Stars Fall Into The Sea, Love Never Fades Chapter 4

Chapter 4 The old time in the relics

While clearing away the debris in the living room, Azhi’s hand was cut several times.The sharp glass shards were embedded in the palm of the hand, and blood oozed out, mixed with the wet wine stains from last night, causing a stinging pain.As if he had no consciousness, he bent down to pick it up mechanically. It wasn’t until his fingertips were red, swollen and hot that he thought of rummaging through the drawer for a band-aid.

At the bottom of the drawer, there is a dark blue storage box, which was Qi’s favorite style when he was alive. It has a small star pattern printed on it.Ah Zhi’s movements suddenly paused. The moment his fingertips touched the surface of the box, it felt like touching a hot soldering iron or Qi Wei’s cool skin.

This is Qi’s relic, which he brought back from Qi’s apartment.That day in Qi’s room, he shuttled back and forth like a wandering spirit, putting everything that could evoke memories into this box – the silver bracelet that Qi often wore, the starry sky puzzle they put together together, sticky notes filled with love words, and a thick diary.

He had never really looked at any of this stuff before.Mr. Qi said, “When we get old, we will take out these memories and read them slowly.” But he was always busy with work at that time, and would either nod perfunctorily, or simply interrupt Qi’s words and say, “Don’t mess with these useless things.”Thinking about it now, those things he regarded as “useless” were actually proof of love that Qi protected with all his strength.

Ah Zhi sat on the floor, holding the storage box in his arms as if holding Qi’s body.The familiar smell of cedar lingered around him, stronger than ever before, as if Qi was by his side, accompanying him to look through these old things.

“Qi,” he spoke softly, with a trembling voice, “let’s take a look together, okay? Just like you said before.”

He opened the box and the first thing he saw was the silver bracelet.The chain is very thin, and there is a small pendant with the word “Zhi” hanging on it, which he gave to Qi on his birthday.Qi wore it almost every day and was reluctant to take it off even when bathing and sleeping. It wasn’t until the day we broke up that she took it off and put it in a drawer.

Azhi picked up the bracelet and rubbed the cold pendant with his fingertips, tears welling up again.He remembered Qi’s look when he received the gift, his eyes as bright as stars, holding his neck and saying in his ear: “Azhi, I will wear it for the rest of my life and never take it off.”

But he picked it after all.Is it because of his indifference and determination that Qi feels that this love has no meaning in continuing?

Under the bracelet is the starry sky puzzle.The puzzle was huge, with a thousand pieces, and they were put together on the third anniversary of their relationship.At that time, Azhi had just started his own business and was under great pressure. He often stayed up late and worked overtime.In order to make him relax, Qi pulled him to sit on the floor and pieced it together piece by piece for a whole week.When the last piece was put into place, Qi excitedly jumped into his arms, pointed at the puzzle and said, “Azhi, look, this is like our future. Although there are many pieces, as long as we work together, we can piece together a complete starry sky.”

At that time, he just smiled perfunctorily, but what he was thinking about was tomorrow’s project proposal.Now looking at the bright starry sky on the puzzle, he realized that what Qi wanted was never success, just his company, just a stable happiness.

Ah Zhi carefully put the puzzle aside and picked up the sticky notes.Each note has different love words written on it. The handwriting is thin and graceful, with Qi’s unique tenderness: “Azhi worked late today, heated up milk for you and put it in the kitchen.” “I saw a puppy that looks like you today. It’s fluffy and cute.” “Azhi, I love you more than the stars and deeper than the sea.”

There are a lot of sticky notes, dozens of them, and each one is marked with a date.Ah Zhi flipped through them one by one. From spring to winter, from the early days of love to the eve of breakup, Qi’s love never diminished. Instead, it became deeper and deeper as time went by.

Until the last note, dated the day before they broke up.There was only one sentence written on it: “Azhi, I seem like I can’t hold on any longer. Can you look back at me?”

