Mixed Chapter 74

Song Shixue’s perspective 3

There are many kinds of pain in the world, and I think watching the one you love date someone else must be one of them.

Stalking is not a good idea, but I’m really going crazy.Extreme emotions dominate thinking, which is not a pleasant feeling.

I forgot how many times I exceeded the speed limit and how many times I hit the steering wheel while waiting for a red light.In a daze, I seemed to have hallucinations at a fork in the road. The content of the hallucinations was related to Guan Ran. She lay in front of me in various ways of death again and again.

And the murderer was me, who was watching indifferently in front of her.

Fortunately, there were not many vehicles at night, otherwise my name would definitely appear on major news and hot searches on major platforms the next day.

Arriving downstairs at the unit where Chi Nuan lived, I parked the car in an inconspicuous place and silently watched her every move.Close the car door, lock it, say hello to the old man playing chess at the door, disappear around the corner and enter the elevator.

I rolled down the car window, and I seemed to be able to smell the refreshing lemon aroma in the air that was unique to Chi Nuan.

Ah, I really want to bury myself in the crook of her neck, take a deep breath, and leave my mark on every exposed position.

That’s fucking crazy!

I kept looking at the entrance to the unit, and a strong intuition told me that she would appear again.

One second, two seconds… When I counted to the 725th second, Chi Nuan did come, but what appeared before her was a snow-white Samoyed.

It’s Twinkle.

Shining was well raised by Chi Nuan, white and strong.

Dogs are indeed much more perceptive than humans.Winky has been barking since she came downstairs, in a vigilant way.It seemed that it mistakenly thought I was a dangerous person, and it didn’t quiet down until Chi Nuan scolded me.

Fortunately, I was not discovered, I was glad in my heart.

I stayed like this without any sleep until the next day, and at ten o’clock in the morning I saw the person I had been waiting for.

She wore a gray sheer knitted blouse and stood in the sunshine. Both her hair and her pink and white skin were coated with a dazzling golden color.

My sun is shining.

Seeing that Chi Nuan was about to leave, I quickly got out of the car and stopped her.Her expression was not happy at all but a little irritable, with “I want to leave quickly” written all over her face.

But I just don’t want to grant her wish easily.When she goes to the left, I go to the left; when she goes to the right, I go to the right.

She must have been speechless at me, so she turned around and walked in the opposite direction.

I can’t stand it, she can’t do this!

Not knowing where he got the strength, he grabbed Chi Nuan’s wrist and left.

Chi Nuan, who was dragged away by me, was reluctant, like an untamed kitten scratching and scratching me.

I don’t think it’s anything when the back of my hand is burning. After all, any trace left by Chi Nuan will make me feel extremely satisfied.

I dragged Chi Nuan into the car and locked the door before she seemed a little calmer.

Being in a tight and small space allowed me to focus entirely on Chi Nuan, especially that piece of clothing. The looming lines and curves inside were really alluring.

But when I thought about her going to see Guan Ran dressed like this, I became jealous!

Why!

Depend on!

I suppressed the raging fire in my heart and kindly offered to send her to Guan Ran’s house, but was cruelly rejected.

I heard her roaring angrily: “Who am I to you? Who are you to me?”

Every word in this sentence touched me, but I couldn’t answer it for a moment. From beginning to end, I maintained the silence I am most proud of.

Besides being sorry, silence is Chi Nuan’s most taboo thing.

Her expression became ferocious and she began to accuse me of the crimes of the past three years one by one. When she said, “She is tired and doesn’t want to wait for me anymore. She wants to meet new people and start a new life…” The sum of all these taboo words and sentences is undoubtedly the greatest harm to me.I endured the pain of digging my heart out but still chose to endure it like a ninja. In the end, I could only rely on the nails embedded in the leather cover of the steering wheel to relieve the pain.

Tsk!

How could Chi Nuan be disobedient?

It is not allowed to contact new people and start a new life!

No, no, no!Never leave me!

“You’re not allowed to go!” I couldn’t bear it any longer, and the smile I tried so hard to maintain finally fell into pieces.

I let her say nothing and didn’t reply. I knew that my emotional bottom line was about to be touched and explode. If I continued to argue with Chi Nuan, I might do something to hurt her.

Take it home. Currently, taking Chi Nuan home is the best option.

Amid her constant resistance, I turned around as quickly as possible and stepped on the accelerator.

Most of the bad mood was blown away by the excessive driving speed.I changed back to the steady and gentle Song Shixue on the surface. Then I grabbed my rare softness and asked Chi Nuan: “Want to listen to music?”

Then, out of the casualness she said, I chose a song that wasn’t so casual – I haven’t seen her for so long.

Chi Nuan must remember the feeling of listening to this song with me for the first time, and he must also remember what I said.

