Chew Slowly Chapter 69

Chapter 69 Chapter 69

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When Lilian met Xu Qiaochuan for the first time, he gave him crayons and white paper and let him write as he pleased.But thirty minutes later, the paper was still so new that there were no creases, just a broken crayon.

Xu Qiaochuan said: “I’m sorry.”

The crayon was broken unconsciously, and the sandbox was the most direct way to avoid it. Xu Qiaochuan was very resistant to the approach of others, and he was not able to do mental testing.But there is one person who can make him obedient. Chen Zongqian can make people soften their attitude with just one word.Lilian wasn’t angry even when he was testing and pretending. Talking was better than saying nothing.

He said that he could smell a lot of smells, including cheap flower-scented shampoo, choking roll-your-own cigarettes… He could also use smell to abstractly summarize some impressive environments – the cramped and boring boys’ dormitory smelled of sweat and foam bags, and the factory smelled of various metal materials and cutting fluids.

“I smell it, can you smell it?” Xu Qiaochuan suddenly asked Lilian while they were talking.She said no and wrote down her phantom smell symptoms on a piece of paper.

Those smells made him feel uneasy and disgusted. Lilian wanted to find a smell that made people feel safe, relaxed and happy, so that Xu Qiaochuan could trust him.

Later, Lilian deliberately used perfume, but unfortunately, whether it was single flower, mixed floral, or citrus, Xu Qiaochuan had no special reaction, as if he was insensitive to fragrance.But Lilian knew that it wasn’t slowness, but indifference.Xu Qiaochuan’s heart is relatively closed, and he will subconsciously exclude things that have no impact on him.

Lilian tried a woody scent.Xu Qiaochuan was uncharacteristically uncharacteristic that day, and the calm exterior he had carefully maintained was shattered.Lilian could see Xu Qiaochuan’s emotions clearly. He had been deceived, and his eyes were full of stubbornness and anger.What Lilian knows better is that Xu Qiaochuan will not have empathy for her.He will not project part of his feelings towards Chen Zongqian onto himself, nor will he develop trust and attachment to himself.

So when Xu Qiaochuan took the initiative to find her, Lilian was very surprised: “He can’t help you?”

He was referring to Chen Zongqian. Lilian felt the subtle atmosphere between the two. Xu Qiaochuan hid in the psychological evaluation room without saying a word, as if trust and attachment were collapsing.Looking at Chen Zongqian again, he had a worried look on his face, opened and closed his lips several times, but finally said nothing.

Lilian smelled a slightly bitter woody fragrance. She closed the door and the hazy fragrance was isolated. She restrained herself so that no more wisps of it penetrated.

“When did I get sick?” Xu Qiaochuan suddenly asked.

Lilian thought for a while: “Before seeing me, it takes time to fill the cup with water, right?”

“Earlier than when I saw him?” Xu Qiaochuan refused to drink water and couldn’t help but look out the door, then moved away forcefully.He began to speak incoherently, “I know I’m sick now. I wouldn’t have been like this before…”

“How were you before?” Lilian asked following his words, and Xu Qiaochuan’s eyes flickered.

I didn’t feel sad before, and many things didn’t matter.He won’t feel pain and sadness, nor will he feel that he is alone. Everything is obviously normal, and he has grown up to this point.Now he felt sad without any warning and for no reason. He didn’t know what he hated. He only knew that everything was abnormal. He was not used to this change.

There was no Chen Zongqian before, and the imaginary person was not Chen Zongqian.He could not see Chen Zongqian’s face clearly now.

Lilian raised his eyes and looked at the air conditioner that was turned off. It was winter and the weather was not too warm, but Xu Qiaochuan’s face was covered in sweat.There was a layer of moisture on his face, and all his expressions shone brightly, and he had a fragile look like glass.

“What can you smell now?”

Xu Qiaochuan sniffed and found that there was no smell in the room. He shook his head, but Lilian nodded.In order to maximize the stability of the visitors, she consciously reduces the intervention of the external environment, such as choosing soft colors for the walls of the room, rarely using incense indoors, and she rarely uses perfume.

“Imagine a smell that makes you feel at ease.” She did not describe it in detail, leaving it all to Xu Qiaochuan to feel.

That’s a kind of fragrance, Xu Qiaochuan thought.He wasn’t quite sure what kind of aroma it was, but he was certain that it wasn’t a straightforward floral essence, let alone tobacco or cheap rice wine.It seemed to be there but Xu Qiaochuan didn’t know where the source was, but he was contaminated.He sniffed his clothes, but there was no special smell.He opened his sleeves again, and there were red marks on the exposed arm that he had scratched, and now he no longer felt any pain.

Xu Qiaochuan held his wrist tightly. Lilian felt something was wrong and asked a few questions about what was wrong. Xu Qiaochuan shook his head to indicate that he was fine.The temperature in the palm of my hand seems to be higher than that of the other skin. It touches the pulse, and the fragrance becomes clearer.

“Where would this smell appear?”

He was sure he could smell it, but the more he tried to capture it, the smell disappeared.Xu Qiaochuan began to worry, where would the smell appear?It was as cold as if I had just stepped out of the car and been blown into my face by the wind, and I felt a sense of alienation through the glass lenses, as well as the tenderness of a cat’s belly.

