Stars Fall Into The Sea, Love Never Fades Chapter 2

Chapter 2 The Gaze in the Office

The alarm clock rang seven times before A Zhi finally managed to drag himself out of bed. His head felt like it was splitting open, and his throat was terribly dry. The alcohol from last night was still wreaking havoc in his system, leaving him feeling weak all over. He walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. The bloodshot veins in his eyes were heavier than yesterday, his stubble was longer, and his entire being radiated an air of lingering exhaustion and decay.

He habitually picked up his toothbrush and squeezed on toothpaste, but just as he was about to put it in his mouth, he paused. He remembered how Qi always used to squeeze the toothpaste for him, even gently reminding him, “Slow down, don’t poke your gums.” Life back then was warm, wrapped in a layer of sugar coating, but he had personally ripped that coating away, pushing Qi into the abyss.

A sharp pain shot through his heart. He put down the toothbrush and leaned against the bathroom wall, gasping for air. That familiar Cedar Scent appeared again, right beside him, no more than Within Three Meters. He knew Qi was still there, watching him silently.

“Qi,” he whispered, his voice trembling slightly, “I have to go to The Company today. Do you… want to come along?”

There was no response, but the Cedar Scent seemed to intensify, like a silent assent. A Zhi took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. He still had to work, still had to live, for Qi and for atonement.

He quickly washed up and changed into a well-tailored suit. In the past, Qi always helped him adjust his tie, his fingers gently tracing his neck, his eyes full of love. But now, he was alone, clumsily tying the knot. He messed up several times, finally tearing it off in frustration and starting over.

Just as he was tying the tie for the third time, he felt a faint current of air brush against his cheek, like Qi’s breath. He froze, looking up at the mirror. Only he was reflected there, but he could feel Qi standing right in front of him, watching him with gentle eyes, seemingly cheering him on.

A Zhi’s eyes instantly reddened. He spoke softly to the void in the mirror, “Thank you, Qi.”

After finishing his tie, he walked to the entryway to change his shoes. In the shoe cabinet, there was still a pair of Qi’s slippers, his favorite blue, printed with tiny stars. A Zhi’s gaze fell upon the slippers and lingered there for a long time. In the past, Qi always wore those slippers, smiling as he greeted A Zhi when he came home, taking his briefcase and saying, “Welcome home, A Zhi.”

But now, those slippers sat there alone, never to await their owner again.

A Zhi’s heart felt clogged, suffocating him. He took a deep breath, forced himself to look away, picked up his briefcase, and walked out the door.

He got into the car and started the engine, but didn’t drive immediately. He turned to look at the passenger seat; it was empty, yet he could feel Qi sitting there, leaning slightly forward, seemingly looking at him.

“You always liked sitting here,” A Zhi said softly, his voice tinged with nostalgia. “You said the passenger seat was your exclusive spot, and no one could take it. I laughed at you for being childish back then, but now… I wish so much that you could still be sitting here, even if you were just quietly watching me.”

He started the car and slowly drove out of the complex. He didn’t turn on the music; the car was silent, save for the roar of the engine and his own breathing. He could clearly feel Qi’s presence, right beside him, Within Three Meters. Sometimes, he would subconsciously turn his head, wanting to see Qi’s appearance, but all he ever saw was emptiness.

When he arrived at The Company, A Zhi had just stepped into his office when the Secretary came in with a cup of coffee. “Mr. A, here is the black coffee you requested.”

“Just put it there.” A Zhi’s voice was still hoarse. He walked to his desk and sat down, his gaze falling on the documents. On the desk was a proposal for a project he hadn’t finished processing yesterday. Qi used to remind him, “No matter how busy work is, you must remember to rest,” and would even leave small snacks in his office for him to replenish his energy.

But now, the office was only filled with cold documents and the pungent smell of coffee; that warmth was gone forever.