Ah Zhi’s heart seemed to be grasped tightly by an invisible hand, and the pain was so painful that he could hardly breathe.He could imagine how Qi looked when he wrote this sentence. He must have been sitting alone in the dark, with tears falling on the note paper and blurring the handwriting.At that time, he was entertaining clients and was so drunk that he didn’t even notice the message from Qi, let alone Qi’s despair.

“I’m sorry, Qi, I’m sorry…” He choked and buried his face in the note paper, soaking the paper with tears, “I should have looked back, I should have looked at you more, I should not have left you alone…”

The smell of cedar around me seems to have a hint of whimpering, as if Qi is crying silently.Ah Zhi stretched out his hand, trying to hug the void around him, but he only hugged a ball of cold air.He knew that Qi was here, looking at him and feeling sorry for him, but there was an insurmountable gap between them, the distance between life and death.

At the bottom of the box is the diary.The cover is dark blue, and like the storage box, it has tiny stars printed on it.Azhi hesitated for a long time before mustering up the courage to open it.

The diary records all of Qi’s emotions from the time he met him to the time before his death.At first it was a shy secret love, “Today I met a very handsome boy at the art exhibition, his name is Ah Zhi, he has beautiful eyes” “A Zhi helped me pick up the paintbrush that fell on the ground, his hand was very warm”; then it was the sweetness after falling in love, “A Zhi confessed to me! I was so happy, it felt like a dream” “We went to watch the sunrise together, Ah Zhi wrapped me in his coat”It’s very warm inside the condom”; and later, the uneasiness and pain became deeper and deeper, “Azhi has been getting busier and busier recently, and we haven’t had a good talk for a long time.” “He lost his temper again today and said I was too clingy, but I just want to spend more time with him.” “The doctor said I had depression. I’m so scared, afraid that Azhi will dislike me.” “Azhi broke up with me, and my sky is falling.”

The last page of the diary is dated the day before Qi committed suicide.The handwriting was scrawled with obvious trembling: “Azhi, I really love you so much that I can’t breathe. I can’t live without you. I know it’s selfish to do this, but I really can’t survive it. If there is an afterlife, I hope we won’t meet again, it hurts too much. But if we do meet, I hope you can love me a little more, even just a little.”

After reading the last sentence, Ah Zhi couldn’t bear it any longer and burst into tears while holding the diary.His cry was hoarse and desperate, like a wounded beast licking its wounds alone in the darkness.He finally understood that Qi’s depression never happened suddenly, but was slowly forced out by his indifference and neglect.He was the murderer of Qi, and he destroyed the person he loved most with his own hands.

The smell of cedar around him became stronger and stronger, as if Qi was patting his back gently, trying to comfort him.Ah Zhi raised his head and looked into the void beside him, his vision blurred by tears: “Qi, I know I was wrong, I really know I was wrong. Can you give me another chance? I will love you well, stay with you, and never let you be wronged again.”

But the only response to him was endless silence.

Ah Zhi held the diary and sat on the floor until the sun rose above his head.The sun shone in through the gaps in the curtains and fell on him, but it could not dispel the coldness in his heart.He knew that these old days would never come back, and Qi would never come back.But he will treasure these relics, just like Qi’s love and the memories between them.

He stood up, put the storage box back into the drawer, and closed it carefully.Then he went into the bathroom, cleaned the wound on his hand, and put a band-aid on it.Looking at his haggard self in the mirror, he took a deep breath and his eyes gradually became firm.

He wants to live, for Qi’s sake, and to atone for his sins.He wanted to fulfill Qi’s unfinished wish, see the world for Qi, and keep the love between them in his heart forever.

And Qi’s soul was standing beside him, watching his every move, his eyes full of love and distress.He knew Ah Zhi’s regret and his determination.He will always be with him, within three meters, watching him come out of the haze little by little, watching him live well with their memories.