The Downtrodden Villain In A Redemption Romance Novel Chapter 44
byChapter 44 Thoughts
The two walked into the house one after another, and Xu Wen was still talking about today’s interesting things.
But Lu Qingrang, who had always responded to him gently, seemed a little absent-minded at the moment.
“Brother Lu? Brother Lu!” Xu Wen pouted dissatisfiedly and waved his hand in front of the other person’s eyes.
Lu Qingrang suddenly came to his senses: “Huh?”
“You’re not listening to me at all!” Xu Wen complained aggrievedly.
“I heard it.” Lu Qingrang smiled gently, “You said it’s cold and you want to go to bed early. Go to bed after dinner.”
Xu Wen wrinkled his nose, but still responded obediently.
He took advantage of Lu Qingrang’s turn to serve the rice and quickly called the system in his mind: “System, check the redemption value.”
[Redemption Value: Seeing that it was still the same value that had been slowly rising over the past month, Xu Wen felt a little more at ease. It seemed that Lu Qingrang’s absent-mindedness just now should be okay.
He blinked, forgetting the incident.
And Lu Qingrang’s thoughts had already drifted back to the scene at the station.
He thought of Li Yue’s eyes shining with unabashed appreciation and light when he looked at Xu Wen.
Thinking of the strange emotion that suddenly clenched in his chest and almost suffocated him, it was a kind of strong displeasure, even with a trace of inviolable hostility.
He, who has always been gentle and gentle towards others, could be so rude because of a strange girl’s normal affection for Xu Wen, and even made a gaze that was almost rude.
This is completely inconsistent with his code of conduct for more than 20 years.
This unfamiliar and almost out-of-control emotion made him deeply confused and vaguely uneasy.
He lowered his eyes and looked at Xu Wen beside him, who was still chattering about wanting to eat braised pork tomorrow after taking a shower, with warm moisture all over his body. He felt a burning sensation in his heart that he didn’t dare to go into.
Until they said good night to each other and lay side by side on the soft bed, listening to Xu Wen’s breathing beside him gradually becoming steady and long, Lu Qingrang still felt no sleepiness.
In the darkness, he opened his eyes and felt the body temperature next to him that made him feel relieved but also inexplicably anxious.
Finally, he carefully lifted off the quilt, walked barefoot to the window, and took out the old mobile phone with a broken screen by the distant light of the city outside the window.
The cold touch of the fuselage made him wake up slightly.
He hesitated, hovering his fingertips over the search box for a moment, and finally entered word by word with a determination to explore the dark side of himself:
[Why are you jealous of the girl next to your good brother?】
The search results pop up, filled with posts on various psychological analysis and emotional forums.
“Possessiveness”, “potential sense of competition”, “exclusivity of friendship”… these words seem to explain part of it, but something doesn’t feel right.
He frowned and continued typing. The questions became more straightforward and directed towards his heart:
[Brothers are in love and feel very uncomfortable. Is it normal?】
The answers became more polarized, with some people jokingly saying “it’s like having your own cabbage eaten by a pig”, while others seriously pointed out that this may be beyond the scope of ordinary friendship.
His heart sank slightly.
The idea that he deliberately suppressed and dared not touch, quietly grew in the darkness, occupying his heart bit by bit.
His fingertips were trembling, but as if driven by some kind of force, he entered a more explicit question:
[I want to be close to my good brother and look at him all the time. Is this normal?】
[Where is the boundary between good friends?】
[What are the specific signs of liking someone?】
He flipped through the search results one by one, and those cold words allowed him to face his heart so clearly for the first time, the turbulent and unfamiliar emotional depths that he had never dared to step into.
The answer is ready to come out.
Those descriptions about “missing her all the time”, “desiring to be exclusive”, and “painful because of the closeness of the other person”, each pointed accurately to an answer that he had been avoiding.
The answer is ready to come out.
family?
brother?
Lu Qingrang’s lips curled up with a hint of bitter self-mockery.
