BC Chapter 190

Indeed, the world we know and the things we experience are all different, which creates the myriad of people and lives in this world. It is said that happy lives are mostly the same, but unhappy lives have their own misfortunes, which Xue Yiran believes because she has experienced it herself.

However, if those experiences were really brought to the forefront, it would make her seem too weak. After all, in terms of her original family, she wasn’t as miserable as her teammate Xu Rubin. At least her parents and elders were alive and well, and in terms of economic foundation, her family had never skimped on her food, clothing, and expenses. Overall, she was one of those who didn’t lack material things.

However, if people only water flowers but don’t give them sunlight, then the flowers cannot survive for long. This is the case for Xue Yiran. Although her family’s material conditions are sufficient, she still feels that her life is empty, like the lanterns lit every New Year’s Day. On the surface, they look colorful, but inside there is only a monotonous candle flickering alone, empty and lonely. To her parents, she was more like a product of nature. They accepted her when she came and abandoned her when they could. If there was any connection in between, it might just be orders and obedience for Xue Yiran… Just like the subordinates in her father’s company, they only needed to listen to him on the premise of a relationship of interest. She didn’t need to have her own ideas, nor could she have her own plans.

So, from the time Xue Yiran could remember, she lived a life taken care of by a nanny, waking up, going to sleep, being busy, and resting according to the various times arranged for her by her parents. Initially, when she first awakened her self-awareness, she had also expressed her protests because of this, but only after trying did she realize that her “resistance” was of no use at all—her parents were so busy that they couldn’t even spare a moment more of their attention on her.

She felt that her life was like a small game that had every link and detail designed and completed before being put on the shelves. She only needed to be the protagonist who was manipulated by others, walking step by step. As for why she was walking, which road she was taking, and what the ultimate goal was, it was all irrelevant to her.

She was just a pawn in her parents’ hands. The reason she embarked on the path of sports was not because she had great ambitions, but because her parents had designated it as a “new way out” for her after assessing her talent and performance in learning.

But that had nothing to do with her preferences. It was because in the business world, her parents needed her to have a title that they could show off as a topic of conversation for their own self-satisfaction. As for further plans, it was a business marriage where neither the man nor the woman was willing but could satisfy both sets of elders. Although it sounds like the life background briefly mentioned for the protagonist in a novel, for Xue Yiran, it was not a funny and inexplicable life and suffering.

Xue Yiran knew how cheap her idea of being born as a human was under her parents’ calculations—she even fantasized about choosing a vigorous death rather than living like a walking corpse.

However, tragically, even so, even when her situation was seen through by those who bullied her and used it to bully her, she still didn’t have the courage to seek death.

“…What is the point of living, after all?” After escaping from the hands of the zombies by their own abilities, the survivors spontaneously gathered together. When they had a moment to rest, Xue Yiran, sitting around the campfire, once asked as if she was mumbling in a dream. At that time, the people who were still in shock were all immersed in their own thoughts and plans. Only Xie Min, who was sitting next to Xue Yiran, heard her question.

“Does it… have to be for something?” Xie Min was silent for a moment, then turned to look at Xue Yiran, whose face was pale and looked a little wooden, and smiled. “A life with a clear goal is certainly good, but don’t you think that living only for the goal is too tiring and monotonous? Moreover, in my opinion, that is meaningless. It’s just each according to their own preferences, being willful and selfish.”

“We are always trying to define ourselves, others, and the world, from being ignorant to thinking we understand to being confused and vague. In fact, what can we do after we really understand a lot? Aren’t we still forced to do things under the control of the big hand of fate? We always think that the world and life are big rivers, and that we have boats under our feet, and we can personally steer to decide the direction. But in fact, the world and life are more like swamps full of unknowns and risks. From the moment we stand on it, we are constantly sinking… Among them, some people are not convinced, but the more they struggle, the faster they sink and the earlier they die. Some people sigh and do not move, and after accepting the status quo, they no longer expect a miracle that can avoid death, but they persevere for longer. Some people simply lie down and give up, but other than getting covered in mud, the world and life seem to let them go, no longer letting them sink quickly. Although they can’t wait for someone to save them and end up dying, they don’t feel any regret in their hearts, because they chose the easiest way to face it.” Xie Min reached out and tucked the broken hair that had fallen to her ear behind her ear, then turned her gaze back to the bonfire before saying, “So there is actually no necessary proposition in life, and living doesn’t have to be for something. It’s just about living out your own twists and turns on a line segment from life to death. If you have to find some meaning, I think living… wonderfully is important.”

Xue Yiran, who seemed to be in a state of deep meditation, finally trembled almost imperceptibly after Xie Min finished her entire speech.

Wonderful…

“Hehe, I’m just talking nonsense, you don’t have to take it seriously. Okay, after chatting so much, shouldn’t we get to know each other? Hello, I’m Xie Min, a yoga instructor.” After laughing, Xie Min recovered her kind expression, rubbed her hands that had just picked up firewood, and generously extended her arm to Xue Yiran.

“…Xue Yiran.” Looking at the woman’s outstretched hand, Xue Yiran, who had been taught to be sensible and well-behaved since she was a child, almost subconsciously reached out and shook the other person’s hand.

…

Xue Yiran, who was lost in her memories, raised her head, and the woman’s face in her memory gradually overlapped with the photo on the tombstone in front of her. The colors faded, and everything finally returned to reality.

A circle of wet marks seeped into the cement floor, then another circle…

How could she accept this woman’s departure? Whenever she thinks of it, everything is blurred before her eyes—that’s right, she healed her, but her departure also “killed” her…

Xue Yiran lowered her head, holding the clothes over her heart tightly with one hand.

Immersed in her emotions, she didn’t notice that right next to her, a figure slowly strolled over and reached out to take a black thing out from the inside of her clothes.

With the crackling sound of electric current, Xue Yiran, with tears on her face, fell to the ground in response.