CCWAD – Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen: Heart Laid Bare on a Snowy Night

Epigraph:

“I thought the humiliation at Drunken Immortal Pavilion was the end, until Li Shishi came through the snow, shed her fine clothes, and pointed to the scar on her chest, saying, ‘Look, this is the real me.’ In that moment, I understood that the brothel was merely her most formidable armor.”

—

After the banquet at Drunken Immortal Pavilion, Yan Qing confined herself to the newly acquired small courtyard, not emerging for three full days.

The discordant zither music, Li Shishi’s clear singing voice, and the meaningful gazes of the assembled officials and nobles replayed in her mind like a nightmare. She was not the original host and did not cling to the reputation of a “wanderer,” but the feeling of having her dignity forcibly stripped away and being scrutinized like an object still gnawed at her.

Li Shishi’s methods were precise and cruel. She was not only training Yan Qing to adapt to the rules of Eastern Capital but also, in a manner akin to “taming,” severing her last connection to the rough spirit of Liangshan Marsh.

Shi Xiu had visited once. Seeing her dispirited, he assumed it was homesickness or some trivial annoyance and left after offering some local novelties. Yan Qing, looking at this hero who, in the original story, should have been a sworn brother to “herself,” felt a complex mix of emotions.

On the fourth day, as night fell, the first snow of winter began to fall on Eastern Capital. The snowflakes were small but dense, silently covering the eaves and streets, quieting the day’s clamor.

Yan Qing was staring blankly at a charcoal brazier when she heard a soft knock at the courtyard gate. It was not Shi Xiu’s heavy knock, nor Mozhu’s regular rhythm.

A strange feeling stirred within her, and she rose to open the door.

A figure stood outside, cloaked in a heavy, hooded, dark cloak that seemed to blend with the night. The wind and snow swirled in a few snowflakes, bringing a chill.

The person raised their head and pushed back the hood, revealing a face of unparalleled beauty, yet etched with the marks of wind and snow.

It was Li Shishi.

Without makeup, her face appeared somewhat pale in the glow of the snow and the night, but her eyes were clearer, and more… complex, than at Drunken Immortal Pavilion.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in for a sit?” she asked, her voice slightly hoarse from the wind and snow.

Yan Qing stepped aside to let her in, then closed the door, shutting out the wind and snow. The courtyard was simple, with only the main hall being reasonably tidy. She led Li Shishi to sit by the brazier and poured her a cup of hot tea.

Li Shishi cupped the tea, absorbing its warmth, her gaze fixed on Yan Qing’s still expressionless face.

“Still angry?” she asked, her tone flat, betraying no emotion.

Yan Qing paused, then shook her head. “I dare not,” she replied, her voice dry.

Li Shishi gave a light laugh, a hint of weariness in it. “Dare not, but not that you don’t.” She set down the teacup, stood up, and walked to the window, watching the falling snow. “You were wronged that night at Drunken Immortal Pavilion.”

Yan Qing did not respond, only watching the flickering flames.

“But that was the quickest way to make you understand this place.” Li Shishi turned around, her back to the snowlit window, her face hidden in shadow, only her eyes shining with astonishing brilliance. “Liangshan Marsh belongs to heroes, valuing loyalty, skill, and swift retribution. But Eastern Capital is a quagmire of power and profit. Here, loyalty and skill alone will only make you the most useful knife, used and discarded.”

She walked back to the brazier, stopping before Yan Qing. “If you want to establish yourself here, to achieve what you want, you must first learn to humble yourself, even… abandon your dignity. Because here, dignity is a luxury, possessed only by those at the very top.”

“What do you want to achieve?” Yan Qing finally looked up, meeting her gaze. This had always been her question. Li Shishi had gone to such lengths to draw her into this circle, not merely to “patronize” an interesting plaything.

Li Shishi did not answer immediately. She looked at Yan Qing, her gaze struggling for a moment, then she did something that stunned Yan Qing.

She reached out and slowly untied the laces of her dark cloak, then the ties of her outer robe.

“Everyone!” Yan Qing exclaimed, startled, and instinctively moved to stop her.

Li Shishi pushed her hand away, her actions unwavering. The outer robe slipped down, revealing a plain inner garment. She did not stop, continuing to untie the laces of the inner garment.

Her clothes loosened, sliding down past her shoulders, revealing a large expanse of smooth skin, and… a hideous, dark red scar extending from below her collarbone to her chest! The scar, like an ugly centipede, coiled on her fair chest, forming a shocking contrast with the flawless skin around it.

Yan Qing gasped, completely frozen in place.

Li Shishi pointed to the scar on her chest, her voice terrifyingly calm, but her eyes burning with long-suppressed fire. “See clearly? This is the real Li Shishi.”

“This scar was left seven years ago by a ‘patron’ I thought I could entrust my life to. He was drunk, and because I displeased him, he slashed me with a piece of broken porcelain.” Her tone was devoid of emotion, as if she were recounting someone else’s story. “He was later exiled, not because of me, but because he offended someone more powerful. As for me, with the best ointments, I barely managed to save my life and this face that could still please men.”

She pulled her clothes back up and retied them, her movements composed, as if the person who had revealed her scar was not herself.

“Top courtesan? Emperor’s beauty?” Li Shishi put on her clothes, a cold, mocking curve on her lips. “Just a slightly prettier, more valuable signboard in this man-eating world. Fan Lou is my cage, but also my shield. I use it to protect myself, and also to… accumulate strength.”

She looked directly into Yan Qing’s shocked eyes and said, word by word, “Yan Qing, I don’t care who you are, where you come from, or why you have such strange ‘ailments.’ I only care about one thing—you, like me, are unwilling!”

“I am unwilling to forever be a caged songbird, unwilling to have my fate dictated by others! This Great Song, from top to bottom, is rotten! The emperor is foolish, treacherous officials are in power, the people suffer! Why should we women only depend on men, to be slaughtered at their whim?!”

Her voice was not loud, but it carried a resolute determination that, in the silent snowy night, struck Yan Qing’s ears like a thunderclap.

“I want to change all of this,” Li Shishi’s gaze was fiery, like stars in the dark night. “Not by depending on some man, but by myself, and by the person I choose.”

She took a step forward, almost nose to nose with Yan Qing, their breaths mingling. “Yan Qing, tell me, are you willing? Willing to forever bear the title of ‘Lu Junyi’s sworn brother,’ ‘Liangshan hero,’ yet unable to control even your own body? Willing to watch this world continue to decay, and for you and your brothers to eventually be either wiped out by the court or rewarded with betrayal after the rabbit is gone?”

Yan Qing’s heart pounded wildly, blood surging. Li Shishi’s words were like a key, forcefully unlocking the door that had been tightly shut in her heart. The fear, pretense, struggle, and unwillingness since her transmigration—all emotions found an outlet at this moment.

She looked at the undisguised ambition and hatred in Li Shishi’s eyes, at the deep impression the hideous scar had left in her mind, and a strange resonance and impulse surged within her chest.

She opened her mouth, her voice hoarse but clear:

“No. I am not willing.”

The snow continued to fall. The charcoal fire crackled.

Two souls, from different worlds, yet both trapped and harboring resentment, in this silent snowy night, for the first time, truly bared their hearts to each other.

—

(End of Chapter Sixteen)