TTOA Chapter 82

#82

“If all the Espers are wiped out at once, how will we fight the creatures and handle the Gates? Inevitably, the remaining people will have to shoulder the burden to make up for the manpower shortage, right?”

Young Espers, who are still just training recruits, might be thrown into the front lines.

Ordinary people, no longer protected, will fall into chaos.

Humanity… its future…

Knowing the obvious outcome, I couldn’t agree with Seo Eui-woo.

“Then, what about Jae-jin? What about Jae-jin?”

“What do you mean, what about me? Seo Eui-woo is supposed to hide me well and protect me, isn’t he?”

“No. How can Jae-jin endure this?”

Seo Eui-woo lowered his throbbing eyes. He hadn’t blinked once for a while, and his pupils were dry. Even the blood vessels in his eyeballs were standing on end.

“Even I feel this wronged and frustrated… How can Jae-jin stand it?”

“…”

“He’s a Mutant and supposed to die, everyone’s trying to kill Jae-jin, how can he… how can he endure it? Before the regression? He endured this for four years? How did he live without going crazy? Were you planning to just die if you got caught? Is that why you tried to die so easily whenever you had the chance?”

How did I endure it…?

How did I live…?

My lips slowly closed. Kwon Jae-jin, speechless, put strength into his tongue.

Seo Eui-woo’s clear and youthful face came into clearer view. At the end of desperation, Seo Eui-woo was trying to understand Kwon Jae-jin.

However, Kwon Jae-jin couldn’t give Seo Eui-woo an answer he could understand.

“Well… back then…”

That’s right.

How did I endure it, how did I live…?

“Seo Eui-woo… kept me alive.”

I tried to die, but Seo Eui-woo stubbornly kept me alive. Acting like things would be a disaster without Kwon Jae-jin, and things actually did go wrong, using all sorts of means and methods, committing crimes, erasing memories, tying me up, clinging to me, crying, begging, asking me to date him, clashing with me repeatedly with his body and emotions… That great, extraordinary, and powerful Seo Eui-woo, the unparalleled hero Seo Eui-woo revered by all, acted like he only wanted Kwon Jae-jin from beginning to end…

That’s, as a result… somehow…

That’s how it got blurred.

In fact, Kwon Jae-jin still can’t fully understand it.

It just seems like Kwon Jae-jin vaguely realized that living life doesn’t require anything that great.

Kidnapped in an instant, getting his dick sucked, seeing nothing but a crazy bastard in front of him, and Espers with guns outside… but… even so… I sometimes saw it.

Wrinkled bedsheets, brightly lit lights, the blue sea breaking into white foam, the scenery of raindrops on the window. Just, those things piled up.

The weight of the actual gun in my hand, the subtle change in smell when the seasons change, when the omelet I somehow tried to make because I wanted home-cooked food was so bad it was like dying, when I knew I could never beat Seo Eui-woo but still did push-ups every day, when I did two more push-ups today than yesterday, when the kitchen knife just turned into a favorite knife, when I woke up refreshed after a deep sleep, well…

Seo Eui-woo’s ear that brushed against mine was softer than I thought, and his curly hair was softer than I thought, Seo Eui-woo is cute when he smiles, suffocating when he cries, his face lingers in my mind, his eyes come to mind. Those trivial things. One by one. One by one. Neatly.

Could this be the reason?

Can I explain it with this?

I don’t know, actually. Still.

But Kwon Jae-jin just felt like he could live like that.

And, Seo Eui-woo always made Kwon Jae-jin feel that way.

This Seo Eui-woo who wants to date Kwon Jae-jin and is going to kill all the Espers he’s lived with for twenty years… what can Kwon Jae-jin do about this?

How can I win? I can’t win.

Seo Eui-woo always surpassed Kwon Jae-jin.

He makes me feel like my heart is breaking and my soul is shaking.

How can I not be moved by someone who shakes me so completely?

Isn’t that so…?

Wouldn’t anyone feel that way…?

So Kwon Jae-jin wanted to live a good life now, he didn’t want to screw up.

“…Seo Eui-woo saved me. Seo Eui-woo made me endure somehow. So now it’s okay.”

“Okay? Is it okay…?”

