TTOA Chapter 58
by VolareWater droplets clinging to the ends of Jae-jin’s black hair fell one by one into the water filling the bathtub.
Hearing the clear, rhythmic white noise, Jae-jin faintly regained consciousness. After squinting his blurry eyes several times, he finally managed to crack his eyelids open.
“Ugh…”
He had no idea how much time had passed. He had been unconscious as if he were dead.
It was as if he was settling the debt of several weeks of not sleeping properly, having completely lost consciousness, and he couldn’t even remember what had happened right before he collapsed.
“Seo, Eui-woo…?”
Awakened, Jae-jin searched for Seo Eui-woo with slurred pronunciation. He wasn’t fully conscious yet, but for some reason, he was certain that he was nearby. As expected, Seo Eui-woo’s reply came from right beside Jae-jin.
“Yes, Jae-jin-ssi.”
Seo Eui-woo was in the bathtub, tightly embracing Kwon Jae-jin’s waist. When Jae-jin, now awake, wiggled slightly, he immediately pulled him closer into his arms.
Jae-jin, with his vision still blurry, examined him and saw that Seo Eui-woo’s fair skin was completely waterlogged, as if he had been submerged in the tub holding Jae-jin for a very long time. Of course, it wasn’t just Seo Eui-woo; Kwon Jae-jin was also thoroughly waterlogged, with wrinkles all over his fingers.
How long had they been like this?
Did he think that Guiding would occur if the water dried, so he decided to embrace him in the water? Jae-jin couldn’t understand Seo Eui-woo’s reasoning at all.
This crazy bastard…
“Haa, I told you… it’s okay to do Guiding…”
Kwon Jae-jin mumbled in a hoarse, sunken voice. He was exhausted and had no energy.
“I haven’t heard Jae-jin-ssi’s answer yet.”
“What answer…”
“Are we okay now?”
Okay?
Had there ever been a time when he was okay with Seo Eui-woo?
“No…”
Jae-jin answered with a sigh. Seo Eui-woo hugged Kwon Jae-jin even tighter, burying his lips in the nape of his neck.
“Then I won’t do Guiding.”
“Why are you always so stubborn? Just let it go…”
Some things in the world are resolved by time. Seo Eui-woo doesn’t know that.
Right now, he’s mentally struggling to accept Seo Eui-woo’s ferocity, but someday, as time passes, it might subside. But Seo Eui-woo acted like a ruler who had to seize and monopolize everything about Kwon Jae-jin right now, immediately.
“How can I let it go? Jae-jin-ssi isn’t saying anything to me.”
“What is it again, what are you talking about.”
“What are you thinking? What are you hiding?”
A hollow laugh escaped at those words.
Seo Eui-woo really…
“I’m not thinking anything, and I’m not hiding anything…”
“Really?”
“Yes…”
“Haven’t I said a million times that I don’t know what Jae-jin-ssi is thinking? I wish you would tell me instead of just thinking to yourself.”
“You want me to trust Seo Eui-woo-ssi and open up?”
“Yes.”
“No, I wouldn’t be talking if there was something to talk about…”
Jae-jin twisted his head and leaned the back of his head against Seo Eui-woo’s shoulder. He had become so accustomed to the suffocating embrace that even this uncomfortable position felt stable now.
“Then what are you thinking about right now?”
“That Seo Eui-woo is a real son of a bitch. That I want to kill Seo Eui-woo.”
“Really? Really?”
“No…”
“What is it?”
“I told you, I’m not thinking anything…”
Had Kwon Jae-jin acted so incomprehensibly that Seo Eui-woo was questioning and clinging like this?
He didn’t think so…
No, Seo Eui-woo is just unfamiliar with this kind of relationship because it’s his first time. Until now, he would have had no need to want to know someone else’s feelings at all. He probably never even wondered.
Jae-jin wearily moved his mouth and rattled off whatever thoughts came to mind.
“I’m tired.”
“It shows. You’ve become emaciated, Jae-jin-ssi.”
“I’m sleepy.”
“You can sleep more.”
“My stomach… feels tight inside. It feels like I’m still stretched open.”
“……”
“Seo Eui-woo…”
“Yes…”
“Seo Eui-woo, you’re… you’re handsome.”
“Pardon?”
“It would have been a disaster if Seo Eui-woo-ssi was ugly. If you were, I really would have killed you…”
“Haha, is that a compliment? That’s a relief.”
“No, seriously, it’s thanks to your face. Your body and face… take good care of them.”
“Um? Yes, I will. Um… huh?”
Espers lead combat-oriented lives directly tied to survival, and they don’t engage in dating or courtship activities like ordinary people. Compared to general society, they lead a special life where appearance is relatively less important.
