Sun Rain Chapter 46

The person holding the umbrella in front of him trembled violently, as if on the verge of collapse.

Perhaps it was an illusion, because he didn’t actually fall, nor did he show any intention of retreating.

His complexion was just a few shades paler; if before he looked haggard, now he seemed withered. Fu Xuanliao tilted the umbrella further toward Shi Meng. His stiff lips opened and closed numbly: “Do you need to use the restroom? I’ll take you.”

Shi Meng didn’t go.

The temperature difference between inside and outside the car, combined with standing outdoors for a while, created a balance of hot and cold that was somewhat stabilizing.

He wanted to find a car to Fengcheng. For as long as he waited there, Fu Xuanliao held the umbrella for him. Several large buses stopped at this service station, but none were heading to Fengcheng, not even passing through.

Growing impatient, Shi Meng went inside the station to ask someone.

He disliked talking to strangers, but he had no choice; he disliked being in the same enclosed space as Fu Xuanliao even more.

An auntie selling oden near the service station entrance told him that buses going to Fengcheng almost never stopped here.

“Xuncheng and Fengcheng aren’t far apart to begin with. Even if they stop midway, they’ll stop at the service station in Fengcheng county.”

Shi Meng paused after hearing this, seemingly processing the fact that he had waited in vain for so long, then turned and walked out.

Before he reached the bottom step, the black umbrella was over his head again. Shi Meng heard Fu Xuanliao’s low voice: “Let me drive you. You said you’d treat me like a driver.”

“If you don’t want to see me,” he immediately added this condition, “sit in the back seat. I won’t touch you, and I won’t look back at you.”

Although this proposal didn’t change the fact of them being together, it gave Shi Meng a sense of security.

He didn’t realize this security came from complete trust; he just thought that if they didn’t make eye contact or touch, he wouldn’t lose control.

Shi Meng agreed. He returned to the car, sat in the back seat, and gave the pet store address to the driver.

The rest of the journey was quiet.

Fu Xuanliao turned on the stereo, switching from a Cantonese song Shi Meng didn’t understand to the rhythmic light music he preferred.

Shi Meng occupied the entire back row alone, yet he huddled only in the corner directly behind the driver’s seat, as if trying to hide.

His way of expressing rejection was always direct: clamping his mouth shut, closing his eyes, and physically sealing himself off from head to toe.

This seemingly perfect method had one obvious drawback: it was easy to genuinely fall asleep.

Fortunately, Shi Meng was both easy to fall asleep and easy to wake up. After an unknown amount of time, he felt the car slow down and then gently stop. Shi Meng opened his eyes and looked out the front window at the dim twilight.

A narrow alley, just wide enough for one car, flickered with various neon signs, a very familiar sight.

“We’re here,” Fu Xuanliao said, keeping his word. He didn’t look back, one hand still resting on the steering wheel. “It’s just ahead.”

The rain from Xuncheng had dwindled to only a fine mist in Fengcheng. The ground wasn’t even soaked when Shi Meng got out of the car.

Wrapped in the damp chill he brought from Xuncheng, Fu Xuanliao also got out and handed him the umbrella: “The weather forecast says Fengcheng might also get heavy rain.”

Perhaps worried that he would follow, Shi Meng accepted the umbrella.

Fu Xuanliao indeed didn’t follow, only saying as Shi Meng walked a few steps away: “Call me if you need anything.” He paused, then added, “Or just call my name. I’ll be right here.”

It wasn’t until he crossed the alley and entered the roadside pet store that Shi Meng remembered he had blocked Fu Xuanliao’s phone number. No wonder he added the second sentence.

But this made no difference to Shi Meng and wasn’t his concern. He found Mumu housed in a cage and told the owner he was there to pick up his cat.

“Your cat was originally kept with the others, in the room with the cat tree.”

Following the owner’s pointing finger, Shi Meng saw a glass-partitioned space in the room containing a person-high cat tree and two unknown-breed cats lounging lazily on the high perches.

The owner continued, “But your cat is too fierce. It doesn’t get along with anyone and keeps fighting, so we had to keep it in a cage alone.”

Shi Meng didn’t know how to respond to this. He had only owned this cat for less than three months and perhaps hadn’t grasped its true temperament. At least under his watch, the cat had been very well-behaved and never caused him trouble.

The cat had arrived in just a travel carrier. Now, being put back into its “old home,” it was unexpectedly cooperative; as soon as Shi Meng brought it close, it lowered its head and crawled inside to settle down.

“It can’t wait to go home,” the owner chuckled.

In reality, Shi Meng was taking it back to Xuncheng, to Jiang Xue’s house. He had previously noticed many similarities between this cat and himself—for instance, both were treated as substitutes, and neither had a real home.

After collecting the cat, Shi Meng didn’t rush out. He stayed in the pet store, browsing among the rows of shelves, selecting cat food, canned food, and a soft-feeling cat bed.

