Nanke Yifu Chapter 49

Living in the Wind and Staying in the Rain (21)

Dinner was left in the courtyard. Yan Laixi really no longer concealed his picky eater, and he couldn’t hide it. By the way, he also explained why Lin Yuyou had to pick things out of his bowl as long as he didn’t eat them.

Assorted corn kernels leave only the corn kernels, boiled fish leaves only the fish meat, fried bean sprouts with leeks leave only the bean sprouts and poke the beans on top… This is Lin Yuyou’s version of the tutorial, but it is not very credible, at least Feng Su doesn’t think it is.

“If you want to cause me a little trouble, why don’t you consider your brother? After picking up the dishes and washing them, he hasn’t eaten yet.”

“Believe it or not,” Lin Yuyou said, “Anyway, when I was a kid, I would pick out things from my brother’s bowl that he didn’t want to eat. Xiaochi also did this in the past few years.”

“Don’t listen to her nonsense.” Yan Laixi trotted over and brought the dinner plate in front of him. He felt that one of his sister’s friends and his face would disappear sooner or later. He was a picky eater, but it wasn’t that he couldn’t take care of himself. He explained to Feng Su, “At most, I picked out the Chifu food for him. When I was young, Xiaoyou helped me pick out the things I didn’t want to eat, and there was nothing I couldn’t even pick out the beans on the bean sprouts.”

Feng Su nodded, indicating that he didn’t believe it at first.

But as he ate, he felt that maybe he should believe it.

The carrots and green beans in the corn kernels were left aside, and the sauerkraut and bean sprouts in the boiled fish were pulled apart, but only the soybean sprouts and soybeans were mixed with the remaining leeks and fragrant dried beans.

Fengsu didn’t understand. They were all bean sprouts and had a crispy texture. Why should he eat the boiled fish instead of stir-fried?

Lin Yuyou came over with an enigmatic expression to explain and explain. He pointed at Yan Laixi’s plate and said to Feng Su, “Look, they are all bean sprouts, but now he only eats stir-fried ones and not boiled ones, right?”

Feng Su nodded, indicating that he was listening carefully.

“But after a while, I might just eat boiled food instead of fried food, or I might only eat short food instead of long food.”

“It’s passed.” Yan Laixi admitted, “And whether it’s long or short, I have to choose it.”

Lin Yuyou: “When I was a kid, I only ate beans cut into pieces and now I like to eat them shredded. When I was a kid, I only ate celery cold and now I only eat it diagonally cut and stir-fried. For example, I don’t eat eggplant, but I always want to take a bite of the particularly small pieces of eggplant skin in potato stewed eggplant. Who are these?”

Yan Laixi: “…”

Yan Laixi: “That’s different!”

“Anyway, if you want to remember what Brother Xiaoxi eats and doesn’t eat, you basically rely on intuition, luck, and perseverance. Just like me now, I haven’t eaten with him often for a long time, and I’m actually not completely sure what he eats and doesn’t eat.” Lin Yuyou patted Feng Su on the shoulder and said, “There is still a long way to go.”

“You don’t have to remember it.” Yan Laixi said with a helpless tone, “I can speak and have long hands. It’s not like I can’t make my own food.”

Feng Su was about to nod when he heard Lin Yuyou say: “Anyway, Chi Fu’s first step was to grab Brother Xiao Xi’s stomach.”

Although I don’t intend to become the second Chi Fu, and although I have taken the first step, I still put the good method out there and don’t use it in vain.

So the direction of nodding changed to Lin Yuyou.

Yan Laixi said nothing and just lowered his head to pick at his own corn kernels. If someone was willing to tolerate his eating habits, he would be happy to save trouble.

I have completely forgotten my original plan to move out after the New Year. I have completely forgotten that the reason why I am not moving now is because I am “sick” and therefore “cannot separate”.

On the surface, it is still crumbling, but in fact, it has completely fallen into the big pit called Fengsu.

“Then I’ll leave first. Xiao Xi is still waiting at home.” After eating and helping to pack up, Lin Yuyou planned to go back. Since the fact that her puppy was called Xiao Xi was completely exposed to her brother Xiao Xi, she no longer called her Xiao Bao.Fortunately, Xiao Xi and Xiao Xi also shared the same pronunciation of their names for a short period of time, so Yan Laixi wasn’t very used to hearing her call her that way.

