was still trapped in the closed space in that afternoon, in the silent vortex composed of the cold fragrance and the apology.

In the next two days, Ling Xueqing “disappeared”.

Not disappearing in the physical sense.Ye Qiulan caught a glimpse of her once or twice from a distance on campus.One time was in the cafeteria. Ling Xueqing was sitting alone in the corner, with only a bowl of porridge in front of her. She ate very quickly, and then got up and left without stopping or looking at anyone.Another time was on the way to the teaching building. Ling Xueqing was walking in front, some distance away, her back straight, her steps fast, and she soon turned into another fork in the road.

She did not come back to their usual seat in the library.Email no.No news either.

Ye Qiulan sent her two messages.One was from that night: “Are you in the dormitory? Have a good rest.” The other was from the afternoon of the next day: “I have roughly read through the pages of genealogy information you said you wanted to check before. I have some doubts about some page numbers. Do I need to confirm with you?”

The first one fell into disrepair.The second one, nearly five hours after it was sent, received an extremely brief reply: “No need at the moment. Thank you.”

Be polite, distant, and end the conversation.

Ye Qiulan looked at those four words, his fingertips felt cold.She knew that Ling Xueqing was avoiding it.Avoid her, avoid the “accident” that afternoon, avoid all topics that might touch that secret fragile boundary.Like a frightened beast, or a beast that consciously exposed its flaws, Ling Xueqing quickly retracted into her hard shell and built a higher wall around her with silence.

This kind of avoidance made Ye Qiulan feel a dull pain more than any direct rejection or indifference.She would rather Ling Xueqing be angry and impatient, or even directly say “leave me alone”.Instead of isolating her with an almost vacuum and absolute sense of distance like now.

The sourness is getting stronger day by day, almost drowning out the weak sweetness that had accumulated before.She was sitting in her old spot in the library, with nothing but the shadow of the camphor tree outside the window.She tried to focus, but she couldn’t help but think of Ling Xueqing’s steady hand when holding the tweezers, her feverish forehead and the tight grip on her wrist when she was sick, her lowered eyelashes when she drank porridge in the morning light, and her suddenly pale face and her dry “sorry” that afternoon.

These fragments of images were mixed together, unable to piece together a complete picture of Ling Xueqing, but they made the originally hazy emotions in her heart become clearer and weaker.What is clear is the growing care and distress that cannot be ignored.What was powerless was that she seemed to never be able to truly touch the true core under Ling Xueqing’s thick armor. Every time she seemed to get closer, she would eventually be pushed further away.

Thursday afternoon, it’s physical education class again.The badminton hall is still hot and noisy.Ye Qiulan held the racket and warmed up absentmindedly.His eyes involuntarily swept across the field.Ling Xueqing is also there.She was wearing that black sportswear and was talking to Zhou Xiao, the Alpha boy from the physical education department last time.Zhou Xiao smiled brightly and made gestures, while Ling Xueqing listened with no expression on her face, only nodding her head occasionally.

Ye Qiulan looked at it, and the sourness in his heart came back, with a hint of self-mockery.Look, she is not the only “accident” in Ling Xueqing’s world.She and Zhou Xiao seemed to be able to maintain a normal and relaxed communication.And I am just a troublesome Beta who needs to be politely isolated.

During group practice, she and Ling Xueqing were not grouped together.Ye Qiulan partnered with another girl and the fight was stumbling.She couldn’t concentrate at all, and several low-level mistakes attracted helpless looks from her partner.Her eyes always drifted uncontrollably to the nearby field.

Ling Xueqing and Zhou Xiao were paired up against two other boys.Zhou Xiao is very active, running aggressively, shouting “Good shot!”, and high-fiving Ling Xueqing from time to time.Ling Xuequing’s performance was as stable and outstanding as ever, moving quickly and hitting the ball accurately.But she almost didn’t speak. When faced with Zhou Xiao’s high-five, she only touched him lightly and then separated, her face still looking calm and calm.

Only once, in order to save a tricky ball in front of the net, Ling Xueqing rushed forward so fast that her body was almost parallel to the ground.She narrowly missed the ball, but she knelt down on one knee due to inertia and put her hand on the ground.Zhou Xiao immediately ran over, stretched out his hand to pull her up, and said, “Are you okay?”

Ling Xueqing avoided his outstretched hand, supported her knees, stood up quickly, patted the non-existent dust on her hands, shook her head, and signaled to continue.The movements are crisp and neat, without any sloppiness.

Ye Qiulan watched from a distance, and the self-deprecating sourness in his heart suddenly faded a little.Ling Xueqing also seemed to maintain a certain distance from Zhou Xiao.It was a distance based on cooperation and ordinary social interaction, which was not exactly the same as the cold and deliberate avoidance of her… caused by an “accident”.

This discovery did not make her feel any better, but made her mood even more complicated and unspeakable.

After class, the crowd flocked to the locker room.Ye Qiulan was busy packing her things. When she came out, there was no one outside the venue.The sky was gloomy, as if it was going to rain again.

She carried her sports bag and walked back slowly.When she reached the small garden near the side entrance of the gymnasium, her steps suddenly stopped.

Ling Xueqing sat on a bench in the corner of the garden half-covered by a wisteria flower stand.She was alone.She lowered her head slightly, holding the small bottle of silver odor blocking agent in her hand, pointing it at her wrists and the side of her neck, and sprayed it again.The movements were very careful, with an almost paranoid seriousness.After spraying, she held the vial tightly in her hand, closed her eyes, raised her head, and leaned on the cold wooden chair.Thick eyelashes cast two small shadows of exhaustion on the pale face, and his chest rose and fell slightly with his breathing.

She didn’t notice Ye Qiulan.

Ye Qiulan stood under the shadow of the sycamore tree a few meters away, watching quietly.The sour mess in my heart that had been lingering for several days was replaced by a sharper and clearer pain at this moment.She saw the subtle trembling of Ling Xuequing’s fingertips, the lingering tiredness and tension between her brows, and the real loneliness and exhaustion that she felt when she was alone, after taking off all the calm masks, and silently fighting against her own Alpha characteristics.

That small bottle of barrier agent is not a decoration, not a habit, it is a shackle, a weapon, and a cold barrier built by herself between her and the world.

Ye Qiulan did not step forward or make a sound.She turned around silently, facing the other direction, and slowly left.The evening breeze blew over my cheeks, bringing a wet coolness.

She knew that there were some things that she saw but could not touch.In some battles, Ling Xueqing was fighting alone, and she was not even allowed to sit on the sidelines.