What’S Wrong With Just Eating His Majesty’S Soft Rice? Chapter 5

Chapter 5 Shave His Head

After pondering over things for a while, Fang Cheng couldn’t hold out any longer. “You sleep on the sofa. I’m going to bed.”

Fang Cheng returned to the bedroom, slammed the door shut behind him, and fell asleep the moment he hit the mattress.

Although he was exhausted, his sleep was far from peaceful. He spent the night dreaming of being chased, which terrified him so much that he spent the dream begging for mercy. Consequently, he didn’t wake up until noon the next day, which was his usual routine as an unemployed drifter anyway.

Fang Cheng crawled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom in a daze to relieve himself. Once he cleared his head, he noticed a pile of black and gold robes sitting on the washing machine next to the dirty clothes he had changed out of yesterday. He leaned in to take a closer look.

This lunatic really went all out with his act; this ridiculous Hanfu was a complete set from the inside out. Fang Cheng figured he probably couldn’t even put the thing on correctly himself.

He wondered how Zhou Yinli managed it.

The guy had clearly spent a fortune to play the emperor. The inner robes were a brilliant golden yellow, and there were even dragons embroidered in the same color on the cuffs that were hard to see unless you looked closely.

Fang Cheng picked up the belt, which was also intricately embroidered and featured a jade buckle in the middle—again, with a dragon.

Why were there so many dragons?

Had this mental patient stolen this from a film crew? Otherwise, how could he have such a complete set? If his family had bought it for him, they must be quite wealthy and very supportive of his “career” as a lunatic.

Having just woken up, Fang Cheng’s brain wasn’t fully functional yet. He searched through the clothes again but, as expected, found not a single cent, nor any note with contact information.

Since the robes were splattered with mud, Fang Cheng took the belt and hung it on a nearby rack. He prepared to toss the rest of the robes into the washing machine along with his own dirty laundry from yesterday. When he opened the lid, he realized he had forgotten to take out the clean clothes he had washed the day before.

He gave a sheepish chuckle. Living alone, he often forgot to take the laundry out. He quickly moved the clean clothes into a basin and threw the new pile of dirty laundry in. The old-fashioned washing machine began to rumble and churn heavily.

Fang Cheng stuck a toothbrush in his mouth and turned around, realizing he hadn’t closed the bathroom door. Since he had lived alone for the past few years, he had lost the habit of closing it. Things were different now; he needed to be more mindful. Even if it was just two grown men, it was still embarrassing to be seen using the toilet.

Stepping out, he saw Zhou Yinli sitting motionless, in the exact same posture he had been in when Fang Cheng went to bed last night.

Looking at him, had he really watched TV all night?

Furthermore, Fang Cheng had tuned the TV to the news channel last night, and it was still on that same channel. The midday news was currently airing, with a dignified female anchor reporting the latest domestic news in a standard broadcast voice.

Fang Cheng approached the sofa to observe Zhou Yinli and noticed the man’s complexion wasn’t great, with faint shadows under his eyes.

However, that expressionless, arrogant look of his remained unchanged.

Fang Cheng often stayed up late himself, but seeing someone else do it made him feel annoyed. “You didn’t stay up all night, did you? Do you still have any energy? We have things to do this afternoon.”

“It is no matter,” Zhou Yinli replied calmly, his voice slightly raspy.

Fang Cheng looked at him and clicked his tongue. He lifted the basin of clothes he was about to hang up and held it in front of Zhou Yinli. “Come help me hang the laundry. You can’t just eat and stay here for free.”

He had already discovered that if he spoke to Zhou Yinli reasonably, the man was actually quite compliant. You couldn’t use force with him; he would only become more stubborn.

Fang Cheng was pragmatic and, seeing an opening, he didn’t hesitate to push his luck. He immediately demanded help with the chores.

Sure enough, after hearing this, Zhou Yinli actually pulled himself away from the television and walked over.

However, once he stood before Fang Cheng, he looked somewhat lost, clearly having no idea what to do.

Seeing him standing there like a temple guardian, Fang Cheng knew the guy was clueless. He took the initiative. “I’ll hang one piece first. Watch closely and learn.”

