When The Snow Falls In Autumn Chapter 3

Chapter 3

They didn’t really leave the library.

Just when Ye Qiulan stepped onto the courtyard path and Ling Xueqing was about to follow, the metal buckle of the constant humidity book box in Ye Qiulan’s arms suddenly made a slight but clear enough “click” sound – it came loose.The lid of the book box popped up and opened a gap, and a corner of the newly repaired ancient book inside slipped out.

They both stopped at the same time.

Ye Qiulan let out a low “Ah” and hurriedly tried to stuff the book back and fasten the buckle.But the posture of holding the book box and canvas bag made it difficult for her to move, and the buckle seemed to be a little old, and she couldn’t fasten it for a while.She was a little anxious, and beads of sweat oozed from her forehead, glistening in the sunset.

“Don’t move.” Ling Xueqing’s voice came from behind, very close.

Ye Qiulan froze.She could feel Ling Xueqing’s breath approaching, and the crisp cedar smell in the cool evening air became a little clearer than when she was indoors, but she still restrained herself from keeping a distance.

Ling Xueqing temporarily placed the cardigan and schoolbag in her hands on the bench beside the porch, then took a step forward and came to Ye Qiulan’s side.She didn’t take the book box, but stretched out her hand, and her fingertips landed on the disobedient metal buckle.Her fingers were long and her nails were neatly manicured, giving her a sense of calm strength.She used a little force to adjust the angle of the buckle, and then pressed it down.

“Click.”

The buckle fastens securely.

The whole process only takes two or three seconds.Ling Xueqing’s fingers did not touch Ye Qiulan’s hand, or even other parts of the book box.But Ye Qiulan felt that the small edge of the book box that Ling Xueqing’s fingertips inadvertently brushed seemed to leave a trace of heat.Her arms holding the book box tensed slightly.

“Okay.” Ling Xueqing retracted her hand and took half a step back.His eyes glanced at the slightly red tips of Ye Qiulan’s ears, and then moved away to look at the shadows of the trees in the courtyard that were lengthened by the setting sun.”The buckle is old. Next time… I’ll help you adjust it.” Her voice was steady, as if she was just stating a trivial matter.

“…Yeah.” Ye Qiulan lowered his head and hugged the book box tighter.In his arms is an ancient book that has been repaired all afternoon, and next to him is someone who has just fastened the buckle for him.A subtle, full feeling clogged her chest, making her breathing somewhat difficult.She didn’t know what it was, but she felt it was more confusing and more palpitating than the one she’d felt in the library that afternoon.

They should have moved on and left here.But no one moved.

The library porch was painted a warm honey color by the setting sun in the west, forming a blurred boundary with the blue-gray dusk that gradually rose in the courtyard.They stood at the junction of light and darkness, behind them was a building filled with a quiet and booklike atmosphere, and in front of them was a world that was about to be infiltrated by night.The wind had stopped, and not even the rustling of the leaves could be heard. Only the vague noise from the campus could be heard in the distance, making this small porch even more silent.

Ling Xueqing looked at the top of Ye Qiulan’s hair, which was dyed golden by the sunset, and at her gently trembling eyelashes, stained with halo.When she was buttoning the buckle just now, she smelled the familiar, clean scent of Ye Qiulan’s body, mixed with the astringency of a little repair serum.Beta’s pheromones were so weak that they were almost negligible. To her, Alpha, it should have been an unattractive, neutral background sound.But it was this background sound that attracted all her senses, causing the cedar breath that had been restrained all afternoon to stir and collide silently in her chest.She needed to say something or do something to break this suffocating stalemate that made her extremely greedy.

“Qiu Lan.” She spoke, her voice deeper than expected.

Ye Qiulan raised his head and looked at her.Her eyes were clear, reflecting the last splendid rays of light on the horizon, as well as Ling Xueqing’s somewhat tense face.

Ling Xueqing’s Adam’s apple rolled.She wanted to ask what exactly you meant by “thank you” just now.She wanted to ask, what are those emotions that I can’t understand in your eyes when you look at me.She wants to ask, if one day, I am no longer just “here”, if I want more… what will you think?

But these words were too heavy, so heavy that she couldn’t bear the consequences of asking them.The heavy shadow of family, the invisible barriers between genders, and Qiu Lan’s seemingly completely dependent and seemingly completely ignorant attitude are all like locks, tightly locking her true heart.

In the end, she just said: “Don’t be in a hurry to go back.” As soon as the words came out, even she was stunned for a moment.That wasn’t what she planned to say.It doesn’t even seem like something she would say.She has always been the one who plans calmly and takes things step by step.

