Little Meteor Chapter 31

Chapter 31 He Only Knows How to Weigh Shen Mu

Shen Mu spent most of the next three days in bed. He couldn’t understand how Jiang Chengxuan had so much energy. Every time he woke up, Jiang Chengxuan was either on the phone or replying to messages. Although he had taken annual leave, his workload hadn’t decreased at all. Patients constantly called him for consultations, and interns messaged him with questions. When he picked up his phone, he was the gentle, considerate, and patient Doctor Jiang; when he put it down, he stopped being human.

Shen Mu’s throat was hoarse. Nestled in Jiang Chengxuan’s arms, his voice held a hint of heartache: “How many days of annual leave did you actually take?”

“Five days,” Jiang Chengxuan mimicked Shen Mu’s tone of heartache. “It ends tomorrow.”

…Thank goodness it ends tomorrow.

Shen Mu pulled the blanket higher to cover the suggestive marks on his body. “Do your patients know you act like this at home?”

Jiang Chengxuan answered seriously: “Doctors never discuss their private lives with patients.”

The more serious his expression, the more Shen Mu wanted to hit him, but he didn’t even have the strength to lift his hand right now. He simply closed his eyes and ignored him. Jiang Chengxuan kissed him on the corner of his mouth, held him, and went back to sleep.

Jiang Chengxuan said his vacation ended tomorrow, but he left in the afternoon. Before leaving, he woke Shen Mu up and told him to remember to eat dinner. Shen Mu was tired and sleepy. He mumbled a response and fell back asleep, only waking up when it was already time for a late-night snack.

Jiang Chengxuan hadn’t returned. He sent Shen Mu a message, explaining that there had been a multi-car pileup today, and all the injured were at their hospital. He had to work overtime tonight and probably wouldn’t be able to come back.

Shen Mu stared at his phone for a while. Before, he could see Jiang Chengxuan the moment he opened his eyes. Now, the sudden quietness felt strange. There was a thermos on the bedside table, and the water was the perfect temperature. After drinking, Shen Mu prepared to take a shower. When he pulled open the closet, he belatedly realized that all his clothes had been hung up. Jiang Chengxuan had probably gone to his rented apartment to fetch them while he was asleep.

Shen Mu grabbed a change of clothes and went to the bathroom. The room was filled with steam. When he closed his eyes, his mind was full of Jiang Chengxuan. These past few days felt like a dream he had woven himself, but when the dream ended, he had to return to reality.

He still had unread voice messages from his mother on WeChat. Her tone was casual, simply asking how he was doing lately and if he was eating properly.

Shen Mu’s hands involuntarily began to tremble again. He frowned and tried to control them, but it was useless.

He was actually quite hungry; his stomach kept rumbling, but he couldn’t eat right now. The sight of food made him feel nauseous. He took a few deep breaths, but his heart was still beating very fast.

Shen Mu felt agitated. He got dressed and went downstairs to walk a couple of laps. He originally wanted to go to the convenience store to buy a pack of cigarettes, but ultimately didn’t. He needed to break the habit of smoking whenever he felt anxious.

His trembling hands, loss of appetite, rapid heart rate, and insomnia had started a month ago. The two years he was tormented by anxiety disorder were painful. He was genuinely afraid that if he couldn’t manage it one day, the anxiety disorder would relapse.

He knew the root of his problem, but he didn’t know how to solve it.

His parents certainly wouldn’t force him to marry, but he couldn’t be with a man. If his father found out, would he be so angry he’d faint? He had suffered from insufficient blood supply to the brain last month. If Shen Mu told him, could he withstand the shock? He almost wished his father would just hit him instead. What he feared most was his parents using the tone he had heard since childhood, saying they had raised him for nothing, asking why they had given birth to him if they had known he would turn out this way, and wondering what sin they had committed to have two sons—one a lunatic, the other a pervert.

