Paper Lover At Old Town Bookstore Chapter 35

Ridiculous

When Song Zhili left, his steps were very gentle, and the sound of the door closing was so low that it was almost inaudible, but it was like a needle, gently piercing the barely maintained peace in the apartment.

I stood there stunned for a long time, until the smell of cedar in the air completely dissipated, and then I suddenly came to my senses, turned around and rushed into the study.Turning on the computer, fingertips were tapping quickly on the keyboard. The wording of the resignation report was concise and firm – no redundant explanations, only clear resignation applications and work handover arrangements.

The moment I clicked send, I felt as if a heavy stone had been lifted off my heart, but I felt empty at the same time.

I walked to the balcony and took out a box of cigarettes that had been idle for a long time from the drawer. It was left behind by Lin Zhiqing.I pulled one out with trembling fingertips and lit it. The spicy smoke made me cough and tears instantly welled up.

I have never smoked, but now I am craving for this choking numbness.

When the first cigarette burned out, Song Zhili’s face was still replaying in his mind – his paranoia, his tenderness, the eleven years of waiting he said, and the unbreakable affection in his eyes.I knew I was escaping, but I had no choice but to escape.

I am not the real Song Qiusheng, and I cannot give him the response he wants; I do not belong to this collapsed world of novels, and I don’t want to be entangled in these entanglements anymore.Resigning may be the only way I can make a decent exit.

The flame of the second cigarette flickered on and off at the fingertips, and amid the smoke, the emptiness of the apartment became even more dazzling.The traces of Lin Zhiqing’s move are still there, and the breakfast brought by Song Zhili is still on the dining table, but I feel like a complete outsider, and even my breathing is awkward and out of place.

Halfway through smoking the third cigarette, the phone vibrated with news from Song Zhili.I didn’t dare to click on it and just stared at the name dancing on the screen. It wasn’t until the cigarette butt burned my fingers that I suddenly came back to reality and put out the cigarette in the ashtray.

The smell of tobacco lingers on my fingertips, which makes me feel uncomfortable, but my heart feels even worse.I knew that the moment I sent the resignation report, there would be another unavoidable storm between him and me.But I no longer have the strength to face it anymore, I just want to escape from it all, even if it’s just a moment of respite.The cigarette butt was still smoking in the ashtray, and the apartment door was kicked open in an almost violent way – with a loud “bang” that made the walls tremble.

I turned my head suddenly and saw Song Zhili standing at the door, his face so gloomy that it could drip water, and his eyes filled with strong anger and hurt, like a beast that had been touched.He was holding the phone in his hand, the screen still showing the resignation report, and his knuckles were white from the exertion.

“Resign?” His voice was terrifyingly hoarse, and he was approaching me step by step, with a destructive anger. “Song Qiusheng, do you really want to escape? Run away from me, escape from the world where I am?”

I retreated subconsciously, and my back hit the cold balcony railing, unable to retreat.His gaze was like a poisoned knife, nailing me. The pain and madness in it made my heart shrink.

“I have eliminated all the people who disturbed you. I will give you time to adapt slowly. I don’t even dare to force you anymore…” His voice was trembling, with incredible grievance. “But what about you? You just want to write off all the eleven years of waiting for me with a resignation report?”

He reached out and grabbed my wrist with such force that he almost crushed my bones.”Tell me, what on earth do I have to do to make you willing to stay with me?” He leaned over and pressed his forehead against mine, his hot breath spraying on my face. The anger in his eyes gradually faded away, leaving only deep despair. “No matter what I do, you will never look back?”

The smell of tobacco still lingered on his fingertips, mixed with the smell of cedar on his body, forming a suffocating scent.I looked at the red bloodshot eyes and the tears he was holding back, and it felt like something was gripping me so hard that I couldn’t speak because of the pain.

I want to tell him that I am not that Song Qiusheng, and I cannot give him the future he wants; I want to tell him that I am just a reader wearing a book, and I will leave this world sooner or later.But when the words came to his lips, they were blocked by the despair in his eyes.

“Answer me!” he roared, his voice on the edge of collapse, “Song Qiusheng, look at me!”

I was forced to meet his gaze and watch this twenty-eight-year-old man remove all disguises in front of me, revealing his most vulnerable and desperate side.The defense in my heart suddenly collapsed, and tears burst out uncontrollably.

How can this entanglement caused by wearing a book end?His roar made people’s eardrums hurt, and the strength of his grip on my wrist suddenly increased. The next second, I was pressed hard against the cold wall by him!

The dull pain of my back hitting the wall came, and I groaned, and the tears fell even more fiercely.

Song Zhili’s palms were on both sides of me, trapping me between him and the wall. Uncontrolled anger and despair surged in his eyes, and his breath was so hot that it almost burned me.

His face was very close to mine, and the tip of his nose almost touched the tip of my nose. I could clearly see the red bloodshot eyes and the suppressed trembling.That destructive rage almost engulfed him, and I could even feel the violence that could erupt at any time under his tense muscles—but just when his lips were about to cover him, he stopped abruptly.

“Don’t force me…”

The voice was hoarse and broken, with extreme pain and restraint.His forehead was pressed against mine, and the hot tears finally slipped down uncontrollably and hit my cheeks, which were shockingly hot.

“I really…can’t hold it anymore.” His voice trembled, and his palms trembled slightly, but he never touched me again, “I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t let you go. Qiu Sheng, don’t force me to use more extreme methods to keep you by my side.”

I looked at him with tears streaming down his face, and my heart felt like it was being cut repeatedly by a dull knife.This man who was paranoid to the point of madness had removed all his strength and pretense at this moment, leaving only naked vulnerability and despair.His tears hurt me more than any angry roar.

The smell of tobacco still filled the air, mixing with the tears and gasping of the two people, forming a suffocating depression.I wanted to raise my hand to wipe away his tears, but his fingertips were tightly grasped by him, so hard that it hurt.

“Don’t leave me…” he choked, repeating over and over again, “Please.”

I closed my eyes and let the tears flow freely.This entanglement caused by wearing a book has long been beyond my control.

His affection was too heavy, my secret was too ridiculous, and there seemed to be only this endless pain and pull between us.