DP Chapter 54
by VolareOn New Year’s Day, Xiang Yiye accompanied Father Xiang and Qiao Sha at the hospital, Tao Muya was also there.
The atmosphere was harmonious in the morning. Knowing that Tao Muya was from the South, Qiao Sha made her sugar-fried rice cakes especially.
By noon, a little dispute arose, stemming from the same old topics. Father Xiang asked Xiang Yiye when he planned to settle down.
Xiang Yiye, as usual, said he was busy with work and would think about it in a few years. Father Xiang changed his previous assertive tone, saying he didn’t have many good years left and hoped to see him start a family before he died.
A few years ago, Father Xiang was diagnosed with early-stage liver cancer. After the resection, it recurred soon after. He had been undergoing chemotherapy ever since, but it couldn’t stop the spread of cancer cells. In the past six months, it had progressed to the late stage.
Then Father Xiang said he didn’t want to be treated anymore.
Xiang Yiye disagreed, knowing that Father Xiang was discouraged by the pain and torment, and said that he had to continue treatment no matter what.
In the end, the father and son couldn’t agree, and neither could convince the other.
In the afternoon, Xiang Yiye took a taxi to a private hospital for a visit. The driver drove as if he was drifting, smoking and answering phone calls along the way. Xiang Yiye saw him take both hands off the steering wheel several times and reminded him a few times.
The driver said lightly that he had been driving for nearly twenty years and told him to relax.
“It’s better to be careful, driver. I had someone calculate it before, and they said I’m prone to car accidents,” Xiang Yiye said.
The driver was stunned and said he was really humorous, but he also seemed to prefer to believe it, and became a little more serious.
When he arrived at the hospital, Xiang Yiye entered the ward. Xu Chuo was still asleep, so he put down the flowers and thermos and sat on the sofa to wait for a while.
When Xu Chuo woke up, he saw someone on the sofa next to him, and drowsily called out, “Dad?”
Xiang Yiye: “…It’s me.”
When Xu Chuo saw it was him, he got up in a flurry, wanting to put on his coat, probably thinking that having his arm wrapped like a dumpling was not aesthetically pleasing.
A few days ago in Little Cang Mountain, Xie Zhimin was killed on the spot. Xu Chuo fell into the flower bed, fracturing his left leg and cutting his left arm with broken glass, requiring more than a dozen stitches.
“My dad came by this morning, I thought he hadn’t left yet,” Xu Chuo explained.
Xu Mian had been unusually concerned about him these past few days, after all, he had switched places with him and got injured as a result.
That concern was definitely not fake, just a little awkward and stiff.
As a result, even after Xu Mian had left, Xu Chuo dreamed about him again during his nap.
Xu Chuo dreamed that he had returned to being seventeen or eighteen years old. Xu Mian, who had always been against him painting, suddenly said that he wanted to take him to a friend’s house to see paintings one day.
After seeing them, Xu Chuo was greatly disappointed, feeling that the paintings weren’t even a tenth as good as his teacher’s, but he knew how to read people’s faces and only praised without criticizing throughout the whole visit.
Later, Xu Mian discussed a project with his friend. Xu Chuo felt uncomfortable saying insincere words, and after that, he wasn’t too willing to go anymore.
So Xu Mian said to him, “Otherwise, what’s the point of letting you learn to paint?”
Xu Chuo wanted to ask, “Did you give birth to me because I’m useful?”
In the end, he didn’t ask. He thought Xu Mian would take it for granted and answer, “What’s the point of giving birth to you if you’re not useful?”
Xu Chuo brought his thoughts back. Staying to watch over a wounded or sick son while he slept was not something Xu Mian seemed capable of doing.
Even if Xu Mian temporarily became sentimental and acted like a loving father, Xu Chuo himself would feel disgusted.
Xiang Yiye went over to help Xu Chuo put on his clothes, and saw the scars on his back from being burned by cigarettes, like craters on the surface of the moon.
Xu Chuo raised his hand, his nose wrinkled, as if the wound on his arm was being pulled.
“Stop fussing, uglier is uglier,” Xiang Yiye said.
It was this kind of direct and natural concern that was more comforting, Xu Chuo thought.
Xiang Yiye: “Did the doctor say whether the injury to your arm will affect your ability to write and paint in the future?”
“It depends on how well it recovers,” Xu Chuo saw that he had brought a thermos and asked, “Are these dumplings made by Aunt Wang?”
Xiang Yiye nodded, setting up the table board for him.
“Xie Zhimin was cremated yesterday,” Xu Chuo said.
Xiang Yiye gave an “mm” sound, and said, “The scars on your back were from him burning you, right? I thought he liked you, no matter how he treated others, he wouldn’t hurt you.”
“He only loves himself,” Xu Chuo said, “Having been with him for a long time in my previous life, sometimes I see myself as an outsider, and I think he’s quite pitiful too.”
He even tried to understand. He thought that maybe Yunhua and Xie’s had occasional conflicts of interest, or maybe Xie Zhimin, like him, was suffocating in the thin air of family affection and needed an outlet for his emotions.
The consequence of being too empathetic with others is losing oneself.
“He has been oppressing you and controlling you, he doesn’t deserve any pity,” Xiang Yiye said.
Xu Chuo looked at Xiang Yiye and thought, fortunately, there is this person in front of him. He let him experience what respect and cherish mean.