Ye Qiulan was obviously stunned.She blinked, her long eyelashes like frightened butterfly wings.”…huh?”

Ling Xueqing looked away and looked inside the porch.Near the door, there is a set of old sofas and a low table for people to wait, shrouded in the shadow of the foyer and the afterglow of the sunset.”Inside,” she paused, as if looking for a suitable reason, “it seems that there are still some of your things that haven’t been kept.”

The excuse was so lame it was almost endearing.Ye Qiulan’s repair tools had clearly been put away in the canvas bag.

But Ye Qiulan didn’t expose it.She followed Ling Xueqing’s gaze to the set of sofas, then looked back at Ling Xueqing’s cardigan and schoolbag placed on the bench.The arm holding the book box relaxed slightly.”…It seems so.” She responded softly, with an imperceptible softness of relief in her voice.She didn’t want to leave like this.This dusk corner, which seemed to have been forgotten by time, made her feel a strange sense of peace and…a faint expectation.

So they retreated again.Instead of going back to the long oak table, he walked towards the quiet set of old sofas on the inside of the porch.

The sofa is made of dark green velvet fabric, with some wear and tear on the corners, revealing the light yellow lining underneath, telling the traces of time.There is a white porcelain vase placed on the low table, with several half-withered white lisianthus inserted in it. The edges of the petals are curled and glowing with withered yellow.

Ling Xueqing picked up her things and walked to the sofa, but did not sit down immediately.She watched as Ye Qiulan carefully placed the book box on the low table, then took off the canvas bag from his shoulders and placed it at his feet.Ye Qiulan’s movements were a little slow and hesitant, as if he was not sure whether he should really stay.

Ling Xueqing sat down first, choosing one side of the double sofa, leaving enough space.She put her cardigan casually on the armrest of the sofa and placed her schoolbag at her feet.Then, she raised her head and looked at Ye Qiulan, who was still standing.

Ye Qiulan caught her gaze and seemed to have finally made up his mind to sit down next to her.There was a small polite distance between the two of them, about enough room for one more skinny person.But the sofa was obviously not very big, and the distance between them meant that the corners of their clothes were almost touching, but they were carefully kept apart.

Silence fell again.This time, the silence was mixed with the unique, dusty smell of the porch and the growing twilight outside the window.The campus radio station in the distance began to play soft music, the sound was faint, as if separated by a thick layer of frosted glass.

Ye Qiulan looked at the withered lisianthus on the short table, stretched out his hand, and gently touched a curled petal with his fingertips.”It’s almost drying up.” She murmured, not sure whether she was talking about the flowers or something else.

“Yeah.” Ling Xueqing also looked at the flowers.The white petals showed a fragile grayish white under the dim light, which contrasted with the gleaming white on Ye Qiulan’s fingertips.”Tomorrow… maybe it’s time to get a new one.”

“Tomorrow…” Ye Qiulan repeated the word, retracting his fingertips from the petals and resting them on his knees.The fabric of canvas pants is rough and warm.”Are you coming to the library tomorrow?” She asked, her voice was very soft, as if she was asking Ling Xueqing, but also as if she was asking herself.

Ling Xueqing did not answer immediately.She leaned back on the sofa and looked toward the darkening sky outside the porch.The last ray of light is being swallowed up by blue-gray color, and the skyline is blurred.”Maybe.” She said, paused, and added, “There is still a little bit left in the geographical research book that I haven’t finished yet.”

“Oh.” Ye Qiulan responded.She knew what Ling Xueqing was studying. Those boring place names and waterway changes were somewhat related to the hometown of Ling Xueqing’s mother’s family.That was one of the worries that Ling Xueqing rarely mentioned but never let go of.Just like the care manual she always carried in her backpack, which was furrowed at the edges, it was closely related to her long-ill father.Their daily lives are always intertwined with these heavy backgrounds.

“Your father…how are you doing these days?” Ling Xueqing suddenly asked.She turned her head and looked at Ye Qiulan’s profile.They often asked this question among themselves, but every time they asked it, they were treated with the same caution.

Ye Qiulan lowered his eyelashes slightly.”It’s still the same. I’m short of energy during the day and can’t sleep well at night.” Her voice was calm, but she couldn’t hide the deep fatigue underneath.”The medicine was changed to a new one, and he said it was bitter.” At this point, the corners of her mouth curved ever so slightly, an arc that couldn’t be considered a smile, mixed with helplessness and pity.”I bought him pear candy and lied to him that the doctor ordered it to be eaten with it.”