Zhou Yinli didn’t move, but his gaze told Fang Cheng he was ready. Fang Cheng nodded in satisfaction, thinking the man was at least sensible. He haphazardly threw a garment onto a hanger and hung it up.

“Got it?”

Zhou Yinli nodded. Without a word, he silently picked up a piece of clothing, lowered his head, and began to work.

Fang Cheng was instantly liberated. He went back to the living room, flopped onto the sofa, and watched from a distance.

Zhou Yinli’s movements were clumsy at first, but he soon became proficient. Moreover, he was clearly more meticulous than Fang Cheng. Aside from the first couple of items, the rest of the clothes were hung much more neatly than Fang Cheng ever managed.

Fang Cheng didn’t hold back his praise, immediately telling him he was doing a great job.

Zhou Yinli was clearly unaccustomed to such enthusiastic praise. A flicker of awkwardness appeared on his face, but it vanished quickly.

Seeing how well he worked, Fang Cheng thought to himself that while the guy was a lunatic, he was actually quite a hand at housework.

The acting gig might only last a few days, but during that time, he would definitely train this lunatic well! He’d try to get him to do as much housework as possible; the more the guy did, the more Fang Cheng “earned.”

Finally, seeing the clothes fluttering neatly outside, Fang Cheng was in a good mood. “Go brush your teeth and wash your face. We’re going out to eat in a bit.”

As he saw Zhou Yinli heading for the bathroom, he remembered something. “Oh, right. I forgot to give you a toothbrush yesterday. Hold on.”

Fang Cheng found a travel toothbrush set in the cabinet under the sink and handed it to Zhou Yinli. It was something he had swiped from a hotel previously. “This toothbrush is very good, so use it sparingly.”

Zhou Yinli looked at the toothbrush and stood motionless, lost in thought.

Fang Cheng was speechless. Did this guy not know how to use a toothbrush? Did he never brush his teeth before?

But his teeth looked quite white and straight. Left with no choice, Fang Cheng mimed the action of brushing. “Brush your teeth, understand? Put on the toothpaste.” He pointed to the tube on the sink. “Then brush, and rinse when you’re done. Spit out the foam, don’t swallow it. Got it?”

Only then did Zhou Yinli nod. He stiffly applied the toothpaste and brushed his teeth.

Once he was finished, Fang Cheng had to patiently teach him how to use facial cleanser.

After washing his face, the dark circles under his eyes were less noticeable, and he looked quite refreshed.

Fang Cheng figured that since they were going to a film set later filled with glamorous actors, he couldn’t let the guy look too shabby.

In case Lin Er suddenly took a dislike to him and canceled the job, Fang Cheng hurried to his wardrobe and dug out a wrinkled shirt and a pair of trousers that had been buried at the bottom.

“Wear these for now.” He thought for a moment. “What shoe size are you? I don’t know if my shoes will fit you.” Zhou Yinli’s original boots were filthy and had been tossed into a corner.

Seeing the other man’s bewildered expression, he found a pair of sneakers and handed them over. “Try these on.”

Zhou Yinli took the clothes and shoes but didn’t move.

Fang Cheng raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to change your clothes for you, Your Majesty? We don’t have eunuchs or palace maids to serve people here; we do everything ourselves.”

Zhou Yinli paused, then began to undress right in front of Fang Cheng.

Fang Cheng was startled. Were all mental patients this uninhibited? Stripping just like that. Well, they were both men, so it wasn’t a big deal, as long as the underwear stayed on.

Just as Zhou Yinli’s hand reached for his waist, a realization flashed through Fang Cheng’s mind. He hadn’t given Zhou Yinli any underwear yesterday; the man definitely wasn’t wearing any.

Fang Cheng immediately shouted, “Stop!”

Zhou Yinli looked at him in confusion.

Fang Cheng said with a forehead full of frustration, “You’re not wearing any underwear, are you?”

Zhou Yinli shook his head with a hint of doubt. “Underwear is…?”

Fang Cheng cursed under his breath and went to find some. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any new pairs left. He found a clean, old pair and handed it to Zhou Yinli. “Go into the room and put these on yourself.”

Zhou Yinli took the item blankly and looked down at it. He seemed to realize what it was, and his expression shifted slightly before he finally went into the room.

