What’S Wrong With Just Eating His Majesty’S Soft Rice? Chapter 14

Chapter 14: A man who can cook has half as many rivals in love.

Fang Cheng finished his shower and tossed his dirty clothes into the washing machine. As the sound of water filling the old machine and the rhythmic tumbling echoed in his mind, the more he thought about it, the more he felt something was wrong.

From the time and place Zhou Yinli appeared, to the content of their conversations, to the sword that had sliced off his hair, to Zhou Yinli’s strange combat prowess, and the scars on his body.

None of it was logical.

What kind of person possessed the skills seen in a wuxia drama?

What kind of ten-yuan sword from a small mall could slice through hair?

What kind of modern person would have so many scars caused by weapons?

What kind of mental patient would still believe he was an emperor while drunk, yet possess absolutely no life skills or common knowledge, even getting startled by a sound-activated light?

He walked into the living room and found that Zhou Yinli had already dressed himself. It seemed he wasn’t so drunk that he couldn’t take care of his basic needs. He was currently sitting upright on the sofa, staring at the television.

Fang Cheng could tell his eyes were quite dazed. At the same time, he was staring at the commercials on the TV like a child, exhausted to death but unwilling to turn it off.

Fang Cheng found it somewhat amusing. He wondered what the man was actually processing.

Zhou Yinli didn’t even look at him when he walked out. Fang Cheng went to the cabinet and pulled out the sword he had hidden previously. He tore off the tape wrapped around it. Because it was so heavy, he had to use both hands to lift it out.

He hadn’t looked at it closely before, but now he felt it from hilt to tip, checking every corner and edge.

The craftsmanship was far superior to anything one could buy at a second-hand market like the City God Temple. The simple, ancient patterns on it revealed a touch of master artistry.

Fang Cheng’s heart raced slightly. He drew the blade, and the sound of metal sliding against metal was incredibly crisp.

Fang Cheng plucked a short strand of his own hair, held it next to the exposed blade, and gave it a light blow.

As soon as the drifting hair touched the edge of the sword, it instantly snapped in two.

Fang Cheng swallowed hard. He quickly put the sword back and wrapped it with several more layers of tape.

Holy shit, wasn’t this the legendary “cutting a hair by blowing on it”? This was the level of a divine weapon from a wuxia novel. No matter how sharp he ground his kitchen knife, it would never have this effect.

Fang Cheng immediately went to the balcony and found the ancient costume Zhou Yinli had been wearing. Previously, he had thought the workmanship was decent, but the fabric seemed ordinary. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have changed so much after one wash.

He pulled the clothes out. After being tumbled in the washing machine, they were wrinkled and looked somewhat pitiful, though they still felt relatively smooth to the touch. Fang Cheng stared at the seams and compared them to the stitching on the clothes he was wearing.

Without a comparison, he wouldn’t have known, but the stitching on his own clothes was extremely neat, with every thread almost exactly the same length and distance apart.

That was clearly the result of a sewing machine.

But the seams on Zhou Yinli’s garment were completely different. The stitches were arranged in a strange but orderly pattern, and the connection between the thread and the fabric’s pattern was joined in such a special way that one couldn’t even see the traces of the stitches without looking closely.

Even if Fang Cheng didn’t know the trade, he could tell this thing definitely didn’t look like it was made by a machine.

Fang Cheng flipped through the patterns for a while. They were layered with light and shadow; some were obvious, while others only appeared when the light hit them just right. In one breath, he counted several dragons—at least seven or eight.

Fang Cheng held the clothes and stood dazed for a long time before returning to the living room.

One more verification, he thought. He would do one more tomorrow.

Zhou Yinli had already dried his hair and was staring blankly at the TV.

“Stop watching, go to sleep,” Fang Cheng urged. After a moment of thought, he added, “I’ll let you sleep in the bed today.”

The sofa wasn’t large, and it was quite a struggle for a tall man over 1.8 meters like Zhou Yinli to squeeze into it. It had been hard on him to sleep like that for several days.

