TTOA Chapter 81

#81

Seo Eui-woo quietly reached out, his fingertips tracing Kwon Jae-jin’s neck, pausing there for a moment. Usually, he would have embraced Kwon Jae-jin’s waist, but this was an unusually simple touch. However, after a little time passed, the reason for such behavior seemed clearer.

Seo Eui-woo removed his fingers, which had been gently pressing on the upper part of his neck, and this time reached towards his face, placing a finger beneath his nose.

Seo Eui-woo was checking Kwon Jae-jin’s life signs.

Just now, he checked his pulse; this time, he checked if he was breathing properly.

After confirming that there was nothing wrong with his breathing, his hand moved down to his chest. Seo Eui-woo covered Kwon Jae-jin’s left chest with his palm, checking his heartbeat. Not satisfied with that, he pulled back the blanket and put his ear to Kwon Jae-jin’s chest.

Listening to the faint, rhythmic thumping, Seo Eui-woo let out a distant sigh.

It was a sigh so low it was barely audible, as long and cold as this winter.

Seo Eui-woo’s condition seemed far from normal.

His anxiety seemed excessive.

It was one thing to check on Kwon Jae-jin, who was lying quietly asleep, looking perfectly fine, not injured and covered in blood, but to have to confirm his life signs so many times, so compulsively…

Of course, Kwon Jae-jin had seen Seo Eui-woo pale and dazed the day he went missing. But when they decided to start dating, he seemed somewhat calmer, so Kwon Jae-jin had thought his anxiety symptoms had subsided to some extent.

He’d thought that Seo Eui-woo’s constant contact during battles and vigilance towards the search team was just because of the situation. He expected that things would gradually get better with time.

To be so hyper-sensitive that he had to check if his pulse was beating, if he was breathing, if his heart was still beating, even after Kwon Jae-jin had texted him that he was going to bed… His deep and precarious turmoil resonated with Kwon Jae-jin. Seo Eui-woo was undoubtedly in a much more unstable state than Kwon Jae-jin had realized.

Jae-jin groggily opened his eyes. Piercing through the darkness, where he could barely see, he reached for Seo Eui-woo’s arm.

“…Eui-woo.”

Jae-jin called out to Seo Eui-woo and tugged at his arm. He hugged the hot, hard body, burying himself deeply in his arms, and plopped his sleepy face onto his broad chest.

“Jae-jin… Did I wake you, Jae-jin? I didn’t mean to.”

“Uh…”

“I was just going to look at you sleeping and go back. I couldn’t stand it.”

“…Did you desert your post?”

“No, it’s my shift change.”

“Isn’t that deserting your post…?”

“It’s okay if I don’t get caught. I’ll be back on time. Today, I had such a hard day today.”

Seo Eui-woo, still in his combat uniform, hugged the drowsy Kwon Jae-jin tightly. The gesture of confining and pressing down on him was reassuring. It really felt good to be together like this.

“They all try to kill Jae-jin, capture him, do horrible things like bio-experiments…”

“…What…?”

“Do you know Lieutenant Colonel Jang Tae-san? The commander of the 1st Special Task Force. My superior. He told me to kill Jae-jin and bring back his body.”

“…”

“I was even mixed up with the search team trying to capture Jae-jin all day. When I go back, I have to be with them again. I hate looking at Ma Tae-o’s face. I really want to kill him…”

In the dark bed, where he couldn’t see an inch ahead, Seo Eui-woo desperately clung to Kwon Jae-jin and whispered incoherently. Listening to his plaintive voice, Kwon Jae-jin woke up, and his heart seemed to tear little by little. It felt as if sharp knitting needles were constantly stabbing into the torn flesh, one by one.

“If I kill them, can’t I really kill that bastard when I go back? We can disguise it as a creature attack. As long as I don’t get caught… Huh?”

Seo Eui-woo took off his glove and slowly stroked Jae-jin’s face. He carefully traced his cheeks, which had loosened in his sleep, and caressed his slightly parted lips. The firm fingertips tickled his soft lips. His hand was trembling anxiously.

“Those bastards are all trying to kill Jae-jin… Is it okay to kill Jae-jin, but not them…? Why does it have to be like that? I’m already a criminal anyway.”

“Eui-woo. Eui-woo, just wait a minute… Even so…”

He cut off Kwon Jae-jin’s words and pleaded.

“Even so, it’s unfair.”

Eventually, Seo Eui-woo reached the root of the absurd system.

“That only Jae-jin has to die, that it’s obvious… Am I crazy? Am I the only one who’s lost my mind…?”

