SYLM Chapter 109

Chapter 109 “It’s just… I won’t love you anymore.”

The long night is hard to endure, but what must be faced, must be faced.

The next day.

Thin sunlight, like shattered amber, slowly permeated the frosted glass of the hospital corridor, scattering across the floor.

In front of the hospital room door.

The handle of the insulated container left a deep red mark on her palm, Fu Yi Wen stopped, hearing a low male voice and Tang Ying’s unique, impatient response from inside the room.

Her fingers, poised to knock, hovered in the air, not falling.

It seemed she had come at the wrong time.

Standing at the door, Fu Yi Wen hesitated whether to come back later, but before long the door suddenly opened.

The smell of disinfectant mixed with the morning breeze rushed towards her, Jiang Ying Xu’s upright figure appeared at the door, the epaulettes on his military uniform gleaming coldly in the morning light, making him look even more imposing.

Seeing Fu Yi Wen, Jiang Ying Xu wasn’t surprised, after all, they had just talked last night.

“Miss Fu.”

The man nodded slightly. As soon as he spoke, the figure on the hospital bed trembled violently, followed by a rustling sound of fabric. Tang Ying propped herself up, the IV tube stuck to the back of her hand wobbling. Her eyelids were swollen, her lips pale, and she looked anxiously towards the door:

“Fu Yi Wen, is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

Fu Yi Wen took a deep breath and responded. She nodded to Jiang Ying Xu, then walked into the room.

Tang Ying was leaning against the headboard, her right leg in a cast suspended. Seeing Fu Yi Wen, she immediately struggled to sit up straight. The IV tube swayed even more violently with her movement. Her eyes, always cold and assertive, were now fixed on Fu Yi Wen’s face, as if afraid she would disappear in the blink of an eye.

Fu Yi Wen placed the insulated container on the bedside table, the light sound of plastic colliding with metal was particularly clear in the silence. “I made you some pork knuckle soup. Remember to drink it when you have time.”

“Jiang Ying Xu and I are nothing.”

Tang Ying suddenly explained without context, her voice so hoarse that Fu Yi Wen felt a pain in her own throat. She blinked twice, forcing a smile:

“No need to explain, you are legally married anyway.”

“……”

These words made Tang Ying frown involuntarily. She saw the dark shadows under Fu Yi Wen’s eyes, saw the strained smile slowly collapsing. A sharp premonition pierced her heart, Tang Ying choked, reaching out to take the other woman’s hand.

Seeing the swaying IV tube, Fu Yi Wen didn’t avoid Tang Ying’s hand, but she didn’t hold it back as she usually would. She just stood there, letting Tang Ying hold her, her voice very soft:

“The doctor said you need to rest. Don’t strain yourself.”

“I was just angry yesterday and said the wrong things. I’m sorry.” Tang Ying looked at Fu Yi Wen’s profile, her voice trembling: “It won’t happen again. Please forgive me.”

“Tang Ying.”

Fu Yi Wen sighed deeply, her breath seemingly carrying the weight of five years. She turned her head to look directly into Tang Ying’s eyes, her voice calmer than she felt:

“Let’s just leave it at that.”

“……”

What do you mean, let’s just leave it at that…

The sunlight outside the window suddenly became blinding. Tang Ying felt a buzzing in her ears, as if someone was tolling a death knell in her head. Her eyes turned cold, her voice suddenly sharp:

“Who told you something? Was it Jiang Ying Xu or Tang Lan? Tell me, and I’ll deal with it.”

“It has nothing to do with them. This is my own decision.”

Fu Yi Wen shook her head. She tried to smile, but the muscles in her face seemed to disobey her, and in the end, she only managed a broken expression:

“Tang Ying, I’m tired. We really can’t go on like this.”

“……”

Something in her mind seemed to collapse. Tang Ying bit her lower lip tightly until it drew blood. The eyes that were always overbearing were now completely devoid of momentum, even showing a hint of pleading:

“No, no, I don’t agree.”

Tang Ying shook her head, her pace of speech getting faster and faster: “Fu Yi Wen, Little Fatty, it was my fault this time. I know I was wrong. I won’t do it again—”

“There won’t be a next time.”