He turned to Feng Su and asked, “Shall we go back too?”

“Yeah.”

Zhu Jiu was still busy taking care of some children with severe abnormal symptoms. When she came, the woman who was supporting her dressed as an old lady saw them leaving and said to be careful on the road.

“Okay.” Lin Yuyou waved his hand towards her, “Bye, Sister Yue Heng.”

After walking some distance out of the courtyard, Lin Yuyou suddenly asked Yan Laixi: “Brother, when do you plan to go tomorrow?”

“In the afternoon. You all like to go in the morning. In the first half of the day, there are a lot of people, but in the second half of the day there is no one. If you just stand around and watch, there will be a gap.” After Yan Laixi answered, he asked again, “What about you?”

“I’ll get together with them.” Lin Yuyou said, “The gap also rises first and then falls. It rises first and then we talk. You two take your time and wander around. I’ll leave first, brother.”

“Yes.” Yan Laixi nodded, watched her go to the station alone, and asked Feng Su, “Where are we? Do you want to walk outside for a while?”

“Let’s walk for a while.” Feng Su said, “What are you going to do tomorrow?”

“Comb sweeping.” Yan Laixi said. He looked at Feng Su and asked, “Do you want to come together?”

“Is it okay?” Feng Su asked.

“What’s wrong with that?” Yan Lai said with a faint smile.

Feng Su: “Who are you going to see?”

“One of my sisters,” Yan Laixi said, “disappeared due to an abnormality.”

Not dead, but gone.Feng Su didn’t plan to ask more about her, but he wanted to ask Yan Laixi: “Were you afraid? When you were a child.”

“Huh?” Yan Laixi tilted his head, not understanding, “What are you afraid of?”

“There are many in the courtyard…” Feng Su paused, not knowing how to avoid the unlucky statement.

“Are you talking about the kids who look like they might die someday?”

Unexpectedly, Yan Laixi said what he wanted to say for him very frankly.

“It doesn’t matter.” Yan Laixi said, “We are not afraid of death, nor do we shy away from mentioning it.”

Feng Su: “You don’t seem like someone who can accept the death of people around you calmly.”

“It’s different.” Yan Laixi shook his head, “Neither I nor the brothers and sisters in the courtyard, if I hadn’t been brought back and stayed by my mother, we might have died somewhere long ago. We are not approaching death day by day, but we have snatched time from death day after day. Every day, every minute and every second of our lives is luck and trophy. When death finally comes, it is just a draw after we have won countless games.”

“And there will always be a way.” Yan Laixi murmured, “Everyone has their own way to accept the departure of the people around them. Even if it is the closest and inseparable person, the initial confusion, the feeling as if the soul has been taken away by the other person, as if the blood flowing in the body has barbs, will eventually find a delicate balance point and a way to seal it after a certain period of time, or a sudden moment.”

“As long as there are still thoughts and nostalgia, whether it is obsessions, whether it is unfinished things, whether it is people who can’t let go, it doesn’t matter. As long as there are still thoughts, there is no one who cannot live without the other.”

There is nothing in the world that no one can live without. You can always find your own way.

Lin Yuyou also said this.

But living can be divided into painful and happy.

Feng Su was almost certain that he would not be unable to survive without Yan Laixi, nor would his life be painful, but at least he would be unhappy for a considerable period of time, and this unhappiness would probably last for the rest of his life.

He is not as tolerant as Yan Laixi, who can get up from the pain and seal it away in his own way. He doesn’t like to ask for trouble, and he doesn’t even want the unpleasant opportunity to exist.

Therefore, he must make himself different, and let Yan Laixi continue to like himself, but at the same time, he must understand that he exists in reality and is different from those in dreams.

Yan Laixi chose to hide in a dream when he was escaping from the reality that Chi Fu had forgotten, and when the person in the dream appeared in reality, he chose Feng Su.How can we become that special, irreplaceable person… At least like Chi Fu, we must first make it impossible for Yan Laixi to “seal” him immediately using existing methods, and then…

I thought about it, thinking about the bright moon hanging high in the sky, thinking about passing by Dreamland, thinking about passing over stone monuments and stopping in front of one of them.

