Nanke Yifu Chapter 41

Living in the Wind and Staying in the Rain (13)

“Some people you meet are good, but that doesn’t mean that everyone is good.” Feng Su said. The fingers in his palm could be warmed by him quickly. His master’s thoughts could not be changed by him so quickly. “What happens after that? Healthy children should be easy to adopt. Lin Yuyou said that you have never been taken away from the orphanage again.”

“At first, she was probably afraid that I would have a shadow. The dean’s mother asked me, and I said I didn’t want to leave. Later, when I got a little older, many people came to ask and wanted to adopt me. The dean’s mother asked me if I would be unhappy if she kept me in the hospital. Of course I wouldn’t, but I didn’t quite understand why at that time. I just thought she was afraid.I was injured again, and later she told me that I was only half right, and the other half was because I was too beautiful, and she was sure that the abnormality would not affect my appearance and would not cause me to die prematurely. She did not dare to give me away, and being beautiful was not always a good thing. She did not dare to bet that those who wanted to adopt me would take advantage of me and hurt me because of my appearance.”

Feng Su didn’t say anything. He felt that what the dean was actually worried about was that Yan Laixi would be willingly used, and even took it for granted.

He muttered Yan Laixi’s name in his mind as if distracted, and suddenly thought of what Lin Yuyou had said to him before.

“My mother said that my legs are not a misfortune, but a symbol. It symbolizes that I am a child of the forest. Every plant and tree will protect me.”

“Lin Yuyou said that your names all have meanings, what about yours?” Feng Su asked, “What does Yan Laixi mean?”

“My mother said that it was spring when she brought me back, and there were swallows flying over and landing on the eaves, and I was as light as a little swallow in her arms.” Yan Laixi said, “She said I would be a healthy child, a lucky child, a rare treasure sent by swallows.”

At that moment, the mouth seemed to suddenly have self-awareness, and said something so disgusting that it could scare Feng Su himself: “Then I am the swallow’s place in the wind and rain?”

Time seemed to have stopped. Sounds and movements seemed to be stagnant. Feng Su’s brain was restarting. He had not regained control of his body for a while. Yan Laixi didn’t know how to respond and did not dare to move.

“Just kidding.” Feng Su, who had successfully restarted, casually changed the topic as if nothing was wrong, “Didn’t Lin Yuyou say that he would ask you to come back to the hospital to help in two days? Can I come with you?”

“Ah…well, if you have time, of course you can.” Yan Laixi shrunk himself into a smaller ball and agreed a little dumbly. He couldn’t remember that he originally wanted to hear Feng Su tell his past stories. After thinking for a while, he said, “Can I…”

He wanted to go back tomorrow to simply pack up his things. If things went well… there was no chance that he would not be able to get his things. In short, if he came back tomorrow, he would have no reason to continue living here in Fengsu.

But Yan Laixi doesn’t want to leave yet, and the other party doesn’t show any rejection of his existence, so can he give it a try?How long is appropriate?It must be within the range where Fengsu will not find it troublesome or boring, and it must be as long as possible…

“Can I stay here for a few more days? The Chinese New Year is coming soon, and there may be a lot of things going on…” Yan Laixi became more and more guilty as he spoke, and his voice became softer as he spoke. How can there be so much to do that he doesn’t even have time to find a place for himself?

Feng Su didn’t answer him, but asked, “Are you going to get something from Chi Fu?”

Yan Laixi didn’t notice that he said “go to so-and-so” instead of “go back to so-and-so” and nodded.

“You can stay with me as long as you want.” Feng Su answered his previous request and asked again, “Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No need.” Yan Laixi shook his head, “It’s nothing, I can do it myself.”

Feng Su secretly sighed in his heart, they didn’t need him, and he couldn’t rush to follow them. Sure enough, he still had to have a status, even if he was just a suitor, he could always use it at this time.But if you suddenly say something like “I like you” now… let alone Yan Laixi, he himself hasn’t accepted it yet.

“Then can I go and take a look when you are decorating your new home?” This time he was wiser, instead of “do you want my help”, he said “I want to go and take a look, do you agree?” As expected, Yan Laixi nodded.

Let’s talk about what happens next, at least make sure you can find someone at any time.

Yan Laixi was able to push Feng Su away, but not Lin Yuyou. Somehow this matter reached Lin Yuyou’s ears – given that Xiao Xi couldn’t speak human language, this “somehow” could only be Feng Su – so that when Yan Laixi opened his eyes, he saw his sister sitting opposite the sofa, holding her chin and staring at him in boredom.