“Yeah, well. So-so.”

“I used to think it was okay too. Living like this.”

“You did, Seo Eui-woo?”

“I thought there would be no problem as long as I hid Jae-jin well. It’s okay as long as I don’t get caught. I’m full of lies anyway. I thought it would just be adding one more secret that no one knows.”

Seo Eui-woo stroked Kwon Jae-jin’s lower back with the soft side of his palm. It was a touch that seemed to cherish every moment he spent with Kwon Jae-jin, even the ones that just passed by.

“I was confident I wouldn’t get caught, and I even thought it would be quite easy. It was manageable, before. Everything was fine. But today… How should I put this.”

“…”

“I’m disillusioned.”

“…”

“Yeah, disillusionment. I think that’s exactly it.”

He pulled Jae-jin close. He put his arm around his armpit and placed him on his body. He supported Kwon Jae-jin’s weight completely, making their chests stick together.

Only Seo Eui-woo felt the resonance of the Cores that Jae-jin couldn’t feel.

“I really hate it. Living like this.”

When he heard the order to bring Kwon Jae-jin’s body, he had no choice but to say he would. Knowing that the purpose was to find Kwon Jae-jin, he had to kill all the creatures the search party found. He will have to repeat such things in the future.

“Even if Jae-jin says it’s okay, I’m not okay.”

Moreover, Seo Eui-woo had innate power. He has an ability that he can destroy if he wants to. He couldn’t control that power before, but now he can. As time passes and Seo Eui-woo is with Kwon Jae-jin and receives Guiding, he will become more powerful and free.

“What should I do?”

Can I endure it? This.

“Jae-jin, what should I do?”

Can I endure it…?

I like Kwon Jae-jin. I like him so much I don’t know what to do. I want everything. Everything about Kwon Jae-jin. His everything. Body and mind, past and future, Kwon Jae-jin’s entire life. I want to have it all and cherish it. As if we are the only ones in the world. As if there are only two of us. I want to live like that. I hope so. As long as I can cherish only Kwon Jae-jin, Seo Eui-woo didn’t care how horribly the world collapsed. I didn’t think I’d see anything else anyway. I was disillusioned, I wanted to tear it apart, and I just sincerely wanted to kill everything…

“Should we… should we just run away?”

Seo Eui-woo whispered as if it suddenly occurred to him. The voice heard was calm, but the content of the sentence was quite shocking.

“Let’s run away. I don’t want to be an Esper. I don’t want to be mixed up in this.”

Kwon Jae-jin widened his eyes.

Run away?

Seo Eui-woo is saying such a thing, not anyone else?

“How about we just throw everything away and go? Far away. Huh?”

“Where, where to…”

“Anywhere. Anything is fine. The 6th Residential District would be nice too. The place where Jae-jin lived… I want to go.”

“What…?”

“I’m curious about how Jae-jin has lived so far, and Jae-jin also wanted to know. Family.”

Seo Eui-woo rushed in like a fierce typhoon. Each word he uttered made Kwon Jae-jin dizzy. Again. Again, I felt like my soul was shaking.

“Jae-jin told me to get it back for him, right? Kwon Jae-jin’s childhood. Even if I can’t return the memories in your hole-filled head, wouldn’t we be able to find something out if we go to the 6th Residential District?”

“Wait a minute… Seo Eui-woo, wait a minute.”

“Hiding somewhere is the same. Hiding here or hiding there. So let’s go there, just the two of us without anyone knowing, and date properly.”

“Ah…”

“Jae-jin said he wanted to do that, right? He said he wanted to have a common romance that ordinary people have. Let’s really mix in with ordinary people and do that. Is this not okay either? If I say this… do you want to break up?”

“No… it’s sudden. Just a moment. Wait, wait a minute.”

Jae-jin grabbed Seo Eui-woo. He couldn’t catch up with him, who was going ahead.

Even after regressing. Even though Kwon Jae-jin had already started a new life four years ahead of Seo Eui-woo. The leeway he had because the starting line was different had disappeared somewhere, and Seo Eui-woo calmly surpassed Kwon Jae-jin’s ideas and started leading Jae-jin’s life again.

This feeling, really…

Every time I get hit, it’s like that.

I’m fascinated.