Xiang Yiye also wanted to say something encouraging like Xie Zhimin is already dead, but then felt that such comfort was too pale.
He couldn’t deny Xie Zhimin’s tumor-like existence because he had personally experienced it. He had been kind to people since his previous life, but after being with Xie Zhimin for a few years, his personality was also affected, and his hostility and desire for revenge became heavier and heavier.
In the end, Xiang Yiye said, “He’s not worth risking your life to deal with, that price is too high.”
Xu Chuo was silent. That day, Xiang Yiye desperately shouted his name under the villa, but it didn’t immediately call back the desire for life in his heart.
He was just afraid of scaring Xiang Yiye.
“Fortunately, I didn’t die. Otherwise, having my head blown open and being carried out past you would have been too ugly,” Xu Chuo recalled Xie Zhimin’s last appearance and felt fortunate.
“Having all your arms and legs broken isn’t any better,” Xiang Yiye said.
Recalling the moment Xu Chuo fell from the balcony, his heart seemed to rise high and fall heavily with him.
Xu Chuo smiled and used his right hand to pick up a dumpling with chopsticks, his movements were not very skilled, and just as he picked one up, it rolled back into the bowl.
Xiang Yiye raised his hand to help him, but Xu Chuo avoided it and said, “Don’t be too nice to me, or I’ll want to lock you up again.”
“You can’t lock up anyone now,” Xiang Yiye said, taking a spoon from the cutlery box and putting it in his hand.
Xu Chuo didn’t lie, deep down, he really wanted to keep Xiang Yiye by his side for the rest of his life.
But at the same time, another voice told him to control this thought because it would make Xiang Yiye feel pain.
The gentle warmth that Xiang Yiye brought him, he hadn’t even had time to learn it before it was assimilated by another kind of forceful plundering, Xu Chuo thought.
The nurse knocked on the door and came in. Seeing Xu Chuo eating, she was surprised and said, “Mr. Xu, you have a gastroscopy later, have you forgotten?” You can’t eat within a few hours before a gastroscopy.
Xiang Yiye asked why he needed a gastroscopy. The nurse said that Xu Chuo had a coin-sized locator stuck in his upper digestive tract that needed to be removed.
No wonder Secretary Chen didn’t even think about it and said that the locator couldn’t be found, because Xu Chuo had swallowed it directly.
Xiang Yiye was stunned for a moment and said, “You can’t eat, why didn’t you say so earlier?”
“Gastroscopy can be done any day, dumplings are not good when they are cold,” Xu Chuo said, “I ate them last time five years ago, I don’t know when the next time will be, so I’ll have one less time to eat.”
His tone was as if it was his last meal before execution. Xiang Yiye was distracted and remembered that Father Xiang had died in the year he was 26 in his previous life, and he once again questioned the so-called fate.
After the nurse left, Xiang Yiye said, “Are you so sure that you only have three years left?”
“I was completely sure about this… before Xie Zhimin died, now it’s 30/70,” Xu Chuo said.
“Then according to you, I only have four years left too,” Xiang Yiye said.
“Because of what?” Xu Chuo immediately perked up, while feeling unbelievable, “How could it be so early…”
“Car accident,” Xiang Yiye said.
“Is it man-made?” Xu Chuo asked.
“Maybe, it could also be an accident,” Xiang Yiye said.
Xu Chuo continued to ask, “Do you remember what day it was, and where it was? Were you driving yourself, or…”
“I remember, so what? Lock me up and never let me out?” Xiang Yiye said, “You want to help me prevent it, but if it’s an accident, you can’t prevent it.”
Xu Chuo felt a deep sense of powerlessness: “I know I promised you that after I get out of that villa, I won’t pester you anymore. I just… want to do something for you again.”
“What else do you want to do behind my back?” Xiang Yiye said.
In the past few days, he discovered that the old fan who had insisted on writing movie reviews for him for several years was Xu Chuo.
In the recent pictures posted by that fan account, there were a few photos of him participating in the academy basketball game during his sophomore year. Besides Xiang Yiye, only Xu Chuo had saved those pictures, and they were probably mixed in when he was packaging materials.
Xiang Yiye had confirmed with Secretary Chen that after Xu Chuo went abroad, he entrusted a friend of Secretary Chen’s friend to manage that fan account, copy movie reviews, take and send photos, and auction off costumes. He was worried that it would be spread to Xie Zhimin, so he did everything very discreetly.
Xu Chuo didn’t speak. He wanted to help Xiang Yiye establish a personal studio, win more awards, and find experts in treating liver cancer at home and abroad… So many things, three or four years is really too short.
Xiang Yiye looked at him and said, “Xu Chuo, should we make a bet?”
“What bet?”
“I bet I won’t die at the age of 30 in this life,” Xiang Yiye said.
Xu Chuo was slightly stunned. He understood that to reveal the outcome of this bet, he must first ensure that he lived to 34 years old.
“What’s the stake?” he asked.
“The stake is that in our lifetime, we can give each other another chance,” Xiang Yiye said immediately.
Xu Chuo once felt that this life and the previous life were two dreams of isomorphic shapes, and the heavy loneliness suffocated him.
When Xiang Yiye grabbed him, he realized that he was not the only stranger wandering in the dream.
True loneliness also became the inability to stand shoulder to shoulder with Xiang Yiye again.
After a long time, Xu Chuo’s eyes turned red, and he said solemnly and firmly, “Okay.”