Therefore, Seo Eui-woo was an oblivious handsome man who didn’t even realize he was good-looking, rarer than ginseng in the wild.
That’s a little cute.
“And Seo Eui-woo-ssi… is a good cook. You definitely seem to have talent.”
“Really? Did you like it? Even though you didn’t eat it.”
“Well, that’s… Anyway, I think it would be good to steadily hone your skills in the future.”
“I will. But, I really didn’t know that Jae-jin-ssi was thinking these things…”
“I’m telling you again, I don’t usually think much. There’s nothing to hide or not hide that would make Seo Eui-woo-ssi anxious.”
“No, you hid the fact that you regressed. And you didn’t tell me about the things going inside your stomach.”
“That’s, haa…”
He was speechless with absurdity.
When he closed his mouth because he had nothing to say, Seo Eui-woo immediately lowered his eyes and gently gnawed on Kwon Jae-jin’s neck, pressing him.
“See? Jae-jin-ssi, you’re not talking again. What were you thinking just now? Tell me.”
“No… ha… I’m just speechless that you put those two things on the same level. Anyway, I have nothing to hide. Not from Seo Eui-woo-ssi… I can’t do that anymore.”
Jae-jin simply allowed Seo Eui-woo to bite his neck as much as he wanted, leaving red marks, and only slightly turned his eyes to gaze at his face. Water droplets were clinging to his fair and beautiful face, dripping down.
His curly, translucent black hair was wet and stuck to his forehead and cheeks, drawing attention. Seo Eui-woo’s ear, which had been cut off and regrown at some point, was smoothly in place without even a trace of injury.
Thick, straight eyebrows and deep-set eyes, and dense, slender eyelashes… Within the water-filled eyelashes, the gray eyes he had seen for years were quietly settled.
Perhaps because he had been looking at those indecipherable eyes, which were sometimes cool and sometimes languid, for so long, Jae-jin occasionally felt that Seo Eui-woo’s eyes were his possession.
“……”
Kwon Jae-jin, who had been quietly reaching out his hand, touched Seo Eui-woo as he pleased. He touched the bulging muscles of his forearm and then lightly brushed the inside of his hollow collarbone with his fingertip. The recessed area was moist with water.
Following the curve of his neck, he also touched the firm skin, and he also pressed down on the area where his veins always stood out when he was excited.
“Jae-jin-ssi, what are you doing?”
“I’m not doing anything.”
Actually, it’s not nothing.
“Seo Eui-woo-ssi. You see…”
“Yes, Jae-jin-ssi.”
Ah… right.
Maybe I should talk about this.
Looking back, he had never clearly addressed it.
“You completely crushed and collapsed me.”
Jae-jin muttered in a calm and dry tone.
At those words, Seo Eui-woo’s gray eyes momentarily hardened. Before he could interrupt, Jae-jin continued.
“As you already know, I was once kidnapped, raped, and imprisoned by Seo Eui-woo-ssi. There was a time when I was bound in handcuffs, gagged, and forcibly Guidinged.”
Fixing his gaze on his glossy gray eyes, he calmly and collectedly pulled out and expressed his inner thoughts as they were.
“Even so, after time passed, I understood the situation. My misfortune as a late-blooming mutant, Seo Eui-woo-ssi’s inherent instinct as an Esper. The deep-rooted imbalances and the necessity of Guiding, etc… There were more than enough reasons to accept it, and the conflict was gradually resolved over time. Even up to this point, the person named Kwon Jae-jin has completely collapsed, but Seo Eui-woo-ssi didn’t even stop here.”
This is something Seo Eui-woo would have known if he had read Kwon Jae-jin’s memories.
However, just because he saw the past doesn’t mean he could know the emotions Kwon Jae-jin felt. You can’t know emotions until they’re spoken.
“Four years later, it’s illogical no matter how I think about it, that Seo Eui-woo-ssi would become my lover. And between men… To be honest, I still think it’s absurd even now. There’s definitely a strange point of connection somewhere. Because being in a romantic relationship means that I not only accepted Seo Eui-woo-ssi, but also that I felt affection for Seo Eui-woo-ssi.”
Kwon Jae-jin had already given Seo Eui-woo more than enough.
But this Seo Eui-woo hadn’t yet personally experienced that fact.
“I don’t know how many times, really how many times, I’ve fallen for Seo Eui-woo-ssi. Seo Eui-woo-ssi has broken me, shattered me, and taken everything he wanted. As a result, I don’t even know what else I have to protect or hide from Seo Eui-woo-ssi anymore.”