However, I didn’t expect that my casual remarks would become reality.

It’s not my intention to not see each other for so long.

“We haven’t seen each other for so long, and I still have weaknesses.”

“I have spent the past few years learning to be taciturn first, and then to be full of lies.”

…

We haven’t seen each other for so long, but I still love you.

After returning home, I tentatively asked her about the photo frame, and her answer surprised me.In fact, at the moment I wanted to ask her, does she know the meaning of this sky full of stars?

But once again I was dumb.

The flower language of gypsophila is “love that is willing to play a supporting role”, but I am unwilling to follow its original flower language.

I want to be the protagonist next to her.

And Chi Nuan also occupies everything in my life, scattered like stars in the sky.

Guan Ran called again. She was such a difficult woman.

Chi Nuan actually called her ‘Aran’ affectionately, which sounded so heart-wrenching and unpleasant.

Even though I was very jealous, I also knew that I couldn’t keep Chi Nuan forever and had to take it step by step.

I made the biggest concession and let her go.Before Chi Nuan went out, I put a coat on her to cover her good figure.

There was a gap in the door, and I saw her fleeing back disappearing into the escape corridor.

I almost reached the safest distance from Chi Nuan with the lightest footsteps.The slight sobs, the shaking back, every sound and every movement she made made me feel heartbroken.

I really want to hug her, this is my first thought, but I am a complete coward.

I walked back with the lightest steps and closed the door.Tears welled up as the last line of defense collapsed. The door behind me was my only support at the moment.

A crisp sound sounded, and slaps fell one after another, imprinting on my cheeks.

This is the lightest punishment I can give my mute self.

Unknowingly, my mental state returned to that time.I had no choice but to contact Ye Zhi. Fortunately, she still owns one or two psychological counseling agencies in China. If I were a psychiatrist, others would be afraid that they would not be able to stand me.

To be honest, I really don’t want to see Ye Zhi in this state.She always tells me what I’m thinking, and it’s not a good feeling to be seen through all of a sudden.

Ye Zhi gave me advice, telling me that I must learn to talk to her and learn to express my thoughts and feelings to Chi Nuan.

It’s easy to say, but it’s very difficult for me to do.Avoidant attachment has taken root in my heart and grown into a strong and towering tree.

It can’t be shaken at all.

But it is indeed much better after talking to Ye Zhi, at least for now.

The moment I opened the door and saw Chi Nuan and Guan Ran, things started to fluctuate again as expected.

I greeted Chi Nuan in a normal tone, and after she walked in, I sat next to Guan Ran.To be precise, it doesn’t count next to me, because there is an empty seat in the middle.

The murderous intention that began to boil in the deepest part was perfectly concealed by me, replaced by the calmness that I can never make mistakes.

Guan Ran said hello to me first. It seemed that she knew who I was.

Was it Chi Nuan who took the initiative to mention me?

Or did Guan Ran force him to ask?

She said she had always wanted to see me, and seeing what kind of person she was could make Chi Nuan never forget her.

Okay, I admit, I felt a little happier when she said this.

“If I met you first, I would probably fall in love with you too.” I have heard similar words so many times from different people that it’s a bit annoying.But I still maintained my courtesy and said, “Others will definitely feel the same way when they see Miss Guan.”

Guan Ran just smiled and continued: “I confessed to her twice, but was rejected both times. The first time was two years ago, and the reason for rejection was because she couldn’t forget someone. The second time was yesterday, and the reason was the same as two years ago… and that person is you.”

“Chi Nuan told me yesterday that you had a girlfriend. I was quite happy at the time, thinking that I might still have a chance. But when I noticed her panic and bewilderment in front of you, I suddenly realized. The only person Chi Nuan loves is you, and you alone. Apart from that, she will not fall in love with anyone else.”

I saw Guan Ran’s expression full of regret.

After hearing her say this, I realized that I had misunderstood Chi Nuan and even more so Guan Ran. The murderous intention that had arisen inexplicably also dissipated completely.

If he hadn’t been chatting with Guan Ran, how long would Chi Nuan have been pretending to be?

Obviously both of them are also mute.

No one talks about love.

One is not honest.

“I think your name should have the word snow in it, right?” Guan Ran turned to look at me, and I admitted openly, “In fact, in the winter three years ago, I personally tattooed the snowflake on her left chest and I should have stopped the loss in time.”

Inadvertently, Guan Ran revealed another important information to me.

Chi Nuan tattooed a snowflake closest to the heart, symbolizing eternal companionship.

But missing three years, doesn’t it count as eternal life?

If possible, I would like to spend the rest of my life by Chi Nuan’s side.

I am willing to swear on my lifetime that I will never be separated from you again.