“…There’s no such thing as a life that’s naturally supposed to die.”

“But, right now, I’m really confident I can kill them well. Jae-jin has always Guided me.”

Seo Eui-woo had been exclusively receiving Guiding from an S-rank Guide for four months. Although his imbalances weren’t completely resolved, even at this point, Seo Eui-woo could unleash an overwhelming amount of monstrous ability.

“Combat wasn’t that difficult to begin with, but it’s become really easy since I met Jae-jin. I can play with creatures like toys. Killing Espers won’t be much different from that.”

“Not different? What are you talking about.”

“It’s simple. If I just pick out their Cores and crush them, I can annihilate dozens, hundreds of Special Task Force members in the blink of an eye.”

“…”

Seo Eui-woo’s wild, gray eyes flashed. They were murderous eyes, like blades tearing through the darkness, but beneath that, an uncontrollable, thick affection for Kwon Jae-jin was simmering. The layers of deep emotions had already far surpassed Seo Eui-woo’s limits, to the point where they were even overturning the Esper-style way of thinking that he had been indoctrinated with for so long.

“I want to kill all the guys who are trying to kill Jae-jin… I want to have a proper relationship with Jae-jin. Can’t I do that? If I say this, do you want to break up with me…?”

At that moment, time seemed to stop all at once.

It felt as if gravity had increased dozens of times, overloading his entire body. His thoughts deepened, his emotions intensified, and the darkness grew even darker. Only the sharp sound of ragged breathing could be heard through the silent stillness.

Even though it was sudden, Kwon Jae-jin knew that those words were Seo Eui-woo’s true feelings. He could see right through him.

Seo Eui-woo always told Kwon Jae-jin the truth, even if he lied to others. There was nothing in his actions towards Kwon Jae-jin that wasn’t sincere.

So, honestly, he was tempted.

Kwon Jae-jin wasn’t a saint.

“You’d… kill them all?”

Jae-jin mumbled as if spitting it out.

He couldn’t have not thought about escaping this damn world, this screwed-up system, this unreasonable and contradictory, ill-fated destiny.

It wasn’t just once or twice that he’d resented the existence of Late-Blooming Espers, and it wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about killing all the officially registered Espers and related personnel who were trying to eliminate Late-Blooming Espers. If Seo Eui-woo stepped up, he would surely succeed in annihilation or destruction.

An omnipotent S-rank Esper. A transcendent multiple ability user. If Seo Eui-woo were to unleash his hidden, inherent power, the Espers would be dealt with in an instant, just like the canyon’s terrain was completely erased that day.

There would be no need to go to the trouble; if he did that when the Espers were all gathered at the Center…

All of them, in one shot…

“No.”

Kwon Jae-jin placed his hand on Seo Eui-woo’s chest, got up, and lifted his head. His eyes, which had become somewhat accustomed to the darkness, were able to make out his silhouette.

Kwon Jae-jin steeled himself and answered firmly. His voice was thick, as if several people were speaking at once.

“I can’t do that.”

It wasn’t because the method was wrong.

It wasn’t because he had a revulsion to killing people.

It wasn’t because he was trying to spread moral or ethical principles, or the inherent value of life.

Of course, the reasons above could be reasons why Seo Eui-woo shouldn’t turn into a mass murderer, but there was a more important reason than that.

“If you do that… I can’t date Seo Eui-woo comfortably.”

It didn’t seem like it would work.

To stand atop countless corpses and have a proper relationship… It didn’t seem possible.

Even when he was standing in a mud puddle with the Seo Eui-woo from the first timeline, he couldn’t even think about having a normal relationship, and it was even more impossible to stand in a pool of blood with the Seo Eui-woo from the second timeline.

If you kill them all. If you kill them all as Seo Eui-woo said… He might be able to take revenge, he might be able to resolve his long-standing resentment, and he might be able to put an end to this terrible system. But, even so, romance… Romance, at least, was something he couldn’t achieve. That was just not right.

“Seo Eui-woo, you wouldn’t be okay if you mercilessly slaughtered your colleagues, with whom you’ve shared life and death, would you?”

Kwon Jae-jin wasn’t a child who believed that the world was divided into distinct categories of good and evil.

He knew that officially registered Espers and military officials weren’t toy soldiers.

They were just controlled ability users like Seo Eui-woo. Seo Eui-woo was one of them at first.

Seo Eui-woo thought it was natural for Kwon Jae-jin to be killed because he was a Late-Blooming Esper, and until recently, he had never questioned that fact. It wasn’t Seo Eui-woo’s fault. It wasn’t the fault of the other Espers either. And there were even more innocent people in this world.