Difficult To Raise Chapter 63
byChapter 63 Ending Jiang Ran is confused…
Jiang Ran was confused and didn’t know how much time had passed.Maybe two hours, maybe even shorter. The stagnant senses can no longer accurately capture the passage of time.Jiang Yue had already walked away excitedly ten minutes ago, holding his cell phone. It seemed that he had achieved his goal and received the money.
Before leaving, Jiang Yue deliberately leaned over and patted Jiang Ran’s face with a joking smile, “Just stay here and see if you have the luck to be found before you starve to death.”
“Well, I wish you good luck.” The last few words were drawn out and full of malice.
Jiang Ran slowly lowered his eyelashes, not even having the strength to glare at him.It was like there was a hot, smoldering fire in his chest, burning all his internal organs.
Fragments of the past surged uncontrollably in my mind, one by one, as clear as if they happened yesterday.
On that rainy night four years ago, Jiang Jin grabbed his hand, and the tears on his face were so clear.
Guilt and regret swept over him almost instantly, making him breathless.The emotions that had been accumulated for a long time could no longer be restrained. Jiang Ran’s shoulders shook violently and he couldn’t help crying.
When he was crying until his voice was hoarse and his consciousness was a little blurry, the door outside was suddenly pushed open with a “squeak”, followed by a burst of rapid and panicked footsteps, running in his direction.
The next moment, a pair of calloused hands gently held his face.Jiang Jin looked at him anxiously and carefully wiped the tears from his face. His voice was full of panic, “Brother, are you okay? Why are you crying like this?”
Jiang Ran looked at him through blurred tears. His lips moved, trying to call his name, but he could only whimper in his throat, unable to say a word.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here.” Jiang Jin gently touched his head and spoke in a very soft voice.
He quickly looked over Jiang Ran’s whole body and confirmed that he had no obvious external injuries, and then he breathed a sigh of relief.Then he squatted down and carefully untied the rope tied to Jiang Ran.
Jiang Ran struggled so hard just now that his hands and feet were bruised and bleeding.Jiang Jin’s face darkened instantly as he watched. He barely dared to use any force and carefully untied the knot.
Jiang Ran lowered his eyes and looked at his focused expression. He tried hard to suppress the surging emotions in his heart and said in a hoarse voice: “You… didn’t you say that your life is not that bad?”
Jiang Jin paused and looked up at him, not knowing how to respond.
“You lied to me,” Jiang Ran’s lips couldn’t help trembling, and there was a strong nasal sound in his voice, “You lied to me again…”
Jiang Jin sighed softly, looked away, and lowered his head again to untie the untied knot.When the last knot was completely loosened, he straightened up, stretched out his arms to hold Jiang Ran into his arms, and said, “I’m sorry.”
“What are you saying you’re sorry for?” Jiang Ran pushed him away suddenly and yelled at him, “What can you say to me that you’re sorry for? What’s wrong with you? If… if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have experienced this at all! I sent you to him, but I sent you away with my own hands without knowing what kind of person he was! I saw that he was rich, it was me! It’s all me! Obviously… I’m the one who should say I’m sorry!”
It was him, it was he who pushed Jiang Jin into the abyss with his own hands, into the hands of the devil Jiang Yue, and made him suffer so much inhuman torture.
Jiang Jin was only fourteen or fifteen years old back then.
“Why do you forgive me?” He cried and shouted at him, his voice broken, “You should hate me, you should hate me for the rest of your life!”
“Stop crying,” Jiang Jin hugged him into his arms again, patted his back gently, and gently wiped away the tears that kept pouring out of the corners of his eyes with his fingertips, and said softly, “I don’t hate you, I love you.”
“I can never really hate you, because… before I learned to hate, I was already in love with you, brother.”
“So, don’t be sad, don’t feel guilty, I don’t want any of that, I just want you to love me.”
Jiang Ran buried his head in his arms and burst into tears.
Jiang Jin patted his back quietly and did not comfort him anymore, because he knew that anything he said at this time was in vain, so it was better to let him vent it out and let him have a good cry.
Let the complicated, sad, and embarrassing past be buried in the past with this tear.They still have a long, long way to go in the future and should not be trapped by the past.
Jiang Ran cried wildly in Jiang Jin’s arms, crying so hard that his whole body was shaking and he almost had no strength.After an unknown amount of time, the crying finally subsided.
