Hate The Bright Moon Chapter 97
byChapter 101
Gaofengling is the mountain where Chi Huang first took Chen Shilu to see the stars.The mountain road leading to the top of the mountain that was washed away by flash floods has long been repaired.
During those sleepless nights last winter, Chi Huang returned to the abandoned observation deck again and again, sitting on the decaying bench again and again, staying alone on the mountaintop in the biting cold wind until morning.
He has been there so many times that he clearly remembers every turn on the winding mountain road and the scenery along the cliff at every turn.He still remembered that one morning, he was riding his motorcycle down the mountain and faced the rising sun.The dazzling cold sunlight shone on him, as if paving a road to heaven.Facing all the gold, he drove the front wheel of the motorcycle through the gap in the safety guardrail.
He checked the weather and saw that tomorrow would also be a sunny spring day.The rising sun in spring must be warmer and brighter than in winter. Their car will take off along a sun-drenched road and arrive at the real paradise under the clear blue sky.
Until the last moment, Chen Shilu would not know anything, and he would not even have time to be afraid.He might be a little surprised, or he might subconsciously hold his hand when he’s nervous.They will hold hands and move toward a perfect ending that only belongs to the two of them.
Chen Shilu got into his passenger seat and put an aluminum suitcase and a pocket with a blanket in the back seat.
Chi Huang asked what was in the box.
Chen Shilu told him it was an astronomical telescope: “If you want to see the stars, it can be used just right.”
“When did you buy an astronomical telescope?”
Chen Shilu didn’t answer, and just asked him to stop in front of a convenience store, where he went to buy some food and water.
Seeing him getting into the car carrying a large bag of late-night snacks and drinks, he was in a happy mood as if he was going camping, which made Chi Huang’s heart surge with all kinds of emotions.
Chen Shilu suggested: “It will take two or three hours to drive. Do you want me to drive in the urban area while you take a nap?”
“No, I’m not sleepy at all.”
“Really? Then I’ll go to sleep by myself. Call me when you get there.” After saying that, Chen Shilu tilted his head and leaned on the back of the chair, closing his eyes.
Seeing him sleeping peacefully without any precautions, Chi Huang was so troubled that his heart began to ache.
Why did Chen Shilu trust him so much? This trust caused him so much embarrassment and suffering. Even Chen Shilu’s peaceful sleep brought him endless pain.Chi Huang gritted his teeth and thought bitterly, while closing the car window tightly and turning on the heater of the air conditioner.
No more crossing the mountains, the car drove to the top of the mountain safely and smoothly.
The road is open, there are more tourists during the day, and the trails on the ridge are also paved with stone slabs. Except for the tiring part of the climb, it is easy to walk all the way.
They arrived at the observation deck by the familiar route. Chen Shilu opened the box and began to set up the stand and install the telescope.
Chi Huang helped him use the flashlight and watched him install a box of parts in an orderly manner one by one.
The flashlight and car lights were turned off, and my eyes quickly adapted to the darkness.The undulating outline of the mountains in the distance and the vast forest below are all clearly visible under the moonlight.Stars flickered in the sky, and a large, white gibbous moon in the east had just climbed onto the horizon at midnight.
Chen Shilu looked at the eyepiece, adjusted the lens barrel and focal length, and soon he adjusted it to the appropriate position and asked Chi Huang to take a look.
Chi Huang also raised his eyes and saw the moon magnified a hundred times.
“Have you seen the moon sea and the crater?” Chen Shilu asked.
“Which one is it?”
“The dark area on the moon is the Mare. Can you see it is a plain now? The craters are the small craters formed by the collision of other celestial bodies.”
Chi Huang groaned, looked at it for a while, raised his head, and felt a little disillusioned for a moment.The bright moon in the sky is big and bright, but when you zoom in, it looks like a big gray rock.
Chen Shilu asked him: “How is it?”
“It’s not that good, it’s not as good as the naked eye.”
Chen Shilu didn’t care. He adjusted to the position of Saturn and asked Chi Huang to look at it: “Can you see the star rings?”
“Like a yellow straw hat.” Chi Huang gave his plain evaluation.
“Isn’t it amazing?”
“Uh…just take it as such.”
Not giving up, Chen Shilu turned on his phone, searched for a while, then held the lens tube and turned it for a while, and said to Chi Huang: “I will show you the M51 Canis Canis galaxy. This is the most worth seeing galaxy this season.”
After the adjustment was completed, Chi Huang came up to him. Chen Shilu asked him how he was doing. Chi Huang asked, “Which one is it?”
“They are called stars one by one. The galaxies are like white mist. The M51 galaxy is in the shape of a whirlpool. We can see it clearly now. Can’t you still see it? You are really… not good at finding celestial objects, but you still like to look at stars.” Chen Shilu almost said “You are so stupid”.
“The one that looks like a ball of cotton?”
“A ball of cotton… OK, that’s it.”
“That one is also very ordinary. Aren’t all galaxies the same, very gorgeous, very shocking, like electronic special effects?”
“You mentioned electronic special effects. Those are the effects produced after photographic processing. This is how it is when observed with the naked eye through a telescope.” Seeing that Chihuang was not interested, Chen Shilu turned the lens barrel to look for other near-Earth planets to observe.
Chi Huang raised his head, looked at the stars in the sky, and asked Chen Shilu: “When did you start to like observing celestial bodies?”
