Chapter 45

Chapter 45

He Xiaoyun went back at noon, as if he had made a special trip just to provoke him.

In the evening, he still picked up Ling Sheng. Ling Sheng’s face wasn’t good when he got in the car, but at the same time, he didn’t look at Jiang Chen with a good face either. For the first time, they drove this stretch of road in silence.

Back home, Ling Sheng turned on the lights and sat on the sofa. Jiang Chen poured two glasses of warm water, placing one in front of him and drinking the other himself.

“He Xiaoyun came to the school to find me today,” Jiang Chen said proactively.

Ling Sheng didn’t touch the water, his eyes downcast: “Mm.”

Jiang Chen sat next to him, his voice muffled as if coming from under his clothes: “I hit him.”

Hearing this, Ling Sheng finally turned his head and looked directly at him: “What did he say to you that made you hit him?”

He Xiaoyun had specifically stopped by his office on his way back to the company, showing him the cut on his lip, saying it was Jiang Chen who hit him. He knew very well that Jiang Chen wasn’t such an impulsive person. He asked him what he had said to Jiang Chen, but He Xiaoyun wouldn’t say, only saying that if needed, he could arrive later to tomorrow’s annual meeting.

He didn’t understand, but he knew Jiang Chen must have been greatly provoked.

Jiang Chen pursed his lips and didn’t speak. How could he repeat He Xiaoyun’s words? How could he confess his ugly jealousy?

Even though he knew it was just a part of his past, he couldn’t help but be insanely jealous of He Xiaoyun, who had once possessed Ling Sheng. Even if Ling Sheng clearly told him that He Xiaoyun was just a friend, he was still jealous. The clearer Ling Sheng was, the more afraid he became.

Ling Sheng acknowledged the beauty and importance of that past, but also firmly stated that the end was the end, the past was the past. Would there be a day when he would also become the past in Ling Sheng’s words?

Jiang Chen’s heart was filled with fear and unease. He reached out and hugged Ling Sheng, kissing him deeply, filled with anxiety and infatuation, even trembling uncontrollably. He kissed him hard, pressing on his tongue, invading his mouth, almost plundering. His palms impatiently pulled at his cashmere sweater, wanting to touch his skin.

Ling Sheng frowned, a little breathless from the kiss, but he knew very well that Jiang Chen was emotionally charged and couldn’t communicate. At this time, he should deal with his emotions first.

If this kind of release could calm him down, he wouldn’t mind.

“Let’s do it,” Jiang Chen caressed his back, feeling the skin slightly moist. The delicate feel was like touching fine silk: “I want to do it with you.”

Ling Sheng had been a little oxygen-deprived from the kissing and was catching his breath, not yet having time to speak. Jiang Chen, unable to wait for his answer, panicked a little. He hurriedly made a promise: “I will take responsibility for you, I will treat you well for the rest of my life, I want you, Ling Sheng, I want you.”

Ling Sheng finally caught his breath. He touched his burning ears: “Go to the bedroom.”

Jiang Chen directly picked him up and stood up, entering the bedroom in a few steps, placing him on the bed.

It got dark early in winter. It was only seven o’clock, but it was already completely dark. After entering, Jiang Chen wanted to turn on the light, but Ling Sheng stopped him: “Don’t turn it on.”

Jiang Chen gripped his hand tightly, thinking of He Xiaoyun’s words. He knelt on both sides of him, arms supporting himself on either side of his face, his whole body looming over him, his voice tight: “I want to turn it on, I want to see you.”

Ling Sheng had always been open on such matters. Almost as long as Jiang Chen wanted it, he wouldn’t mind even if it was a little excessive, but this time he was very firm: “Don’t turn it on.”

Jiang Chen’s heart was trembling. He compromised, taking a step back: “Then I’ll open the door, I want a little light, I want to look at you.”

Ling Sheng’s body stiffened, the desire in his eyes beginning to recede. His voice softened, coaxing: “Xiao Chen, I don’t like the lights on, let’s not turn them on, okay?”

Jiang Chen didn’t speak. He lowered his head, his face falling to Ling Sheng’s chest. Ling Sheng couldn’t see his expression. He reached out to touch his face, hooking his neck to kiss him. Jiang Chen had always been helpless against Ling Sheng’s initiative, but this time he shook off his hand and sat up on the bed.

The bedroom light was ultimately not turned on. Jiang Chen sat at the foot of the bed, his head lowered, his voice muffled: “Why.”

Ling Sheng slowly sat up, leaning against the headboard, one leg bent. He suddenly wanted to smoke. He didn’t answer Jiang Chen’s why. The two remained silent in the darkness.

In the end, it was Jiang Chen who couldn’t stand this atmosphere. After he and Ling Sheng got together, there had been almost no conflicts between them. Ling Sheng asked him to be honest, Ling Sheng could always see through his thoughts, Ling Sheng could always soothe his emotions, but this time, Ling Sheng chose silence.

Why?

“Why can He Xiaoyun know things that I can’t know, why?!” Jiang Chen looked at him, but in the darkness he couldn’t see Ling Sheng’s expression, only silence. He thought of the frivolous and casual expression He Xiaoyun had when talking about Ling Sheng, and the jealousy and anger in his heart ignited: “I’m your boyfriend, I’m more qualified to know than him!”