Jiang Jin leaned over and picked up the limp person in his arms, “Let’s go, brother, we are going home.”
Jiang Jin did not take Jiang Ran back to school, but instead took him into a residential complex near the university town.Jiang Ran seemed tired from crying and fell asleep in his arms.
Jiang Jin hugged him and took the elevator into the house.If Jiang Ran was still awake, he would definitely be shocked, because this house is exactly like their hometown in Xihe!
Except for the fact that the furniture is new, all the furnishings and layouts are exactly the same as before. Even the photo frames on the entrance cabinet are almost the same, except that the photo inside is replaced by the photo taken during the last camping trip.
He put Jiang Ran on the bed in the bedroom, stretched out his hand and rubbed his forehead, trying to smooth away his sadness, “Go to sleep, brother.”
*
When Jiang Ran woke up, he thought he had returned to his hometown in Xihe. He looked around the room. If he didn’t look carefully, he would really think that time was going back.
After watching for a while, he sat up from the bed and found a pair of brand new slippers on the floor. He put them on and tried them on. They were exactly the same size. They were obviously specially prepared for him.
When he opened the door and saw no sign of Jiang Jin, Jiang Ran shouted a few times in panic.Jiang Jin heard the sound and poked his head out of the kitchen, “Brother, are you awake?”
He wore an apron with a kitten print on it and held a half-shucked piece of corn in his hand.
“You…” Jiang Ran hesitated: “Are you cooking?”
Jiang Jin said “Yeah” and said naturally: “It’s unhealthy to eat takeout all the time. Of course I have to cook it myself. Brother can eat it after a while.”
Jiang Ran felt a little dreamy for a moment, and the memory of last night came to mind again. He later felt a little embarrassed that he cried like that in front of his younger brother and was hugged all the way back.
“It’s not my brother,” Jiang Jin corrected, leaning against the kitchen door, “it’s her boyfriend.”
Only then did Jiang Ran realize that he had said the words unknowingly.
He is really shameless now!
Jiang Ran turned around suddenly, returned to the bedroom, and closed the door forcefully.Jiang Jin laughed softly, and the food was put on the table. He knocked on the door several times before coaxing the person out.
After eating, the two of them sat on the sofa and watched a movie. During this period, Jiang Ran accompanied Jiang Jin to answer questions every day. It was rare to have such leisurely time.
As he watched, Jiang Jin reached over and touched his forehead. He cried so much yesterday, fearing that he might have a fever.
Jiang Ran lay in his arms. His voice was still a little hoarse, but he was much better than when he first got up. His eyes were also swollen, “It’s okay.”
“Brother, don’t cry anymore. If you’re unhappy, just beat me. I’m thick-skinned and not afraid of pain.”
Jiang Ran pinched his cheek, “Who said it hurt when I touched him before?”
Jiang Jin grabbed his hand and leaned on his shoulder with a smile.The two quarreled for a while. They didn’t watch much of the movie, but their mood improved a lot.
But yesterday’s incident still left a haze in Jiang Ran’s heart. He thought about it for a while and finally spoke: “Xiao Jin, what happened before…”
“Brother,” Jiang Jin interrupted, “No matter what happened before, it is in the past.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Jiang Ran said, “I won’t always be brooding over the past. There will be decades to come, and I want to live with you.”
Rather than living in guilt, he wanted to compensate Jiang Jin as much as possible in the future.
“But…you really took all the money your mother left…”
He didn’t say the rest of the words, and he didn’t want to ask for money at this time, but money was a very important thing. Jiang Jin was going to college soon, and he had to consider tuition and living expenses.
Jiang Jin held his hand and paused. After a while, he buried his head in Jiang Ran’s neck and said aggrievedly: “Yes, I am a pauper now, and I have to rely on my brother to support me. My brother won’t dislike me.”
He was teasing him, but Jiang Ran took it seriously. He pushed Jiang Jin away with an extremely serious expression, “Why would I dislike you? I’m supposed to support you in the first place.”
His pupils are different from Jiang Jin’s. They are not that dark color, but have a light brown color. When he stares at people with such eyes without blinking, it will make people feel cherished, a feeling that Jiang Jin can never refuse.