In the central area where the World Tree is located, except for the innermost area surrounding the giant tree, which is said to be the private property of a mysterious family, the surrounding area is surrounded by an endless cemetery.Most people will come here after they die and carve their names on a cold stone tablet.

Just like the piece in front of me, it says “Tomb of Nan Yueheng”.

Yueheng?

“Why…”

The question that was about to be spoken could not stop at the lips, Yue Heng, Yue Sheng, the last embrace many years ago, the name that was blurted out accidentally, the scattered words seemed to be strung together, and they would always find their own way. The person lying here is Nan Yue Heng, so is every “Yue Heng” heard in the courtyard the solution that Nan Yuesheng found?

“Sister Yue Heng and Sister Yue Sheng are identical twins. Heng is the elder sister and Sheng is the younger sister.” Yan Laixi said as he put the fresh bouquets he brought together with the bouquets that had been piled in front of the tomb. “I remember it was when they were fifteen years old. One day suddenly, without any warning, Sister Yue Heng’s body began to become transparent, or to be more accurate, it dissipated. After all, she could not be touched.”

“From the beginning to the time she completely disappeared from this world, it took less than half a minute. It was so short that no one could react. They only had time to be shocked and panic. No one could save her for even a second. Many people didn’t even have time to see her for the last time, including me.”

“She left so suddenly. Even if she knew that sooner or later she would leave one day, no matter what she said, no matter what she thought in her heart, it always takes time to relax in the face of such a sudden separation.”

“What other people need is time to accept the facts, but Sister Yue Sheng needs a way to accept the facts. Unlike others, they are not facing death that they don’t know when, but death that they don’t know who will come. The twins… are different after all. After Sister Yue Heng disappeared, we were all about to die.I thought Sister Yuesheng could not find her own way to seal the past.” Yan Laixi suddenly asked, “Do you think that the surviving twin is really lucky?Is it misfortune or relief for the small number of children who later develop the same symptoms and die?

He didn’t wait for Feng Su’s answer and continued: “Fortunately, she found it later. The method is as you can see. Treat yourself as your dead sister and let Nan Yue rise to become Nan Yue Heng.”

“The grave sweeping usually takes place tomorrow morning, but Sister Yuesheng will come with us tomorrow, so we usually come to see Sister Yue Heng a day or two in advance. But we won’t do it together. All the children who have remembered things have been moved out of the courtyard when Sister Yue Heng was still there, and everyone will go back around the New Year. Suddenly, it is too obvious that no one goes back for half a day.”

“Will you come to visit the grave tomorrow?” Feng Su asked.

Yan Laixi nodded and pointed in the direction of the music area.

Nan Yueheng’s tomb was close to the elimination area, so he pointed in the direction of the entertainment area, and the position he pointed at was still close to the nest area.

“Most of our brothers and sisters are over there. Only sister Yue Heng is far away, but there is nothing we can do.”

“Are there… many children who have died?” Feng Su asked carefully.

“Yes.” Yan Laixi nodded and said, “In the orphanage, there are some orphans whose caregivers like me can’t raise them, some children whose caregivers have all died, and a small number of special circumstances. But the rest are all added together, and the proportion is about the same as the ones who were abandoned.”

“Besides, most of the children who were abandoned for adoption actually came out of their mothers’ wombs.”

“When I was giving birth, I thought it didn’t matter. There was a small chance of fatal anomalies. But when the baby was born, even if it wasn’t 100% sure it would be fatal, I no longer wanted to raise it.”

“In fact, the main reason is that we can’t afford this responsibility and can’t afford the money, so the abandonment rate of the fostered children is much lower. After all, the investment must be put in before the embryo is formed. If it has been put in, then you need to increase the follow-up investment, otherwise you will lose all the principal. If you are willing to persevere,The probability of persisting is much higher.Although childbirth is painful and dangerous, although it still requires a lot of effort, most of it does not require investment before conceiving the child. After pregnancy, there is hormone control, and during the pregnancy and before the child is born, almost all of it is physiological.”