He deliberately stalled, choosing slowly, so slowly that Jiang Xue drove up, pushed open the door, and exclaimed loudly: “I just saw that person’s car! You didn’t come back with him, did you?”

After paying the bill, the two left the pet store and found a nearby restaurant.

The restaurant was busy during dinner, but Jiang Xue didn’t mind the noise. She happily ordered a table full of dishes, saying they hadn’t seen each other in ages and should drink until they dropped tonight.

“I can’t drink,” Shi Meng said. “I have to go back tonight.”

Jiang Xue had already opened a can of beer and pushed it toward him: “You’re not driving.”

After a moment, she tentatively asked, “He’s not driving you back?”

Shi Meng shook his head. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t drive him, but rather, even if he wanted to, I would go back myself.

Jiang Xue didn’t seem to fully understand, but she didn’t press the issue. Seizing the opportunity of their rare meeting, she asked about Shi Meng’s recent life.

She sighed in relief upon hearing that Shi Meng got along well with his neighbors, but then worried about other things: “I wish I had bought the house in the city back then. I’m really afraid you’ll stay there too long, forget how to paint, and instead master the art of square dancing.”

This comment tickled Shi Meng, and he curved his eyes, saying, “I won’t.”

When he smiled, his eyes sparkled, making him infinitely more vibrant than when expressionless.

Jiang Xue couldn’t help but look at him several times, then leaned in to examine the hand where the bandage had been removed. Her delicate brows furrowed, like she was lamenting a chipped piece of white jade: “That scar should be removable, right?”

Shi Meng glanced at it too: “It doesn’t matter if it can’t be removed.”

“How can it not matter?” Jiang Xue slapped the table. “If you’re left with a scar, I’ll spend everything I have to make sure that Shi Sihui has a miserable time in prison!”

She was just venting, as they were both law-abiding citizens.

Since the topic came up, Jiang Xue mentioned casually: “Actually, the fact that it was resolved so quickly is really thanks to that person.”

She said she hadn’t expected that person to be quite capable, handling things cleanly and efficiently, and not being constrained by so-called sentiment. She had previously thought he was just a typical businessman, only good at being cunning to benefit his own company.

This reminded Shi Meng of the conversation they had by the island counter that day when Fu Xuanliao came into his house to help him set up the easel.

“It wasn’t cunning,” Shi Meng said. “He deserved those things.”

Jiang Xue didn’t intend to speak up for Fu Xuanliao; she was merely stating facts and giving Shi Meng the choice.

“Putting aside the misunderstanding, that person is actually quite a good friend, it’s just…”

She didn’t finish, but Shi Meng could roughly guess what she wanted to say.

It’s just that what’s missed is missed, and there’s no going back to the beginning.

Because they talked frequently on the phone, Shi Meng had heard that Jiang Xue’s ex-fiancé—the “young talent” who had finished his doctorate and started his own business by relying on the Jiang family’s money—was trying to pursue Jiang Xue again.

“Our lives have been quite dramatic this past half-lifetime; we’ve encountered such bizarre things.” Jiang Xue took a swig of beer and clinked her can against the remaining one in front of Shi Meng. “To my dear brother, not related by blood, but sharing the same fate!”

Shi Meng didn’t want to spoil her mood. He took a small sip of beer and asked, “What about Gao Lecheng?”

Jiang Xue laughed at his foolishness: “What do you mean, what about him? I didn’t say I was going back to my ex.” She shook her index finger. “In a relationship, everything is forgivable, except calculation and cold logic.”

Jiang Xue became loose-lipped after a little alcohol. Hearing that Shi Meng’s neighbor was a young graduate student, she had just said Fu Xuanliao was decent, but now she was encouraging Shi Meng to ask his neighbor if he was straight or gay.

“Based on your description, I think there’s an eighty percent—no, ninety-nine percent—chance he’s interested in you.” Jiang Xue smiled teasingly. “Better late than never. I think you should try things out with him and experience the thrill of dating someone younger.”

Shi Meng was always strong-willed, and other people’s suggestions were like wind passing through his ears—heard and then dismissed.

As the meal drew to a close, Jiang Xue rested her head on her hand and looked out the window: “Do you know how I fell for him back then?”

She rarely talked about the past, so Shi Meng naturally didn’t know.

“One year, my cousin and I went to play on the A University campus. We accidentally wandered into a grove of trees near the riverbank. There was a long bench there, and he was sitting on it, holding a thick book. He looked up when he heard us.”

“Just one look, and I was hooked.”

“But I only recently realized that no matter how he looks at me now, I can’t find that feeling again. This is probably the shadow of betrayal. I can’t forget the way he looked when he said he never loved me. That was the first time in my life I felt my dignity was trampled, felt like I wasn’t even human.”

“It must be that I didn’t love him enough, or maybe I only loved the shadow by the riverbank that year.”

After they left the restaurant, the cool breeze dispersed the hazy alcohol fumes, and the flush on their cheeks faded slightly.