Jiang Ran started to count with his fingers, “I haven’t touched the money Jiang Yue gave me before, and it comes in handy now. I have been working part-time these years and have saved tens of thousands of dollars. You don’t have to worry about your college tuition and living expenses…”
After saying a few words, he couldn’t speak anymore.This money will definitely be enough to support Jiang Jin until he graduates from college. After he graduates, he will be able to work and make money, and then he will be able to have more money, but in the end it will not be as good as before.
Thinking of this, Jiang Ran felt a little guilty on his face. He turned to look at Jiang Jin and said with some embarrassment: “But I’m afraid I’ll have to wrong you in the past two years and you won’t be able to spend money like before. Don’t worry, I can wait until brother graduates and get a job. I will definitely…”
Before she could finish her words, she was hugged into a hot embrace.
Jiang Jin hugged him and put his head slightly on his shoulder, which was a very nostalgic gesture.
“Are you stupid,” Jiang Jin said, his voice not as clear as before, with a slight tone of muteness, “I am not a child anymore, so there is no need for you to worry like this. I also make money. I bought this house with the money I saved. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Brother, I said it before,” Jiang Jin put his hand on the back of his neck and rubbed it gently, “As long as you don’t let me go, I will definitely catch you. You don’t have to worry about anything, just stay by my side. Ever since I was a child, I have had nothing. I only have you, brother.”
Jiang Ran was stunned, and what he wanted to say was stuck in his throat.He is a useless brother. He couldn’t make any money four years ago, and he still hasn’t made any money four years later. He can’t give Jiang Jin a wealthy life, and he can’t give Jiang Jin a glorious life.
But he never thought about whether Jiang Jin needed him or not.When faced with such a predicament back then, Jiang Jin said that he could also make money. Four years later, when he grew up, he still told him the same thing.
After wandering around for a long time, Jiang Ran finally realized what Jiang Jin’s words, “You care about so much, but I only care about you,” really meant.
*
After finishing the college entrance examination, Jiang Jin applied for a university. He performed very well this time and exceeded Y University’s score line by dozens of points. If nothing goes wrong, he should be able to attend this school.
While waiting for the admission notice, Jiang Ran began to prepare intensively for the final exam. He spent half a month in the library, reviewing to a fever pitch.
Two months ago, he was still accompanying Jiang Jin to answer questions, but now it’s the other way around. Jiang Jin comes to S University’s library to accompany him every day, reading questions one at a time like before.Sometimes when Jiang Jin went to the band, he would simply go back to the dormitory to review.
Tang Qin hadn’t seen him for a long time except in class, so he couldn’t help but drag him to complain, “It’s better now. You and Moazi are both in love, and I’m the only one left. The dormitory is empty, and no one says a word to me. I’m like a concubine abandoned in the cold palace. I look forward to the two of you all day long to come and visit me when you have time.”
Jiang Ran laughed loudly and insulted him, “Come on, with your body, no one would dare to accept you as a concubine.”
Tang Qin sighed, “You are forgetting your friends one by one. I have really seen through you.”
Jiang Ran said, “Really? I heard that you have been having a passionate relationship with a girl during this period, and you go out on dates with her when you have time.”
Tang Qin was dumbfounded, touched his head, and said embarrassedly: “Where did you hear about it?”
Jiang Ran said: “The girl Qianzi told me was the girl from C University, right?”
Tang Qin smiled naively and nodded.
Jiang Ran glanced at him and said, “Are you serious this time?”
Tang Qin said: “How should I put it? I think it’s right, but every time I think it’s right, I find out in the end that it’s not right. I can only take another look. You can’t be sure about love.”
Jiang Ran patted him on the shoulder, “No matter what, if you like it, go for it boldly and don’t let yourself regret it.”
Tang Qin said, “Do you still need to say it? Do you want a girl to take the initiative? I see you are like this, you should move out soon.”
Jiang Ran nodded, “I’ll move after the exam.”
Tang Qin said sadly: “Okay, think on the bright side, it’s good for me to have a dormitory to myself.”
Jiang Ran consoled him: “I know a barbecue restaurant that tastes very good. After the exam, call the rat and let’s get together.
*
After the exam, Jiang Ran felt completely relaxed.He and Jiang Jin planned to go back to their hometown in Xihe to visit.In the past few years, he stayed near the school part-time during every summer and winter vacation and basically never went back.