He picked up the document, forcing himself to concentrate, but his mind was filled with Qi’s image. He remembered the way Qi smiled, his eyes curved like crescent moons; he remembered how Qi looked when he was angry, cheeks puffed out, so adorable that A Zhi couldn’t help but tease him; he remembered how Qi looked when he was sad, shoulders trembling slightly, making A Zhi ache with pity.

Every memory was like a knife, repeatedly slicing at his heart. His fingers clenched the document tightly, his knuckles white from the force, the paper crumpled in his grip.

Just then, he felt the Cedar Scent move closer, as if Qi had walked up to his desk and was looking down at the document in his hand. He looked up at the void across the desk and whispered, “Qi, look, this is the project I’ve been busy with lately. You always used to say I worked too hard and told me to spend more time with you. But I was so foolish then. I thought that earning more money would give you a better life, not knowing that all you wanted was my companionship.”

His voice grew softer, filled with endless regret: “If I had understood sooner, if I hadn’t broken up with you, would you not have left? Qi, I regret it so much, so much…”

The Secretary knocked and entered. Seeing A Zhi talking to thin air, a hint of surprise flashed in her eyes, but she respectfully said, “Mr. A, the ten o’clock meeting is about to start. Should I remind the Department Managers now?”

A Zhi snapped back to reality, realizing his momentary lapse. He took a deep breath, suppressed his emotions, and nodded. “Yes, send out the notification.”

After the Secretary left, silence returned to the office. A Zhi looked at the documents on the desk, no longer having the mind to deal with them. He leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, his mind filled with Qi’s image. He could feel Qi right beside him, that gentle gaze constantly fixed on him, filled with endless attachment and heartache.

The meeting proceeded smoothly. A Zhi, relying on years of experience, systematically assigned tasks, his tone steady, showing no sign of abnormality. But only he knew that his attention was not on the meeting at all; his peripheral vision constantly monitored the void beside him, watching for that familiar Cedar Scent.

He could feel that Qi had followed him into the conference room, standing behind him, quietly listening to him speak. Sometimes, he would subconsciously pause, as if waiting for Qi’s response, but each time, he only heard the voices of the other people in the room.

After the meeting, A Zhi returned to his office, and as soon as he sat down, he felt a wave of dizziness. Having barely eaten last night, coupled with the hangover and emotional turmoil, his body was close to giving out. He held his forehead, intending to stand up and pour a glass of water, but as soon as he rose, his vision blurred, and he nearly fell.

Just then, he felt a faint force seem to steady him. Though ethereal, it helped him regain his balance. The Cedar Scent instantly became richer, as if Qi was worried about him.

“Qi, I’m fine,” A Zhi whispered, his voice soothing. “It’s just a little low blood sugar. I’ll be fine after a glass of water.”

He walked to the water dispenser, poured a cup of warm water, and slowly drank it. The warm water sliding down his throat relieved some of the discomfort. He leaned against the wall, looking at everything in the office, his heart a mix of emotions.

In the past, whenever he was tired from work, Qi would always brew him a hot tea or hand him a pastry, gently saying, “A Zhi, take a break, don’t overwork yourself.” But now, no one would ever do that for him again.

He returned to his desk, picked up his phone, and opened the chat window with Qi. Looking at Qi’s last message, “A Zhi, I still miss you so much. Can you look at me again?”, tears welled up once more. His fingers trembled as he typed a line: “Qi, I miss you too, so much… Please come back, okay?”

The ‘sent successfully’ notification popped up, but he knew Qi would never reply to this message.

In the evening, A Zhi finished the work at hand and prepared to go home. He picked up his briefcase, walked to the office door, and looked back. The Cedar Scent was still there, as if saying goodbye to him.

“Qi, let’s go home.” he said softly.

Walking out of The Company building, the lingering sunset cast a warm glow on him, but it couldn’t dispel the coldness in his heart. He got into the car, started the engine, and drove toward home. He knew that another night filled with regret and longing awaited him, and Qi would be by his side the whole time, Within Three Meters, watching his madness and struggle.