“If money can be used to buy the disappearance of pain, many people will be willing to spend the money, but the opposite is also true. If you can make money by bearing pain, there will be many people who are willing to bear it.”

“Most of those who abandon their children after giving birth belong to the latter group.”

“Not to mention the connected blood, even physical pain, hormone control, and even life danger to a certain extent, when they either become a thing of the past or gradually weaken, they are far less important than the word money.”

“Anyway, the child won’t survive after all the money is spent. It’s much cheaper to send the child to an orphanage than to try to prolong the child’s life. Oh, yes, you can also abandon it, as long as you don’t get caught. Although you can save money by not looking for a way to extend the child’s life, but that will involve responsibility. Besides, this method will make a considerable number of people become the hands that push the child to die, whether they think it is or are blamed by others.”

“Many people who abandon their children even have the idea that they are doing this for the good of the child, to give themselves an excuse to feel at ease. After all, they will definitely not be able to feed themselves, and they might be able to live for two more days if they are sent to an orphanage. As for whether they can really live, that is the orphanage’s business…even if they have not tried to raise them, even if the conditions in the orphanage are almost impossible to be better.”

“Of course, it cannot be denied that there are indeed a small number of people who, due to financial reasons, think that it may be better for their children to be sent to an orphanage after careful consideration… Am I saying too much? I have never faced such a situation, but I am talking about it here. It feels like I am standing and talking without pain.”

“No.” Feng Su shook his head, “And I like hearing what you say. It’s much better than the idea of being harsh on yourself.”

“How could I be harsh on myself?” Yan Laixi smiled and continued, “In short, quite a few children in the orphanage may not be able to be raised. Xiaoyou was the same at the beginning. He was healthy on the first day of his birth, but his feet began to turn into trees the next day. It spread little by little until it is now like this. No one knows when and to what extent it will spread, and it will kill her.”

“In just one week, the arborization had spread to her calves, so she came to the orphanage. But she was lucky. After that week, the spread slowed down significantly, and then it stopped for many years. You see, if you just need to wait a few more days, just try again, even if it just takes a little time to think about the way to abandon it? It is obviously a life that you gave birth to, but you can always make such a hasty decision to give up.”

“In short, she will not live here until many years later. I don’t know if we can see each other after death, and we don’t know if we will grow up after death. Maybe when she is seven or eighty years old, she will lie in the cemetery and her young brothers and sisters will come to pick her up.”

They were walking while talking, but not in the direction of the nest area. They planned to go out to the elimination area first and then go back.

Although many people would come to visit their deceased relatives and friends on weekdays, perhaps they were all waiting to come back tomorrow. The cemetery was particularly deserted today, and they had only met one person so far, a somewhat strange person.

It was a man with long pink hair, and his clothes were obviously more feminine, but if you look closely at his facial features, he seemed to be a man.The years have not yet left any very obvious traces on his face, but they have already brought some indescribable vicissitudes to him. An invisible layer of something envelopes him, like sadness, like nostalgia, but it is too plain. It is not the kind of plainness that has been forced to accept, but it has never been against it from the beginning, and it has been accepted from the beginning, but acceptance is not the same as willingness.

With his hands free, he almost squatted on the side of the tombstone, stretched out his hand to brush the corners of the stone surface, opened and closed his lips, and seemed to mutter something softly, then stood up and left.

After he left, Yan Laixi approached the place where he was squatting just now. There was no bouquet in front of the tombstone, and there was a thin layer of dust on it. It didn’t look like it had not been cleaned for a long time, but it was definitely not cleaned just now.There seemed to be something carved on the corner of the stone tablet, in a very inconspicuous position that the man had touched just now. It was impossible to distinguish it from a distance.

Without looking at the name engraved on the stone tablet, as if passing by every so-called home of the strange dead and the psychological comfort of the strange living, Yan Laixi continued on his way home.

They walked away from home at a specially early time in order to pay homage to their sister who had died long ago but continued to live in another way. And strangers, at this extraordinarily pure time, brushed the carvings in the corner without leaving a trace. Who are you trying to pay homage to?