Fu Yi Wen gently pried open the fingers that were clutching her wrist and took two steps back:

“It’s been five years. The problems between us have never really been resolved. I’m really tired. I came today just to make things clear in person. Let’s end it here.”

“……”

The fingers that had grasped at emptiness trembled violently. Seeing the determination and firmness in Fu Yi Wen’s eyes, Tang Ying felt pain everywhere in her body. She opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out. Seeing her like this, Fu Yi Wen clenched her palm and gave a bitter smile:

“Tang Ying, I’ve always listened to you all these years. Before we separate, let me have my say too.”

“……”

Outside the window, the sun had fully risen. Sunlight shone on Fu Yi Wen’s profile as she began to speak, her voice very soft, but every word seemed to be hammered into Tang Ying’s bones.

“The first time I saw you, no, to be precise, the first time I smelled you, was when I was picking up test papers in the printing room…”

Fu Yi Wen’s eyes drifted into the distance, as if she had really returned to the first time she had seen Tang Ying.

“At that time, you had such a strong perfume smell, anyone would think it had been poured out of a censer. When I returned to the class, I complained to Chen Lu that you had given me rhinitis. It happened to be your class that period, and you sarcastically said that I always went to the liberal arts office to find Sun Li Xia, which made me very angry, but I couldn’t refute it. That was our first meeting.”

“After that, I don’t know why, you changed to a less strong perfume. You couldn’t stand me always being a sucker for Sun Li Xia, so you reported me to the homeroom teacher. I hated you even more, thinking you were just an annoying pest. I even had a fight with Chen Lu about it. Looking back, I was indeed a bit ungrateful at the time…”

Fu Yi Wen smiled and shook her head, her voice a little astringent:

“On Christmas Eve, I went to the office to deliver chocolates and you intercepted them. You mocked my chocolates for being ugly, but still grabbed more than half the box. I almost exploded with anger. During Politics class that same day, you made me write the blackboard notes from memory on the blackboard, and then you told the whole class that my handwriting was ugly. At that moment, I thought you were the most annoying person in the world.”

“But the next day, you suddenly threw me ten calligraphy practice books and told me to practice my handwriting. At the time, I wondered what you meant. Do you have to go that far to make fun of someone? Tang Ying, you really are a confusing person.”

“……”

On the hospital bed, listening to Fu Yi Wen’s complicated account, Tang Ying clenched the corner of the blanket. Those deliberately difficult actions, those concerns hidden beneath sarcasm, had all turned into boomerangs, piercing her heart.

“The first time I had emotions other than hatred for you was during the first holiday make-up classes. The day we went back to school to check our test papers happened to coincide with your period. I heard about this from Chen Lu. That noon, the four of us went to a noodle shop near the school to eat. I made an excuse to buy water and went to the store, intending to buy you a heat patch, but I bought the wrong one, buying foot warmers instead. When I came back and heard you teasing me, I became angry and reached out to snatch the foot warmers back. But what I didn’t expect was that you would actually “act shamelessly.” Is it possible for someone as cold as you to tease people? That was really rare.”

“……”

Tang Ying bit her lip tightly, her chest rising and falling slightly.

She remembered that noodle shop, the foot warmers that Fu Yi Wen had bought by mistake, and the smell of shampoo in Little Fatty’s hair when she blushed and tried to grab the foot warmers back. Those details she thought she had long forgotten were now as vivid as yesterday.

“After we finished eating, when we were leaving, because the owner was deaf and mute, you gave her some extra money. At that time, there had always been rumors at school that you were a rich person, and that little bit of money meant nothing to you. It was probably just an ordinary act of charity, I thought at the time. But as I went out the door, I saw your eyes. There was no trace of pity or contempt in your eyes, nor any sense of superiority. That look was too calm, so calm that I couldn’t say anything. I just thought, how could you be so different from the ‘Tang Ying’ that everyone else talked about? It was so strange.”

“When we went into the school to check our test papers, I really didn’t expect that I would give up helping Sun Li Xia for you. Even now, I still remember that there seemed to be only one thought in my mind at the time—the annoying pest is not feeling well, she can’t do without me.”

“When did I really start to change my opinion of you? It was the night you came to my family’s barbecue restaurant.”

“That night, you brought three strangers with you. The last one drank a whole bunch of beer bottles. We taught a pervert a lesson together. When you left, you even stole my power bank, and then criticized the sticker on it. It was the first time I had ever seen someone as unreasonable as you.”