He wanted to admit that his parents didn’t love him, but they did love him, even if that love was possessive and suffocating. His father insisted on repairing the dilapidated house back home precisely so as not to leave Shen Mu with a burden. He said he had to leave Shen Mu some assets so he would have security for the rest of his life.

Shen Mu closed his eyes and took a moment to breathe. In his thirty years of life, this was the first time he had experienced the feeling of being chosen decisively. His parents chose him because of Xiao Hao. When he was young, they often told him, “We wouldn’t have had you if your brother hadn’t been like this. You are our hope.” During the period when he was bullied at school, they unconditionally trusted the teachers. If Shen Mu had a conflict with someone, they wouldn’t ask who was right or wrong; their first reaction was to scold Shen Mu to demonstrate their family’s strict discipline.

His parents loved him very much, but they didn’t know how to love him well.

He felt that he had been unlucky since childhood. Good fortune never seemed to fall to him. He never met genuinely warm people, nor did he have the luck to make good friends. Deep down, he was actually strong-willed. Since he had never been chosen decisively, he might as well choose no one.

He thought Jiang Chengxuan was truly foolish. Ordinary people understood weighing pros and cons, but he only knew how to weigh Shen Mu.

He knew thinking this way was pathetic, but meeting Jiang Chengxuan was probably the best luck he would ever have in this lifetime.

Shen Mu’s heart rate gradually calmed down, and his hands weren’t shaking as badly as before. When he got back inside, Jiang Chengxuan video-called him. Shen Mu took a deep breath, patted his face, and made sure he looked normal before answering.

“Did you eat dinner?” Jiang Chengxuan’s voice came through the screen. The background was a hospital corridor. Shen Mu smiled. “I did. How are things on your end?”

“Just finished the third surgery. There’s still a ruptured spleen on the table, but they don’t need me right now,” Jiang Chengxuan noticed his change of clothes. “Did you go out?”

“Yeah, I suddenly wanted rice noodles, so I went out and had a bowl,” Shen Mu changed the subject. “When are you coming back?”

“Hard to say. Probably not until noon tomorrow.” Jiang Chengxuan brought the screen closer and smiled. “Did you miss me?”

Shen Mu lowered his eyes and softly hummed a “yes.” Jiang Chengxuan froze for a moment. He had been leaning lazily against the corridor wall, but now he straightened up. “Mumu, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Shen Mu softened his voice, making it sound like a spoiled complaint. “I missed my boyfriend. Is that not allowed?”

Jiang Chengxuan was delighted by the word “boyfriend.” “Your boyfriend misses you too, but your boyfriend can’t come back to keep you company today. Be good and go to sleep by yourself first.”

“Get lost,” Shen Mu made a disgusted face. “I’m hanging up.”

“Wait,” Jiang Chengxuan said with a laugh. “Shouldn’t you do something?”

Shen Mu was confused. “Do what?”

Jiang Chengxuan stated matter-of-factly: “Don’t couples usually exchange a goodbye kiss when they say goodbye? You’re the one who writes so many stories; you should know this better than me.”

“You…” Shen Mu’s ears instantly flushed red. “Jiang Chengxuan, how can you be so shameless?”

Jiang Chengxuan laughed even more freely, his voice softening. “Alright, I won’t tease you anymore. Are you feeling better now?”

Shen Mu paused, then smiled. “I wasn’t unhappy.”

Jiang Chengxuan didn’t expose him, saying softly, “That’s good. Go to bed early. Good night.”

“Wait,” Shen Mu quickly leaned toward the screen and gave it a quick kiss, then looked away, trying to maintain his composure. “There, done. Now go back to your work.”

The other end of the screen was silent for a moment, followed by Jiang Chengxuan’s deep laughter. “Received. Battery full. Enough to last me until noon tomorrow.”

After hanging up the phone, Shen Mu’s somatic symptoms had completely disappeared. He went to fix himself something to eat, then buried himself in the blankets that smelled of Jiang Chengxuan and fell asleep.