“At Zhaozheng Temple…” His throat felt uncomfortable and he gasped suppressedly.

There were many people worshiping Buddha in the main hall that day, but he was alienated from the bustle and could not smell the scent of incense candles.He went to the Medicine Master’s Hall along the less traveled path, and there were people around him.There is a three-hundred-year-old wintersweet tree in front of the Medicine Master’s Hall. Xu Qiaochuan stood not too close but not too far away, covered in the shadow of the tree.Before it bloomed, he didn’t smell the fragrance of the flowers, but smelled something like dry ink, which was plum branches.

Chen Zongqian asked him if he wanted to see the flowers together when they bloomed. He didn’t agree then, and he doesn’t agree now. It would be better if everything stayed there.

He sticks to the boundaries of loneliness, with only himself inside.When I stepped out, I certainly didn’t expect that it would hurt today, nor did I expect that Chen Zongqian’s sad eyes would be seen in the light that was shaken by the wind.Where does this sadness come from, past, present, or future?

“Xu Qiaochuan.” The two people’s voices overlapped. He opened his eyes and saw Lilian. The red-haired woman asked, “Did you feel safe and relaxed at that time?”

He hesitated, but nodded.Lilian understood that the object of his empathy was Chen Zongqian.

In order to cure him, Chen Zongqian went into detail. Lilian knew about his childhood, and was sent to the Xie family for foster care when he was two years old.2 to 7 years old is the pre-operational stage of children’s cognitive development. They will see the world from their own perspective and believe that all things are animistic. When observing and understanding things, they only think one-sidedly and ignore other important information. Thinking is irreversible and variable.

The person who took over the role of his parents when he was young was Chen Zongqian, so he naturally had trust and attachment to Chen Zongqian.But his life changed again at the age of five. The person he trusted and attached to disappeared and was replaced by Xu Jian and Lu Xiaoyun.

People empathize with the feelings of those who first gave them psychological love as children.Xu Qiaochuan mentioned that he had a fantasy of a brother, and it became a “complex” in his heart.

Xu Qiaochuan is good at self-avoidance. Any memory that causes him pain will be thrown into the depths of his consciousness, but suppression is not true forgetfulness.

He met Chen Zongqian.The characteristics of this person are incomparably consistent with the fantasy he has hidden – he can be his parents, he can be his brother, he can even be his lover.

“You mean, Chen Zongqian makes me feel safe and relaxed?” Xu Qiaochuan reacted quickly. Lilian deliberately brought the topic to Chen Zongqian, and he instinctively began to avoid it, “I just feel sad.”

Lilian saw his expression soften, and he rubbed his fingers repeatedly, as if he was trying to get rid of something: “I started to hate him, and I beat him… just like my dad.”

My mind didn’t know what I was doing, but my hand had already fallen. Seeing blood would make me excited instead of sober.Xu Qiaochuan is about to become a madman who can’t calm down and is as unreasonable as Xu Jian.He felt terrible because he still remembered the rules taught by Lu Xiaoyun, and he had to consider the consequences of taking action. He could not afford to pay for anything.

“I want to be normal. Can the MECT you mentioned cure me?”

Xu Qiaochuan wanted to try electroconvulsive therapy. He brought it up on his own initiative. Lilian said this to Chen Zongqian.The man who was always good at talking and debating remained silent and hesitated for a while before asking: “Do you think it’s okay with you?”

Lilian thinks it’s very good. This is a physical therapy method commonly used in psychiatry. Her consulting room cannot do this, but it can recommend reliable doctors.Electroshock therapy works by temporarily passing electrical current through the brain, causing amnesia and eliminating the psychological effects of mania, anxiety and fear.There will be some negative effects after treatment, which are all reversible and can be recovered within half a month at most.

The door of the evaluation room was opened, and Xu Qiaochuan came out. Chen Zongqian saw his slightly red eyes, and he seemed to be crying again.Lilian said nothing more and went back to analyze the scale.

Chen Zongqian felt upset and felt tight in his chest. He simply moved his eyes away and wanted to go to the window to enjoy the breeze.He had just walked a few steps when someone caught up with him. He stopped suddenly and Xu Qiaochuan hugged him tightly.

“Why don’t you ask me why I want to do this?” Xu Qiaochuan buried his head behind him, suppressing his breath to the point of trembling.This time I really smelled the fragrance of Chen Zongqian’s body, the smell of wood, like the hundreds-old wintersweet tree in Zhaozheng Temple, deep and bitter, quiet and restrained.

“Why?” He always goes with what Xu Qiaochuan wants.

Xu Qiaochuan clutched his coat to vent his anger: “Because I don’t want to be your brother at all!”

He was silent for a while, then took the hand and put it in the palm of his hand. It was so tight and strong that Xu Qiaochuan could not retract it.Chen Zongqian saw the rubred skin and stroked it gently, thinking that it was okay for Xu Qiaochuan to be cruel to him, why would he do the same to himself.

Chen Zongqian breathed out, so softly that there was no sound at all: “Then forget about brother.”