My brain was groggy, and I wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep, but I couldn’t fall asleep. After lying there for a while, I was shaken up.

“Brother? Brother?” Seeing that he didn’t respond, Lin Yuyou tried hard to lift the still limp person up. Yan Lai was not heavy, and he was just helping him to sit up. However, Lin Yuyou’s legs were inconvenient, the height was not suitable, and there was a coffee table in the way, so it took a lot of effort, even his voice was straining. “Sit up when you wake up. Feng Su said that you slept very early last night, and suddenly you get a headache after sleeping for too long.”

He will be thirty in two years, and he won’t cry and find someone to comfort him like he did when he was a child. But it is normal to be stunned for a while and then calm down. Even when Lin Yuyou sees his brother like this…it doesn’t look like he is calming down, it seems like he really hasn’t woken up yet.

The second hand ticked more than half a circle, and Yan Laixi was still sitting still like a doll. Lin Yuyou stretched out his hand and waved it in front of him: “Brother? Are you awake?”

The tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock almost reached the next number before Yan Laixi said “Hmm”.

“Um, what? Go and wash your face.” Lin Yuyou held Yan Laixi with one hand and controlled the wheelchair to retreat with the other hand. He pushed Yan Laixi into the bathroom. He waited outside. After a few seconds, he heard the sound of water. After confirming that the person had not fallen asleep in the bathroom, he went behind the curtain.

Xiao Xi had just returned home one night and was sent to Feng Su again. As compensation, Lin Yuyou planned to pick up two cans from Feng Su and take them back to the puppy.

Yan Laixi stayed inside for a long time, but every time he called him, he would get a response within a few seconds, so Lin Yuyou didn’t rush him.Maybe his brother was just like when he was a child. He was sad when he woke up and hid and cried secretly. However, when he came out, his eye circles were not red, his nose was not red, and nothing happened. It seemed that he had guessed wrong.

She didn’t cry, but she still looked a little tired, probably because she didn’t sleep well.Yan Laixi didn’t want to leave, so he could only figure out how to drive the other person in the room out of bed.

Oh, yes, we also have to consider whether Yan Laixi wants to sleep on the bed.

Thinking about it from another angle, is it really Yan Laixi who doesn’t want to leave?Maybe it was Feng Su who didn’t want Yan Laixi to make up an excuse to fool her?

“What are you thinking about?” Yan Laixi, who was already fully dressed, tapped Lin Yuyou’s forehead with his finger, straightened up and stood at the door first, asking, “Can you leave?”

For a person who has basically never experienced the feeling of walking, in terms of daily travel, sitting on wheels with various smart functions is actually easier than walking on two legs. At least if you have to climb stairs, you will not be out of breath.Yan Laixi just opened the door for Lin Yuyou and waited for her to come out before closing it. He neither wanted to push her away nor did he do anything for her as if her upper limbs were also paralyzed.

There were several steps at the entrance of the building. As he controlled the wheelchair to go down, Lin Yuyou suddenly thought of the slope at the entrance of Fengsu’s pet beauty salon. He told it as a joke to Yan Laixi, and at the end he did not forget to add: “It’s rare for him to take the initiative to be a good person, but it turned out that he didn’t need it at all.”

“Actually, it’s somewhat useful. At least going uphill is faster than going up steps.” Yan Laixi said.

Lin Yuyou chuckled and said, “But if I deliberately don’t go astray, it will cause trouble for Feng Su. Brother, a good boy like you can’t understand how to have fun in front of friends.”

“Actually, it’s understandable. I’m just not as enthusiastic as you are.” Yan Laixi said, “Chi Fu shouldn’t be at home at this time. If you meet him, just pretend you don’t know him.”

“I don’t know him, but can I open the door to his house?” Lin Yuyou took Yan Laixi’s hand, “Brother, if you don’t want to see him, don’t go. That’s all nonsense. Although I don’t know much about it, there must be a way to replace all lost documents.Yes, it’s just that it’s more troublesome and the process takes longer, and Feng Su didn’t drive you away. Even if he can’t do it, there are still me, the other brothers and sisters, and the courtyard.Is there anything else you need to get back?”

“There’s no reason why I don’t want to see him.” Yan Laixi said with a light voice, “I have to go back sooner or later. Why are you putting it off?”

He had to go back sooner or later, so if Chi Fu happened to be at home, he would knock him out. In short, he would not be given a chance to coax Yan Laixi into being soft-hearted.

The good news is that Chi Fu was indeed not at home, and he escaped the fate of being knocked unconscious, and did not get the chance to talk sweetly.The bad news is that the things he left behind in the house seem to be more likely to make Yan Laixi soft-hearted.