In that brief moment, Fang Cheng had caught a glimpse of Zhou Yinli’s physique. With the natural competitive spirit between men, Fang Cheng swore he wasn’t jealous.

His body was just a normal man’s body, right? Just average. Those abs were nothing special; he could get them if he worked out. Those back muscles were the same; he could train for those too. Heh, heh.

When Zhou Yinli came out after changing, he gave Fang Cheng a puzzled look, seemingly unaware of the complex thoughts behind his expression.

Fang Cheng noticed that Zhou Yinli actually looked quite striking in the clothes. He managed to make those wrinkled, cheap, dusty garments look ten times more expensive.

Damn it. But then he thought, heaven is fair after all; the guy’s brain was broken.

Thinking this way made Fang Cheng feel much better.

“Try the shoes now.”

They were about the same height, and their shoe size was the same.

After watching the man fumbling clumsily with the laces for a long time, Fang Cheng couldn’t take it anymore. Since he had to tie his own anyway, he crouched down and slowly tied his laces as a demonstration. “Watch closely, I’m only teaching you once.”

Zhou Yinli looked down, intently watching Fang Cheng’s fingers nimbly straighten the laces and tie a knot.

“I have committed it to memory.” He then followed the example and tied his own laces.

A flicker of doubt rose in Fang Cheng’s mind. Wasn’t it a bit strange for a mental patient to have zero life skills while possessing such a strong ability to learn?

Before leaving, Fang Cheng remembered the clothes still in the washing machine. When he went to take them out, he discovered that Zhou Yinli’s intricate robes had been turned into a wrinkled, tangled mess by the machine’s agitation.

Fang Cheng felt a bit guilty. He had thought the clothes were expensive, but he had been mistaken—the quality was actually terrible! They had ended up like this after just one wash. They definitely weren’t valuable; they were probably cheaper than his own clothes! Giving him a set of cheap clothes in exchange was a fair trade.

Feeling less bothered, Fang Cheng took the clothes out and handed them to Zhou Yinli. Seeing his clothes in such a state, Zhou Yinli’s expression soured, but in the end, he said nothing and went to the balcony to hang them up.

Once those few items were hung, Fang Cheng led Zhou Yinli out. He was hungry, so they headed to a small local restaurant he frequented.

Zhou Yinli was truly an oddity. Even in this greasy little joint, he sat with such poise that it felt like he was in a grand hall. He was incredibly upright.

Fang Cheng sat slumped like he had no bones, thinking sourly that being a mental patient must be exhausting, staying so stiff all day long. No wonder he had abs.

The owner, who was well-acquainted with Fang Cheng, leaned in to gossip. “Who’s this?”

Fang Cheng didn’t even look up. “My grandmother’s cousin’s nephew’s paternal cousin.”

The owner spent a long time counting the generations on his stubby fingers before figuring it out, realizing the two had almost no blood relation. This explained why Fang Cheng didn’t look anything like the other man. Satisfied, he went back to his cooking.

When the food arrived, Fang Cheng ate without any manners. Zhou Yinli, even holding disposable chopsticks, remained upright and dignified, making the meal look like an imperial feast, just as he had with the instant noodles the night before.

This time was better; Fang Cheng ate first, so the “poison testing” phase was skipped.

Fang Cheng was starting to admire this level of commitment. The guy truly believed he was an emperor regardless of time or place.

Impressive.

To be a lunatic to this extent made him the king of lunatics.

“We’re going to a barber shop later. I can’t be seen in public with my hair looking like this after what you did to it.” He had specifically worn a hat today to hide his mangled hair.

Fang Cheng glanced at Zhou Yinli’s long hair. Today, the man had simply tied it back with a hair tie. It was actually one of Fang Cheng’s grandmother’s hair ties; Fang Cheng had only found it for him because he couldn’t stand watching Zhou Yinli struggle to put his hair up.

Once it was tied, Fang Cheng had to admit that this guy with a ponytail was the most handsome long-haired man he had ever seen in real life.

Looking good was one thing, but he silently vowed to himself that he would eventually cut the guy’s hair, making it even uglier than his own. Ideally, he would shave his head completely.