Shi Meng hailed a taxi for Jiang Xue. Before parting, Jiang Xue said very practically, “Just take his car back. Think of it as saving on travel expenses.”

Shi Meng didn’t respond. After the taxi drove away, he spotted the black Land Rover still parked by the road. Without hesitation, he walked up, opened the back door, tossed the umbrella inside, then hailed another taxi, got in, and set the destination for Xuncheng.

There were no buses running at this hour. The journey was two or three hours, and even with an empty return fee, Shi Meng could afford it.

There were few vehicles traveling on the highway at night, so it was easy to spot the car following closely behind in the rearview mirror. Shi Meng pretended not to notice, but the driver was very alert.

“That Land Rover behind us has been following the whole way. It doesn’t fall behind or overtake. It must be intentional,” he analyzed the situation, then asked Shi Meng, “Young man, do you recognize that license plate?”

Shi Meng said no, but the driver looked unconvinced.

During a rest stop at a service station, the driver refueled, and Shi Meng went to the shop to buy water. As he was paying, a person stood next to him, still radiating damp coldness. He sneezed and pulled out his wallet from his pocket. Shi Meng inadvertently glanced over while paying and saw a photo tucked into the transparent slot inside.

For the second half of the journey, Shi Meng occasionally urged the driver to go faster, which seemed to confirm that someone was chasing him. The driver was cooperative. He didn’t slow down even after exiting the highway, stomping on the gas pedal and performing a few drifts before stopping smoothly in front of Jiang Xue’s retirement villa.

He thought this speed was unprecedented, but then an engine roared behind them. In less than half a minute, the newcomer stopped on the roadside, nose-to-tail with the taxi.

The driver let out a sigh of admiration, as if meeting a worthy opponent. He collected his fare, turned the car around, and drove away. Fu Xuanliao parked his car in the taxi’s original spot, opened the door, and stepped out.

Under a dim streetlamp, with puddles everywhere from the rain, the two faced each other from a distance, as if they had gone in a circle only to return confusedly to the starting point.

Shi Meng held the cat carrier in one hand and his other hand in his pocket. Watching the man approach step by step, he suddenly recalled Jiang Xue mentioning the riverbank and that single glance.

But this was different. He wasn’t a phantom shadow, and Shi Meng had long since crushed all his dignity.

What was destroyed at sea was the shadow; the physical body was the vessel. Destruction and survival are inherently contradictory, but as long as one is alive, a person is always a carrier of memory.

He could only constantly push it away, or shatter it, giving it no chance to reform.

“Weren’t you going back to Fengcheng?” Shi Meng heard himself ask.

Fu Xuanliao stopped less than a meter away from him and said, “I’m not going back.”

“Why?”

“I’m worried about you.”

Shi Meng laughed softly: “How truly…”

“Contemptible?” Fu Xuanliao’s voice was low, carrying an enduring chill. “Yes, I’m contemptible. If I weren’t, why would I follow you?”

He spoke somewhat urgently, but his tone wasn’t one of giving up; rather, he genuinely felt this way and decided to just say it.

His complexion was terrible, grayish and pale, not from anger, but because he had been rained on and hadn’t had time to change clothes—the kind of terrible state just before falling ill.

Shi Meng averted his gaze, focusing on a point in the void: “I didn’t ask you to do any of this.”

“Right, you didn’t. I chose to do it myself,” Fu Xuanliao gritted his teeth, trying to keep his voice clear. “So I’m the contemptible one.”

“It was me who got it but didn’t cherish it. It was me who knew there was no room for redemption, yet insisted on humiliating myself, insisted on forcing things… Everything was my own will, and all the consequences will be borne by me.”

“Who asked you to…”

“I know I made a mistake.” As if afraid of being interrupted and losing his chance to speak, Fu Xuanliao held his breath, barely hanging on. “But you can’t… deny me even the chance to make amends.”

Hours earlier, in the biting cold rain, Fu Xuanliao had thought a lot, and yet seemed to have thought of nothing at all.

He was so frozen that the moment the car door opened, his mind felt wiped clean. Yet, when he asked himself why he was here, the answer was still crystal clear: because Shi Meng was here.

He was here to compensate. Since it was a unilateral effort, he shouldn’t harbor any expectation of a response.

So he pressed on, remaining composed even when treated as invisible.

So there was no need for lengthy explanations, only direct proof.

Even though he had countless times wanted to tear open the protective shell around the person in front of him, to see if the heart hidden inside still faced him as it once did.

The fear that Shi Meng no longer loved him was matched by the urge to retreat.

But he had sworn he would be good to Shi Meng and never let him suffer injustice again.

“I said I’m willing. You can continue to treat me this way, take your revenge, make me hurt as much as you want.”

Fu Xuanliao inhaled a trembling breath, sounding like he was at the end of his rope, yet utterly resolute. “Anything, as long as it comes from you.”