Little Meteor Chapter 33

Chapter 33: “Don’t ruin someone else’s life.”

This year, National Day and the Mid-Autumn Festival were close together, but Jiang Chengxuan couldn’t take a break. Shen Mu, however, could. Recently, he had been leaving early and returning late every day. Although he lived with Jiang Chengxuan, they barely saw each other. One time, when they were finally both home, Shen Mu rested his head on Jiang Chengxuan’s lap while watching a movie, but fell asleep halfway through.

Lately, he had been waking up startled in the middle of the night, sometimes four or five times in one night. Now that he was finally sleeping soundly, Jiang Chengxuan stroked the back of his hand, noting that Shen Mu’s hand tremors seemed to be getting worse. Although Shen Mu tried hard to act normal, he couldn’t hide it from Jiang Chengxuan.

Shen Mu’s eyelashes fluttered. Jiang Chengxuan patted his back soothingly a couple of times, hoping he would continue sleeping, but Shen Mu still woke up. “…What time is it?”

“You only slept for half an hour,” Jiang Chengxuan kissed his eye. “Want to sleep a little longer?”

Shen Mu covered his mouth and yawned, then sat up. “The movie isn’t over yet.”

He picked up the remote and rewound it slightly, as he hadn’t seen the previous part. Jiang Chengxuan wrapped his arms around him from behind, his nose brushing against Shen Mu’s earlobe. Shen Mu felt ticklish and pulled his neck back. “Stop messing around.”

Jiang Chengxuan chuckled softly, moving his lips from Shen Mu’s earlobe to the side of his neck. The kissing quickly changed flavor. Shen Mu wasn’t sure how they ended up in bed, but when it was over, he was curled up in Jiang Chengxuan’s arms, drowsy. Jiang Chengxuan played with his hair and casually asked, “Are you going home for National Day?”

Shen Mu’s breathing had been heavy just moments ago, but it paused for an instant when he heard the question. After a long while, he replied, “Yes, I’ll go back.”

Jiang Chengxuan roughly understood why Shen Mu’s somatic symptoms had been worsening recently. He tightened the arm wrapped around him. Seeing his expression, Shen Mu whispered, “You know?”

“Mhm,” Jiang Chengxuan smiled. “In such a rush to give me a title? I actually don’t care about those things.”

“I know you don’t care,” Shen Mu sighed. “But this is something that has to be said, sooner or later. My parents only say they’re fine with me not getting married, but deep down, they still hope to have grandchildren. I’ve thought a lot these past few days. I’m afraid my parents won’t accept it, and I’m afraid my father’s health can’t handle it. But then I remember when I was little, my parents would also use language like this to threaten me: ‘If you don’t study hard, we’ll have no choice but to die,’ or ‘If you don’t listen, you’re not giving us a way to live.’ I’ve heard words like that too many times, and I’ve been emotionally blackmailed too many times. I’ve always compromised, but if I keep compromising, when will it ever end?”

“I used to think that as long as I was good enough, they would be satisfied.” Shen Mu pulled at the corner of his mouth slightly. “But I later realized their standards are always moving. I got first place, and they hoped I’d get first place next time. I got my master’s degree, and they hoped I’d come back and take the civil service exam. Now that I’m living life according to my own wishes, they hope I’ll return to the path they set for me.”

Shen Mu took a breath and smiled. “It’s not because of you; it’s for myself.”

Jiang Chengxuan’s thumb gently stroked the corner of his reddened eye. “Good.”

Jiang Chengxuan pulled the blanket up higher. “Sleep for a while. You can barely keep your eyes open.”

Shen Mu hummed, snuggled into his arms, closed his eyes, and quickly fell asleep.

Jiang Chengxuan had originally planned to see him off the day he went home, but the hospital was too busy, and he couldn’t leave. He had taken annual leave recently, and the Director was already quite displeased with him, saying that if he took any more time off, he should just resign. Shen Mu said he was fine going back alone. Jiang Chengxuan told him to send a message when he arrived.

Perhaps it was the feeling of being closer to home making him more apprehensive, especially given the special circumstances this time. Shen Mu’s anxiety and palpitations were gradually worsening, and his hand tremors were becoming more severe. Even medication offered no relief.

As soon as he stepped out of the train station, he saw his father, who waved at him. Shen Mu quickly walked over. “Didn’t I tell you not to come pick me up? Your health just got a little better.”

His father took his suitcase. “I’ve been fine for ages. Don’t worry unnecessarily. It’s crowded during the holiday, and it’s hard for you to get a taxi.”

His father stared at him for a moment, frowning. “Why is your face so pale?”

Shen Mu smiled, putting his hands in his pockets. “Maybe I’m a little carsick.”

His father patted his shoulder. “Come on, the car is parked over there.”

Shen Mu didn’t say another word on the way home. First, he was genuinely exhausted, and second, he truly didn’t know how to start the conversation.

He actually desperately wanted to brainwash himself into believing that his parents didn’t love him, so whatever he did wouldn’t matter. But every action his parents took told him they loved him wholeheartedly. As soon as he reached the front door, he could smell the food cooking. His mother had even bought his favorite roast chicken.

During dinner, his mother mentioned something. “There’s a girl. Do you want to try getting to know her? I’ll send you her WeChat. Don’t feel pressured, just think of it as having one more person to chat with.”

Sure enough, Shen Mu had had this premonition back at the hospital. His mother hadn’t just mentioned it casually. His father listened without trying to stop her. One compromise would lead to more compromises. Shen Mu looked at the table full of food, unable to eat a single bite. When his parents saw him not moving, their expressions immediately became very anxious. “What’s wrong? Are you uncomfortable from the ride? Eat a little, then go rest.”

Shen Mu put down his chopsticks. His hands, surprisingly, weren’t shaking right now—perhaps it was fate. “Dad, Mom, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“When I told you before that I couldn’t get married, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to find someone, and it wasn’t said out of anger,” Shen Mu continued, looking at his parents’ astonished faces. “I don’t like girls, so I can’t get married. Don’t ruin someone else’s life.”

The response was a loud slap across his face.