What’S Wrong With Just Eating His Majesty’S Soft Rice? Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Sizing Up the Madman on the Sofa

What was the difference between a madman with a real sword and one running around with a meat cleaver? The sword was longer, which meant a larger killing radius.

Fang Cheng considered the possibility of calling his crew over to subdue this lunatic, but thinking of those drunken fools, he could only give up on the idea for now.

Since the current situation didn’t allow for resistance, he might as well humor the madman. If the guy thought he was an emperor, Fang Cheng would just call him one; it wasn’t like calling someone Your Majesty would cost him a limb. Once he got rid of that sword, he could do whatever he wanted. He could even shave the guy’s head bald.

In an instant, Fang Cheng’s mind whirled through dozens of schemes. He immediately followed up smoothly, “I thank Your Majesty for your boundless grace. Your Majesty, why are you out here in the middle of the night? Why haven’t you returned to the palace? This is no place for someone of your status.”

The man’s expression stiffened. “Zhen does not know why I have appeared in this place. Do you know where this is?”

Fang Cheng said with a beaming smile, “Your Majesty, this place is called the third intersection of Jianguo Road in the Old Town District of A-City, Country Z.”

The man frowned. “Zhen has never heard of such a place.”

Naturally, Fang Cheng didn’t know how to explain these terms to him, nor did he want to waste words on this lunatic. “Your Majesty, there are things you do not know, but it is a long story. It’s so dark now that I couldn’t possibly finish explaining. This humble servant can barely keep his eyes open. Why don’t you tell me where you live, and I will come to explain everything to you tomorrow?”

Fang Cheng had somehow slipped into the role, his tone sounding incredibly sycophantic, more and more like a eunuch. Once he realized what he was saying, his anger toward the madman in front of him spiked again.

Zhou Yinli watched the man’s eyes darting around. He had pale skin and a pointed chin; when he spoke with that three-part smile, his eyes would narrow, making him look a bit like a white fox Zhou Yinli had once caught on the hunting grounds. “Zhen has nowhere to go for the time being. I shall accompany you to your home to rest for the night.”

Fang Cheng’s mouth twitched. Was he serious? Why was this guy suddenly following him home like a piece of sticky candy? And “rest for the night”—what kind of ridiculous description was that?

He weighed the odds of outrunning the man versus the possibility of calling the police to save him.

He eventually realized both were impossible.

First, he remembered the other man’s moves from earlier. With that speed and Fang Cheng’s sharp intuition, he knew his chances of outrunning this guy were zero.

On the other hand, the local beat cops were very familiar with Fang Cheng and his group of hoodlums. If he called the police, they would probably assume he was turning himself in and arrest him first thing rather than believing his story.

Damn it, he really had shot himself in the foot.

Fang Cheng thought about it; taking him home was fine. No one else was there anyway, and as a grown man, he wasn’t afraid of being at a disadvantage. If he let the guy go now and couldn’t find him tomorrow, how would he get his revenge? It was better to let the guy follow him. Along the way, there would surely be a chance to get that sword away. Once the guy was empty-handed, could he really not beat him? When that time came, if he didn’t beat the guy black and blue and shave his head bald, his last name wasn’t Fang!

“Alright then, Your Majesty. Please come back with me and grace my… uh, humble abode with your presence.”

Zhou Yinli walked behind him, staring at the exposed nape of his neck under his short hair. It was full of openings; this person didn’t know a lick of martial arts. He posed no threat at all.

Fang Cheng’s home wasn’t far. He didn’t really want to bring the man back, so he walked very slowly. However, the guy seemed to have caught onto his intentions, as a cold sword was placed against the back of his neck. Even though it was still in its scabbard, it carried an inexplicable sense of pressure. Furthermore, no matter what he said afterward, the other man kept the sword pressed against him without wavering.

By the time they reached his doorstep, Fang Cheng’s throat was parched, yet he hadn’t heard the man say a single word.

Fang Cheng was currently at his wit’s end and could only bring the man inside for now. He lived in an old street-facing building, an apartment left to him by his grandmother. Back then, thinking about the potential compensation from the redevelopment of this area, his relatives had been green with envy, all wanting a piece of the pie. They had come to cause trouble several times after the old lady passed away.

Fang Cheng had been young then and couldn’t handle it alone. When his brothers found out, they volunteered to back him up. They had picked up stools and almost started a brawl with those meddling relatives. That had scared them into silence, and Fang Cheng had enjoyed peace ever since. However, from that point on, he had completely cut ties with those relatives.

Fang Cheng looked back at the madman. The guy followed him silently, eyes fixed forward, his expression incredibly resolute. His gait was also straight and long-strided, his back held with an imposing air as cold and hard as the sword in his hand.

Fang Cheng observed the madman secretly for a while and found him somewhat interesting. In his past life, he had never met anyone like this lunatic. He had seen madmen, people in ancient costumes, serious people, and people with good-looking faces. But he had never seen all those traits combined in one person.

They soon reached the bottom of Fang Cheng’s building. The stairwell was pitch black, and the sound-activated light had long been half-deaf. Fang Cheng stomped his foot hard. Instead of waking the light, he startled the man beside him into drawing his sword.