There were photos of Yan Laixi everywhere on the table, on the door, and on the wall. Next to each photo was a small note or brand. Lin Yuyou couldn’t see it, but Yan Laixi knew that the furnishings in the room, the small objects on the table, and even the unfolded quilt on the bed in the bedroom were almost exactly the same as when he left.Although it didn’t last long, this should be the result of being deliberately maintained.

“Can’t disturb him.”

“He doesn’t want to see you again.”

“He wants nothing to do with you anymore.”

“You can wait, but absolutely, you can’t contact him again before he responds.”

“Unless a complete solution to the anomaly is found, no more messages are allowed to be sent to him.”

…

Every line is different, every line is a warning.

Since I still can’t seize another opportunity, since you have decided to leave again, and since I can’t find a way to stay by your side without hurting you, then before you take the initiative to be tolerant to me again, let you think that I have chosen to completely no longer have anything to do with you.

Yan Laixi read every note and the diary that was still hanging behind the door and even had slightly updated contents.His face was expressionless the whole time, as if he really didn’t care.

Lin Yuyou watched from the side, but couldn’t relax. Yan Laixi couldn’t even fake a smile.

Except for the diary, which had been returned to its original place, Yan Laixi didn’t touch anything else, took nothing, and called Lin Yuyou to leave.

“Xiaoyou, please go back first.” Yan Laixi squatted down and spoke to Lin Yuyou with his head raised, his voice as calm as his expression, “I have to get the things later. Please tell Feng Su for me. I may…may not go back until tomorrow morning.”

“I’m fine today and I’ll be fine tomorrow. Xiao Xi has also been sent to Fengsu’s place.” Lin Yuyou firmly held his hand on his wheelchair, staring at Yan Laixi without giving up, and said, “If you have something to do, I will accompany you. If you have nothing to do, you can just walk around with me. I won’t go back or send a message. You can go to Fengsu on your own.”

She actually doesn’t quite understand that love is like a virus that mutates people’s brains.She didn’t understand why Feng Su suddenly fell in love with Yan Laixi, and she didn’t understand why Yan Laixi could easily accept that he had found the person in his dream but couldn’t accept that his relationship with Chi Fu was over, and she didn’t understand why Yan Laixi cared so much about whether Chi Fu remembered him.

But she knew that Yan Laixi was her brother. She knew that her brother was better than anyone else at enduring the sadness alone. She also knew that her brother was actually the kind of person who wanted comfort and someone to accompany him.

“It’s too late.” Yan Laixi still looked calm, “Don’t you have to go back to the hospital to help in two days? You go home and have a good rest.”

Lin Yuyou still refused to give in and asked, “Then tell me what you plan to do.”

She is not worried that Yan Laixi will be impulsive, nor is she worried that Yan Laixi will do something wrong that hurts others. He will only hurt himself, which is what Lin Yuyou is worried about.

“If he lets me go, I have to let him go.” Yan Laixi said, his voice was very soft and not deep, as if he wanted to look relaxed and smile, but failed, “I want Chi Fu to completely forget me.”

In the end, Lin Yuyou refused to leave, not by herself. Even if Yan Laixi wanted to leave, she wouldn’t let him. Letting Yan Laixi leave at this time was not to let him go and quarrel with her, but to be deceived by him into going home and waiting for him to come secretly by himself again.

Not wanting Yan Laixi to have unnecessary contact with Chi Fu, and not wanting Chi Fu to mistakenly think that he still had a chance, Lin Yuyou took Yan Laixi to a farther place to wait. He was so sleepy that he could hardly open his eyes before going back to be a “thief”.

The wheelchair was far inferior to human legs at this time, so Lin Yuyou could only wait at the door and help Yan Laixi move some things downstairs.Yan Laixi’s movements were very light, so the progress was inevitably slow, first the photos and notes, and then the various items he put on the surface. Then Yan Laixi asked Lin Yuyou to close the door first. He held his breath and pressed the door handle of the study room extremely slowly. Chi Fu lay on the uncomfortable bed, sleeping soundly.

The moonlight was too dark, and Yan Laixi couldn’t see him clearly, nor could he clearly see the photos scattered everywhere. Without paying attention, the photo papers he had received in his hand were scattered on the floor. There was not much sound, but Yan Laixi was still nailed to the spot and did not dare to move. For a long time, the person on the bed still maintained the same posture and breathed steadily. Then he bent down and knelt on the ground, feeling in the dark to pick up the scattered photos.

