Paper Lover At Old Town Bookstore Chapter 11
byI Know Everything
The moment the hot water submerged my nose, the feeling of suffocation surged like a tide, and my consciousness began to blur.
The steam before my eyes gradually condensed into a white mist. Within the mist, Xu Xingruo’s figure slowly emerged—she wasn’t crying, nor did she possess the pitiful vulnerability she had in the dream. She was wearing the navy blue professional suit from our first meeting, her hair neatly pulled back, and the light in her eyes, though gentle, carried an undeniable firmness.
She stood by the edge of the bathtub, her fingertips hovering above the water, but she didn’t touch me. She just whispered, “Qiusheng, you shouldn’t have come.”
My throat was blocked by the water; I couldn’t make a sound. I could only stare at her with wide eyes, tears mixing with the bathwater, sliding down the corners of my eyes.
I wanted to tell her that I couldn’t bear to see her cry in the dream, couldn’t bear her tragic ending, but even breathing became a luxury. I could only let my consciousness sink little by little.
“I know you feel for me,” Xu Xingruo’s voice was soft, yet it clearly pierced my ears, like a lamp in the deep night. “You treated me as your Spiritual Support, watching me fall from high spirits to rock bottom. You suffered more than anyone. But I never intended for you to accompany me in this way.”
She crouched down, her figure becoming somewhat illusory through the steam, yet still carrying her familiar, cheerful clarity. “Did I regret it? I regretted misjudging people, regretted giving up my career, regretted not being able to protect An’an properly in the end, and I also regretted… not being able to live well. But precisely because I have regrets, I don’t want to see you repeat my mistakes.”
“Do you remember? You once said that I made you more outgoing, made you dare to speak up in meetings, and made you feel that even an introvert could live bravely. See, I could be your light, so why can’t you be your own light?” Her voice held a trace of imperceptible choked emotion. “I couldn’t live the life I wanted in the novel, but you are different. Your life is real. You still have plenty of time to make up for regrets and live the life you love.”
“When I asked you in the dream why you didn’t save me, I didn’t mean for you to leave with me. I wanted you to save yourself.” Xu Xingruo’s hand gently brushed the water surface, creating ripples. “You still have many things left undone, many sights left unseen. You have friends like Intern Lin worrying about you, and you have the career you’ve always strived for. How can you just give up like this?”
“An’an… An’an is what I worry about the most. But now I know that if you can live well, living your life with my courage, that is the best comfort for me. Live for me and see if the girls in the workplace can all be treated gently. Live for me and see if there truly is love in this world that doesn’t betray. Live for me and see if living well truly leads to brightness.”
Her figure gradually became transparent, but her voice grew clearer. “Qiusheng, don’t come to join me. Live well, live for me.”
“Live well…” I silently repeated these three words in my heart. The pain of suffocation suddenly became sharp, and the instinct for survival fiercely erupted. I struggled violently, slapping the water surface with my hands, splashing water everywhere, and then, using all my strength, I sat up in the bathtub!
Large gulps of air rushed into my lungs, warm with steam, causing me to cough violently. Tears mixed with water droplets rolled down. I looked at the empty bathroom; Xu Xingruo’s figure had vanished, only her words echoing repeatedly in my mind.
“Live well, live for me…”
I leaned against the edge of the bathtub, slumped in exhaustion. Hot water dripped from my hair onto the tiles, making a ticking sound. The feeling of suffocation still lingered in my throat, but the gloom in my heart seemed to have been blown away, suddenly clearing up.
Yes, Xu Xingruo’s tragedy could not be changed, but my life was still going on. She couldn’t live the life she wanted, but I could. The brightness she couldn’t see, I could see for her. The regrets she couldn’t fulfill, I could make up for them with her courage.
The knocking on the door continued, and Intern Lin’s crying grew more urgent. “Brother Qiusheng! Open the door! I’m scared!”
I took a deep breath, wiped the water from my face with my still-trembling hand, and shouted toward the door, “Intern Lin, I’m fine. I’ll open the door right away.”
My voice was hoarse, but it carried an unprecedented firmness.
I stood up from the bathtub. Water droplets slid down my body and dripped onto the floor. The off-white silk shirt was soaked, clinging tightly to me, but it no longer felt heavy. I walked to the mirror and looked at myself—my face was pale, and there were still red streaks in my eyes, but the despair from before was gone, replaced by a glimmer of rebirth.
Xu Xingruo, thank you.
I said silently in my heart.
I will live well, carrying your courage and your hope. I will work hard, live well, see all the beauty of this world for you, and live the life you would have loved.
I dried myself, changed into clean clothes, walked to the door, and opened it. Intern Lin rushed in, her face covered in tears, hugging me and saying, “Brother Qiusheng, you scared me to death! I thought something happened to you!”
I gently patted her back and smiled, saying, “I’m fine now. I’m okay.”
The night outside the window was still deep, but I knew that the light belonging to me had arrived.