“After getting this telescope.” He found Jupiter, a small light yellow round face. He adjusted the focus, hoping to see Jupiter’s cloud belts clearly. “I think you like to watch stars. This telescope was originally given to you, but before I could give it away, various things happened. Anyway, I bought them all, so I set it up on the balcony to take a look. Unexpectedly, it was quite interesting.”
Chi Huang stood motionless and said nothing.
Chen Shilu straightened up and looked at him: “How about I give it to you? I’m leaving soon, and it’s not convenient to take it with me. The second-hand platform sold it at a discount, and I can’t bear to part with it. It’s good to give it to you.”
Chi Huang swallowed repeatedly, but couldn’t swallow the feeling of being blocked. He didn’t know what to say. After a while, he said in a tight voice: “I’m not interested in celestial bodies.”
“Interest does not come out of thin air, it requires cultivation and investment. You have to spend time and energy to understand and observe. You will understand the vastness of the universe and the birth and death of planets, and gradually you will become interested.”
Chi Huang didn’t say whether he wanted it or not, and Chen Shilu didn’t persuade him. He took out the self-heating pot he bought and started cooking it. After a while, the aroma wafted out.
Compared to the last time when Chi Huang was in such a mess, Chen Shilu handed the cooked midnight snack to Chi Huang with ease and asked him to eat it while it was hot.
After eating and drinking, Chen Shilu sat on a bench to rest. Chi Huang packed up his things and sat down next to him.
He usually talks a lot, but now when facing Chen Shilu, he has thousands of words to say, but every word is stuck in his throat, and every word is meaningless.
He couldn’t tell, and he didn’t need to say anything.Because according to his plan, everything will be over tomorrow morning, his entanglement, pain, and desperate love.
The two of them sat like this for who knows how long. Chen Shilu suddenly asked him: “Chi Huang, do you hate me?”
His heart trembled, as if a sharp thorn had been inserted into his heart, and the pain seemed tangible.He turned his head.
Chen Shiluwu laughed to himself: “This makes no sense, but I always feel that I should say sorry to you.”
Chi Huang’s breathing was trembling: “What have you done to apologize to me?”
“That’s why I say it makes no sense.” Chen Shilu paused and then said, “Maybe it’s because I don’t know you well enough, so I did a lot of things that I thought were okay but hurt you a lot.
“I think about it later, you have always had the mentality of a child, you want a lot of pampering, a lot of pampering, and you compete to be the most special.If you were 15, I would definitely treat you in a gentler way, but if you were 25, I thought you could handle that.Chen Shilu laughed softly, “As an adult, you are a very unqualified adult. As a child, you are a good child.”
“I’m sorry, Chi Huang.”
Chi Huang leaned back on the chair. The starry sky in his eyes had turned into a mist. His throat felt blocked and he couldn’t swallow. His mind was completely confused, his voice and breath were in a mess, and he said incoherently: “If I were 15 years old, you would not be with me, and we would not have any intersection…”
“The fate between people is hard to say. If you are really 15 years old, we can be friends. You come to my house to play, see the fish and flowers I raise, I cook you food, and listen to my records for you, isn’t that great?”
This is what Chen Shilu figured out recently. He doesn’t have to turn every man he likes into a bed partner. They can be normal friends.He also discovered that he had a problem. His anxiety and desire for relationships made him obsessed with developing unhealthy relationships.
Chi Huang didn’t want to show his misery in front of Chen Shilu. Fortunately, there was darkness that could prevent his tears from being seen, but he could no longer say a word.
“There is a concept in psychology called ‘developmental arrest’, which means that after a person has experienced a trauma, his mental age is stuck at the stage of the trauma. I think the death of your parents was a huge blow to you, and then there was no safe interpersonal relationship and stable environment for you to recover, and you stumbled to where you are now.”
He shook Chi Huang’s hand: “You should talk to a counselor, otherwise you will always have a hard time in this society in this state. Because everyone expects you to be an adult, and you have no way to deal with this expectation.”
Chi Huang could no longer control himself, and pulled Chen Shilu over with his backhand, burying himself on his shoulder and crying, sobbing constantly: “I don’t want to either, I don’t want to make you angry, I don’t want to ruin your work, but I can’t control it… I want to do the right thing and don’t want to make mistakes… I also want to be happy and live well, and I don’t want to come to a dead end… But I don’t know what else to do, I can’t control it…”
Listening to his incoherent confessions mixed with crying, Chen Shilu patted him on the back, like coaxing a child: “It will be painful to do the right thing. This means that you can’t do whatever you want, you have to think a lot, and you have to take responsibility, but if you want to grow, you must learn these things.”
That night, Chi Huang cried and laughed, felt painful and happy. He said a lot of words without thinking, and Chen Shilu also said a lot.In the end, I don’t know when the conversation stopped, and they didn’t know when they fell asleep.
When Chi Huang woke up, they were close to each other, Chen Shilu was leaning on his shoulder, he was leaning against Chen Shilu’s head, and the two of them were wrapped in the blanket Chen Shilu brought.
A thin layer of dewdrops formed on the surface of the blanket, the morning mist was thick, and the air had a moist mountain smell.He squinted his gaze, scanning Chen Shilu’s eyebrows, eyelashes, bridge of nose, and finally stopped at his lips.
He finally kissed Chen Shilu’s lips, which were soft and cold.
Pieces of red clouds appeared on the horizon, and a trace of golden light showed up first. It was already dawn.