Paper Lover At Old Town Bookstore Chapter 4
byAm I being petty?
The next day, the moment the quitting time bell rang, I practically sprinted out of the company with light steps. My fingertip slid across the phone screen, and the little red dot on the novel app showing “5 updates” was like a small sun, warming my heart—I had been forced to drink quite a bit of beer at the department dinner last night, went home, and immediately crashed, not even having the energy to open the novel. Now, just thinking about catching up on five chapters at once made the corners of my mouth turn up.
The subway was packed, people jostling everywhere. I gripped the handrail with one hand, carefully protecting my phone with the other, terrified someone might bump it and accidentally delete the cache. The auntie next to me saw my goofy smile and couldn’t help but ask, “Young man, what are you so happy about?”
My ears flushed red, and I scratched my head sheepishly. “The novel updated. I’m really looking forward to reading it.”
The auntie smiled and nodded. “Young people are easily satisfied.”
Isn’t that the truth? For me, the most relaxing time of the day is late at night, curled up at my desk, following Xu Xingruo’s story through all its ups and downs.
She feels like an old acquaintance. I’ve watched her struggle in the workplace, watched her mature from being naive, and watched her resolve crises again and again. I feel both admiration and closeness toward her.
Back at the apartment, I didn’t even bother cooking dinner. I washed my face first, then wrapped myself in a blanket, sat down at my desk, and eagerly clicked open the novel.
The first two chapters went smoothly. Xu Xingruo completely resolved the previous betrayal crisis and, thanks to her outstanding performance during the Project Review, earned the chairman’s appreciation and was promoted to department supervisor.
I felt delighted, clapping for her internally—this is how Xu Xingruo should be: confident, dazzling, and moving up step by step based on her own abilities.
But when I reached the third chapter, my heart suddenly sank.
The book described a new Market Consultant joining the company, named Yang Changwen. He was 180cm tall, about half a head taller than Xu Xingruo.
He had a proper appearance, his lips always curved into a perfect smile, and his greatest skill was his sweet talk. He was articulate and could charm everyone, from leaders to subordinates, making them happy.
In the first cross-department meeting, he won everyone’s favor, including Xu Xingruo’s, with his witty remarks and unique insights.
I stared at the words on the screen, my fingertips unconsciously tightening.
In the fourth chapter, a project Xu Xingruo was managing hit a bottleneck. The client was demanding, and the team members disagreed. She was overwhelmed, even secretly wiping away tears in the office. Just then, Yang Changwen appeared.
He didn’t just offer empty words of comfort like others. Instead, he stayed behind to help her analyze the problem, stayed up late to draft a detailed solution, and smiled as he told her, “Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. If the sky falls, the tall ones will hold it up. Look, I’m 180cm. Am I tall enough to support you?”
The book described Xu Xingruo’s reaction, saying that as she looked at Yang Changwen’s gentle eyes and listened to his playful words, the sense of grievance in her heart instantly vanished. She even felt his smile was like sunshine, illuminating her gloomy mood.
In the fifth chapter, Yang Changwen began actively pursuing Xu Xingruo. He remembered she didn’t like cilantro, always specifically instructing the vendor when ordering takeout; when she worked late, he would quietly drive her home, using the excuse that it was “on his way”; when she encountered a difficult client, he would immediately step forward to help her out, using his articulate mouth to charm the client into smiles.
The book wrote: “Xu Xingruo realized she seemed to be growing more and more dependent on Yang Changwen. His appearance made her feel that the workplace was no longer a cold battlefield; it now held warmth and a feeling of excitement. She began to look forward to going to work every day, looking forward to seeing him, and looking forward to speaking with him more.”
Seeing this, I abruptly shut off the phone screen. My chest felt like it was blocked by a large stone, heavy and indescribably uncomfortable.
Is it jealousy? It seems so.
I was jealous of Yang Changwen, jealous that he could easily enter Xu Xingruo’s life, jealous that he could bring her warmth and excitement, and jealous that he could make the always strong and independent Xu Xingruo become dependent and soft.
But I was also a little angry.
Angry at Xu Xingruo for falling for him so easily. She wasn’t like this before. She had always maintained clarity and rationality when facing temptations and pursuits in the workplace. How could she open her heart to someone she had only just met? Yang Changwen was indeed excellent—handsome, sweet-talking, and charming—but was his kindness toward Xu Xingruo genuine? Or was it just a professional act?
I remembered Xu Xingruo’s despairing look in my dream, and my anxiety surged again. Could she be misjudging someone again? Would she be hurt again, just like when she was betrayed by her business partner last time?
I stood up and paced back and forth in the room. The night outside the window was deep. The streetlights shone through the gaps in the curtains, casting long shadows on the floor.
I picked up my phone and couldn’t resist clicking on the comments section.
Sure enough, the comments section was exploding. Some people were shipping Xu Xingruo and Yang Changwen, saying, “They are so compatible, Consultant Yang is too skilled,” and “Xingruo finally met the right person, I hope she’s happy.”
Others, like me, were worried, saying, “I just feel like Yang Changwen is a little too perfect. Could he be a scumbag?” and “Xingruo, don’t fall for him easily, be careful not to get played again.”
Seeing these comments made the feeling in my heart even more complicated. I both hoped Xu Xingruo could be happy and meet someone genuinely good to her, and feared she would be hurt again.
After all, the workplace is too complex, and people’s hearts are too complex. Would someone as smooth and articulate as Yang Changwen truly treat Xu Xingruo sincerely?
I thought of myself. I was never like Yang Changwen. I’m clumsy with words, I can’t say nice things, I can’t charm people, and I even hesitate for a long time before expressing my own thoughts.
I used to think that as long as I worked hard enough and was sincere enough, people would see and recognize me.
But seeing how easily Yang Changwen won everyone’s favor and won Xu Xingruo’s heart, I suddenly doubted whether my personality could truly establish a foothold in the workplace and whether I could truly meet someone who understood me.
I walked to my desk and reopened my phone, but I didn’t dare to read further. The myriad of emotions in my heart were tangled together—jealousy, worry, anxiety, and a subtle hint of inferiority.
I closed the novel app and opened my private document. Staring at the blank screen for a long time, I typed out a line: “Xu Xingruo met Yang Changwen, and she fell for him. But why can’t I be happy? Am I too petty? Or am I genuinely afraid she will be hurt?”
After typing that line, I closed the document. The knot in my heart remained untied, like a tangled mess that only gets worse the more you try to straighten it out.
I lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. In my mind, I saw the sweet moments between Xu Xingruo and Yang Changwen, then her desperate eyes from the dream, and then I recalled my own experiences in the workplace.
Perhaps I was just relying too much on Xu Xingruo as my Spiritual Support.
I wanted her to be forever strong, forever clear-headed, hoping she could overcome all obstacles without being troubled by relationships. But I forgot that she is also an ordinary person, with emotions and desires, and she also craves warmth and companionship.
Yet, I couldn’t stop worrying.
I picked up my phone, clicked on the novel again, hesitated for a long time, but still didn’t dare to read on. I was afraid of seeing Xu Xingruo fall deeper, afraid of seeing a bad ending.
Forget it, I’ll read it tomorrow. Maybe once I calm down, I can look at it with a normal mindset.
I put the phone aside and closed my eyes. But the complex feelings in my heart refused to dissipate. Tonight was destined to be a sleepless night.