Ling Sheng closed his eyes, suppressing the fire in his heart, only asking him: “What else did He Xiaoyun say to you?”

Jiang Chen stood up impatiently, walking back and forth in the room barefoot. He was like a little lion whose territory had been invaded, searching everywhere for his target of attack: “He didn’t say anything.”

He Xiaoyun didn’t say anything, but he seemed to have hinted at a lot. He prided himself on being a rational person, but he was repeatedly defeated by He Xiaoyun’s provocation of his imagination.

Ling Sheng knew He Xiaoyun’s style of doing things, but this time he really couldn’t understand what He Xiaoyun was up to. What good would it do him to anger Jiang Chen? Didn’t he still want to win that development project through the Jiang family?

“I’ll go ask him tomorrow…”

“Don’t go ask him, I don’t want you to go see him!” Jiang Chen grabbed Ling Sheng, the strength in his hands gripping his arm very hard. He even wanted Ling Sheng to quit his job directly, so he wouldn’t see He Xiaoyun again.

Even when Wu Xia appeared before, he hadn’t lost his composure like this. Ling Sheng hugged him: “Xiao Chen, why are you reacting so strongly to He Xiaoyun?”

Jiang Chen didn’t know, but he vaguely had some idea.

Wu Xia and He Xiaoyun were completely different. From all aspects, Jiang Chen didn’t feel threatened by Wu Xia. Whether it was his external conditions or Ling Sheng’s feelings for Wu Xia, he felt that he was better. But He Xiaoyun was different.

He Xiaoyun was the president of the He Corporation. The external conditions he possessed were already top-notch. He was more mature, more charming, and more importantly, Ling Sheng’s feelings for him. Although they had ended, for Ling Sheng, that memory was beautiful, unforgettable, and even admittedly important.

And such a person was now appearing by Ling Sheng’s side, pursuing him.

He couldn’t help but feel a sense of crisis, and he was even more worried that he would become the past in Ling Sheng’s words.

But he also felt that his jealousy was too heavy, so heavy that he didn’t dare to reveal it in front of Ling Sheng. He had no experience and couldn’t think of how to deal with it. He could only hug the person in front of him tightly to feel a little more at ease.

Ling Sheng also vaguely sensed something. He was also hesitating. Everyone had a past they didn’t want to mention, and they hoped that their lover would see the best side of them, but he didn’t want to see Jiang Chen so uneasy.

“When I met He Xiaoyun, I wasn’t in a good state,” Ling Sheng carefully chose his words: “I knew my sexuality at the time, I accepted it, but I didn’t really acknowledge it. At the time, I also had a mentality of escaping reality, so I put all my focus on work.”

He diluted his inner inferiority by achieving success at work. And it was at this time that he met He Xiaoyun.

He Xiaoyun was a very good guide. He didn’t try to change him with preaching or reason, but just let him enjoy the feeling of being with him. He was the one who introduced him to sex, to his own body. He made him truly accept himself from the bottom of his heart.

The reason he was grateful to He Xiaoyun and felt that it was a beautiful memory was because he was the one who started to truly accept himself and understand and love his body.

If there hadn’t been He Xiaoyun at that time, there wouldn’t be Ling Sheng now. And that charming side that Jiang Chen found so attractive, those flirting skills, those dating techniques, could be said to have all been taught to him by He Xiaoyun.

He didn’t tell Jiang Chen in the beginning because he knew that Jiang Chen would definitely not be able to take it. But now he couldn’t figure out what He Xiaoyun wanted to do. If it came out of He Xiaoyun’s mouth one day, Jiang Chen would be even less able to take it.

It was better to confess it himself.

Jiang Chen sat opposite Ling Sheng. He didn’t know how to describe his feelings.

His mind began to recall the bits and pieces of their interactions these days, those jokes, kisses, and even further intimacy. The sweeter the memories, the more awkward he felt now.

It was as if it was clearly a memory for two people, but a third person was inexplicably added.

Ling Sheng reached out to pull him, but Jiang Chen suddenly withdrew his hand.

Ling Sheng was stunned.

This was the first time Jiang Chen had rejected him.

“I…” Jiang Chen didn’t know why he had withdrawn his hand. He didn’t know how to say it. Ling Sheng always asked him to be honest. How could he be honest?

Be honest about his crazy jealousy of He Xiaoyun, be honest about his growing possessiveness of him, be honest about his anxiety and increasingly heavy panic?

Ling Sheng awkwardly retracted his hand. He turned his head to the side, his heart surging with sadness, but he tried to keep himself calm and look presentable: “It’s okay, if you can’t accept it, I understand.”

Jiang Chen hurriedly pounced over to hug him: “I don’t not accept it, I just…”

He didn’t know how to say it. He loved Ling Sheng. He knew from the beginning that he had had a lover before, and he didn’t feel that there was anything wrong with it. Everyone had a past. But when he thought about the bits and pieces of their interactions coming from He Xiaoyun, when he thought about how Ling Sheng might have another person’s shadow on him every time they kissed and were intimate, he felt awkward.

“Then do you still want me?” Ling Sheng said in his arms, his voice muffled from his clothes.

“Want!” Jiang Chen hugged him tightly, without hesitation: “Want!”