After almost wiping it with his hands, Yan Laixi stood up.When he got up, he glanced at Chi Fu under the faint moonlight. He wanted to touch him, but he was afraid that his hands would be too cold and wake him up.

Photos, signs, diaries, ornaments, and all the books on the shelves.Yan Laixi bought a variety of other novels and comics to replace those books. It didn’t have to be too full or empty. Even so, it was still a big project. Yan Laixi moved it very carefully. On the one hand, he was worried that if he moved too slowly, Chi Fu would wake up, but on the other hand, he wanted to go slower.Even if Chi Fu was just sleeping peacefully there, Yan Laixi wanted to stay near him for a while.

After all, after today, he will really never remember himself again.

Putting the last book at the door, Yan Laixi picked up Chi Fu’s cell phone, unlocked it without any hindrance, permanently deleted all content related to him, put it back in its original place, and closed the curtains before exiting the door, blocking out the last ray of light that would shine through.

It’s okay, Chi Fu is not a suspicious person, it is just a curtain. Even if he notices it, he will only think that he has remembered it wrongly.

There were a lot of books on the shelf, and together with other items, they piled up into a small mountain at the entrance of the building. Lin Yuyou raised his eyes and looked at Yan Laixi, his tone had lost its previous vitality, and asked: “Do you want to take these… back with you?”

Yan Laixi looked down at the items on the floor and squatted down calmly. He had to have his ID, and the computer couldn’t be changed. There seemed to be nothing else. He picked out these two items, stepped back half a step, and said, “Throw it away.”

Apart from books, photos and Chi Fu’s messages reminding him, there were only bits and pieces of trinkets in the “hill”. Yan Laixi didn’t take out all his things, and he couldn’t take them all away in one night. Moreover, the house was half empty overnight, so even if he lost his memory, he would know something was wrong.

Anyway, the remaining things would only make Chi Fu wonder why he wanted to buy a couple’s outfit alone.

“Let me help you.” Lin Yuyou said, gathering a stack of photos, wrapping a stack of books, and controlling the wheelchair to go to the trash can.

She would not persuade Yan Laixi, nor would she ask Yan Laixi, “Have you thought about it?” or “Are you sure you want to throw it away?” Yan Laixi had already made a decision, and what he needed was unconditional support and help, not words that made him waver.

After returning from one trip, Yan Laixi was still standing in the same place. Lin Yuyou stretched out his hand to move it, but was interrupted by Yan Laixi’s voice: “Xiaoyou, I will do it myself.”

He seemed to have something to say. He kept his mouth open for a long time before he found his voice again: “I want to be alone for a while. You can go back.”

The words were full of tremors, and even caring words such as “pay attention to safety” and “go back and get some sleep” were missing. Lin Yuyou knew that Yan Laixi was on the verge of collapse.

She was no longer stubborn and refused to leave, but she just couldn’t let go and didn’t go too far.

Like a programmed robot, Yan Laixi picked up items from the ground again and again, walked to the trash can, threw them in, walked back, and repeated it.

The puppy ornament given to Chi Fu on the day they officially met, the kitten pendant as the reason for inviting Chi Fu to his home for the first time, the earrings Chi Fu gave him, the ring they made together… and the books with love words written on them.

Yan Laixi held the last book in his hand and stretched it over the trash can. Something floated out and landed at his feet.

It was an ordinary piece of paper, like a casually torn piece of paper, with a short line of words written on it.

“Seeing you is like seeing a stream in the sky.”

The book sandwiched between it was their first, first encounter.

His vision suddenly blurred, the note was wrinkled, and the only remaining book that had been collected for many years was taken into his arms. Yan Laixi bit his lips and tried to make his voice less presumptuous.

If only there was a fire.

Yan Lai thought about it.

He should be squatting next to a blazing fire, with the fire drying the liquid from the corners of his eyes, instead of squatting next to the trash can, being illuminated by the street lights, unable to escape, and tightly holding on to the control of his body, not allowing it to snatch the most precious memories from the bucket that does not have the function of destroying it.

It would be nice if there was a fire in front of him, a fire that would spread to him, a fire that would burn him out together.

How can I reach out my hand again…

There was light in the sky, and the sleepiness had temporarily retreated from Lin Yuyou’s brain due to being ignored for a long time. Yan Laixi finally appeared in her field of vision, seemingly holding something in her arms. Lin Yuyou chose to pretend not to notice.

“Let’s go.” Yan Laixi tugged at the corner of his lips towards her, his movements were obviously stiff, and there were obvious wounds on his lips, and he said, “It’s over. I’ll take you back first.”