Ling Xueqing listened quietly.She could imagine the scene: in a dark room, filled with the smell of medicine, Qiu Lan used his steady and dexterous hands when repairing ancient books to carefully take care of the middle-aged man who was exhausted by the illness, using a little bit of insignificant sweetness to neutralize the boundless pain.Somewhere in her heart, a small pain arose.For Qiu Lan, and for Uncle Ye who was once tall in his memory but is now becoming more and more stooped.

“Where’s Auntie?” Ye Qiulan also asked softly, raising his eyes to look at Ling Xueqing.This is a silent tacit understanding between them, exchanging the unbearable weight of each other’s families and sharing the desolation that no one can describe.

Ling Xueqing’s eyes darkened.”Yesterday… she said she saw someone on the balcony.” Her voice was very low, almost blending into the growing dusk.”Actually, there was nothing. I sat with her until very late.” She did not say who her mother saw. It was another well-kept wound in their family.She didn’t say that when she was accompanying her mother, what she was thinking about was whether the lights on the balcony across the way were also on, and whether Qiu Lan was also guarding the hospital bed, unable to sleep peacefully.

Ye Qiulan stretched out his hand and moved his fingertips slightly on the sofa, as if he wanted to touch Ling Xueqing’s hand at his side, but in the end he just curled it up and made a fist.”Xueqing,” she called her name, with a kind of soft regret in her voice, “don’t be too tired.”

Just a very simple sentence.There is no extra comfort, because any comfort pales in front of the weight of reality.But the words “Don’t be too tired” were like a tiny needle, accurately piercing the hard shell that Ling Xuequing had been holding on to.The sour emotions surged up, making her eyes heat up.She turned her face away suddenly and looked at the completely darkened courtyard outside the door. Her jawline was tense and she swallowed the hard lump in her throat.

She can’t be tired.She is Alpha, the only one who can support the Ling family now.She was used to restraint, used to carrying, used to playing the calmer and more powerful role in front of Qiu Lan.But only she knew that in those silent late nights, listening to the subtle sobs or murmurings coming from her mother’s room, and looking at the window opposite the window that was sometimes bright all night long, how much she wanted to be like a child, leaving everything behind, just seeking an embrace where she could be completely relaxed and accepted.

And that embrace, she only longed to come from the person beside her.

But she couldn’t say.At least not now.

After a long time, Ling Xueqing turned back. The expression on her face had returned to its usual calmness. Only a hint of redness remained in her eyes that could not be completely gone.”I’m fine.” She said, her voice regaining her composure, “I’m used to it.”

Ye Qiulan looked at her and didn’t ask any questions.Some pains can be resonated without words.She just silently shortened the limited distance between the two people by an insignificant amount.Her arm almost touched Ling Xueqing’s arm.

Their skins didn’t touch each other, but through the thin clothes, their body temperature seemed to be vaguely transmitted.Ling Xueqing froze for a moment and did not move away.She allowed herself to feel the illusory warmth brought by that little bit of proximity.The breath of cedar flows slowly through the body, no longer so anxious, but settling deeper and heavier.

Twilight completely took over the porch.The street lights in the distance lit up one after another, casting a dim yellow halo, barely illuminating this corner.Those withered lisianthus branches were only vague outlines in the dim light.The music on the campus radio stopped, and the surroundings fell into a deeper silence.

They sat side by side like this, in the darkness and silence, sharing the frequency of each other’s breathing, the unspeakable desolation and exhaustion brought by the family, and the stolen, short and peaceful time together.No one spoke again, as if words would break the delicate balance of magic.

Time passed by minute by minute.Maybe it’s long, maybe it’s short.It wasn’t until the clear sound of the administrator locking the inner door came from inside the library that they were awakened from this stagnant time and space.

It’s time to go.This time, I really had to leave.

Ling Xueqing stood up first.After sitting for too long, her legs were a little numb. She swayed slightly and then stood firm.She picked up the cardigan on the armrest and put it on her arms without wearing it.Then he bent down and picked up his schoolbag.

Ye Qiulan also stood up slowly, picked up the book box and put the canvas bag on his back.His movements were a little slow, as if he was coming out of a dream he didn’t want to wake up from.

The two walked towards the door again.This time, the buckle didn’t come loose again.

Stepping out of the porch, the evening breeze blew into my face with the coolness of the first dew.The street lights in the courtyard elongated their figures and intertwined them.Side by side, they walked slowly outside along the gravel path they came from.The pace is consistent and the rhythm is slow.

Still no conversation.