If he really was…

Fang Cheng quickly cut off that train of thought.

The problem now was that if he was just a mental patient, that was one thing.

But if he wasn’t, then the problem was massive.

Fang Cheng’s bed wasn’t huge, but it could fit two people; it was certainly more comfortable than sleeping on the sofa.

Fang Cheng grabbed an extra quilt and led Zhou Yinli to the side of the bed.

Each of them wrapped themselves in a quilt, and after all the commotion of the evening, they fell asleep in no time.

The next morning, Fang Cheng happened to wake up first. He found half of his body draped over Zhou Yinli. The quilt on the bed was wrinkled and messy, looking like pickled vegetables. Half of it was trailing on the floor, while the other half was draped over his waist.

Zhou Yinli’s sleeping posture hadn’t changed much; he was lying flat and straight, as was his habit. Most of Fang Cheng’s weight was pressing down on him.

Looking at Zhou Yinli’s face, he wasn’t awake yet. His eyes were closed and his brow was furrowed as if he were having a nightmare, or perhaps as if he had been suffering from sleep paralysis all night.

The “ghost” responsible for the paralysis felt no guilt at all. With an expression as if nothing had happened, Fang Cheng retracted his limbs. As soon as his weight was removed, Zhou Yinli’s expression relaxed slightly, and his brow smoothed out.

Fang Cheng climbed out of bed nimbly, pretending he wasn’t the one who had been crushing the man all night.

His movements weren’t loud, but they still woke the ever-vigilant Zhou Yinli.

Due to his hangover, Zhou Yinli was still a bit dazed upon waking. He pressed his temples and sat up groggily.

Fang Cheng said, “Hey, get cleaned up. We’re going out to take care of some business today.”

It was rare for Zhou Yinli to sleep until this hour. His hair was a bit messy on top of his head, but fortunately, his hair was thick and relatively smooth. His head didn’t hurt now, which meant the quality of the alcohol last night was decent. “Last night…”

“You took advantage of me last night! Add another charge to your debt!” Last night he had served him in the bath and done all that hard labor for nothing—if that wasn’t being taken advantage of, what was?

Zhou Yinli froze, a rare flash of panic in his eyes. “How is that possible? I… I do not recall such a thing.”

Fang Cheng rolled his eyes, speaking with righteous indignation, clearly intending to frame him. “You want to back out of the debt just because you don’t remember?”

“Then…”

“Forget it, I’ll just keep it on the tab for now.” He dropped those words and hurried to the bathroom to relieve himself.

He left Zhou Yinli behind with a face that flushed hot and cold.

As Zhou Yinli was trying to recall the scenes from last night, Fang Cheng, who didn’t have a pleasant look on his face at all, walked out of the bathroom. “Hurry up and brush your teeth and wash your face.”

While brushing his teeth just now, he had inexplicably remembered the contents of his dreams from the night before. He had been chased again! And the people in the dream were all in ancient costumes with long hair, flying over walls and eaves, each holding a sword. When Fang Cheng turned back to look closely, every single person chasing him had Zhou Yinli’s face.

Those people were sometimes in black clothes, and sometimes sitting in a palace wearing golden dragon robes, with a dense crowd of officials kneeling below them.

These fragments were a mess, leaving him with no peace all night. He looked terrible now. He felt like giving Zhou Yinli a beating, so his tone was naturally impatient and harsh.

It was rare for Zhou Yinli to be scolded by someone in such an annoyed and disgusted tone. He turned cold all over, and for a moment, he was like an unsheathed blade, his aura overbearing.

However, he simply stood there, gave Fang Cheng a quiet look, and went straight into the bathroom to wash up.

Being hit by that cold gaze made Fang Cheng feel a bit embarrassed.

It was early morning, and the man hadn’t done or said anything, yet he had blown up at him. It was lucky it was Zhou Yinli; if it had been his group of brothers, they probably would have jumped up to start a fight with him by now.