“……”

The sunlight outside the window gradually moved as Fu Yi Wen spoke, shining on Tang Ying’s cold, trembling hand. These fragmented memories weren’t only unforgettable to Fu Yi Wen, she remembered them clearly as well.

“After school started, you looked at the class ranking list. When you found out that I had scored 36 on the English test, you were very angry. At the time, I thought you were inexplicable. What did my 36 points have to do with you? Why did you have to tell me how many points you got on the CET-6? Were you showing off? But if you were just showing off, why did you have to tutor me on English questions? Did you not like the look of me? I was too stupid, I couldn’t figure it out no matter what.”

“And it wasn’t just this that I couldn’t figure out, there were many other things. For example, at the time, I felt like I hated you so much, but in many cases, I couldn’t help but feel that you were so beautiful, so beautiful that I didn’t dare look at you. Was this way of thinking normal? I couldn’t figure it out at the time. Maybe I had already fallen in love with you at that time, I just didn’t know it.”

“During the Qingming Festival, when the school organized a trip to the fortress, you got angry because I didn’t treat everyone equally when it came to the insulated containers. When we came back, you ignored me. I was stubborn and told Chen Lu and the others that it was fine if you ignored me, that I didn’t have to see you and wouldn’t get upset. In fact, I was as anxious as an ant on a hot pot. I couldn’t sleep well for several nights.”

“I don’t know why I felt that way, but even now, I still vaguely remember the feeling of buzzing in my ears when Gu Wan Jun said you had asked for leave and I thought you had resigned in anger. That feeling was like the sky had fallen. After that, the second time I had that feeling was during the pandemic when you tested positive. It was at that time that I realized that I was afraid of losing you.”

“Then there was the plagiarism incident…”

Fu Yi Wen took a deep breath. Even though the incident had happened many years ago, speaking of it now, her eyes seemed to shine, her smile broken and bright:

“After that incident, I realized that I really liked you.”

“I’ve always been a person without much ambition, but from the moment I realized I liked you, I decided to get good grades in the college entrance examination, so that I would have more courage and qualifications to confess to you later. But what I didn’t expect was that after the college entrance examination, waiting for me would be your wedding invitation…”

“You said you would never fall in love with anyone, but why did you still get married? I was too stupid, really too stupid, I couldn’t figure it out at all. I only knew that I liked you, and if you were really going to marry someone else, I wanted to see what you looked like in a wedding dress…”

“On the day of the wedding, I saw your husband, a tall, handsome, and distinguished man. You two looked very well-matched, but for some reason, my heart ached…”

On the hospital bed, a dryad leaf fell on her eyelid, her dense eyelashes trembling violently.

Tang Ying remembered that day.

Remembered Fu Yi Wen, who seemed to be smiling more brightly than anyone else that day, but ended up hastily leaving amidst the raucous jeering.

Remembered herself, who, when saying “I do,” didn’t look at the groom but instead looked, as if possessed, at Fu Yi Wen in the audience.

She remembered it all.

“Even though I had already decided to let you go, after the results came out, I still, as if possessed, filled in all the universities in Yunjiang City as my choices.”

“Later, the time during the pandemic was the happiest time for me…”

Fu Yi Wen took a deep breath, and finally looked, with red eyes, at the person on the hospital bed, but the smile she squeezed out on her face was more ugly than crying:

“Maybe God saw that I was pitiful and gave me such an opportunity to see you every day, to cook for you, to take care of you, to listen to you complain about online classes, to lose weight under your supervision, to try on all kinds of clothes in front of the mirror every day… Even though you were already married at that time, the fact that I could always be with you was the greatest happiness and grace for me.”

“……”

Her fingernails sank deeply into her palms, Tang Ying felt a sharp pain in her heart.

That time was nothing short of happiness for her as well.

In her past, damnable life, only Fu Yi Wen’s smile was genuinely warm.

Fu Yi Wen was too good to her, so good that she had taken it for granted.

During last night’s argument, Fu Yi Wen said that she wanted both, wanting to have her cake and eat it too, and was two-timing.

Yes, she enjoyed all the material benefits that marriage brought her, and basely and greedily drew Fu Yi Wen’s love and warmth.