How could he naively think that the kind of feeling that wants to be exclusive and is jealous to the point of almost losing control just because of someone else’s look is the so-called family love?This is clearly…
He felt his throat tighten, a mixture of panic and a strange sense of relief gripping him.He seemed to be making final confirmation…
【How to love someone?】
However, just a second before he was about to press the search button, his movements froze.
His pale and frightened face was reflected on the screen.
love?
This word is too heavy, too bright, and too…dirty.
For a person like him who crawled out of the mud and despair, his heart is already riddled with holes. Why should he imagine such a warm and fiery existence?
How dare he…how dare he taint it with such dirty feelings?
A strong sense of inferiority was like ice water, instantly extinguishing the fire called cognition that had just been ignited in his heart.
As if he had been burned, he suddenly deleted all the writing in the input box, as well as all previous search records.
He bit his knuckles in a daze, so hard that it almost left tooth marks.
Huge fear enveloped him. If Xu Wen knew…that his brother, whom he had rescued and cared for with all his heart, had such unbearable thoughts in his heart, how would he look at him with disgust and horror?Will he feel sick?Will you flee immediately?
Just imagining that scene made him so painful that he couldn’t breathe.
Just keep it like this?In the name of brother.
Greedily absorbing the warmth and light he brought, watching that he might fall in love, get married, and have a truly normal and happy life in the future, but he could only stand aside as a good brother, send blessings, and then be annihilated alone in the endless darkness and bitterness.
He was so unwilling.
There was a voice shouting crazily in my heart.
Why?It’s obvious that he met Xu Wen first, it’s obvious that he prepared three meals for Xu Wen every day, it’s obvious that he remembered all of Xu Wen’s preferences and subtle expressions, it’s obvious… he is the one who can’t bear to lose Xu Wen the most!
What should he do?
This question was like a bottomless whirlpool, dragging him into an emotional abyss.
He curled up on the chair by the window, his forehead pressed against the cold glass, feeling like he was split in two. One half was ashamed and afraid of his feelings, while the other half was frantically clamoring for possession.
Just when he was immersed in the quagmire of pain and almost suffocated, a warm hand suddenly stretched out from behind him and accurately took away the mobile phone he was holding tightly.
“Why are you playing with your phone when you’re up in the middle of the night? It might hurt your eyes!”
Xu Wen was heavily sleepy, and a vague voice sounded in his ears, a little dissatisfied with being disturbed, but more of a habitual concern.
He was obviously asleep and found no one around him, so he followed the light to find him.
Lu Qingrang trembled all over, raised his head suddenly, and looked into Xu Wen’s eyes that still looked clear and bright in the dark, and his heart almost jumped out of his chest.
He subconsciously wanted to cover up and take back his phone, fearing that the other party would see any clues.
But Xu Wen just casually stuffed his cell phone into his pajamas pocket, then yawned, reached out and grabbed Lu Qingrang’s cold wrist, and pulled him to the bed without any explanation.
“Go to bed quickly! I have to go to work tomorrow…” Xu Wen’s strength was unexpectedly strong, or in other words, Lu Qingrang couldn’t muster any strength to resist.
Like a puppet, Xu Wen pushed him back onto the bed and tucked him into the quilt.
Xu Wen himself lay down with a groan, and almost immediately fell into a semi-sleep state again.
But he turned over habitually, put his arm on Lu Qingrang’s waist unconsciously, and muttered the last command: “Close your eyes…sleep…”
Through the thin pajamas, a steady and scorching temperature came from that arm, which instantly smoothed away all the turmoil and self-loathing that Lu Qingrang had just felt.
His stiff body slowly relaxed, and Xu Wen’s clean and sunny scent lingered on the tip of his nose.
In the darkness, he opened his eyes, listened to Xu Wen’s steady breathing in his ears, and felt the heavy weight around his waist that represented complete trust and dependence.
What should he do?
This question remains unanswered.
But at least at this moment, in this warm and solid harbor built by Xu Wen, he was temporarily safe.
He carefully and slightly moved a little towards the heat source, and then closed his eyes.
Let’s keep it like this for now.Even if it’s just in the name of a brother.
At least he was still within reach.