Then, thinking that the man was about to be sent away, a small bubble of sadness rose in his heart. When Zhou Yinli came out, Fang Cheng said, “Let’s have noodles for breakfast. Didn’t you want to learn? I’ll teach you once.”

It was rare for him to be so kind to Zhou Yinli. The gloomy atmosphere around Zhou Yinli instantly vanished, and a hint of a smile appeared in his eyes.

The small kitchen was a bit crowded with two large men in it, but neither of them minded.

“Eggs, green vegetables, ham sausage. These few things are enough,” Fang Cheng said, taking out the items they had bought at the supermarket last time.

“Cooking according to the instructions is the simplest; anyone can do it. But at home, you can cook it a bit healthier.” Fang Cheng threw away the seasoning packets. “You don’t need these packets; the flavor is too heavy for the morning.”

“And then?”

Fang Cheng skillfully beat the eggs. “Beat the eggs until they’re mixed. You know how to do this, right?”

While boiling the noodles, Fang Cheng only added a pinch of salt. When the noodle block was just about to pull apart in the water, he said, “Alright, now you can add the eggs and the vegetables.”

The eggs quickly puffed up in the water, and the vegetables softened.

Fang Cheng turned off the heat. “Add a little chicken essence. I like my noodles a bit firm, so this is perfect. Give it a try.”

Fang Cheng poured the noodles into a bowl and added a few drops of sesame oil.

Zhou Yinli took a bite. “It is very fresh and light. Different from last time. Last time, the flavor was very heavy.”

Fang Cheng laughed. “Of course. Last time was the taste of the seasoning packets. This time is the exclusive Fang Cheng version. It’s more comfortable to eat like this in the morning; it’s not too greasy. If you want a soft-boiled egg, drop the egg in after the water boils, cook it for two or three minutes, and then add the noodles. By the time the noodles are done, the egg will be perfectly soft-boiled.”

While Zhou Yinli was eating, Fang Cheng started another pot of water to cook a bowl for himself. Zhou Yinli asked, “Why didn’t you cook your own portion just now?”

Fang Cheng said, “The biggest taboo when cooking instant noodles is cooking multiple packs in one pot. Unless you like soft noodles, cooking one pack per pot is the only way to go.”

Seeing him speak with such authority, Zhou Yinli smiled. “Wait until I finish, and I will try making it.”

Fang Cheng raised an eyebrow. “Sure.”

After Zhou Yinli finished eating, he followed Fang Cheng’s process step by step. The result was almost identical to Fang Cheng’s portion.

Fang Cheng didn’t hold back his praise, then added, “Even though everyone says instant noodles are junk food, look at the way I make them—not junk at all! They’re actually quite nutritious and healthy!”

Zhou Yinli clearly didn’t quite understand what he meant by “nutritious” or “junk food,” but he very much enjoyed watching the way Fang Cheng’s face lit up as he talked about all sorts of random things.

Once the noodles were finished, Fang Cheng pointed at the bowls. “You do the dishes.”

Zhou Yinli had been quite cooperative with other chores before, but now he was reluctant to move. “Cooking is sufficient. Zhen… I do not like washing dishes.”

Fang Cheng was annoyed for a second but held it back. Knowing that clashing head-on with Zhou Yinli was never a good idea, he started preaching again. “A man who can cook has half as many rivals in love. A man who can wash dishes has the other half gone. Only a man who can cook and wash dishes is a real man, a good man!”

Without another word, Zhou Yinli quickly washed the bowls until they were spotless.

Fang Cheng was quite satisfied and had him mop the floor as well.

Once the house was looking brand new, Fang Cheng grabbed Zhou Yinli. He took the shrunken clothes he had tossed in the corner and stuffed them into a plastic bag, then found the thumb ring Zhou Yinli had given him from the corner of the coffee table and put it in his pocket. They set off for the nearest police station.