How could that not be right?

At this point, the two of them were shedding tears, one after another. Fu Yi Wen slowly retreated to the door, her voice as light as a sigh:

“Tang Ying, for the past five years, I have tried my best to love you. You know I care about you, know I don’t want you to be difficult, and know I will compromise unconditionally for you. So you have never considered my feelings. Each time, I was the one who was abandoned and given up on. You have never even explained anything to me, not once.”

“Every time your phone rang, I was more nervous than you, because I knew very well that I would be alone again. When it came down to choosing between two things, you would never choose me, because you are proficient in human hearts and deeply understand human nature. You know I love you, you know I’m a gullible fool, you know that as long as you beckon, I will run towards you. But loving each other is clearly a two-person thing…”

“When I was in high school, I didn’t know what level a CET-6 score of 668 in one attempt was. Later, I found out. Tang Ying, you are a very amazing person, in all aspects. No matter how hard I try to catch up, all that’s left for me is your back. No matter what I do, in your eyes I will always be an easily deceived child, I will never be qualified to stand by your side…”

Tears made Fu Yi Wen’s voice sour. Her throat was so astringent that she could barely speak:

“Five years. Coming this far, I… I’m really so tired, so tired…”

“You’re right. I was the one who started this relationship. To this day, I don’t regret it, but I can’t continue anymore…”

“Tang Ying, let’s break up peacefully.”

Tears fell to the ground with a splattering sound. After saying that, Fu Yi Wen turned around and turned the doorknob. Just as she was about to leave, Tang Ying’s shout from behind seemed to tear through her throat:

“Don’t go!”

“……”

The slender figure trembled slightly in the morning light. Fu Yi Wen couldn’t help but turn her head. She saw Tang Ying pathetically lying on the edge of the bed, disregarding the risk of dislodging the needle in her left hand, desperately prying open her phone case. Inside was a piece of paper with the words “Contract of Sale” written in bold letters.

“Look…” Tang Ying’s eyes were red, and her trembling voice carried a desperate madness and entreaty: “You signed it, you promised me, you are mine for life, you can’t go back on your word…”

Tang Ying didn’t know how else she could hold on to Fu Yi Wen. She could only use this clumsy method, praying that Fu Yi Wen could see through her strained facade of strength, just like before.

Loving Tang Ying had become an instinct. How could Fu Yi Wen not see through it?

But often, the more sober a person is, the more decisive they are.

Fu Yi Wen glanced at the piece of paper. The tears on her face had long lost their warmth, leaving only a coldness behind:

“I signed the paper, I acknowledge that. Of the things I currently own, you can take anything you fancy at any time. It’s just… I won’t love you anymore.”

“……”

How devastating were those words, “I won’t love you anymore.”

Tang Ying felt the world collapse at that moment. Her eyes were red as she grabbed a pillow and threw it at the wall, screaming:

“I always said that a little kid like you can’t be depended on, that whatever you do, it’ll be at most a three-minute fad. If you couldn’t do it, then you shouldn’t have made those empty promises in the first place!”

The pillow fell softly to the ground. Tang Ying clung to the last shred of hope, praying that Fu Yi Wen would retort her back with a flushed face, argue with her, or even curse her, just like before. But Fu Yi Wen didn’t. She just stood quietly at the door, the sunlight forming a halo around her, blurring her outline.

“Take care of yourself.”

Fu Yi Wen’s voice was so soft that it was almost inaudible:

“Oh, and don’t forget to change your emergency contact. Next time you call me, I won’t answer.”

“……”

The sound of the door closing was very light, but it was like the deafening sound of the entire world collapsing.

Gazing at that ridiculous “Contract of Sale” lying on the ground, which was still stamped with Fu Yi Wen’s flamboyant signature, the sunlight that fell into the hospital room suddenly became very cold. It was as if something had pricked her nerves, Tang Ying sneered, the corners of her mouth twitching in a smile that quickly turned into tears. The ice-cold eye sockets were red, as if they had been scratched with shards of ice, and large tears streamed down her face as her constantly trembling shoulders released this silent breakdown.

Fu Yi Wen would no longer love her.

Then what was the point of all the things she had fought and scrambled for?

What was the point of her being alive?

She wouldn’t allow it. She absolutely wouldn’t allow it.