This time when he went back, he packed a suitcase.When I was putting things away, I saw the shoe bag in the cabinet. I bought it last time but didn’t give it away.So many things happened later that he just forgot about it.
Jiang Ran thought for a while and stuffed the bag with shoes into the box.
A few days later, the two got on a plane and changed cars several times before finally returning to their hometown.The moment he opened the door, Jiang Ran felt his eyes sore.
Four years have passed, and everything in the room is still so familiar.
He looked at the slightly old sofa in the living room, at the dining table with mottled marks, and at the bunk bed in the bedroom, and felt that there were so many memories in every corner.They cooked here and grew up here.
Those long-lasting scenes, whether happy or painful, are never silent.
Their story begins here, but it is far from over.
Jiang Ran dug out his old photo album in the bedroom and looked at each one carefully.Jiang Jin didn’t bother him and went to pack the suitcase he brought back.
As soon as the box was opened, the bag with the famous brand logo came into view.Jiang Jin was stunned and subconsciously lifted the bag.
A black diary fell out.
Jiang Jin could swear to God that he really didn’t mean to see it.However, the diary happened to be opened when it fell. He glanced at it inadvertently and could no longer look away.
There are rows of beautiful handwriting on the snow-white notebook. The content is not private, but records the days and nights of the past four years.
Jiang Jin picked up the diary and looked at it at a glance. His throat felt sore. The yellowed pages were densely recorded, and every stroke was written by him.
The diary was started on that rainy night four years ago. I only wrote a few sentences every day, and each sentence contained deep thoughts.
Jiang Ran seemed to think that the diary was him, talking to him freely in it, as if he had never left.
On his birthday, he wrote:
——Xiao Jin, you are 15 years old today. My brother bought you a cake and gifts and sent them to the front desk of Shengyu Group. They said they would pass them on to Jiang Yue. I wonder if you can receive them… I liked the gift you gave me last time. Will you like the things I prepared this time?
During the Chinese New Year, he wrote:
——Today, I made the braised beef and sweet and sour pork ribs that you like. There are two eggs in the beef. You said that it is more delicious when cooked this way.After so many years, my craftsmanship still hasn’t improved much. You don’t mind it, right?
When he was a freshman, he wrote:
——Brother, I saw someone today and thought he looked like you. I chased him for three streets. When the person turned around, I found out that he was not.I am indeed dreaming. You may already hate me, so how could you still appear next to me?
Until the day I met him, the content inside changed.
——Xiao Jin, I really saw you today. You have grown taller and become more handsome. You are nothing like what I imagined. It turns out that I really missed you if I missed those four years…
——When I was a child, you always said that I was a superman and could do anything.But what to do?This time you said you want to forgive me, unless you can turn back time…I don’t seem to be able to do that.
The diary stopped here, and he drew a crying little man at the end. The little man was crying and looked extremely pitiful.
Jiang Jin closed the diary and gently put it back into the bag.He exhaled, his nose feeling a little sore.It turns out that during the years they were separated, the pain and longing were not only tormenting him, but also torturing the other person.
They have walked hand in hand for more than ten years, and from beginning to end, no one has ever let go.Jiang Ran said he missed him, but he didn’t lie at all.
That’s enough, that’s all he wanted.
At this moment, Jiang Jin wanted to hug Jiang Ran as never before, hold him in his arms, wipe the tears from his eyes like before, and say, “Brother, don’t cry.”
But when he entered the bedroom, he found Jiang Ran holding a guitar in his arms.
It was log-colored and made of bright-sounding spruce fir. It was given to him by Jiang Ran several years ago.
When Jiang Ran heard the noise, he turned around and smiled at him, then handed the guitar over, “The strings before were rusty. I replaced them with new ones and they seem to still work. Can you try it?”
Jiang Jin walked over and took the guitar. He gently plucked it with his slender fingertips, and with a clang, the beautiful sound poured out. Sure enough, it was still usable.
“Do you want to hear me sing?” Jiang Ran pursed his lips and smiled: “You always say that I sing out of tune, but there is one song that I can sing quite accurately.”
No matter how tone-deaf you are, if you listen to a song thousands of times or sing it thousands of times, you can still tune every note.
