Stars Fall Into The Sea, Love Never Fades Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Collapse in the Darkness

By the time the car drove into the Villa complex, the sky had completely darkened. Streetlights lined both sides of the road, and their dim, yellow light filtered through the gaps in the leaves, casting dappled shadows on the ground. A Zhi parked the car in the garage, turned off the engine, but did not get out immediately.

He leaned back in the seat, closed his eyes, his mind filled entirely with the image of Qi. The composure and rationality he had forced himself to maintain at The Company during the day crumbled at this moment, leaving only bone-deep regret and longing. He could feel Qi sitting in the passenger seat; that familiar Cedar Scent lingered at his nostrils, as if gently comforting him.

“Qi, I’m so tired,” he whispered, his voice tinged with exhaustion and vulnerability. “During the day at The Company, I have to pretend nothing happened, face those clients and employees, and deal with piles of documents. But my heart is entirely focused on you; I can’t concentrate at all. I’m so scared, scared that I won’t be able to hold on.”

There was no response, but the Cedar Scent seemed to grow stronger, as if Qi was softly embracing him. A Zhi’s tears instantly welled up. He reached out, wanting to hug the emptiness beside him, but only embraced a pocket of air.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me earlier that you were suffering so much?” He choked out, his voice full of self-reproach. “If I had known you had Depression, if I had known you missed me that much, I would never have broken up with you, and I certainly wouldn’t have let you bear all of this alone. Qi, I was wrong, I was truly wrong…”

He cried in the car for a long time. Only after his emotions had calmed down slightly did he push open the car door and walk into the Villa.

The Villa was pitch black. He didn’t turn on the lights, allowing the darkness to swallow him whole. He took off his suit jacket, tossed it casually onto the sofa, and walked straight to the liquor cabinet. He opened the cabinet, pulled out a bottle of whiskey, unscrewed the cap, and drank directly from the bottle. The spicy liquid slid down his throat, burning his esophagus, yet providing him with a brief sense of numbness.

He leaned against the liquor cabinet, drinking bottle after bottle, his eyes staring blankly into the darkness ahead. He could feel Qi right beside him, no more than Within Three Meters, that gentle gaze fixed upon him, filled with endless heartache and attachment.

“Qi, are you blaming me?” he asked, his voice terribly hoarse. “Blaming me for being so heartless back then, blaming me for not taking good care of you, blaming me for only knowing regret after you left. If you really are blaming me, just scold me a few times, hit me a few times, okay? Don’t look at me like this; it hurts my heart.”

There was still no sound in the air, but A Zhi could sense that Qi’s mood also seemed to have dropped; the Cedar Scent seemed to carry a faint sadness.

He finished one bottle of whiskey and picked up another. Just as he was about to unscrew it, he suddenly remembered how Qi used to stop him from drinking too much, saying, “Drinking hurts your body, and that hurts me.” Back then, he always dismissed it, even finding Qi nagging, but now, how much he wished Qi could still be by his side, nagging him and stopping him from drinking.

A sharp pain shot through his heart. He violently smashed the bottle onto the floor. With a loud crash, the bottle shattered, liquor splashed everywhere, and glass shards scattered in the darkness.

“Qi! Come back!” he roared, his voice filled with despair. “I know I was wrong, I truly know I was wrong! Please come back, okay? I can give you anything, just come back!”

Like an out-of-control beast, he frantically threw things around the living room. The glass cups, vases, and remote controls on the coffee table were all swept to the floor. The sounds of shattering and crashing echoed through the silent Villa. He threw things while crying, repeatedly muttering Qi’s name and saying, “I’m sorry.”

Qi’s Soul was beside him, watching his frantic state, heartbroken beyond measure. He wanted to stop A Zhi, wanted to hug him and tell him, “I don’t blame you, I never blamed you,” but his hand passed through A Zhi’s body again and again; he could do nothing. He could only stand there, watching A Zhi hurt himself, watching him sink into regret, silent tears streaming down his face, yet unable to be perceived by A Zhi.

Exhausted from the destruction, A Zhi collapsed onto the floor, surrounded by broken glass shards and scattered objects. His hand was cut by the glass, and blood dripped from his fingertips onto the floor, mixing with the spilled liquor. But he seemed unable to feel the pain; he just curled up on the ground, crying helplessly like a lost child.

“Qi, I miss you so much,” he choked out, his voice weak. “Without you, I truly don’t know how to live. Can you come back and see me again? Just one look, okay?”

He raised his head, looking into the darkness, seemingly searching for Qi’s figure. He could feel the Cedar Scent right beside him, very close, as if he could touch Qi just by reaching out. But when he extended his hand, he only touched cold air.

Just then, he felt a faint current of air brush past his cheek, like Qi’s fingertips gently wiping away his tears. He suddenly opened his eyes wide, looking at the emptiness beside him, his voice carrying a hint of hope: “Qi? Is that you?”

There was no response, but the current of air remained on his cheek, gentle like Qi’s caress. A Zhi’s tears flowed even harder. He reached out and tightly hugged the emptiness beside him, as if embracing Qi’s body.

“Qi, don’t leave me,” he whispered, his voice full of dependence. “I only have you left; please don’t leave me again.”

He sat on the floor like that, hugging the void, for the entire night. Qi’s Soul stayed by his side the whole time, watching him quietly, his eyes filled with love and heartache. The Three-Meter Radius became the only connection between them, and also the chasm they could never cross.

As dawn approached, A Zhi gradually fell asleep. He was curled up on the floor, his brows tightly furrowed, seemingly having a bad dream. Qi’s Soul knelt beside him, looking at his sleeping face, and reached out, wanting to smooth his wrinkled brow, but once again passed right through his body.

Qi’s heart was filled with helplessness and sorrow. He loved A Zhi, loved him enough to linger in the mortal world for him, yet he couldn’t touch him, couldn’t comfort him. He could only watch helplessly as A Zhi struggled in pain and regret. He didn’t know how long these days would last, nor how much longer he could stay with A Zhi. He only knew that as long as he could remain by A Zhi’s side, even if only to watch him quietly, he was willing.

The first ray of morning sunlight shone through the gap in the curtains, falling onto A Zhi’s face. He slowly opened his eyes, his gaze still vacant, but when he felt the familiar Cedar Scent beside him, a faint glimmer of light flashed in his eyes.

He knew Qi was still there, still accompanying him.

He slowly stood up. The pain in his body made him wince. The cut on the back of his hand had scabbed over, but the wound in his heart was still bleeding. He looked at the mess in the living room, took a deep breath, and began to clean up.

He knew a new day had begun. During the day, he would have to force himself to work at The Company; at night, he would have to face his regret and madness in the darkness. And Qi would always be by his side, Within Three Meters, watching his every moment, watching him sink into pain, and watching him search for a sliver of hope to live on amidst his longing.