Fang Cheng was also startled by his reaction. “Your Majesty, I was just making a noise to turn on the light. There are no audacious commoners trying to harm you.”

Seeing that he made no other move, Zhou Yinli’s initial flicker of fear at the sudden light eased significantly upon seeing Fang Cheng staring timidly at his sword. Fang Cheng shouted again. Fortunately, the light cooperated this time, flickering once before fulfilling expectations by casting a dim, dull orange glow.

“Why does this object glow when you shout? Are the glowing objects outside similar to this?”

Fang Cheng felt this madman was really too deep in character. “It’s a sound-activated light. How can you even ask that? It lights up when it hears a sound. The ones outside are streetlights. They’re all lamps; lamps are meant to glow. Have you never seen a lamp before?”

Even a mental asylum should have lights. If this guy didn’t recognize a lamp, it must be because his memory had deteriorated after he went crazy, to the point where he didn’t even know what a lamp was. Or perhaps he forgot everything every time he woke up. Thinking of this, Fang Cheng looked up at the guy and even felt a trace of pity. Not only did this man hallucinate that he was an emperor, but even his memory was malfunctioning.

Fang Cheng slightly regretted bringing him home. He took out his keys and flipped the switch, and the room instantly brightened. The place looked exactly like what one would expect from a single, unemployed, idling man with no income. This included, but was not limited to: soda cans on the coffee table, leftover takeout boxes from yesterday, socks scattered on the sofa, and crumpled jackets and pants.

There was almost nowhere to step after entering. Yet, Fang Cheng, completely lacking self-awareness, pointed to the sofa that didn’t have a single empty spot and said, “Your Majesty, please have a seat.”

Zhou Yinli surveyed the old decor and the mess all over the floor, then slowly closed his eyes. If this were a military camp and someone had made their quarters look like this, they would have been dealt with by military law. But he could only suppress his anger and say coldly to Fang Cheng, “Zhen commands you to clean this up immediately, or else…”

That single look was filled with killing intent.

Fang Cheng was momentarily intimidated by the aura of slaughter surrounding him. He immediately jumped into action, finding a large bag to first collect the trash on the table. He threw away or stuffed aside the trash and clutter from other areas. He tossed all the dirty clothes into the washing machine, poured in some detergent, and turned it on.

Then he grabbed a mop and worked hard on the floor. When the mop reached the madman’s feet, Fang Cheng even used it to nudge the man’s exquisite, embroidered boots. He didn’t stop until the other man, face darkening, made way for him.

After mopping, Fang Cheng looked at the refreshed room and raised his eyebrows in satisfaction. He looked up at the time; it had only taken about half an hour to clean the room. The only additions were the two large bags of trash by the madman’s feet near the door.

His grandmother hadn’t raised him poorly; he was just a bit lazy. The house was only messy, not particularly filthy. Combined with his quick movements, he finished the job quickly.

“Is this okay now, Your Majesty?” Fang Cheng said with a toothy grin, while thinking to himself: Just wait until I get that sword away from you, then I’ll show you.

Zhou Yinli looked around and finally nodded very reluctantly. He walked slowly toward the sofa Fang Cheng had just cleared and sat down straight-backed. He acted like the master of the house, showing no politeness at all. Then, he frowned slightly and pulled a remote control out from under the sofa cover beneath his backside.

Fang Cheng’s eyes lit up. He immediately reached out and snatched the remote from the man’s hand, saying happily, “Hey, I found it! I lost this ages ago and couldn’t find it anywhere. I haven’t been able to watch TV for days.”

He laughed very happily, his eyes curving into crescents. This made Zhou Yinli almost unable to look away. In his memory, he could hardly recall ever seeing such a smile.

As Fang Cheng was feeling sentimental while holding the remote, his phone suddenly rang. This small sound caused the man opposite him to look as if he were facing a great enemy again.

Fang Cheng was getting used to this and let out a snort. He checked the message on his phone. It was from Lin Er: Did you find that male actor I asked you to look for? These are the last few days. If you don’t bring someone suitable for an audition, I’ll find someone else.

Lin Er was a distant cousin of his who specialized in filming those tacky, melodramatic web dramas with incredibly exaggerated filters. Although Fang Cheng thought they were terrible, they surprisingly had a large audience. Recently, he was preparing to film a popular historical drama where the female lead has a harem.

He needed many male actors—the very handsome kind. The female lead was easy to cast; any of the actresses under his wing had both the looks and the skills. But the male actors were a problem. He only had a few regulars, which wasn’t enough for this show.

Lin Er was worried sick and had exhausted many resources, but his requirements were much higher this time. The handsome actors with decent skills that he liked didn’t like him. Plus, the acting fee wasn’t much, so no one was interested.

After a tremendous effort, he finally gathered the other male leads, but he was still one short and couldn’t find a suitable match. With filming about to start, he suddenly remembered that his cousin knew people from all walks of life and decided to try his luck with him, thinking Fang Cheng might be able to introduce a formidable-looking thug to play the role.

He had called a couple of days ago to state his requirements, asking Fang Cheng to keep an eye out and send anyone suitable for an audition. He said as long as the face, physique, and temperament were acceptable, it didn’t matter if they could act or not—they could even remain expressionless from start to finish.

Fang Cheng’s eyes darted around as he looked the madman on the sofa up and down.