Jiang Jin knew which song he was talking about. He nodded slightly, his voice a little hoarse, and said, “Okay.”
He leaned against the door, one of his long legs slightly bent, just like that night many years ago, when he held the guitar for the first time and sang to comfort his angry brother.
The little boy back then has grown up, but he is still dazzling.
Jiang Jin adjusted the tune and played the prelude skillfully.The moment that melody emerged, both of their hearts trembled.
Jiang Ran stared at him, gentle and caring, as if he couldn’t get enough of him.
At the end of the prelude, he met Jiang Jin’s eyes and slowly opened his mouth amidst the sound of guitars filling the room, “Even if the sun falls into the sea, even if the rain extinguishes the candlelight to ashes…”
Such a familiar place, such a familiar person, it seemed as if a hand followed the music and pulled out their souls, sending them back to a time long, long ago, when neither of them had grown up.
Also in this bedroom, little Jiang Jin was lying in front of the table reading a picture book.
“Brother,” he pointed at the sun on the book and asked, “What is this?”
Jiang Ran took a look and said casually: “It’s the sun.”
He pointed to the blue patch next to him, “Where’s this?”
Jiang Ran said: “It’s the sea.”
Jiang Jin raised his head and looked at him, with a bit of innocence and ignorance on his face. He began to use his child’s unique imagination and asked wildly: “Then why doesn’t the sun fall into the sea?”
Jiang Ran pinched the child’s fair face and said, dumbfounded, “In that case, it will be the end of the world.”
“What will happen at the end of the world?”
“The world will end without you,” Jiang Ran thought for a moment, then added, “And without me.”
“No, no, no…” Upon hearing this, Jiang Jin’s face turned red with anxiety. She grabbed his hand and shook it, looking slightly panicked, “How can I not have a brother?”
“Then I will become the sun,” he said. “My brother will always be here.”
Jiang Ran was amused by him, pointed to the star pattern next to the sun, and said: “You are so small, you can’t become the sun, at most you can become a star.”
Jiang Jin knew Xingxing. One night before, when the two of them were lying on the bed and about to fall asleep, Jiang Ran pointed at the night sky to him.
He tilted his head and suddenly said seriously: “You can also turn into a star, and stars will also shine.”
I can also look at my brother, I can illuminate my brother, I can also protect my brother.
With a swipe of his fingertips, the guitar sound came to an end, and Jiang Ran’s song also came to the last line. He softly sang the lyrics that both of them were extremely familiar with,
“I am willing to burn this last spark for you.”
“Brother -” Jiang Jin put down the guitar, hugged him in his arms, kissed his eyes, kissed the tip of his nose, and then kissed down to his lips. He didn’t kiss as fiercely as before, he just pressed against him gently. After a while, he said softly, “Don’t separate in the future.”
Jiang Ran was startled for a moment, then reached out to touch his head, rubbed his soft hair, and then slowly moved forward to touch his eyes. The boy blinked subconsciously, his eyelashes brushing across his palms, feeling a slight itch.
Jiang Ran felt a little nervous, and after a few seconds, he let out a low hum.
Jiang Jin added: “Tear me more, love me more.”
Jiang Ran pecked him on the lips and hummed again.
Jiang Jin smiled, but his eyes were a little red. He held Jiang Ran’s hand and interlocked with his fingers. His movements were strong and domineering, but his expression was extremely gentle.
“If you hold me tight this time, you can’t let go again.”
“No,” Jiang Ran kissed the end of his red eyes, in an almost pious manner, with absolute preference and pity: “I have held your hand since you were a child, I will still hold you when you grow up, and I will still hold you when you get old.”
I held you in my hand at the beginning because I was afraid that you would not be able to walk steadily and that you would fall.
Later I held you because I loved you and cherished you, and I couldn’t bear to leave you.
I will hold you to grow up, hold you to grow old, hold you to the end of time.
It doesn’t matter if the world falls into darkness one day, it doesn’t matter if the sun no longer rises, it doesn’t matter if the stars stop shining, because they will no longer be lonely or afraid, they already…have each other.
[End of full text]
———————–
The author has something to say: It’s over here. There may be extra chapters in the follow-up. It depends on the situation~ I’ll see you all in the next book. I’ll probably open that one first and change the strategy.
Thank you for meeting me, and thank you to all the babies who read the article [red heart]